Chapter 432
The early morning sunlight shone through the gap in the curtains, and a beam of light passed through the pot of jasmine on the desk. The branches were full of small white flowers, and a layer of white flowers fell in the pot. The flowers then scattered to every corner of the room like falling snow, and a few of them just fell on the quilt.
Old Yi opened his eyes. He had slept so soundly that it was rare for him to wake up so refreshed. Through his sleepy eyes, he picked up the watch beside his pillow and was instantly wide awake.
Looking at the sunlight outside, it was really past nine o'clock, to be exact, it was almost ten o'clock.
Oh my god!
When he lived in the yamen, he had to get up and go out before eight o'clock, even if there was nothing to do, he had to be on time, otherwise it would look bad if his subordinates saw him.
He never needed to be woken up or set an alarm. He had a terrible sleep habit and couldn't get much sleep, always waking up before six o'clock.
But... today, I actually slept until this time.
The image of Wang Jiazhi, the ferocious little wild cat from last night, appeared before his eyes.
She must have been angry last time, and yesterday the echo of that emotion was still lingering in her mind.
The room was filled with the scent of jasmine, and there was a layer of dust on the pillow, which made my face itchy when it touched me.
She nestled limply in his arms, her curly hair matted against his chest. She was covered in sweat, and every movement made her feel itchy. Occasionally, she uttered a low whimper, like a sleeping white cat mumbling in its sleep. After lying like this for so long, their bodies ached. She adjusted her position, shifting from side to side, pressing herself against him, her paws tightly wrapped around him, as if a large white cat were hanging from her body.
In the bedside ashtray sat an unburned cigarette, emitting a wisp of smoke. The cool air smelled of jasmine, cigarette smoke, and dust. The suspended dust particles looked like silver dust sprinkled on an oil painting.
When there were a few more cigarettes left in the ashtray, she leaned over and he saw her completely extinguish the remaining cigarettes one by one and put them into a small paper bag.
He put his arms around the white and tender waist that was lying across him and asked her what she was doing.
She smiled foolishly and said, "When I miss you, I can smell the smell of these cigarettes."
He felt so warm and happy when he heard this. This little guy, they saw each other almost every day, and even when they didn't see each other, it was only for a day or two at most, so why was he still so clingy?
But think about it, even though we meet like this, we still have to separate after the meeting, and we can't even say a word at home. It would be nice if we could be together forever.
That day, when he returned to the yamen to stay, he changed his clothes and was about to shower when he found a few strands of her curly hair on his body. The little creature's appearance just now flashed before his eyes. With her hair and scent on his body, he didn't want to wash again. He carefully picked up two strands of kitten hair, placed them in a small envelope, and placed it under his pillow, intending to soothe himself to sleep.
The two of them are like this. When they are together, they block out the whole world and don't feel anything is wrong. Once they are apart, everything becomes clear and their troubles come flooding back.
The ancients had a clear theoretical summary: Knowing that lovesickness will disturb the mind, lovesickness has already penetrated the soul.
After closing his eyes and thinking for a moment, he suddenly opened his eyes and broke out in a cold sweat. What was he doing?
He suddenly realized how things had turned out like this, as if he had forgotten her identity, and this sinking feeling frightened him. The searchlight shone through the window, casting a vigilant, dim yellow light in the room.
He was very busy over the next few days and had no time to look for her or see her. He could have asked someone to pass on a message, but he wouldn't do it. A few days of calm, maybe things would be different.
Although he'd never been in love, he knew from movies and novels he'd read, as well as from witnessing the love experiences of those around him, that once someone they'd never been in love met, they'd easily become deeply captivated and unable to extricate themselves. Yes, back then, those people were so deeply in love that it was almost incomprehensible and corny. But once the passion faded, that was it.
Some, driven by passion, even sacrificed their academic careers, only to regret it later, ending up in divorce or violent arguments. Others, over time, gradually lost their affection, drifting apart or finding someone else.
I've seen this happen many times since the beginning of the year, and I used to laugh at them in my heart for being naive and mistaking passion for love.
I can't be so stupid now. I'm old now, so I might as well be more stable than when I was young.
"I'm different from them. Theirs is not true love, but mine is fine!"
He suddenly shouted in his heart without thinking.
He immediately suppressed the thought. He had thought his younger self had been completely destroyed, but it turned out some of it still lingered. He had been too rebellious when he was young, always thinking he was different from them. That was what my younger self said, not what I am now, he warned himself.
The younger him and the current him were playing a game, but the younger him was already dying and of course could not beat the current him.
Wang Jiazhi fell heavily from the clouds to the ground. He had too many women, and at that time, she had just started dealing with them and was very self-conscious. She was already worried about whether he would get tired of her.
She lay awake for nights, sometimes even crying uncontrollably. She felt ashamed of herself. One night, she couldn't help but hug the pillow next to her. It was the one he'd used before, but it didn't smell like him at all. She felt lost, sobbing softly into her arms.
Later, I went to the movies with Xiao Shuang and Mei Hui. In the movie, a woman and her lover were very affectionate. The woman closed her eyes and kissed him from cheek to chest. When he was not around, she picked up his worn vest and smelled it.
Xiao Shuang and Mei Hui whispered: "What..."
"Yeah, it's like I'm going crazy thinking about men."
She just lowered her head and said nothing. Fortunately, the theater was dark and her red face could not be seen.
She had once thought the same as them. She hadn't thought anything of it then. Now that she'd calmed down, the things she'd done to him were simply too... She wanted to say it wasn't lustful, but that her feelings had reached such a point that she couldn't control herself.
When Lao Yi was still young, he went abroad with a classmate. Before leaving, his girlfriend gave him a bag of almonds. He would take it out from time to time in the dead of night, looking at it with great care, but never eating it.
"I only take one when I think of her."
Later, the bag of almonds had become moldy, but the classmate was reluctant to throw it away. Whenever he missed the other person, he would wash off the mold and eat one.
He was very afraid that his classmates would get fungal pneumonia, as he heard that it was very easy to die from it.
He said he loved the gardenia-scented perfume Wang Jiazhi wore the most. She always wore that scent. It was so sweet and soft in his arms. She loved applying it to her ears, and when he bit her ears, the perfume tasted bitter. He kept a small bottle of it, cherishing it under his pillow. When he missed her, he would apply just a little on the tips of the kitten's ears and cuddle with her to sleep.
Those days were indeed very busy, and once he was busy, he could forget everything. But that time was also a little different.
"What are you doing now?"
"What are you doing now? Are you angry?"
But as soon as these thoughts appear, try to dispel them immediately.
I hadn't slept for several days and nights. I finally lay down. I was very tired, but I couldn't fall asleep.
He subconsciously reached under the pillow and pulled out the small white envelope. Inside was her two curly hairs. There was no trace of her scent on me now. What a shame.
He rubbed the envelope with his hands, opened his eyes, and regained consciousness in an instant.
What? What are you doing?
Yes, there must be a reason why they would send someone like this. Since she can't get any intelligence at all, she must have other skills. For example, deceiving people.
That's right, it was because she acted too weak and too ridiculous at the beginning that I let my guard down around her. I didn't expect that she was just making a feint to the east and trying to deceive my feelings.
"No, I'm the best at judging people. If she wasn't sincere, wouldn't I be able to tell?"
The weak soul of his youth was immediately driven away by him.
I cannot bear the pain of being murdered and having my heart destroyed. I have suffered enough torture and blows in my life. I cannot bear any more. I have really reached my limit and cannot bear any more.
The light from the searchlight moved away, leaving only the clean, bright moonlight shining on his thin, haggard face. He looked like a big white fox, curled up weakly with his eyes closed.
When they met again, they were both exhausted, both physically and mentally. Wang Jiazhi looked like a sullen, aggrieved kitten, and he looked like a tired, haggard fox.
After not getting enough sleep for several days and nights, I dragged my exhausted tail and burned all the things about Secretary Zhang while she was not at work.
Why did she want to hang out with a bunch of idiots like that? The people below came back and said they were so stupid that letting them go was much more troublesome than catching them. No matter how much she tried to remind them, they just didn't have the nerve to do it. In the end, she could only shout, "Someone's arresting someone!"
well!
If she gets caught, she won’t be able to hide the truth from Secretary Zhang and she will be dead.
Didn't she see that she was very tired and exhausted? At the beginning, she would say that she had lost weight and must be very busy and tired, but now she doesn't even ask. Sure enough, after a long time, feelings will fade.
Secretary Zhang was talking and I couldn't hear him.
But it was my fault. I shouldn't have left her like this for so many days. It was natural for her to be angry.
Secretary Zhang was talking and I couldn't hear him.
But she said she kept thinking about me. The image of her, tearful, pitiful little cat, flashed before my eyes. It was truly my fault. I shouldn't have treated her like that. Those people were so powerful, they must have bullied her and made her lose so much money. I didn't even realize the true nature of those fake edicts.
Secretary Zhang was talking when he handed over a document. He opened it and read it word by word. It read: Since September 22, Jing'an Temple District...
Read it word by word: Since September 22, Jing'an Temple District...
What happened to Jing'an Temple District?
When she left yesterday, she was so determined, not even turning back or looking at me. Could it be that she didn't want to play along anymore, and didn't really like me at all?
Read it word by word: Since September 22, Jing'an Temple District...
What happened to Jing'an Temple District?
No, she was really angry. She was the best judge of people, and she still cared about herself.
Secretary Zhang was talking and I couldn't hear him.
Yesterday, she was soft in my arms, and she still had the faint scent of gardenias on her body. I said I liked her wearing perfume with this scent, so she kept wearing it. She really cares about me.
Secretary Zhang was talking and I couldn't hear him.
Read it word by word: Since September 22, Jing'an Temple District...
What happened to Jing'an Temple District?
Like a little white cat, soft and sweet, it clung to me with its sweat, its hair damp, its breath puffing, and it tickled my chest. She was no longer as competitive as she was at the beginning; she must have liked me.
"minister."
Secretary Zhang was talking and I couldn't hear him.
What happened to Jing'an Temple District?
When she finds out I'm going to live with her there, she'll be happy, no longer angry. Then we won't have to be so secretive. She won't kill me in a fit of rage, will she? No, no, she has feelings for me, and I'm the best judge of people.
Secretary Zhang was talking and I couldn't hear him.
"minister!!!"
"What's wrong?"
He looked at Secretary Zhang calmly.
"Official documents, how to arrange them?"
He read through it quickly, discussed the plan with Secretary Zhang and emphasized the details, then picked up a pen and began to write carefully.
"Minister, you seem a little absent-minded today."
"Really? I didn't feel that way." He said calmly.
I occasionally felt dazed and distracted a few days ago, but they were very short-lived. Today was too outrageous.
Secretary Zhang saw that he acted as if nothing had happened, and was furious: "You old fox, you are becoming more and more out of character. You have completely disgraced your manliness."
Secretary Zhang couldn't believe it at first. He'd been with Lao Yi for a few years, and although he disliked (and envied) him, he couldn't help but admit that he was very cautious and self-disciplined, and absolutely meticulous in his work. Now it had escalated to this point. It was so disappointing.
What's wrong with never seeing a woman this beautiful? There were so many better ones in the past. Are you possessed by a ghost?
No matter how tired or haggard she was before, her eyes were as bright and lively as a high-wattage light bulb. But now she looks so blurry and dazed. What's going on?
As soon as Secretary Zhang left, the anger he had been holding on to lost, and he looked at the pen on the table dejectedly and helplessly.
How embarrassing! Secretary Zhang couldn't see it, right? How could she not see it? What's wrong with me?
The ancients had a clear theoretical summary: Knowing that lovesickness will disturb the mind, lovesickness has already penetrated the soul.
But this emotion only lasted for a moment. He looked at the watch on his hand. Why was it only nine o'clock? Why was today so long? If he had known earlier, he would not have made the appointment until ten o'clock. Nothing could be done anyway.
Would she be willing to live with me? Could she accept me like this? I couldn't accept myself now, so if she could accept it, she wouldn't be in this line of work. No, she must care about her...
"minister!!!"
Secretary Zhang went out for a while and came back in.
Although they were both tortured by the change in their relationship, they had one good thing: as long as they were together, they would forget everything. The huge guilt would wait until they separated to slowly torment them.
Those scenes in novels and movies where people fall in love even though they know they shouldn't, and when they're together, they consider family feuds, grudges, morality, and other factors, causing them to suffer and endure pain, are almost nonexistent in their relationship. Because, for them, apart from each other, there's nothing else in the world they care about or cling to. This wasn't true for Lao Yi, but it was true for Wang Jiazhi.
Wang Jiazhi was a little wildcat, intoxicated and seductive, sluttling violently on him. She'd regained her confidence; it seemed he still needed her, perhaps not yet bored. He'd been so horribly stimulated today, so fierce and terrifying. But she quickly smoothed his fur, and now he was a docile and obedient kitten, his eyes twinkling, a smile on his face, ready to have her do as she pleased. She lowered her head, kissing and rubbing him. Electricity raced through her body, fireworks ignited in her head, and the feeling in the clouds intensified, their passion intensifying, their unbridled moans sinking into despair.
They both knew this joy was sinful and shameful, but they had no other choice. Only in this fleeting moment of happiness could they feel human again. No longer a precise killing machine, no longer a beast who could be abused and humiliated by anything. He could cry, scream, no longer try to hide his fear and pain. She could ask her beloved to possess her body, truly experiencing the lingering joy of soul and body, no longer like a beast, helpless and trampled upon at will.
The cruel thing is that, back in reality, machines haven't completely lost their conscience, and animals still have human feelings. They are not bad enough, not numb enough.
Even a moment of happiness was incomplete. She kept thinking about everything. She felt completely hopeless. She hated her fate, hated this world. Things would only get worse, life would only make her more and more desperate. There was not even a shred of hope, not even a moment of happiness.
She admitted that she had lost, and stopped pretending to be tough and holding on. For the first time in her life, she burst into tears, tears streaming down her eyes, and soon her pillow was wet.
He used his paws to wipe her tears, but it was no use. The tears kept flowing, and a large area of the pillow was wet. He gently kissed her tearful eyes, her cheeks, her lips, and caressed her little paws with his hands.
Gradually she calmed down, but her tears were still in her eyes. Her eyes were wide open and she was sobbing like a sad and desperate kitten.
At that moment, she wasn't afraid of him calling her dirty or stupid. She wanted to tell him about that humiliating, horrific night, the shameless and absurd things she'd done, what those people had done to her, that shabby house crawling with bugs and rats, those horrible nightmares, the days she'd felt like the walking dead, the bomb that nearly killed her, the days of starvation and cold, the early morning hours collecting rice—so much more. She wanted to tell him all the humiliation and pain. If she'd known then, she would have also wanted to tell him she was pregnant with his child and that she wanted to give birth.
Wang Jiazhi was ashamed. Tess was brave and noble. She had the guts to confess her shameful past to her husband. Compared to how despicable and shameless she was, she would never tell him about it.
In "Ball of Fat," a group of wealthy nobles and two pious nuns passionately debate how to persuade Boule de Suif to consent to being raped by her enemies in exchange for their escape from that haunted place. The discussion intensifies, and ultimately, whether or not they can escape becomes irrelevant; the ultimate thrill is to coax the girl into willingly submitting to their defilement. If she still refuses, that's even easier. She's alone, and there are eight of them. She can't defeat them, so they can just tie her up and send her to the German's bed. When Boule de Suif finally agrees out of kindness, the eight men revel in a frenzy of drinking and singing the night she's raped. They resent the lack of musical instruments, which would allow them to dance.
"Wang Jiazhi's breasts are bigger than they were a few years ago, making them more suitable for this." Lai Xiujing said with a smile.
Others also talked about it excitedly and happily, just like they did three years ago.
Wang Jiazhi and Lao Yi were dating outside, and in the house they were excitedly discussing their plan to defile her. Every once in a while, someone would burst out laughing.
This was their greatest achievement. Looking at Wang Jiazhi's bulging breasts, they all showed a relieved smile on their faces. She was more suitable to sleep with men.
Turning a pure goddess into a dirty whore is such an exciting and unforgettable "masterpiece".
Some humans are the most cruel and shameless beasts.
He sat up and asked her to rest her head on his legs. She hugged his hairy legs, still silently shedding tears, wetting his legs. After a long while, she stood up and leaned on his shoulder, wetting his shoulder again.
"Can we live here from now on?"
"good."
The room was lit only by a single bedside lamp, casting a dim yellow glow. She leaned against his shoulder, her tears gradually fading, her heart at peace. On the wall hung a painting of a distant land, covered in wildflowers, and a small wooden house amidst the wildflowers.
But it was still not far enough. In this dim house, the two of them snuggled together naked. She thought of Gauguin's paintings. That primitive age of eating raw meat and drinking blood, and being uncivilized. If only they could live in that time, when humans did not have so much civilization, and did not have so many Three Bonds and Five Constant Virtues. They lived in caves, went hunting and picking fruits during the day, and lit a fire in the cave at night. The cave was like now, shrouded in a warm dim yellow light. After eating, they lay on a bed made of wild grass and branches, covered with animal skins to sleep. The three of them lived their lives peacefully and simply day after day. Maybe they would die of old age, maybe they would be eaten by wild beasts, maybe they would freeze to death or starve to death, maybe they would be killed by people from other tribes. But they could live a carefree life while they were alive.
They would have a very beautiful little girl, wearing clothes made of clean furry tiger skin, revealing her cute white hands and feet, wearing deerskin shoes on her feet, and a tiger skin hat on her head. She would jump into their arms like a little tiger.
They left very late that night. When they returned, she leaned on his shoulder, and the two of them held hands, their eyes filled with disappointment and helplessness.
He had thought he'd see her that evening, and finally, when the time was almost up, two people showed up. As soon as he left, his heart sank. Why was it Xu Huaxu? Although he was a year younger than him, he'd been very dependent on him when they were young, and he'd always looked after him.
"Thanks to you." Lao Yi recalled that when he was young, he said to himself with gratitude and a little bit of coquettishness.
Today, there is no more way to help him.
Wang Jiazhi was truly like an iron. She had ironed out the wrinkles in his heart, which had originally been very uncomfortable. But while she could iron him out, she couldn't iron herself out. Just when he finally stopped thinking about her, she would burst into tears again. He tried to comfort her, but it didn't help.
The driver and bodyguards were not allowed to ask about the master's affairs. But seeing them like this, he couldn't help sighing in his heart.
They all felt that Lao Yi wasn't worth it. He'd worked his way up from poverty to where he was today, yet he couldn't let go of his worries and keep on worrying about himself. He wasn't the only traitor; everyone else was living a life of drunkenness and debauchery, happily and without conscience. So many people were desperately trying to get his position, so why did he have to be like this? What was the point of being so depressed? It only added to his troubles. It was better to be open-minded and live happily day by day.
Wang Jiazhi's case didn't give her political enemies any leverage, and her confession was flawless no matter how she looked at it. Wang Jiazhi studied the relevant books, novels, and movies on her own, knowing they might ask a question repeatedly, looking for flaws. She simply kept silent, repeating the same few sentences no matter what they asked. She had no feelings; he had escaped, and he had wanted to kill her.
But this way, everyone there knew that they were really in trouble.
Because the female spies who were captured always tried to establish friendships and show affection, either to save themselves from suffering or to frame Lao Yi for colluding with the other side. Wang Jiazhi was the first one to come in, and she was ruthless and disloyal from the moment she arrived.
She had already given up hope in life. Not only did she have nothing, but she was also in ruins. When he offered her the house, she was stunned.
This is what happens to people who have suffered terrible blows one after another and haven't been loved for a long time. Even when good things happen, it's hard to believe them. Even when Lao Yi told her that he loved her, she didn't dare to believe it, thinking that the "love" she received was different from true "love".
After going there several times, she gradually realized: was this place really given to her? Could she really live in such a good place? Did she really have her own home? Did she really no longer have to live under someone else's roof and in someone else's house forever?
At that moment, a few sparks suddenly ignited in my dead heart.
Maybe life is not nothing, maybe I can have my own home, my own lover, my own children. Maybe I can still have the beauty I once dreamed of.
While riding the tricycle, she even fantasized that maybe God would give her another chance at luck, that she could return to that place. Perhaps her life wouldn't be forever filled with bad luck. After being caught, she thought, perhaps she could see him one last time. But in the end, it turned out that she really only had one chance at luck in her life.
When she was younger, she would cry alone and ask unwillingly why. At that time, she still had some hope. Later, it didn't happen anymore, never again. Nothing could be changed.
In the end, just like every time, I can only say helplessly: What a pity.
Once I was discussing a novel in a magazine with Meihui Xiaoshuang, and we both felt that it was indeed too pretentious.
"Meeting you has used up all my luck in life." Meihui finished reading and said, "That's too bad. If that's the case, then all my luck in this life must be gone. Who would be so unlucky?"
But she agreed with this statement.
"Perhaps it's just like that for some people. Like Tess, who faced endless humiliation and suffering from birth. God only gave her one lucky break, which was meeting her husband. And then, that's it. It's just one encounter. Meeting the one you love among millions of people, not a step earlier, not a step later, and when you meet them, all you can say is, 'Are you here too?'"
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