Chapter 299
She fell asleep cuddling one of the child's stuffed rabbits. The one he had given her was much larger than the one she had bought, and it was very soft and comfortable to cuddle.
She woke up half asleep, and it was already dark. He came back, cleaned up, and sat by the bed, picking up the child to play with. The kitten smiled, its two little hands open.
For some reason, men all behave the same way towards children: when the children are young, they hold them up and play with them; when the children grow up a little, they let the children ride on their necks; when the children grow even older, they throw them up and then catch them.
Of course, none of this has anything to do with her. She had seen her father do this to her brother since she was a child.
One year, the family went out to see the lanterns, and many people wanted their children to ride on their shoulders. Her father asked her brother to ride on his shoulders. She had never done that before. She was four years older than her brother, and even when she was the only child in the family, her father never showed any interest in her. Some people simply don't like their daughters.
At that time, a family passed by. A girl, about her own age, wore a bright red dress, with a long, shiny braid of hair and a bright red velvet butterfly on her head. Her mother, like her, wore a bright red dress, the same braid, and the same red velvet flower. Her father, wearing a light gray gown and a side-parted hairstyle, held his daughter in his arms, smiling softly. It was clear that he was extremely proud of his wife and daughter, who looked like two beautiful sisters.
At that time, her mother hugged her like that. She didn't think that her father didn't like her. It was just that she understood something at that time and thought it would be a wonderful thing to be hugged by a handsome man.
After separating from him in Hong Kong and returning to school in this life, she was surprised to find that she had become wiser. Or maybe she had just been badly hurt by someone, so she became wary of everyone, no longer viewed people in fantasy, and became more sober.
At the time, there was a girl in the drama club who came from a relatively well-off family and was three years older than her. She claimed it was because she was repeating a grade, claiming it was only for one year, but given her age, it felt like it was definitely more than that. Rumor had it that her grades were so poor that she would never have gotten into the university, and her family had resorted to some extraordinary means. Furthermore, she was able to continue her studies and not fail because of some connections she had secretly cultivated.
She had no idea whether it was true or not, but she wasn't annoying at all and was quite easy to get along with. Her uncle's family happened to be in Hong Kong, and since she started university late and was a bit too old after graduation, her family asked her uncle to arrange a blind date for her. She met a few people and wasn't satisfied, but then she met one and fell head over heels in love with him. The guy was very handsome, well-spoken, and had a very good temperament.
During a break in rehearsal, everyone was chatting, and the girl brought up the boy. She felt something was amiss, but it was difficult for others to say anything about matters of the heart. But then the girl met the boy twice, and it was clear he had been bewitched to the point of being completely lost. Wang Jiazhi couldn't help but say, "I think he's trying to sell you on a seduce maniac to boost his own worth."
Wang Jiazhi continued, "You said, he said that his high school grades were very good, and he always ranked first in the exams. But he felt that university life was too relaxed. He saw that college students were not concentrating on their studies, but just muddled through their days. He felt that going to college was meaningless. Not only was he wasting three or four years of time, but he also had to worry about his parents. People are also easily affected by the turbid atmosphere around them and lose their original intentions and become unreal. That's why he didn't go to college and found a job in a foreign company. He could support himself earlier and not worry his parents, and he could also accumulate social experience and be down-to-earth. He also talked about a certain high school classmate of his who went on to study for a master's degree after graduating from college. He studied on campus for a long time. , after graduation, he is unwilling to step into the society and endure hardships, he is a waste of his life. I have never heard of someone with such good grades and a family that can afford it, who would give up college and go find a job after graduating from high school. He keeps belittling college students and master's students as if they are not familiar with farming and don't know the five grains. It is obvious that he wants you to think that it is no big deal that he did not go to college, and that he is superior to others. It is so difficult to find a job after graduating from high school. Obviously, you can go to college and have a better future, but you don't go for this ridiculous reason. If he really thinks so, then he is a fool. In addition, you said that every time he met you, he rode a bicycle and said that he was sitting in the office. He was bored after a day, so he took a bike ride to relax. According to his economic income and social status, people like him could not afford to buy a car by themselves, and most people would buy a car together. Moreover, this kind of people pays great attention to face. When they go out to meet important people, they will not take a car, but at least take a rickshaw. There is no way they would go by bike. Maybe he was reluctant to spend money on the tram, so he borrowed someone else's bike. Also, you met him twice, and he treated you to a cold drink each time. A man of real status is very concerned about face. Even if you said you didn't want to eat after dinner, he would still order dishes. He also said that he was in a very high position "He's making so much money, yet he can't even afford to treat you to a meal. Either what he said is a lie, or he's just incredibly stingy. Then he goes on to talk about how wonderful his ex-girlfriend was, but her family wouldn't allow it, so they had to break up. He was so heartbroken, his boss called him home and stayed up all night trying to persuade him. He had given up on relationships, but after meeting you... He's clearly trying to inflate his own reputation, talking about how wonderful his ex-girlfriend was, trying to convince you that he's truly exceptional, and that only the best girls are the ones who like him and are worthy of him. His boss, willing to stay up all night trying to persuade him, clearly values him greatly. Who knows if this is true or not?"
The girl was stunned when she heard this. Wang Jiazhi also felt that she was too abrupt, but she couldn't help but speak out, especially since the girl was obviously a little obsessed and was really deceived into getting married. It's really hard to describe the feeling.
Later, the girl and the boy finally broke up. She told everyone that her uncle's family later investigated and found out he didn't hold the prestigious position at the foreign company he'd claimed he held. He was just a copy boy, a job his family had to find through a favor. He wasn't even considered highly regarded by his superiors. He had a girlfriend who came from a wealthy family, but her family disapproved of him because they disliked his lack of talent besides his good looks.
The girl said, "Now that I think about it, he really is good at telling lies. He didn't just lie about how he always got first place in the exams, but instead said a while ago that a junior from the same school told me that the school now has scholarships. I said, how could there not be one when I was studying? Based on this amount, if he gets it every time, it would be enough to buy Mom a piece of silk fabric. Hey!"
Then he turned to Wang Jiazhi, "I'll question him based on what you said. You said that university students tend to be lazy and boastful. If a person is truly ambitious and strong-willed, they will be motivated in any environment. But if someone is just lazy and has no self-control and doesn't strive for progress, even if they don't study for a day, they will be locked up in the mountains and forests and refuse to till the land or collect firewood, waiting to starve to death. What does studying have to do with it? The more your classmate studies, the less he wants to work. He's just escaping reality and doesn't want to interact with society. What does it have to do with whether he's getting a master's degree or not? I left him dumbfounded, and he didn't even try to argue."
Wang Jiazhi was also stunned when she heard this. She actually questioned others with her own words. It was so embarrassing.
According to the girl, although the guy was full of lies, he was really handsome. If a plain-looking guy had said that, the girl might not have believed him. As the saying goes, beauty is food for thought, and a person's appearance is indeed a great charm. At that time, she thought of Lao Yi. She had never found him scary because of his appearance and temperament. At that time, she was foolishly brainwashed by Kuang Yumin, but this was the only thing that made her feel that he was not that bad. No matter how Kuang Yumin and Lao Wu brainwashed her, she just felt that he was not that bad. She felt that he must be a victim who had no choice. Even if there was no love, she would not reject that kind of relationship with him.
That boy wasn't a good person either. If a 16-year-old girl had been naive and inexperienced, she might have been fooled by his words. This kind of roundabout and subtle deception was really easy to deceive people.
For example, Kuang Yumin also employs this rhetoric. He initially claimed his parents wouldn't let him join the army because his brother died in battle. He implied that he wasn't afraid of death and wanted to die on the battlefield for his country, but he was his parents' only son, and since they wouldn't let him, he couldn't be unfilial. But when it came to assassinations, he kept saying it was a life-threatening undertaking, as if he wasn't afraid of death and was determined to do something for his country.
So joining the army was risking one's life, and assassination was also risking one's life. If one killed one's parents in assassination, one wouldn't be sad. Later, she realized that joining the army was risking one's own life, and killing oneself. However, assassination didn't require risking one's own life, but rather risking the lives of others, and one could kill others without killing oneself.
At that time, Kuang Yumin lied to her that he would shoot close to the body and would never hurt innocent people. This made her believe that Kuang Yumin wanted to kill others but not himself.
Seeing her daughter happily open her hands, she held her head with her hands and smiled slightly. It reminded her of a scene in a movie where a high-ranking official had twins. He lifted one of the children up and down to play with them, saying with a smile, "Daddy will take you flying."
After coaxing one, he picked up the other and said, "Daddy will take you flying again. Look at you, you are smiling so happily before we even fly."
She was still very young at that time, but it felt very warm, and it seemed that having a child was also a very interesting thing.
In fact, she has always been a little scared of having children, because she saw her mother working so hard for her and her brother. Raising a child requires so much worrying, and like her mother, she almost has no space and time for herself. At that time, she thought that she had a lot of things she wanted to do. After graduation, she would work, and she also wanted to continue painting, reading novels, and watching movies. So where would she have the time to take care of the children? Besides, raising a child requires a lifetime of worrying, and it costs a lot of money. Her mother was like that, she gave them all the good food and clothes, and she herself was very perfunctory. In Wang Jiazhi's heart, it seemed that becoming a mother meant losing a lot, sacrificing the things she originally loved to raise children. This made her feel a little scary.
She couldn't understand how women, like Tess, who had been raped or had children with someone they hated, hated them deeply, yet were willing to sacrifice everything for their children. She couldn't fathom the idea that women are born with maternal instincts. Some say that women become particularly eager for children after they turn 30. She wondered if she would still want children at 30, but if she still felt that way, she felt her maternal instinct was probably dormant.
She could never have imagined that at the age of twenty-three, he would awaken her maternal instinct.
Every time she saw him, his emaciated form, pale and haggard, with dark circles under his eyes, she wanted to hold him in her arms and ruffle his hair. No matter what he looked like, she felt pity for him. Later, she wondered if this was what motherhood was all about.
When she found out she was pregnant, she was incredibly upset. If it had been at the beginning, she definitely wouldn't have been so upset. She wasn't going to survive anyway, so what did it matter whether she was pregnant or not? If she could survive, the worst that could happen was an abortion, and she wasn't afraid of death.
But things were different then. She even had the unrealistic thought of giving her some time, giving birth to the child before dying. But then she realized that even if the child could be born, she would be born without a father or a mother, most likely without one. How would she grow up? What kind of life would she have? She couldn't let her child be as lonely and helpless as she had been, displaced, and living in a living hell.
Before that, she'd heard stories of women, unable to survive, taking their young children with them. She felt it was cruel, as if they were treating their children like their own property, taking them with them even when they died. At the time, she wondered, why not let the child live? Who knew he couldn't find a way out on his own?
She understood it all after experiencing it herself: those mothers weren't cruel; they just didn't want their children to be left without their protection, to be bullied, tormented by life, and to live a life worse than death. She thought that if her mother knew what she would go through in the future, she would definitely take her with her.
She wanted to have the child entirely for his sake. She wasn't related to him, and the two of them couldn't be in public. If she died, he would quickly forget her. If she could leave a child, they would finally have something in common, and he would never forget her.
She remembered how, after accepting her pregnancy, she'd stopped vomiting so often. He'd been gone for two or three days, and when he came back, she was playing cards with the other wives. She'd been fine, but the moment he came in, she felt like vomiting, unable to hold it back. Without even a word, she covered her mouth and scurried out. When she came back, she could only say she'd caught a cold from eating something spicy, probably a gastrointestinal flu.
She felt particularly guilty when she said this, secretly glancing at him and seeing nothing unusual. Later, she discovered that no one else suspected anything either.
Although the other wives probably knew about their affair, they didn't expect her to be so foolish. Later, whenever he appeared, she couldn't help but feel morning sickness. She said to the child in her belly, "Be obedient. This way he won't know."
It’s strange. I don’t know if it was a psychological effect or the child really understood what she said, but he really stopped vomiting after that.
She was glad that he had never been suspicious, but at the same time she felt disappointed.
The child also wanted to attract his attention and let him know of her existence. Thinking of this, she really felt that she was an eternal sinner. Why did she create such a life but couldn't protect her? She couldn't bring her into this world. Even when she just wanted her father to know that she existed, she cruelly refused to allow it.
Sometimes she actually hated him. This man, so meticulous, why didn't he have any suspicions? He had been playing with women for so long, but hadn't he ever thought about having children? Perhaps it was because he had been playing with them for so long and never had any, so he probably thought he would never have one.
Once, they were in this apartment, he nestled in her arms, and she thought about the child in her belly. In that instant, she suddenly realized that since her childhood, for so long, she had always dreamed of something she had never been able to obtain. But this was just an illusion before the little girl froze to death, and it would soon disappear.
She was watching them in a trance, thinking about the past. When she came to her senses, she saw him putting the child in the crib and looking at her like that. She shook her head. That didn't mean what he thought.
"ah!"
The child and the two cats watched her being tossed and caught. She finally knew what it felt like.
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