Chapter 15 15
"You always beat the child, you always beat the child, you beat her alone. Which girl in the village can be more obedient than our Xiaoxiao? I have never seen a child more obedient than Xiaoxiao. How could she bear to beat her all the time? Xiaoxiao was not raised by her?
After Xiaoxiao was born, Jiang's father was busy opening a chicken farm, and Jiang's mother also went to help him. The two were busy all the time. After Jiang Xiao was born, except for the confinement period, Jiang's mother could be said to have never taken care of the child for a single day. It was all the grandfather who took care of her. She carried Jiang Xi wherever she went, even when she went to work in the fields, feeding her mouthful of rice soup. When she was a little older, she carried her wherever she went, even when she was plowing the fields, she let little Jiang Xi ride on her shoulders.
All the children in the countryside were raised in this way, including Jiang Song and Jiang Bai, but the first two drank her milk for at least a year, while Jiang Xi was weaned after two months.
Jiang's father sighed, "You know her temper. "
She owed so much debt. Although she worked very hard with him to make money to pay off the debt, how could she not feel a little resentful in her heart? In fact, the physical fatigue and the huge debt made her feel very resentful and stressed. However, her instinct to seek profit and avoid harm made her vent all her anger and resentment on the weak and young Jiang Xi.
When Jiang's father returned home, he just ate something in a hurry. I hurried up the mountain with a flashlight in hand.
There are fewer tigers and leopards in recent years, but there are still many jackals and wolves.
These jackals are very brave and often come down the mountain to steal chickens and pigs from the village. Now, every pig-raising family has to reinforce the pigpen. If they hear any noise at night, they have to go out to see if their pigs have been stolen by wolves.
This section of mountain road is Even a grown man like Jiang's father walked with trepidation, let alone a little girl like Jiang Xiao.
The more Jiang's father thought about it, the more worried he became. Sometimes he was worried about the wolves in the mountains, and sometimes he was worried about her running up the mountain alone. What if she met a bad guy? There were more than one village nearby.
He walked faster and faster.
Jiang Xiao didn't expect that Jiang's father would come to find her.
She was used to being independent, and many times, she felt like a person without a father or a mother.
Especially after her grandfather passed away, it seemed as if she was the only one in the world.
The world is so big, and there is no place that is home.
After that, she seldom came back, and even during the Chinese New Year, she would find excuses not to come back.
The villagers all laughed at Jiang's father and mother: "You have raised your daughter in vain. ”
“What’s the point of raising a girl? The big guy’s family even raised him to be a college student, but he doesn’t even come back for the New Year!”
At that time, she was still unmarried, and Jiang’s father asked her sadly: “How many more New Years can you spend at home?” What he meant was that after getting married, she would have to spend the New Year at someone else’s house.
Jiang’s father was soft-hearted and affectionate, so he liked to have his children around him, warm and noisy. Unfortunately, except for the second brother, the eldest and the third brother were not around, and none of them were seen all year round.
Jiang Song was even worse. There had been no news for several years. They said that he was deceived into a pyramid scheme. After a lot of effort to contact him, he settled in Sichuan Province, more than a thousand kilometers away.
“Why are you here?” Jiang Qing turned on the light and came to open the door.
Jiang’s father pulled her arm: “Come back with me, you can’t stay here alone? "
Jiang Wu was in a bad mood today, and slowly pushed away Jiang's father's big hand: "What are you going to do when you go back? Are you going to get beaten?"
Jiang's father advised her: "Your mother has that temper. She will be fine after a while. Just bear with it. It will be fine when school starts."
The thing that Jiang Wu hated most in her life was the word "endure". Her father taught her to endure her mother, and her mother taught her to endure the bullying of outsiders. There is really a knife above the word "endure", and every knife cuts her.
Jiang Wu sneered and sat on the bamboo chair made by her grandfather: "You are not the one being beaten, and you are not the one in pain. Of course you will ask me to endure it." She chuckled sarcastically and said, "I really don't understand. A normal father, seeing his child being beaten, should protect his child instead of watching his child being beaten and doing nothing. "
She sat on the chair, raised her chin slightly, looked up at Jiang's father, her posture and tone were leisurely, as if she was talking about someone else, as if the person being beaten was not her, her tone was calm and relaxed: "I often don't understand, and often reflect on what I did wrong, why I was always beaten."
"Later, I read a lot of books and realized that it wasn't me who was wrong, it was the violent people who were wrong, those shameless, twisted, dark and ugly violent people!" Her tone suddenly became heavy, her eyes were sharp, but her tone was still so relaxed.
"Dad, Mom is an adult, and I'm just a child. You shouldn't persuade her to curb her temper, but persuade me to be patient. Dad, don't you think you're funny? ”
“Aren’t you just a bully who only cares about the weak and fears the strong? You bully me because I’m a little kid who can’t resist you?”
“Mom has a bad temper? Why isn’t she bad tempered with my elder brother? Why isn’t she bad tempered with you?”
Jiang’s father acted as if he had never known his daughter. He could never have imagined that he would hear such words from his daughter’s mouth .
This is the case in tens of millions of rural families. He said, “Your mother only beat you with bamboo sticks, and it didn’t hurt you…”
“How do you know you weren’t hurt?” Jiang Qing thought he would be very calm, but it turned out that he had never been calm in his heart. The scars were always there and had never healed: “Are you blind and can’t see the bloodstains on my body, right? In your eyes, as long as I’m not beaten to death or disabled, I’m not considered hurt?” "
Jiang Xi couldn't help laughing again, she said: "Dad, you are not worthy of being a father, and she is not worthy of being a mother."
"If you gave birth to me just to treat me like a pig or a dog, then why did you give birth to me in the first place? Can I give my life back to you?"
She walked to the grandfather's stove, picked up the kitchen knife, and handed it to Jiang's father: "I beg you, just kill me, and I will give my life back to you. "
The corners of her lips were even raised.
There has never been a moment when Jiang Xiru realized so clearly that she thought she had finally healed herself in the process of growing up, in self-salvation and self-rescue, but in fact she had not.
The deepest wounds in her heart will always be there.
Jiang's father could not describe how shocked he was at the moment, and he was even a little scared.
He almost angrily snatched the kitchen knife from his daughter's hand, burned his hand and threw it into the corner of the wall: "What nonsense are you talking about? What about killing or not? Your grandfather and I love you so much, and you say such things to hurt our hearts! "
Dad Jiang was really sad.
He was really hurt by Jiang Xi's words.
He felt that he was wronged and said, "How can a pig go to school? How many people in the village have graduated from junior high school like you, and your grandfather and I still encouraged you to go to high school and take the college entrance examination?"
In the village, not to mention girls, there are many boys who drop out of junior high school to work.
Jiang Xi said such words, which was really heartless.
"Your mother was a little rough with you, but which girl in the village didn't come from this? She scolded you a few words, and you took out knives and guns, shouting and killing." Jiang's father was also very painful: "Xixi, no matter what, no matter what she did wrong, she is still your mother, the mother who gave birth to you and raised you!"
"So I give my life back to you."
An unprecedented desire for suicide drowned her like a huge wave.
It was something she had always had in her previous life, and she had been restraining and resisting it. Until this moment, it was infinitely magnified, surging, and swept over, enveloping her whole body and drowning her in it, unable to resist or escape.
She quickly ran to the wall, picked up the kitchen knife, and slashed it across her neck.