Chapter 5 5

Jiang Liu returned home, had lunch, looked at the basin full of dirty clothes, sighed, and took up the dirty clothes of the whole family to wash.

It was the busy farming season at that time, and she couldn't really look at the basin full of dirty clothes and wait for Jiang Ma, who had been working on the farm all day, to come back and wash them. It was just dirty dishes, and she wouldn't wash them anyway.

When Jiang Ma came back after finishing her meal and bundling the remaining rice, she saw the table full of dishes with crusts on them that had not been washed, and the thermos that had been smashed in the morning and had not been put away. She was so angry that she ran to the door and shouted: "Jiang Liu! Where have you been? I'll skin you alive when you come back!"

This really pissed off Jiang Ma. She had a cold face. She was obviously exhausted, but she still had to wash the dishes. After cleaning up the debris on the ground, thinking that there were only two thermos bottles at home, and one of them was smashed, Jiang's mother shed tears sadly. While crying, she muttered: "Why am I so miserable? I gave birth to such an ignorant girl. If I had known she was like this, I would never say anything again. She would only be angry with me when I gave birth to her. But after saying a few words to let her go to work, she took a knife and smashed things."

She was really sad.

Her last two children were both superborn. In order to give birth to them, she hid in the mountains and with her parents' family. How many grievances did she suffer?

After giving birth to two sons, she thought she was a great contributor to the Jiang family and had a straight waist. Later, she wanted to have another daughter to help her son. When her son was away, her daughter could help her at home and she would take care of her when she got old.

She thought she had been very good to Jiang Xi. Which girl didn't go to the fields to plant rice, harvest rice, wash clothes, cook, herd cattle and take care of children when she was eight or nine years old? When she was seven or eight years old, she had already gone up the mountain to cut grass and went down to the river to catch fish. Which of her brothers and sisters from her mother's side was not raised by her?

She didn't ask her to herd cattle or cut grass. She was the youngest in the family. Her two brothers did whatever work was available outside since she was a child. She studied in school and didn't suffer much from childhood to adulthood. How could she not be happy?

Which girl didn't follow the adults in the village to go out to work when she was eleven or twelve years old? She is already fifteen years old, but she still doesn't know how to share some of the burden at home. Her two brothers are going to college, and the burden at home is so heavy, but she doesn't know how to be sensible at all. She goes to help her brothers and even argues with them that she wants to study.

How many girls in the village can graduate from junior high school like her? They all learned a few words in elementary school, and they didn't act like they were really blind and came back to work.

The bowls from yesterday's meal have not been washed yet, waiting for her to come back and wash them. She worked outside for a day, and her waist was almost broken from exhaustion, but she didn't feel sorry for her.

Other girls don't know how much they feel sorry for their mothers, and how hard they work at home. The girl she raised has a heart made of iron.

She resigned herself to her fate and cleaned up the dishes and the floor, leaving the outer shell of the thermos bottle behind. She would go to town to buy a liner later.

Thinking of the smashed thermos bottle, she burst into tears again.

But soon, she lay down on the bed and fell asleep from exhaustion.

When Jiang Xi came back, the house was very quiet. Grandpa Jiang and Dad Jiang were sleeping in the rice field, and Mom Jiang was probably taking a nap in the house.

Seeing that the dishes in the house had been washed and the floor had been cleaned, she silently hung the clothes out to dry. Jiang's

mother had always been the one to wash the clothes at home. It was not that she had not asked Jiang Xi to wash the clothes before. Jiang Xi started to wash and cook when she was six or seven years old, but she complained that Jiang Xi did not wash the clothes cleanly and was slow to do things. Later, she took over and washed the clothes herself, swearing.

Jiang's mother was the kind of person who would do things while swearing and nagging, and in the end, she got nothing in return.

Jiang Xi had seen this since she was a child. When she was very young, she was still very young. She had a vague idea in her mind that she would never be like her mother when she grew up, so she grew up to be a person almost completely opposite to Jiang's mother.

Jiang's mother has a bad temper, while Jiang Xi is so stable that she even hates herself for being too stable, so stable that she doesn't know how to lose her temper.

Of course, now she has learned how to lose her temper, and even has a temper.

But for her, losing her temper is just for the sake of losing her temper. When someone touches her bottom line, there is a calm person in her heart telling her that it's time to lose her temper, and she has to tell the other person that her bottom line cannot be touched.

Jiang's mother likes to complain and nag, while Jiang Xi is silent. She will never tell anyone any secrets they tell her. Whenever she speaks, it is to encourage, praise, and compliment.

These were all formed unconsciously. Later, she passed the civil service exam, and her boyfriend asked her, "Why are you so good at flattering? Why do you flatter everyone you meet?"

She was confused at the time, thinking that I am not flattering.

Because every word she praised others, every word she praised others, was sincere.

Her eyes would involuntarily look at the advantages of others, and she could only see the advantages of others.

She let people with these advantages do things that correspond to their personality and ability.

But these were all subconscious, and she herself did not realize that her behavior of smiling and saying nice things to everyone was flattering in the eyes of others.

She restrained herself and became even more silent.

But just like the inferiority complex that her mother's long-term suppression and criticism brought to her is engraved in her bones, she subconsciously told herself not to become the kind of person her mother was when she was very young, and the character formed by growing up in the opposite direction of her mother is also engraved in her bones and cannot be changed at all.

But her leaders like her, her colleagues like her too, and she becomes more silent, which makes her more down-to-earth, stable and reliable in the eyes of her leaders.

So her leaders and colleagues like her even more.

Who can not like someone who sincerely praises you, affirms your ability, sees your strengths, and recognizes your hard work and efforts?

In fact, she is not as good as others see her. She is not smart, nor stable.

She doesn't speak because she is afraid of saying the wrong thing.

Who could have known that she actually had a lively and outgoing personality and was a natural optimist.

It was her acquired upbringing that made her a silent, introverted, stable, and reliable subordinate and leader in the eyes of others.

Jiang Xi returned to her room, found her freshman math book, and began to flip through it.

She would be in her freshman year after the summer vacation, but she had already returned all the high school knowledge to her teacher, especially math. She once thought that she would never forget this knowledge, but time is a memory eraser. Those knowledge that were once so familiar and clear were eventually erased by the years.

Fortunately, her brother's high school textbooks were all there, so it was not difficult to review them, just like reopening her dusty memories.

Time passed unknowingly until the door of the room was violently pushed open again.

Mother Jiang was holding a scythe in her hand. Seeing her reading, she glared at her fiercely and shouted, "Why don't you hurry up and go cut the rice? You've rested all morning, and you still want to rest? You want to tire us to death, right?" Mother Jiang said, while muttering, "You are so ignorant. I've never seen such a lazy person. You don't know how to feel sorry for your parents. I raised you in vain. Now you are like this. How can I count on you in the future?"

"You only know how to study every day. What's the point of studying so much? Isn't it just a dog's stomach?"

Mother Jiang agreed with Uncle Jiang's words. No matter how much a girl studies, she studies for others.

She is now fifteen years old. She will be eighteen after finishing high school. She will be twenty-two after four years of college. She will get married. She is really studying for others, so she can't understand why Father Jiang must let his daughter study.

But she couldn't resist Jiang's father's decision.

Although she was the one who made the decisions in this family most of the time, if Jiang's father really insisted on something, her opposition would be useless. She could only take action from Jiang Liu and let Jiang Liu give up studying on his own initiative.

Seeing that Jiang Liu didn't come out, she shouted again: "Hurry up! Why are you dawdling in the room embroidering flowers?"

Jiang Liu put down the book, put on a straw hat, put on a long-sleeved shirt and went to the field.

People who cut rice basically wear long sleeves or protective sleeves, because when cutting rice, the rice ears will hit their arms all the time, which is itchy and painful.

She hasn't cut rice for many years, but after so many years, she still can't forget the skills of cutting rice. She can cut a large piece of rice by bending down and stretching out her hand.

In the countryside, only girls who are hardworking, efficient, and willing to work hard for their families can be praised by others. Girls who can’t work will be said:

“You are so lazy that no one will want you to marry in the future.”

“You are so slow, what will you do when you get married!”

“You deserve to be beaten to death by your in-laws if you are so incompetent!”

Such terrible words, but in their minds, these are taken for granted.

Jiang Xi was indoctrinated in this way from a young age.

Although her father and grandfather insisted on letting her go to school, they never told her that these ideas were wrong and these words were wrong.

Everyone lives in such a distorted environment. They don’t think these words are wrong. They don’t know what is right or wrong. They only have a very simple concept: they should study, go to college, and eat public food in the future. Eating public food means they have a promising future.

She is a little luckier than other girls in the same village. Her grandfather and father love her.

So even if she tried her best to build a correct and healthy personality in self-salvation and fight against the instincts she was taught, she couldn’t blame them. She even loved them because they, including Jiang’s mother, were victims of such a distorted environment.

Apart from the different treatment of Jiang Qing due to her preference for sons over daughters, Jiang's mother is actually a good wife and mother in the traditional sense. She is hardworking, willing to work hard, and takes care of everything at home and outside. She treats her two sons with all her heart and soul.

Later, when Jiang's father and Jiang's mother quarreled, Jiang's mother cried to her two brothers. The two brothers were very dissatisfied with Jiang's father for not giving in to Jiang's mother at such an old age, and quarreling with Jiang's mother. They thought that she had suffered a lot with Jiang's father in her life. She was hardworking and kind. Whether it was this family or them, she was good from the bottom of her heart: "She just has a strong temper."

They said a lot of good things about Jiang's mother, thinking that she would agree with them.

After she heard this, she was silent for a long time before she said, "I graduated from junior high school, I was only thirteen years old, she asked me to go out with Jiang Yueqin to work, you all know what Jiang Yueqin does, right?"

Now everyone in the village knows what Jiang Yueqin does outside. To put it nicely, she works in a nightclub, but in fact, everyone says behind her back that she is a "prostitute".

Although she ran away from that place because she felt it was wrong, later someone spread the rumor that she was a prostitute outside, and it was spread to her school, and the rumor was very detailed, saying that she was a prostitute and could sleep with anyone for any money, and also said who slept with her, and she slept with so many people.

According to other people's rumors, all boys with a slightly naughty reputation have slept with her.

She was in high school at the time, and even her deskmate came to ask her quietly if she had really slept with those people.

People who have not experienced the embarrassment, helplessness, inability to argue, and despair of being bullied have no idea how many times she wanted to jump off the teaching building.

How many times she almost couldn't hold on.

She said many times that she didn't want to continue studying.

Grandpa cried.

Grandpa said, "What can you do if you don't go to school?"

"You have to go to school, you have to go to college, only by going to college can you have a future and a future."

"Ying ying, ying you have to study hard, you have to go to college." Grandpa couldn't explain much, but he knew that going to college was the only way out for rural people, as long as she went to school.

When Grandpa cried, her heart was broken, and she had to go back to school again.

They didn't know what she had been through at school.

When she told them, they would just tell her to bear it and it would pass.

Jiang's mother found out and asked her, "Why don't they bully others but only you? Isn't that a problem with you?"

She was weak and introverted at the time and didn't dare to ask Jiang's mother back, "Is it my problem that others bully me?"

She only knew that it wasn't her fault, she was not wrong!

She said that the only person who was happy when she didn't go to school was Jiang's mother.

"It was my father and grandfather who insisted on letting me go to school. I will always remember what he said, 'As long as I continue to study, they will support me even if I get a doctorate or a postdoctoral degree.' Without his insistence on letting me study, I would not be who I am now."

She knew that it was the experience and environment that shaped Jiang's mother's thoughts and ideas. She was also a victim of such an environment, but she could not love and appreciate her like her two brothers.

She gave all her love to her two brothers.

Yes, she understood the truth.

But the verbal and physical PUA, suppression, violence and bullying she had endured since she was a child could not be erased just by understanding these principles.

They were the vested interests.

She was the only one who was hurt.

Just because she was a girl.