Chapter 39: "I reaped what I sowed, I shouldn't have been happy in the first place..."
"I know you learned bone-setting for Xue Ruyue. If I were you, after learning this, I would definitely show it to Xue Ruyue first. Instead of running around and bothering some unimportant people." Chai Heng said.
If a person does not understand his own heart, he is doomed to take many detours.
When she said this, Yang Yan knew that she had gone astray again.
"Bone setting was something I learned in my previous life. I learned it after you died."
"When I returned from Yongzhou, you were already lying in your coffin. The doctor thought you were dead and there was no need to care for your leg. I was afraid you'd tell me in your dreams that your leg hurt, so I reattached it myself." Yang Yan spoke solemnly, not looking at her. After a pause, he continued, "But in the days before you died, you didn't tell me in my dreams, not even once."
It was difficult for Yang Yan to describe his feelings at that time.
He was afraid that she would come to him in a dream and tell him that she was in pain. But he was also afraid that she would not come to him in a dream and would not even tell him that she was in pain.
The past was too painful to recall. Every time she mentioned her past life, Chai Heng always felt ashamed. In her opinion, it was a very stupid thing to risk one's life to like someone who would never like oneself. He mentioned it again and again, which was nothing but a repeated confirmation of her stupidity.
"No more."
"Please connect my bones, and then you can leave." Chai Heng sighed.
Yang Yan was silent for a moment and did not respond.
He squatted down and began to find the location of her broken bone. When his palm touched the spot, he reminded her, "It will hurt a little, bear with it."
Chai Heng turned his eyes away and heard a "click" sound, which was the sound of the bone being reconnected. A sharp pain came, and Chai Heng trembled in pain, and he managed to hold it in and not scream.
After giving her this bone, Yang Yan broke out in a cold sweat. He turned around and poured her a glass of water: "Drink some water. If you want to eat something, I'll buy it for you."
Chai Heng shook her head. She was in great pain and needed some time to rest.
Yang Yan knew that she didn't have the energy to speak at the moment, so he didn't rush. He just sat down beside the bed and watched over her:
"Get some sleep first, and when you wake up, tell me what you need."
Chai Heng took a while to recover and came back to life. She tried to move her legs again and felt that her legs and feet were indeed more flexible than before. She couldn't help but look at Yang Yan's skills with admiration.
"You go."
"My second senior brother is leaving too, so you two can leave here together."
There was something profound in her words. Yang Yan turned around and looked at her in surprise: "You're not leaving?"
"I'm not leaving. I need to go to the Xirong Army camp again." Because of her injured leg, she actually spent quite a bit of time here. She was originally quite annoyed to see Yang Yan, but now that he had healed her leg, she was truly grateful to him. Otherwise, who knows how much longer she would have been delayed.
The war is about to begin, and swords have no mercy.
Yang Yan had been searching for Chai Heng in this place for almost a month. It was during these days that he realized how lucky he had been in his previous life. He hadn't had to do anything, and she'd fallen in love with him. She'd been buried in the snow on the battlefield, and he'd blindly searched through body after body, and surprisingly, he'd actually found her.
But in this life, he obviously no longer has such luck. Take these days for example, he almost turned the whole village upside down, but couldn't find any trace of her. If it weren't for Zhou Jun, he really wouldn't know where she was.
It was so hard to see him.
She said she wasn't going back.
Still have to go.
"Tuoba Ye is not his two brothers, he is not that easy to fool. If you are caught by him, what will happen to your master? What will happen to your master's wife?"
Yang Yan felt a surge of anxiety in his heart. He was actually very worried about her, but he did not question her position, so he had to use Prince Jing and his wife as a pretext.
"Everyone has their own destiny. If God has destined me to die early in this life, then even if I don't die in the Xirong camp, I may die somewhere else."
"I know you came here because you were worried about me and afraid that I would die, just like I never thought of letting you die even when I hated you the most. But Yang Yan, you are no longer my husband, nor are you my relative. I am grateful that you came to me and that you reconnected my leg, but these are not your concerns."
She thanked him politely.
There was no blame, no resentment. It was as if everything in their past, good or bad, was really in the past.
"You don't hate me?" Yang Yan looked at her gravely, with a hint of inquiry in his eyes. "But if you don't hate me, why did you refuse to see me before?"
Rather than being polite to strangers, Yang Yan actually hoped that she hated him.
Hating or blaming means you still care.
If there is no hatred or blame, then there is really nothing between them.
"I don't want to see you because I don't want to be entangled with you anymore, but since you insist on showing up, there's nothing I can do. As for hating you, as I said before, hating someone takes too much energy, Yang Yan. Besides, if I hadn't liked you so one-sidedly, you wouldn't have been able to hurt me. Ultimately, I reaped what I sowed. I shouldn't have liked you."
During the few months she stayed in Furong Mountain, perhaps because her life was so peaceful, she gradually figured out many things that she had not figured out before.
If they were just a couple in name only, there wouldn't have been so many problems in their previous life. She wouldn't be sad because Yang Yan favored Xue Ruyue, nor would she quarrel with him repeatedly because of her sadness. When he dug the first trap for her, she could also directly express her dissatisfaction to him.
But it was precisely because of the mixed feelings and expectations that everything became complicated. That's why she felt wronged because he favored others, and why she was clearly upset when he set her up, but she stubbornly refused to speak. That's why she thought of seeking reconciliation with him before he left for Yongzhou, but in the end, reconciliation failed, and they ended up arguing, which in turn led to him giving her a harsher lesson.
Therefore, her love for him was the knife that hurt her most severely in her previous life.
"I really liked you before."
"But not anymore."
"Yang Yan, we should both try to live our lives without each other."
When they separated in the capital, Chai Heng still felt a little unwilling, but now, this unwillingness has long been diluted.
Yang Yan listened to her calm voice and everything she had figured out these days, and it just seemed absurd. She had been in Furong Mountain for several months, thinking about it for several months, and she had finally figured out the sentence "I shouldn't like him"?
If I shouldn't like him, then who should I like? Cui Miao? Or Lu Shichu?
His calm heart rippled, and he wanted to question her, but seeing her broken leg, he couldn't help but think of her in her previous life, lying in the coffin with her broken leg, peaceful and quiet, yet so heartbreaking. When he thought of that scene, his heart felt like it had been gouged out by someone with an axe.
He couldn't tell whether his heart hurt more then or now when he heard her say "you shouldn't like him".
He had no way of arguing with her at this moment, nor was he qualified to argue with her, so he could only nod and say, "Okay, you can live your life and dislike me. But Chai Heng, you can't stop me from liking you."
"Before, I took advantage of your liking for me, so I often didn't consider your feelings and made you sad. Now the situation has changed. You can take advantage of my liking for you and treat me the same way. I gave Ji Gang to you. Don't you feel wronged every time you fell into a pit in your previous life? You can also ask him to dig a pit for me and let me try the suffering you suffered in the past. Or use other ways to let me feel the grievances you suffered in the past."
"No matter how painful or sad it is, I am willing to bear it."
"But there's one thing, Chai Heng. You can only decide for yourself. You can't interfere with my liking for you."
Yang Yan's usually nonchalant voice was a little hoarse, and there was an unprecedented persistence in his eyes.
Chai Heng was immediately choked. After a long pause, he said, "It's up to you, but it's not necessary."
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