She walked slowly towards the bamboo house. Every step she took felt like she was stepping on cotton. Her legs and feet were so weak that when she reached the familiar bamboo door, she touched the little rabbit carved on the bamboo strips with trembling fingers and tears flowed down her face.
How could she not be familiar with it? This little rabbit was secretly carved on her door by her senior brother to cheer her up after her grandfather forced her to dissect a rabbit for the first time.
Yu Jiao exerted a little force and pushed open the bamboo door. What she saw was everything that was so familiar to her. Even the rag doll placed on the bedside was exactly the same. With one step, she seemed to be back to her original world.
Yu Jiao suddenly squatted down, crying so hard that she could hardly breathe. She looked at Cheng Ying with tearful eyes: "Brother, is that you? Fu Chuan..."
Cheng Ying's phoenix eyes were flushed, but he tried his best to hold it back. He walked to Yu Jiao, put his hand on her head, and slowly stroked her hair.
Yu Jiao was trembling all over. She was crying so hard that she was out of breath. She hugged her knees tightly with both hands. Her lips moved, but only a vague sound came out: "Senior Brother..."
Cheng Ying also squatted down and patted her back gently to calm her down. She said in a gentle voice, "Senior Brother is here, always here."
When Yu Jiao heard this, she burst into tears, choking and trembling, almost crying out all the tears that she had not shed over the years.
Cheng Ying felt distressed seeing her crying like this, but he had to admit that his heart was comforted at this moment.
Jiaojiao cares about him.
Seeing that Yu Jiao was crying so hard that she was almost unable to squat, Cheng Ying hugged her, let her lean on her chest, and supported her.
Yu Jiao unconsciously grabbed the front of his shirt with both hands, and her tears soaked the fabric on his chest. It turned out that this was her senior brother Fu Chuan.
She didn't dare to think about what her senior brother, who became Cheng Ying, had experienced over the years; she didn't dare to think about why her senior brother didn't dare to recognize her when he knew it was her a long time ago; she didn't dare to think about how her senior brother Fu Chuan, who was gentle in his bones, calm and rational, became the moody, cold and violent person he was later.
"Senior brother, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." Yu Jiao cried so hard that her mind was dazed. She just kept saying sorry in Cheng Ying's arms.
I'm sorry, she killed him.
Sorry, she didn't recognize him.
I'm sorry, she shouldn't have said those hurtful words to hurt her senior brother.
Cheng Ying gently stroked her back, with clear liquid flowing from the corners of his eyes. He placed his chin on top of her head, hugged her tightly, and coaxed her in a gentle voice over and over again, "It's okay, Senior Brother will never blame you, and you never have to say sorry to Senior Brother."
Yu Jiao cried in his arms almost like a child, leaning on him tightly like a tired bird returning to its nest.
Cheng Ying brushed away the wet hair on her face, took out a handkerchief to wipe her face, and coaxed her, "Jiaojiao, don't cry."
Yu Jiao was so upset that she couldn't control her tears. She choked up and cried, "But I killed you..."
In that medical dispute, she was the one who should have died. The knife should have fallen on her. Fu Chuan died for her.
Cheng Ying wiped her tears with her fingertips and comforted her patiently, as if she was coaxing a child, in a gentle voice: "Are you stupid? How could you kill me? That man-made disaster was just an unprovoked disaster for you. Besides, am I not still alive and well now?"
Even if he had to do it again ten thousand times, he would block the knife. It was an instinct engraved in his bones, an instinctive action of loving her.
Even though he was extremely disappointed with the human nature in this world and became so frustrated that he developed antisocial tendencies because of that medical dispute, he never regretted it for a single second, because the one he protected was his Jiaojiao.
Yu Jiao's eyes were red from crying, and she shook her head vigorously: "That's not the case, it was obviously me... who killed him..."
How could he live well? If Senior Brother had not died because of her, he would still be the well-known, skilled, young and promising Doctor Fu, and he would still be the elegant and handsome Fu Chuan who even his patients could not help but look at him twice more.
His life should have been bright and smooth.
He deserved better life.
If he hadn't died because of her, he wouldn't have become Cheng Ying, and he wouldn't have lived like this now.
In the past, she couldn't understand why Cheng Ying always acted in a way that was playful and detached from the world, with a hint of self-abandonment, madness and world-weariness.
Now she understood, and she felt so heartbroken that she could hardly breathe.
He is Fu Chuan, her senior brother Fu Chuan who is extremely gentle, elegant and warm like the spring breeze.
Cheng Ying gently stroked her hair: "It's all over. I've been waiting for you, haven't I?"
Yu Jiao sobbed in his arms and was carried into the bamboo house by Cheng Ying. He put her on the "sofa", fetched water to clean the towel, and wiped her face again. He was very skilled in doing such child-loving things, as if he had rehearsed it in his mind a thousand times or ten thousand times.
Yu Jiao cried so much that her head was deprived of oxygen and she felt dizzy. It took her a long time to stop crying. She sat on the familiar sofa and followed Cheng Ying without blinking, her eyes always glued to him, as if she was afraid that all this was just a dream.
Cheng Ying put a handkerchief over her eyes, which were as red as rabbits, to block her vision. "Close your eyes and rest."
Yu Jiao grabbed the hem of his clothes, and Cheng Ying smiled. This smile was full of indescribable tenderness, which was different from the deliberate smile he had shown in Changkui. At this moment, it was natural and relaxed.
This was because he felt sweet in his heart, and his Jiaojiao still depended on him as before. The time that separated them by a lifetime did not create any barriers between them.
He raised his hand and tapped Yu Jiao's nose lightly: "I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."
Yu Jiao then closed her eyes obediently, but she did not loosen her hand that was holding Cheng Ying's clothes.
Cheng Ying stared at her curled fingers for a long time, his eyes were gentle and affectionate. The hesitation, fear, uneasiness, worry and uneasiness hidden in his heart finally disappeared at this moment.
He could finally face Jiaojiao, who knew that he was Fu Chuan, and face her eyes that did not show any contempt, disdain, or unwillingness to acknowledge him.
Just because of his Jiaojiao, she still regards him as the same Fu Chuan as before.
There was warmth in Cheng Ying's chest, as if it was wrapped in spring water that had broken the ice. This was the twenty-first year since he came to Taiyan and became Cheng Ying. For the first time, he no longer felt that his whole body was radiating cold from the inside out, and that he could not warm up no matter how hard he tried. The place in his chest was no longer empty and exposed to the wind.
Finally, he no longer had to walk in the vast fog, looking for a figure that he could never find.
There is no need to suppress your expectations anymore. You know you are waiting for someone who will never come, but you still eagerly desire and suffer.
No longer have to walk alone in a hurry, not knowing where you are or where your destination is. No matter where you go, you can't find the one you love.
Now, the person he loves is right in front of him, just within his reach.
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