Chapter 43 The Decision Jiang Zhiyao secretly made her decision...
After Jiang Zhiyao left, she went to look for Ji Wanqing and Cheng Mingzhu.
"What's wrong?" Ji Wanqing asked before Jiang Zhiyao even got close.
When Jiang Zhiyao walked up to her, Ji Wanqing gently pinched her cheek: "Why are you looking so listless?"
"I don't like Chang Tong," Jiang Zhiyao said softly.
"Chang Tong?" Ji Wanqing thought for a moment and said, "The second young lady of the Marquis's mansion?"
"Hmm." Thinking of Chang Tong's tone and attitude just now, Jiang Zhiyao's previous joy at seeing the flowers vanished.
"What does Yao Yao want to do?" Ji Wanqing didn't ask why, but looked down at Jiang Zhiyao and asked softly.
Jiang Zhiyao pursed her lips, hesitated for a few seconds, and then asked, "Could she go back to the flower viewing party first?"
“Of course you can,” Ji Wanqing said matter-of-factly. “You are the sister of the host of today’s banquet. If you don’t like a guest, you can certainly ask her to go home first.”
Then Ji Wanqing raised an eyebrow and asked, "But is that all?"
"Mm." Jiang Zhiyao nodded.
"Okay." After agreeing, Ji Wanqing gave the instructions to the servant.
"Oh," Cheng Mingzhu said with a smile, "You've improved. You finally spoke up after being bullied."
"As a reward, I'll give you the cherry yogurt from the banquet later." Cheng Mingzhu came over and patted Jiang Zhiyao on the shoulder.
Hearing their words, the last trace of frustration in Jiang Zhiyao's heart disappeared, and the corners of her mouth, which had been drooping slightly, turned up: "Then it's settled, the cherry cheese is for me."
On the other side.
Chang Tong wondered if she had misheard: "...I am the second young lady of the Marquis's mansion. You must have the wrong person."
“No, Miss Chang,” the head female official said neither humbly nor arrogantly, “It was Her Majesty the Empress’s order.”
"Why?" Chang Tong frowned.
The female official lowered her eyes and did not respond. Seeing her attitude, Chang Tong suddenly remembered Jiang Zhiyao's last words, and she was speechless: "...I understand."
Chang Tong originally thought that the Empress and Jiang Zhiyao did not have a good relationship. After all, in Chang Tong's eyes, Jiang Zhiyao was just a distant relative of the Ji family, and she always clung to Ji Wanqing. If she were Ji Wanqing, she would definitely hate Jiang Zhiyao.
In retrospect, she was wrong.
-
The banquet ended in the afternoon. Jiang Zhiyao returned to the mansion before dinner. Yan Zhenxi had not yet returned, saying that he was busy with affairs today and would be late.
"Madam, shall we prepare dinner now?" a servant asked.
Jiang Zhiyao had eaten quite a bit at the banquet and wasn't very hungry. In addition, she was in a bad mood and didn't plan to have dinner. She replied gently, "No need."
"Yes." The attendant withdrew.
Back in her study, Jiang Zhiyao sat on the soft cushions on the couch and began embroidering to pass the time.
"Hiss." Jiang Zhiyao frowned slightly, looking at the small bead of blood that had appeared on her fingertip and pursing her lips.
She hadn't been pricked by a needle in a long time.
Jiang Zhiyao remembers that when she first learned embroidery, she learned from her mother. She was young then and not very patient, so she always got pricked.
But as her skills improved, she couldn't even remember the last time she got pricked.
Gently wiping away the blood droplets with a handkerchief, Jiang Zhiyao stared blankly at the small bloodstain on the handkerchief.
...Is Zhenxi staying in the palace so late really because she doesn't want to come back?
The words Chang Tong had said at the banquet today flashed through my mind.
Recalling Yan Zhenxi's slight avoidance and indifference during this period, Jiang Zhiyao's eyes dimmed. Although she was unwilling to admit it, she knew that Yan Zhenxi was indeed different from before.
She's just a little late now, and the distance between them has increased slightly, but what if... Yan Zhenxi becomes completely indifferent to her afterwards?
Jiang Zhiyao's long eyelashes trembled a few times. It was nothing, really. She had thought about this a long time ago, hadn't she?
Jiang Zhiyao knew from the very first day that Yan Zhenxi's approach and intimacy would eventually come to an end.
At that time, Jiang Zhiyao didn't think it was a big deal. It's human nature; relationships always cool down at times. But when it really came—no, it was just beginning to show—Jiang Zhiyao suddenly realized that she couldn't accept it at all.
Even if their relationship was only slightly less intimate than before, Jiang Zhiyao found it unbearable.
The thought that she and Yan Zhenxi might return to their initial cold and distant relationship made Jiang Zhiyao feel as if someone was tightly covering her mouth with a wet handkerchief, making it hard to breathe.
She doesn't want to.
After experiencing all that, how could she possibly tolerate such indifference?
Should we ask him? Is there anything we should do?
But when Jiang Zhiyao thought of Yan Zhenxi, who was still in the palace, she immediately lost heart. If their relationship had really run into problems, then doing anything else would only make him more annoyed.
Moreover, she lacked the courage to do anything or salvage anything.
It's okay, as long as I can still see him, that's enough, isn't it? Jiang Zhiyao began to breathe again with difficulty.
Should I stay here forever, even just to watch him get close to other people? The thought made me quickly pull the handkerchief back up.
Jiang Zhiyao never asked Yan Zhenxi about taking a concubine, because she didn't want to, but she also knew that it was something that couldn't be avoided.
Jiang Zhiyao avoided talking about this matter simply because she wanted to let the happy moments linger a little longer.
But it seems like I won't be able to stay for long.
Jiang Zhiyao had never known she was such a petty person before. Now she realized that when it came to relationships, she wanted Yan Zhenxi to belong entirely to her, but how could that be possible?
Moreover, she has neither a distinguished family background nor a deep affection for Yan Zhenxi. Indeed, she should not be in the position of Yan Zhenxi's wife.
As dusk approached, Yan Zhenxi had still not returned to his residence.
Was he really staying in the palace because he didn't want to return to his residence? Actually, there was no need for that, Jiang Zhiyao thought. If Yan Zhenxi asked her to leave, she wouldn't refuse.
In fact, after learning that Yan Zhenxi had become the Grand Secretary, Jiang Zhiyao's biggest emotion, besides being happy for him, was unease. He was too dazzling, and as someone by his side, she naturally received more attention from others.
If someone else's husband became the Grand Secretary, they would probably be overjoyed, but Jiang Zhiyao would only feel fear and unease.
Jiang Zhiyao's long-standing caution and concealment made her feel very uncomfortable all of a sudden.
The invitations that came in like snowflakes made her feel even more overwhelmed. Although Yan Zhenxi had told her that she could do whatever she wanted, Jiang Zhiyao felt that the Prime Minister's wife shouldn't stay indoors all the time like she did.
Not only do they rarely attend other people's banquets alone, they also never take the initiative to host banquets.
But Jiang Zhiyao really didn't like these occasions. When she went before, she only stayed with Ji Wanqing and Cheng Mingzhu and rarely talked to other people at the banquet.
Jiang Zhiyao disliked her current emotions, which made her feel suffocated. She often felt this way after Yan Zhenxi became the Grand Secretary.
...She might really not be suitable to be Yan Zhenxi's wife.
Jiang Zhiyao's blurred vision gradually focused on the bloodstain on the handkerchief, and she thought of her mother.
When she was little, her mother would always gently comfort her after she got pricked.
She misses her mother.
Suddenly, Jiang Zhiyao remembered that small courtyard and the misty rain of Jiangnan.
Jiang Zhiyao has always known that she is not a strong person and does not like to face difficulties directly.
Escaping has always been a good way for her to deal with difficulties.
"Maybe we should leave," Jiang Zhiyao suddenly thought.
After leaving, she wouldn't have to think about any of this anymore. She wouldn't have to wonder why Yan Zhenxi was so aloof, why she might be neglected, who he might become close to in the future, or bear any more pressure. Moreover, she wouldn't experience any of the heartbreaking things that might have happened to her.
Thinking about all this, Jiang Zhiyao immediately felt a sense of relief.
Leave. She can embroider, so she won't have to worry about surviving on her own.
Going back to Jiangnan to open a small shop, selling embroidery, and casually planting flowers in the yard would be quite nice.
When Sister Ji and Mingzhu heard about her childhood, they also wanted to visit Jiangnan. If she really returned to Jiangnan in the future, she could invite them to come and visit Jiangnan together.
She would take them to see shadow puppet shows in the alleys, show them the unique scenery of Jiangnan, and let them taste the unique cuisine of Jiangnan. She would tell them which alley entrance she used to play in as a child, and which meadow she used to pick flowers in.
I sat with them on the cruise ship, chatting to the sounds of singing and light rain.
Jiang Zhiyao suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of longing, and the thought of leaving grew stronger.
Jiang Zhiyao had actually considered talking to Yan Zhenxi openly, and the worst outcome would only be a divorce. However, she couldn't accept the thought that Yan Zhenxi might personally say that he wanted to sever their relationship, so she decided to leave on her own initiative.
Moreover, leaving before their relationship completely breaks down would be dignified for both of them.
Anyway, she still has beautiful memories of Yan Zhenxi that haven't been overshadowed yet.
But the thought of leaving Yan Zhenxi still made Jiang Zhiyao reluctant. She decided to wait a few days. She had always been a very hesitant and indecisive person.
Let's wait a little longer, until his eyes are completely healed before deciding whether to leave. Jiang Zhiyao also had some selfish motives. If she were to leave, she would leave before Yan Zhenxi's eyes recovered. That way, he would never know what she looked like, and his memories of her wouldn't be too bad.
"Yao Yao".
After an unknown amount of time, a gentle voice came from beside me; it was Yan Zhenxi returning.
Jiang Zhiyao snapped back to reality, clenched the handkerchief in her hand, looked up at Yan Zhenxi in front of her, and forced a smile: "You're back."
Yan Zhenxi had a hint of joy on his face. The rag doll was almost finished. He had come back a little late today because he was sewing the rag doll. Tomorrow, he would just need to trim it a little more.
"Ah Yao," Yan Zhenxi said, her eyes crinkling with a smile, "my eyes will be completely healed tomorrow."
The doll should be finished tomorrow.
"Really?!" Jiang Zhiyao was unusually flustered, her voice rising slightly. She hadn't expected it to happen so quickly.
"Really." Yan Zhenxi's eyes were smiling. He felt that Jiang Zhiyao was just too happy for him.
Jiang Zhiyao was caught off guard by the news and was somewhat flustered.
Jiang Zhiyao was slightly taken aback when the time she had planned to take a few more days to consider was suddenly shortened.
Leave quickly, before his eyesight is restored.
Perhaps influenced by her previous feelings of self-abandonment, a strong and resolute voice echoed in Jiang Zhiyao's mind.
People tend to make decisions easily when under the influence of emotions and within a short period of time.
That's all for now. I'll leave tomorrow.
After making this decision, Jiang Zhiyao felt as if a heavy stone had been lifted from her heart, allowing her to finally breathe freely, like a drowning person finally grabbing onto a piece of driftwood and reaching the surface of the water.
Jiang Zhiyao secretly made her decision.
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