☆、Extra 3: One Man's Chaos (Meng Ruo)
When I was twenty-one, I went abroad with him. Anyway, for me, the only thing I've ever done since I was a child is follow Gu Shi.
What you do is not important.
The important thing is Gu Shi.
During our time abroad, we lived in the same villa, and I still didn't have to worry about anything; I was the Meng family's little princess.
It also belongs to Gu Shi.
He was so good to me, so good that I even felt he loved me.
He was the one who stayed by my bedside when I was sick.
He was the one who gently coaxed me when I refused to take my medicine.
He was the one who made brown sugar water for me when I had menstrual cramps.
When I woke up in the middle of the night, it was him who was gently massaging my stomach with his hand on it.
He was the one who cleaned up the mess when I was being unreasonable and reckless.
While I envied other girls for receiving gifts, he was the one who carefully prepared gifts for me on every holiday.
He was the one who helped me solve problems when I encountered difficulties.
...
Every moment of my life was connected to him, but our future is no longer connected.
When I was twenty-four, the reply I received after confessing my feelings was both expected and unexpected.
I've known for a long time that he doesn't like me.
Over the years, his type has never been like me. I can't become his type, and he can't like my type either.
Therefore, it is destined to be impossible for us.
If possible, he would have known countless times when I looked at him.
If possible, he would have known this countless times when I followed him.
If it were possible, he would have started loving me long ago.
I've always been the one who's stubbornly clinging to my delusions.
But Gu Shi, it's been twenty years. We've known each other for twenty years. How can I be willing to accept this?
I'm not willing to accept this, and I can't bear to give it up.
I could understand each word he said individually, but I couldn't understand what he meant when they were put together.
Did my brother A-Shi say I don't respect myself?
Did my brother A-Shi say I'm shameless?
I understand the reasoning, but what I can't accept is that these words came from his mouth.
So disdainful, so indifferent.
It's as if I'm trash that can be thrown away on the roadside, dirty and ugly.
I blame him; I know that in my heart.
I felt his cold gaze and attitude were like a slap in the face. He was open to everyone, yet he seemed to reject me.
I resent him for rubbing my self-esteem in the ground.
I even blame him for not being able to love me.
It seems I really am that bad.
Perhaps it was from that time that my heart changed, and I told myself that I would never look back.
Love bravely when you love, and leave bravely when you don't.
There are countless men in the world; if this one doesn't work out, I'll find another.
That year, he was twenty-six years old.
When I was twenty-five, we had almost completely broken up. I didn't want to go back, and I still blamed him.
I don't know what suddenly made him go crazy, starting to pester me and try to please me.
A sense of loss, as if one had lost their own toy.
I began to resist his advances and his advances.
I know perfectly well that he wants to win me back, but in what capacity?
As friends, as family, as lovers.
We were once so, so close, yet so, so far apart.
I can't bear to see him truly love another girl and settle down with her.
I cannot be a bad woman who covets another woman's husband.
He couldn't love me, yet he couldn't bear to watch me run off to someone else.
So he humbled himself, he compromised, he bowed his head, and he apologized.
I don't like the boy I met in my youth who has become so humble and pitiful. He should be full of vigor and shining brightly.
Even if our lives are no longer related after this.
I once placed my hand on his heart and asked him, "Gu Shi, do you love me?"
He said, "I love you, Ruoruo."
I was taken aback for a moment, then asked him, "Gu Shi, is it your sister's love or your lover's love?"
He said, "What does it matter? All I need to know is that I love you."
Is it okay? How can it be okay?
I watched him love one person after another, while I was always just a younger sister watching from afar.
Gu Shi, how can someone who is loved understand the pain of someone who cannot be loved?
So I need to forgive myself. The apology I owed myself came far too late.
Gu Shi, this time I really won't love you anymore.
I know.
Gu Shi, from beginning to end, you have never wronged me in any way. Your existence makes me feel extremely honored in my life.
I will always be grateful for having met you.
After this rambling, I will truly never think of him again, and I will bid farewell to my youth completely.
My future is bright.
I used to focus all my attention and gaze on him, but I overlooked the fact that there was another person who cared about me when I was young.
Jiang Chen, I silently repeated his name in my mind.
That year, the scales in my heart seemed to have unconsciously tipped towards him.
He's so patient; it seems he won't give up easily until he gets what he wants.
That year, Gu Shi and I were the pride of heaven, unattainable, while Jiang Chen was sensitive, aloof, and silent; he seemed to exist in another world.
They were so out of place with us.
Our relationship was merely that of deskmates sitting in front of and behind each other; we barely spoke to each other. I have no idea when I caught his eye.
I can't figure it out, I just remember Jiang University's top student, who was arrogant and wouldn't talk to me.
Hmph, I'll question him properly later.
With the passage of time, he has lost all traces of the little boy he once was. He is now outstanding, noble, gentlemanly, and exudes the charm of a mature man.
He occasionally reveals a childlike naiveté.
I was scribbling on the paper when his call came in. His voice was soft and cheerful, "Ruo Ruo, are you done with your work? I'm downstairs."
Yes, she is very gentle and charming.
Suddenly, I seemed to understand that the right person will always come to you at the right time.
Jiang Chen, during the years I loved someone else, he also silently loved me.
I tidied myself up and ran downstairs quickly. I saw him standing there, walking towards me step by step.
I suddenly ran over to him, hugged his waist, buried my face in his chest, and asked him, "Jiang Chen, are you tired?"
He knew what I was asking: Isn't it tiring to endlessly like someone who already has someone else in their heart?
He gently stroked my hair and answered earnestly, "I'm not tired, Ruoruo, I'm very happy."
"Jiang Chen, I think I've already really liked you."
"Yes, I love you."
"Jiang Chen, let's get married."
"good"
"Jiang Chen".
"Um."
"Jiang Chen".
"I am here."
"Kiss?"
...
Everything that is lost will eventually be made up for in some other way.
"Don't get distracted when we're kissing, baby."
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