Chapter 40 Cowardice "Meng Yao, I'm not young anymore..."
40
Fang Huaixu, unable to hide his burning breath, gently pushed her away: "You're already soaked, don't get too close to me..."
Meng Yao finally realized that all his previous abnormalities—his pale face, lack of energy, and even the deliberate distance he maintained—were simply manifestations of his enduring high fever and pain.
She didn't care about the awkwardness at that moment, and reached out to help him up: "Why didn't you tell me sooner? Quick, take me and let's go to bed to rest..."
"I don't need it..." Fang Huaixu tried to pull away from her hand and struggle, his voice weak yet stubborn: "Don't worry about me, it's contagious, you go yourself..."
"What are you still fussing about now that you're like this!" Meng Yao was both angry and anxious, a surge of anger rising within her, her voice involuntarily rising: "What do you mean by contagious? You're a patient now, are you planning to faint here before you're satisfied?"
Fang Huaixu was clearly stunned by her fierce rebuke. He raised his handsome face, his eyes, which were slightly moist and blurry due to the fever, stared blankly at her, a hint of almost aggrieved emotion flashing in his eyes.
Meng Yao regretted her words as soon as they left her mouth. She was a bit impatient and hadn't controlled her tone. Seeing the pitiful and adorable expression on the shrewd and handsome face in front of her, she felt even more guilty.
But Fang Huaixu quickly responded, pursing his pale lips, and following the strength of her arm, he stopped resisting, silently and obediently letting her help him sit up on the spacious bed.
As long as he cooperated, Meng Yao didn't say much. After covering him with a blanket, she poured him a glass of warm water. When she came back, Fang Huaixu just quietly looked out the window, leaving her with a straight back view, without saying a word.
If it were anyone else, Meng Yao would be absolutely certain that this was because she was being scolded earlier and was throwing a tantrum. But this was Fang Huaixu, the Fang Huaixu who was always calm and composed.
She was a little unsure, so she tentatively approached the bedside and started a conversation: "...Would you like some water?"
He didn't answer, his gaze stubbornly fixed on the window, as if he hadn't heard a thing.
Meng Yao was definitely angry now. After all, the other person had risked a high fever to save her, and to then be scolded after a little awkwardness would definitely make her feel uncomfortable.
Meng Yao didn't find it troublesome at all. Having seen Fang Huaixu's usual serious demeanor so often, this rare childlike side of him seemed much more vibrant and adorable. She even couldn't help but poke his hand and chuckle twice: "I was just in a hurry just now... I didn't mean to be mean to you."
He pulled his arm back slightly, seemingly unappreciative, but at least he was willing to speak: "Didn't you say you had something to tell me outside?"
Meng Yao was taken aback, not expecting that he could still remember her words in his current state.
She had originally intended to be straightforward and clear things up, but seeing his flushed cheeks and unhappy eyes, she felt it was somewhat inappropriate to confess at this moment that she had misunderstood him.
"There is something wrong..." She carefully chose her words, afraid that he would be angry if he knew the truth and that she had wronged her: "But there's no rush to tell you now. You're sick, so I'll tell you when you feel better tomorrow."
"Say it now," Fang Huaixu said unexpectedly firmly, with a stubbornness that seemed to be a desperate gamble. His eyelashes were slightly open, and his tone was one of unwavering insistence: "Say it now."
Meng Yao felt somewhat helpless at his attitude and unconsciously became nervous.
But what's a little apology? She took a deep breath, composed herself, and sat down on the edge of the bed without further delay: "Okay, actually I wanted to apologize to you first."
She lowered her eyelashes and pretended to be sincere, but secretly she was observing Fang Huaixu. When his gaze finally seemed to shift in her direction, she felt relieved and continued, "The reason we argued before was because on the day of the charity banquet, I accidentally saw that girl backstage with your brother in your dressing room... I misunderstood that she was you, which is why I got angry."
She blushed as she finished speaking, her voice lowering insecurity: "I thought you were hiding things from me, being with other people while flirting with me, which is why I said so many hurtful things and gave you the cold shoulder... I'm sorry, I didn't understand the situation and threw a tantrum, I misunderstood you. Now everything is clear... I want to make up with you."
After she finished speaking, she stopped waiting quietly for Fang Huaixu's reaction. Whether he was angry or helpless, she accepted it, since she was the one who was in the wrong first anyway.
But Fang Huaixu's reaction surprised her. A clear look of astonishment flashed across his face. After a long silence, he asked again in a low voice, "Is this what you wanted to tell me?"
Meng Yao asked, puzzled, "Is there anything else?"
However, after she finished speaking, she realized her mistake and her ears burned: Fang Huaixu couldn't possibly ask her to confess her feelings at this time, could he?
Fang Huaixu paused for a moment, then lowered his gaze with a complicated expression: "I thought you came here to completely break things off with me."
"Huh?" Meng Yao was completely confused. "Why would I break up with you?"
Fang Huaixu turned his eyes slightly, but his expression was no longer tense. Instead, he seemed to breathe a sigh of relief: "It's nothing, it's good that the misunderstanding has been cleared up."
Meng Yao's eyes widened, surprised that he wasn't angry at all: "Aren't you angry with me? I said so many hurtful things."
Fang Huaixu shook his head slightly, his voice weary: "What's so strange about that? It would be hard to tell what's true and what's false in that situation. It's good that you've figured it out now."
His attitude was casual to the point of indifference, as if her anger and hurtful words to him were just insignificant little episodes.
But this tolerance did not put Meng Yao at ease. Often, the more you care about someone, the more sensitive and suspicious you become because of their words and actions. Fang Huaixu's indifferent attitude made her feel uncomfortable.
She couldn't help but press further: "When we argue... aren't you even a little bit unhappy?"
Fang Huaixu did not answer immediately; his thick eyelashes fluttered slightly, as if he were thinking.
Meng Yao thought that her question was too direct, and besides, he was sick now, so it was not appropriate to talk about confession and feelings. She simply decided to make a joke to change the subject.
But just as she was about to speak, Fang Huaixu spoke up first, his voice deep and clear: "I am not worthy of being angry."
Meng Yao was stunned.
A self-deprecating smile appeared on his lips: "Because what you said makes sense, my feelings for you are indeed not just simple."
Meng Yao's face flushed, wondering why he was suddenly so straightforward.
He quickly gave his answer, because it wasn't really a confession at all; it was just his calm, rational analysis: "Maybe from a very early stage, I've been attracted to you and doing things that cross the line, but I've allowed this ambiguous feeling to continue, enjoying the intimacy and excitement that crosses boundaries between us, yet I can't give a clear explanation. It really makes me seem like a jerk..."
He finished speaking in one breath, his tone filled with deep regret: "So if you suggest cutting off contact with me, I won't object."
After hearing his words, Meng Yao kept her lips tightly closed, feeling as if her heart was about to jump out of her mouth: she thought Fang Huaixu had no feelings for her anymore, but she didn't expect their relationship to be progressing more smoothly than she had imagined.
A surge of courage and tenderness welled up within her, and she failed to understand the subtle evasion in his tone. She reached out and grasped the back of his hand.
Fang Huaixu's eyes widened, but Meng Yao's gaze, like her hand, was gentle yet firm: "What's so awful about it... Isn't this just the normal process before starting a relationship? Since you've already developed feelings for someone, why not let it develop naturally?"
Her words held a hint of expectation, her eyes bright: "Why don't we... give it a try?"
For a moment, the dark clouds in Fang Huaixu's heart were indeed dispelled somewhat by her words.
But only for a moment, he turned his gaze away and slowly withdrew his hand, causing Meng Yao's heart to sink.
“No good,” he said in a low, hoarse voice. “In my current situation, I can’t balance my relationship and career, and I may not have time to balance them in the future.”
He sighed deeply, and his eyes finally showed obvious turmoil and pain: "Knowing that you might miss out on a lot of happiness after we get together, I still want to take up your time and start a relationship... This is very irresponsible."
"I don't care about any of that!" Meng Yao retorted sharply, disregarding the timing, "I only care about the happiness in front of me. I like you right now, and if I can't be with you, I won't feel happy. Aren't you also troubled by not being able to be together? Why worry about things that haven't happened yet?"
She was determined to lay everything out on the table: "I don't need your constant companionship. I have my own life to live. I need to prepare for graduate school, I need to work, I have family and friends, and I might even have to study in another city in the future. All sorts of things will take up my time and energy. Who knows who will be too busy to take care of whom then? I don't need you to sacrifice for me. We can totally do it together..."
“But I mind,” Fang Huaixu interrupted her, his voice low but like a bucket of cold water: “I can’t imagine you no longer depending on me.”
Meng Yao didn't understand, and the words stuck in her throat.
Fang Huaixu finally turned his head to look directly at her, his deep eyes filled with complex emotions: "Meng Yao, I do like you. You are straightforward, sunny, beautiful and generous. You can charge forward for a relationship like this without regard for the consequences. You will attract countless people to see your brilliance. Among them, there will definitely be people who are more interesting than me, have more time, and have more in common with you."
He paused slightly, his voice trembling slightly with emotion: "If you feel lost and lonely because of my absence, slowly stop relying on me, and eventually withdraw from this relationship, what should I do then?"
He seemed to be asking Meng Yao, but also himself, his words filled with confusion and struggle: "I think it's not wrong for you to choose someone better, after all, it's my fault as your lover. But on the other hand, I have done my best to give my heart and feelings, and I will also feel sad and in pain... I don't even know if I still have the right to try to win you back."
He took a deep breath, as if he had exhausted too much energy. Perhaps because of a cold, his slightly red and moist eyes were particularly captivating, accentuated by the small mole under his eye: "You're only twenty-four years old, and you haven't even had a proper relationship yet. Your future holds countless possibilities... Can you guarantee that you won't meet someone else who will move you more, someone more suitable for you than me?"
As he finished speaking, a bitter smile appeared on his lips: "And have you ever considered that your feelings for me might just be because I happened to appear when you were feeling down? Because the people and things around you in the past weren't very good to you, I saw it, I like you, so I didn't want to ignore your pain. But the sense of security and belonging I feel for you right now isn't necessarily love. I can sort out my own feelings, but you're still young, and you might not be able to distinguish between dependence and love. You probably don't even know how hard it would be to be with someone like me, how many generation gaps and troubles we'd encounter... Meng Yao, I'm not young anymore, I'm six years older than you. There are many things you can do without considering the consequences, but I can't."
Meng Yao was a little annoyed: "So what if I'm six years older? I don't think I'm any worse than you."
Fang Huaixu lowered his eyes and sighed softly: "It's precisely because you are so good that if I choose to turn a blind eye to this matter, or even take advantage of your low point, that would be the greatest disrespect to you."
His logic was impeccable, and Meng Yao, flustered, ran out of words. She turned the tables on him and asked, "Can you guarantee that you will never fall in love with anyone else in the future?"
Fang Huaixu simply stared silently into her eyes with a hint of helplessness: "Verbal promises are meaningless; no one can decide what will happen in the future."
"I don't care about the future, as long as it's meaningful," Meng Yao said passionately, turning over to meet his gaze directly. "Look me in the eyes now. If you can say that you don't like me at all, I promise I'll never bother you again. You know my temper; if you can't let go, I will never give up."
Fang Huaixu was completely overwhelmed by her aura and his emotions were infected by her fervor.
He couldn't help but gaze longingly at her, just as he had done countless times before, silently either envying or admiring her flamboyant youthful spirit, his reason and emotions pulling him back and forth.
Meng Yao was only putting on a brave front, but in reality, her heart was pounding wildly under his gaze, and she was just about to get up and go all out when...
Achoo!
An untimely sneeze burst out, causing her to shiver and interrupt her movements.
Fang Huaixu seemed to be awakened by the sneeze, finally finding an excuse to end this difficult conversation.
The stubborn expectation in his eyes vanished instantly, replaced by a relieved calm.
He stopped waiting, picked up the bedside phone and dialed, his tone returning to his usual manner as he instructed another assistant to come upstairs.
Meng Yao's eyes widened: "What are you doing? We haven't finished talking yet..."
"No need to say anything more, my attitude is already very clear." He gently pulled away, not daring to look at her, but cleverly used his injured hand to support her, making it impossible for her to resist. "You haven't changed your clothes yet, you're very likely to catch a cold. I've called someone else to pick you up and take a shower and get some rest. Don't wait for me, I'm not going back tonight."
Seeing his stubbornness, Meng Yao felt helpless and frustrated. Just then, the assistant knocked on the door and came in, waiting respectfully to the side.
The argument was fruitless, and she knew that it would be futile to continue. She turned her head away in a huff, her voice hard: "Fine, I was being unreasonable. Then I'll go home and reflect on my actions. If I really become as clear-headed as President Fang, then President Fang better not hide under the covers and cry his eyes out."
She left with her assistant without looking back. When she reached the door, she paused, but still didn't want to turn back.
Once in the car, she remained silent. Her assistant noticed the awkward atmosphere between them and cautiously asked, "Ms. Meng... are you going straight home to rest?"
"Ah, right." Meng Yao was leaning against the car window thinking when she heard this and replied absentmindedly.
The assistant had overheard some of the conversation before entering and was now in a dilemma, but ultimately decided to say a few good words for Mr. Fang: "Mr. Fang is actually a really good person, he's just a bit stubborn sometimes and not very good at speaking. Please don't distance yourself from him because of a few words..."
“Who said I was going to ignore him?” Meng Yao raised an eyebrow, thinking of Fang Huaixu’s face: “I’m just going home to change my clothes and take a shower. Look at me, all dirty and messy. I don’t look like I’m about to be in love.”
The assistant looked in the rearview mirror in surprise and saw that Meng Yao was not angry at all; instead, she even had a confident smile on her lips.
It was just a change of clothes; given her current appearance, she was too embarrassed to say anything affectionate.
She didn't take Fang Huaixu's awkward words to heart at all. He had just directly admitted that he liked her and had considered so many consequences, which was much better than the worst outcome she had anticipated.
Since Fang Huaixu was worried that she hadn't thought things through enough about the relationship, she should just show him her true feelings.
After her assistant dropped her off at the apartment building, she firmly instructed, "Please wait downstairs and take me back in about thirty minutes."
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