Chapter 43 Belief: "The Feeling of Companionship"
43
In the morning, Fang Huaixu woke up before Meng Yao.
My biological clock, which I've maintained for ten years, won't change a bit because of illness. The sky outside the window is still dark, and the surroundings are the same as usual.
He had just regained a sliver of consciousness when he immediately felt a different weight and temperature beside him.
Meng Yao was still asleep, and her sleeping posture was surprisingly well-behaved. She was curled up in a small area with her back to him, her soft hair scattered on the pillow. She was so well-behaved that she was completely different from her usual cunning self.
He dared not make any sudden movements, for fear of disturbing her sweet dream. Everything from last night flooded his mind like a tidal wave. He even slowed his breathing, his mood as sweet as if he had been soaked in honey: he had actually confessed his feelings to Meng Yao so smoothly last night.
He was initially conflicted about how to express his situation, afraid that she would be angry at his hesitation, and also afraid that she would not be willing to give him this chance. But Meng Yao was more decisive than he had imagined.
Now she was right beside him, and a strange yet overwhelming joy quietly spread through him. He looked at her profile and unconsciously smiled.
It turns out that waking up in the morning with another person beside you feels so novel.
Despite his surprise and delight, he still harbored a lingering sense of uncertainty and apprehension, because everything had happened so quickly, making him vaguely worried that his decision might have been too hasty and impulsive.
Is he really ready?
After his mother passed away, he devoted almost all his time and energy to studying and working, and at one point tried to numb the pain of losing his loved one through work.
He thought he was strong enough to bear everything alone, but he didn't realize that deep down he also longed for a warm and complete family.
It's probably true that the less people have, the more they envy what they lack.
He was ready to dedicate everything to medical research, which had almost become his inescapable responsibility and a form of atonement: because he had once been jealous of the patients who received special care from his mother, and had even tried every means to compete with them for his mother's attention.
On his 13th birthday, his mother stayed at the hospital for several days to care for a patient whose condition was relapsing. She made a quick phone call and then hung up. At that young age, he was filled with twisted jealousy and resentment. So, as he always did, he made himself catch a cold and then asked Uncle Zhou to tell his mother.
Sure enough, my mother took the earliest flight back overnight.
Looking at his mother's tired but worried face, he felt a moment of satisfaction, but this was quickly followed by a profound emptiness.
What he didn't expect was that in the short dozen or so hours after his mother left, the condition of the patient she was originally in charge of suddenly deteriorated. Because the attending physician was not there, the best time for rescue was missed. Although the patient survived, he fell into a deep coma and became a vegetable.
His mother blamed herself for a long time. Although no one blamed her, Fang Huaixu still remembers the tears in her eyes and the guilt she felt. He had never seen his mother so anxious, not even for his sake.
At that time, he couldn't even tell whether he was more jealous or heartbroken for his mother; he just felt so uncomfortable that his chest felt blocked.
He did see his mother with that expression on her face later, but it was just before she died.
Like a drowning person, she grabbed his hand haphazardly, her eyes wide open, staring anxiously at the ceiling, silently shedding tears and murmuring words of reluctance.
He drifted through a period of time in a daze, eventually inheriting his mother's mantle.
The year after his mother's death, he went to that hospital as an intern and unexpectedly met the young patient who had become a vegetable years ago.
Twelve years have passed.
As he lived his life as he pleased, he never imagined that the young patient and his family, because of his willfulness, had been helplessly waiting for that slim chance of a miracle for twelve years.
He was struck dumb, overwhelmed by immense regret and disgust.
The patient's family recognized him immediately, but without any blame or complaint, they simply held his hand and wept, saying, "Thank you, Mom, for letting our child stay with us for so long..."
At that moment, he felt a deep regret for his shameful jealousy, as if a thousand arrows were piercing his heart.
In the past, his choice to repeat his mother's mistakes was mostly out of nostalgia for her, but from that day on, he suddenly found a reason to continue.
Since he was among the fortunate few who possessed health and research capabilities, he felt compelled to pass on this fortune and responsibility, doing everything in his power to save more lives and atone for the unspeakable sins within his heart.
This mindset has sustained him all the way to where he is today.
But last night, because of his argument with Meng Yao, he subconsciously resorted to that childish and selfish method to try and reconcile.
He felt a wave of self-loathing, but at the same time he was acutely aware that Meng Yao had become exceptionally special to him.
It's definitely not difficult to like her. She's beautiful, independent, and dares to face any difficulties head-on, like a rose that can grow freely even in the face of wind and rain. Even with a complicated background, she never loses her respect for knowledge and hard work. Once she has a clear goal, she will not waver in the slightest because of the will of others.
That kind of confidence and self-assurance in his abilities is a kind of nonchalance that he could never achieve under the constant pressure of guilt and responsibility.
He had never met anyone like this before, and his attention was unconsciously drawn to them.
His gaze unconsciously fell on her sleeping face, tracing her gentle eyebrows and eyes, her small and pert nose, and then to her soft lips. Recalling the soft, warm touch from her fingertips and arms when she took the initiative to approach him last night, a strong impulse almost overwhelmed his reason.
He wanted to simply abandon all thought and pull her into his arms, to feel that real and vibrant warmth.
But reason always prevails.
The age gap between them is significant, and even if they don't have any emotional problems now, it's hard to avoid criticism and scrutiny from the outside world.
As an older man, he had to be more considerate and not put her in a potentially dangerous situation because of a momentary impulse.
As he pondered this question, Meng Yao's image involuntarily came to mind.
If she were facing this problem, she would definitely raise her smug face and scoff: "What do you care about these bullshit rumors? As long as we're willing, we'll go all the way. Can't a living person think of a solution?"
Thinking about the smug look on her face when she said those words, Fang Huaixu couldn't help but chuckle softly.
The slight noise disturbed the person next to her. Meng Yao grumbled in dissatisfaction, turned over, and continued sleeping, facing him directly.
Fang Huaixu thought she had been woken up, so he immediately held his breath and dared not move.
But after waiting a few seconds, I realized she had gone back to sleep, and I breathed a sigh of relief.
Now he can see her sleeping face more clearly.
He did indeed start looking over; her relaxed eyebrows and eyes appeared exceptionally gentle in her sleep, her eyelashes were long, and her face was white and small.
It's so small.
He couldn't help but quietly raise his hand and make a faint gesture near her cheek from a distance.
It doesn't even seem as big as his palm.
A strange softness welled up in his heart, and his gaze focused on that serene face. After hesitating for a moment, he couldn't help but gently touch her face with his fingertips.
So soft.
His face instantly flushed: the texture was better than he had imagined—delicate, soft, and warm, completely different from his own skin.
Meng Yao, seemingly sensing something in her sleep, unconsciously smacked her lips twice. Fang Huaixu suddenly snapped back to reality, as if caught doing something wrong, and quickly withdrew his hand, his ears burning.
Meng Yao didn't wake up, but Fang Huaixu definitely couldn't sleep. Finally, he took a deep breath and decided to wash up to calm himself down.
After carefully lifting the covers, he got out of bed as quietly as possible. However, as soon as he stood up, a sharp headache struck him. His vision went black and he staggered, only managing to steady himself by grabbing the wall next to him.
He shook his head, puzzled: Was it because he hadn't slept well last night, or because his high fever hadn't subsided? The dizziness hadn't subsided much, but there were many reasons for dizziness upon waking up in the morning, so he didn't pay much attention to it.
As he entered the bathroom, he inadvertently saw himself in the mirror. His hair was disheveled from sleeping, and his eyes showed obvious signs of fatigue and lingering redness from a high fever. Although it was just his normal state after waking up early, he felt particularly disheveled.
I absolutely cannot let Meng Yao wake up and see me like this.
He immediately started washing up, carefully shaving his beard, fixing his hair, and even spraying on some light fragrance.
However, it was all in vain, because there were still more than two hours until Meng Yao's usual wake-up time.
Fang Huaixu only realized what had happened after checking the time after finishing tidying up, feeling somewhat helpless that he could make such a stupid mistake.
Now that everything is packed up, there are two options left: go straight to work, or stay by Meng Yao's side and wait for her to wake up.
He analyzed the situation: if he started working, he wouldn't be able to come back for a while.
Although we're not officially dating yet, it's only the first day after I confessed my feelings, so disappearing like this would be incredibly insensitive.
Although he didn't know what Meng Yao would say after waking up, he just wanted to hear her speak, and he was definitely not willing to leave like this.
If you work like that, you'll definitely be distracted.
After convincing himself, he went back to bed, only to find that his headache did not seem to have eased.
He rubbed his stinging temples and regretted it; perhaps he should have taken his medicine before going to sleep last night.
Looking at Meng Yao, who was still fast asleep on her side, his mood improved slightly. He had originally planned to wait for her to wake up, but a strong sense of fatigue and discomfort gradually overwhelmed him.
His consciousness gradually faded, and he eventually succumbed to his drowsiness and fell into a deep sleep.
He slept for a long time and had a very long nightmare.
In my dream, he was still 13 years old.
He saw his mother hurriedly grab her coat after receiving a call from the hospital, telling him to take good care of himself as she rushed out the door without looking back, her figure receding into the distance.
He saw his mother arguing fiercely with his father in the study, with inkstones and porcelain shards scattered all over the floor.
He saw his mother lying on the hospital bed, her breath weak as she murmured his name: Huai Xu... I can't see you anymore, Mom, hold me one more time...
That voice lingered in my ears like a maggot clinging to my bone, gradually transforming into an inescapable sense of guilt and heartache as I grew up.
It was indeed a nightmare, filled with nothing but sad things.
He saw far too much.
When his mother left, it was as if she took all the warmth around him with her.
He vaguely remembered the parrot his mother had left him before she passed away, and how his two older brothers had laughed as they opened the cage and released it, letting the last thought his mother had left him flutter into the sky.
His mother's various potato products no longer appeared in his rice bowl, but all food tasted bland to him. However, his mother was not as "careless" as his sister, who would mix shards of glass into his food.
He calmly let the taste of blood fill his mouth, while terrified screams and chaos erupted around him. All he wanted was to hide himself away, to hide in a dark corner where no one could find him...
Just when he was about to be swallowed by despair, a warm and strong hand suddenly gripped his cold hand tightly.
He looked up and saw Meng Yao. She was standing in the light, with that familiar, arrogant, and vibrant smile on her face.
"Don't be afraid, it's just a nightmare."
Her voice was clear and bright, and her fingertips were warm.
Seeing her fearless demeanor, the heavy shackles in his heart seemed to loosen instantly, and a long-lost sense of ease welled up inside him. He couldn't help but imitate her, revealing a relieved and dependent smile.
However, the next second, Meng Yao was suddenly called away by another blurry figure. She let go of his hand, waved to him hastily, and turned to leave.
He was extremely anxious and wanted to chase after her, but he found that his legs were like lead and he couldn't move them. He could only watch helplessly as her figure grew farther and farther away and disappeared into the mist.
"etc!"
He jolted awake from his dream, sitting up with his heart pounding and his forehead covered in cold sweat. He clutched his head with difficulty, the intense pain and dizziness even worse than before he fell asleep, almost tearing his consciousness apart.
But the surroundings were no longer familiar; instead, they were a blinding white expanse, filled with the smell of disinfectant.
Hospital?
Author's note: Just realized I forgot to turn on paragraph comments [doge head with rose in hand] Turned them on, hehe.
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