Back view
"I'm sorry, I've kept you waiting for so long," Shen Anxia said calmly.
"You know, my parents arranged several blind dates for me in order to keep me in Yi'an. I respect their opinion because resisting will only hurt my family. So before meeting you, I went on several blind dates, and each one ended badly. I could use a bunch of facts to convince my parents to give up on the blind dates until I met you."
"I didn't bring up any more facts or find fault. Firstly, it's not good to exaggerate between neighbors; secondly, I felt that since you didn't like me on the day of the blind date, you would probably reject me, so there was no need for me to say anything more; more importantly, I felt that there was nothing about you that I could find fault with."
"But I didn't expect you not to refuse me. My parents immediately saw hope, and I was in a dilemma. Moreover, at that time, I also thought that if the matter of staying in the group was rejected, then maybe we could still have a chance. After spending so much time together, I can see that you are a very good person. You would be happy with anyone you are with. I simply have no reason to refuse you."
Yang Zheng looked intently at Shen Anxia.
“But Yang Zheng,” Shen Anxia continued, “we started our blind date with marriage in mind. I know how anxious your family is. Now I have to stay in Xinfeng, and I will be very busy with work. I can only go back to Yi'an a handful of times a year. We are destined not to be able to get married.”
"I'm sorry," Shen Anxia said in a low voice, "I've held you back."
Yang Zheng's eyes were dark, like the deep sea at night, seemingly calm on the surface but with undercurrents surging beneath. His Adam's apple bobbed slightly, and his voice was hoarse and low: "You seem to be constantly apologizing for holding me back. An Xia, do you think I'm too old?"
Shen Anxia quickly shook her head and denied it: "No, I think now is the perfect time for you, mainly because the people around you think you should get married..."
“So,” Yang Zheng interrupted Shen Anxia, his tone slightly heavy, asking her word by word, “what I thought was your acceptance was actually your rejection?”
Shen Anxia looked directly into Yang Zheng's eyes: "I wish you happiness."
Yang Zheng looked intently at Shen Anxia, and Shen Anxia's gaze did not waver.
After a long pause, Yang Zheng asked, "Is this the truth?"
His voice was slightly hoarse.
"Yes," Shen Anxia replied firmly.
What do you think happiness is for me?
Shen Anxia affirmed his character: "You're such a good person, you'll be happy with anyone."
"Do you think I can be this nice to anyone?" Yang Zheng asked rhetorically.
Shen Anxia did not answer.
How could she not know how good Yang Zheng was to her? Although she wasn't sure if it was the only time he had treated her well, he was genuinely serious about their relationship.
After looking at Shen Anxia in silence for a long while, Yang Zheng said, "Putting everything else aside, Anxia, I only want to ask you—are you moved by me?"
Yang Zheng's eyes were deep and dark, and Shen Anxia seemed to be drawn into them by the moonlight flowing from the bottom of that pool. She was completely captivated by Yang Zheng's words, and her lips moved slightly: "I..."
Seeing a mist forming in her eyes, and her hesitant silence for a long while, Yang Zheng asked again, "If we were both in the same city, would you want to break up with me?"
Shen Anxia: "..."
There are no "ifs".
Why make assumptions?
...
High-speed rail station.
Yang Zheng had the backpack he brought with him slung over his right shoulder, while Shen Anxia stood to his left.
Both of them remained silent.
Shen Anxia glanced at the time board; it was almost time to have her ticket checked.
She turned her head to look at Yang Zheng, who seemed to be checking the station's time but whose gaze was actually unfocused, and mustered her courage to speak: "Yang Zheng, you once said that at a certain point in the story, you would tell me why you brought me hot milk. Can you tell me now?"
Shen Anxia's voice pulled Yang Zheng back from another world. He smiled at her, as gently as before: "Anxia, this is not the stage I was talking about."
"But……"
Isn't our story over?
Just then, an announcement came over the station's public address system reminding passengers to have their tickets checked.
Before Shen Anxia could ask what he meant, Yang Zheng pulled her into his broad embrace.
Yang Zheng bent down and embraced her tightly, his right hand reaching around Shen Anxia's back to gently hold her shoulder, while his left hand encircled her left waist. He deeply inhaled the strawberry scent on her neck, lightly kissed the hair behind Shen Anxia's ear, and his magnetic voice rang in Shen Anxia's ear: "Anxia, wait a moment, I will get back to you."
After saying this, Yang Zheng hugged her even tighter, then let go, pulled the backpack straps over his shoulder, and patted Chen Anxia's head: "Anxia, goodbye."
The next second, he turned around and walked into the ticket gate.
Before Shen Anxia could even say "goodbye," Yang Zheng had already disappeared from her sight. She took two steps forward uncontrollably and stopped at the crossroads.
Neither joy nor sorrow, neither sunshine nor rain.
It's just that I feel a little empty inside.
"See what I told you? Another couple breaking up!" A smug male voice came from the waiting area next to us, speaking in a tone that seemed to say, "I'm lowering my voice to pretend you can't hear me, but I actually want you to hear me."
Shen Anxia was also pulled back to her senses by the sound and looked in the direction from which it came.
They were two middle-aged men who seemed a bit eccentric.
"I'm really speechless. Why do all these young couples break up at the high-speed rail station?" another indignant male voice chimed in.
"Graduation season, breakup season, you don't even understand that? No wonder you can't find a wife." The first voice mocked.
"Beep! You talk like you have a wife, what are you pretending for!" The word "wife" hit a nerve.
"I'm not thinking about my wife anymore! But this wine is mine today!" The man took a flask of wine from between the two seats, opened the lid, took a deep sniff of the aroma, and with a satisfied expression, let out a very contented sound—tsk—
The other person glanced at the man with disdain, his lips curling into a wide, upturned smirk.
Shen Anxia walked up to the two people. The two people were stunned when they saw the person they had just been discussing coming straight at them. Before they could recover, Shen Anxia said, "Uncle, I didn't break up with that person after graduation."
The person who received the wine was the first to react, angrily saying, "Don't try to fool me! Even if it wasn't a breakup after graduation, it's still a breakup!"
Shen Anxia glanced at the person next to him: "It's not a breakup. I don't know this uncle, and I'm just stating the facts."
Upon hearing this, the middle-aged man next to him snatched the drink from the other person's hand: "Hey! The young lady said they didn't break up, so this drink is mine!"
"I...!" The uncle whose wine was taken away jumped up, put his hands on his waist, and stared at the uncle who had taken the wine.
Upon seeing this, Shen Anxia raised the corners of her mouth slightly and then walked out.
goodbye.
Yang Zheng.
——
At eight o'clock in the evening, Liu Shanshan returned to the rented room. When she entered, she found that Shen Anxia had not turned on the light. She called out, "Anxia." There was no response.
Liu Shanshan felt a little strange. When she turned on the light and saw Shen Anxia sitting on the sofa with her knees drawn up, she was even more surprised: "Eh? You're home!"
Shen Anxia didn't turn around, but gave a soft "hmm" with a thick nasal tone.
Liu Shanshan sensed that Shen Anxia was acting strangely. She changed her shoes, put down her suitcase, walked to the sofa, and leaned over to look at Shen Anxia. Sure enough, Shen Anxia was crying, with obvious tear stains on her face.
"What's wrong? Is there so little water that you have to cry?" Liu Shanshan asked.
Shen Anxia let out a long breath and continued, "There's too much water in my brain, I need to cry it out to clear my head."
Liu Shanshan walked around the sofa and sat down next to Shen Anxia, asking with concern, "So what's wrong with you?"
"How are you doing at home?" Shen Anxia asked in return.
"Don't interrupt, what happened?"
Seeing Shen Anxia purse her lips, seemingly trying to hold back the tears in her eyes, Liu Shanshan didn't urge her, quietly waiting for her emotions to gradually subside.
Much later, Shen Anxia composed herself and slowly said, "I'm staying with the group."
Liu Shanshan beamed with joy: "Really! Congratulations! Your wish has finally come true! You managed to keep such a large denominator; you truly are the pride of our department! I wouldn't even dare to dream of it!"
After she finished speaking, Liu Shanshan realized, "But this isn't a happy thing? But your expression isn't one of tears of joy either."
Shen Anxia sighed deeply: "Do you remember the blind date I mentioned to you before?"
Liu Shanshan nodded: "I remember, didn't I come to see you before?"
“Yes,” Shen Anxia sniffed, “He came to see me this week, I brought it up with him, and then we said goodbye.”
Liu Shanshan expressed her understanding: "That's true. If you stay with the troupe, you'll have to develop your career in Xinfeng. He's also a civil servant, so it's really unlikely that the two of you will be together. With your personality, a long-distance relationship is simply impossible."
Shen Anxia did not respond to this.
Liu Shanshan belatedly realized again: "So, you're crying like this because you said goodbye to this person."
Shen Anxia didn't move, neither denying nor admitting it.
Liu Shanshan asked again, "But didn't you say before that it was just someone you met through a blind date, with a weak emotional foundation, and that it would be fine to just be friends? So now that you've said goodbye, why are you crying like this?"
Shen Anxia wiped away her tears and gave a self-deprecating smile: "Who says it isn't true? When I came back, I didn't feel anything, but when I sat on the yoga mat to stretch, my mind started flooded with uncontrollable, even endless, memories of the past six months with him. Every detail made it clear how he smiled back then. I didn't expect these tears to be so uncontrollable; they just wouldn't stop flowing, making it impossible for me to even practice my basic yoga skills."
As Shen Anxia spoke, she became increasingly unable to control her emotions: "I want to read English. Usually, I can forget everything as soon as I listen to a recording, but today, I listened to a passage repeatedly for an hour, and I still don't know what it is!"
As Liu Shanshan spoke to Shen Anxia, tears welled up in her eyes again. She picked up a tissue from the coffee table and handed it to Shen Anxia without saying a word.
Shen Anxia took the tissue and wiped her tears, crying as she said, "At that moment, I belatedly realized that I had fallen for him, was deeply in love, and had just lost him."
Liu Shanshan watched Shen Anxia shed tears, remained silent for a long time before speaking again: "It's true that we're slow to realize it. We really do have this kind of problem in our personalities, you could call it 'slow to warm up.' Do you remember how we lived in the same dormitory for over a year, but we always went to the library one after the other, and never once did the other save a seat for us?"
Shen Anxia recalled, echoing Liu Shanshan's words: "It wasn't until the two of them reminded us that we could go to the library together that we gradually became familiar with each other."
"People who are slow to warm up can be more persistent and steadfast in their feelings once they put their heart into it," Liu Shanshan concluded.
Shen Anxia's tears started falling again. She was angry and aggrieved, regretting: "If I had known this would happen, I would have refused the blind date directly, not because of my parents or the relationship with the upstairs and downstairs neighbors. So this is what it means to say that it's better not to meet than to meet."
Looking at Shen Anxia's expression, Liu Shanshan sighed: "The more heartbroken you are now, the more your heart is moved. Since ancient times, the hurdle of love has been the hardest to overcome. No matter what exams, staying in the group, or finding a job, nothing can compare to overcoming the hurdle of love."
“Anxia,” Liu Shanshan suggested, “Perhaps the other person also has feelings for you. If you really like them that much, why not try to win them back?”
Shen Anxia shook her head vigorously and cried again, "The reality is that he is in Yi'an and I am in Xinfeng, and neither of us can treat feelings casually. This attraction is destined to have no future."
Liu Shanshan understood Shen Anxia quite well, but at this moment she was helpless and could only watch her cry.
After a long while, Shen An gradually stopped crying and sighed, "From then on, Yang Zheng became the white moonlight in my heart."
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