Chapter 24
"I've been waiting for ten years."
Those five short words were like five thunderbolts, striking Xia Wan's head without warning and fiercely! They were also like five heavy hammers, slamming fiercely into her defenseless heart!
boom--!
The world seemed to have suddenly lost its sound. The guitar melody flowing through the restaurant, the soft chatter from the neighboring table, the faint hum of traffic outside the window… all the background noise vanished. Only those five words remained, resonating and reverberating in her empty mind with an almost destructive force, making her eardrums buzz and her vision go black.
ten years?
What ten years?
He had been waiting for this meal... for ten years?
How is this possible? !
Wasn’t the last time we had dinner together when we… “broke up”?
Xia Wan's body instantly stiffened, as if frozen. She still held the small dessert spoon in her hand, but her fingertips were cold and numb. The color drained from her face in an instant, leaving only an unbelievable paleness. Her eyes widened, her pupils constricting slightly in shock as she stared intently at Jiang Yu, who sat across from her, as if truly seeing him for the first time.
Her mind went blank. All her thinking abilities, all her language functions, completely shut down at that moment. Like a puppet without a soul, she could only stiffly maintain the posture of looking up, staring at his face, clearly defined under the warm light, at the swirling emotions in his deep eyes, emotions she could not comprehend at all, emotions so profound they were like a vortex.
The sense of absurdity was like an icy tide that instantly overwhelmed her.
Ten years… what did that even mean? It was the time she spent cautiously and humbly admiring him throughout high school! It was the long years when the name "Jiang Yu" was engraved into her bones, becoming the sole annotation of her youth! It was the time when she thought she could only hide in the corner forever, secretly tracing his back with the corner of her eyes, a silent crush on him!
How could he possibly know? And how could he possibly be...waiting?
This was ridiculous! This was stranger than science fiction! This was the cruelest and most ridiculous mockery of her ten years of worry!
After the shock, there was a surge of sharp pain and a sense of being fooled! Was he joking? A nasty, condescending joke? In this way, teasing her once humble love? Or... who did he take her for? Did he think this meal was a substitute to make up for a regret?
"You..." Xia Wan's voice was as dry as sandpaper, with uncontrollable trembling and anger, "What are you talking about?"
She couldn't even form a complete question. The huge shock made her mind confused, and she could only stare at him, trying to find the slightest trace of jokes or lies on his face.
Jiang Yu's face held no trace of joking. On the contrary, his expression was unprecedentedly solemn, even tinged with a sorrow that bordered on reverence. He watched the shock, pain, and anger swirling in Xia Wan's eyes, the color draining from her cheeks in an instant. He felt as if an invisible hand were gripping his heart, bringing with it a sharp, suffocating feeling.
He knew the impact of these words. He had anticipated her reaction, but when he saw the panic and anger in her eyes, like a wounded animal, the immense pain still overwhelmed him instantly.
"I'm not kidding, Xia Wan." His voice was low and hoarse, carrying a sense of suppressed pain and a desperate determination. His hands rested on the table, his knuckles slightly white from the force, as if he was trying hard to restrain something.
"I know this sounds ridiculous." He took a deep breath, his eyes locked on hers, trying to use the clearest language possible to dissect the truth that had been buried for ten years. "Ten years doesn't refer to this meal. After all, it hasn't been that long since we last had dinner together. It's about... being able to sit with you like this, calmly and seriously... getting to know you."
He paused, as if struggling to organize his words, each word grinding out from deep within his chest:
"In high school... I was so stupid." His voice was filled with self-mockery and deep regret. "My eyes were blinded by some... flashy things. I could only see those who were ostentatious, noisy, and in the spotlight." He avoided the name, but the pain was clearly discernible.
"And you..." His gaze fell on Xia Wan's pale face. The expression in his eyes was heartbreakingly complex, filled with regret, pity, and a belated, heavy tenderness. "You're too quiet. As quiet as the air, like the background. I even... rarely noticed your existence. The few times we met, like solving problems or borrowing things, were just... very ordinary exchanges between classmates. I've never... truly 'seen' you."
Xia Wan's heart felt like it was being repeatedly cut by a blunt knife. Each of his plain words cruelly confirmed the humbleness and hopelessness of her ten-year secret love. Yes, she wasn't pretty enough, not good enough, and was indeed the type of person who was "ignored." But when these words came out of his mouth, she was just air, a background. This realization was more heartbreaking than any deliberate humiliation. Tears welled up in her eyes without warning, but she forced them back. She bit her lower lip, tasting a hint of rusty sweetness.
"Later... a lot of things happened." Jiang Yu's voice lowered, carrying a weariness and pain that he didn't want to discuss in detail. "I left, experienced a lot, and also... lost a lot. I thought I had learned to protect myself with rules and distance, no longer looking at anyone, and I didn't deserve to be 'looked at' by anyone."
His gaze refocused on Xia Wan's face, which was filled with extremely complicated emotions: "Until the night of the class reunion."
Xia Wan's body trembled violently. That chaotic night, filled with alcohol and despair... was the beginning of all her embarrassment and confusion.
"You rushed over and hugged me..." Jiang Yu's voice was low and hoarse, with a trance of memories, "Your tears were burning, and your strength was astonishing. You said 'don't go'..." He closed his eyes, and when he opened them again, there was bottomless pain and a strange light in his eyes, "At that moment, for the first time... I really 'saw' you. Not a blurry background board, but a living, breathing Xia Wan, full of great pain and despair. I don't know why you are suffering, why you are despairing."
"After that night, I was confused." His tone was filled with a frank confusion. "Guilt, responsibility, and something... I can't explain it myself. I tried to 'deal with it' the way I was used to - compensation, arrangements, responsibility. I thought that was getting close. Until you pushed me away, told me that you couldn't feel 'Xia Wan''s presence, told me that what you needed was to be 'seen'."
"That time in Jincheng..." He recalled her resolute back at the alley and the word "goodbye." His Adam's apple rolled, and his voice became hoarse. "You pushed me into a corner. And you made me...see clearly for the first time the ruins of my own heart. I told you I wouldn't do it again, that I was scared, and that was true. But what I didn't tell you was that from the moment you pushed me away, I knew I could no longer treat you as a problem that needed to be 'dealt with.'"
"Get to know each other again, starting from scratch." He repeated what she had said at the alley entrance in Jincheng, his eyes blazing at her. "I promised. I tried to do it. To 'see' you—to see your work, your profession, and how you shine in your field."
His tone gradually became clear and firm:
"I saw your stubbornness in the factory and your vulnerability when you were hurt; I saw your focus when you discovered information in the bookstore; I saw your joy when you found a rare copy in the Special Collections Department; and I also saw how you, on stage, used your wisdom and conviction to let everyone see the 'light' in that proposal!"
His voice was filled with unquestionable certainty and appreciation:
"Xia Wan, I see you. Bit by bit, I see you again, truly... not that vague high school classmate, not that person I need to make amends with. But a tenacious, intelligent, one-of-a-kind woman who shines in her own world."
"And this process," he looked at her deeply, his eyes filled with unprecedented clarity and a frankness that was almost desperate, "made me realize something even more terrifying."
He paused, each word clear and heavy:
"I missed a decade. A decade in which I should have truly 'seen' you and gotten to know you ten years ago."
"So, when I said 'I've waited ten years,'" his voice deepened, carrying with it a deep regret and a heavy, belated realization. "It wasn't a joke. It wasn't a joke. It was... a belated, immense regret and a... an almost desperate desire to make up for the lost time."
"This meal," he finally said, his gaze fixed on her eyes, which were filled with tears but stubbornly refused to fall, his voice hoarse and solemn, "I owe it to that eighteen-year-old Xia Wan. It's a meal that's ten years late, and should have happened naturally on a sunny afternoon on a campus path... an ordinary invitation and conversation."
As soon as the words fell, the entire space fell into deathly silence.
Xia Wan was already in tears.
Tears silently fell, scalding onto the dark tablecloth, leaving dark stains. She bit her lower lip tightly, her body trembling slightly from the overwhelming emotion. It wasn't anger, not grievance, but a kind of... a near-collapse of bitterness and shock, struck by the enormous, belated truth.
Ten years of secret love, those humble thoughts that no one knew about, those silent gazes in the corners, those moments when her emotions fluctuated because of his look... those past events that she thought were forever buried deep in her heart and rotted into dust, were now laid out nakedly under the light by him in such a sad and frank way.
He said he missed ten years.
He said he regretted it.
He said he longed to get it back.
Every word was like an arrow shot from a bow, fiercely piercing the tightly locked door of her heart, completely piercing through the door that had already been shaky! Ten years of accumulated emotions, a mixture of bitterness, grievance, unwillingness, and overwhelming love, like a flood that broke through the dam, instantly destroying all her rationality and defenses.
She could no longer control herself, and a stifled sob, like the whine of a small animal, emanated from her throat. She suddenly lowered her head, covering her face with her hands, and her thin shoulders trembled violently. Hot tears flowed out from between her fingers.
ten years.
It turns out that her ten years were not a complete one-man show.
It turns out that the star she had been looking up to for ten years was not always out of reach.
It turns out that the missed "seeing" brings such great regret and such deep pain.
Jiang Yu watched her collapse and cry, and his heart felt like it was being gripped by an icy hand, the pain so severe that he could hardly breathe. A huge wave of guilt and heartache instantly overwhelmed him. He stood up abruptly, walked around the table, and walked over to her.
He didn't speak, nor did he try to hug her. He simply squatted down beside her, keeping a little distance, and gently and silently placed a stack of clean, soft tissues next to her trembling hands. Then, he just squatted there quietly, like a silent guardian, watching over her surging tears and the overwhelming emotions that had been delayed for ten years and had nowhere to go.
The night outside the window was as dark as ink. The guitar music playing in the restaurant had somehow switched to a more soothing melody. Warm yellow light gently enveloped the corner. On the table lay an exquisite, long-cold meal. The air was filled with the aroma of cooling food and the faint scent of cedar smoke.
Time seems to have lost its meaning.
Xia Wan cried for a long time, as if she wanted to let out all the grievances, sadness, and unseen loss that had accumulated over the past decade, as well as the shock brought by the huge truth at this moment and the hidden, unspeakable throbbing.
Only after her tears dried and her sobs subsided did she slowly and with great difficulty raise her head. Her eyes were as red and swollen as peaches, her face was covered in tear stains, and she looked at the man squatting beside her.
Jiang Yu remained in that position, his deep eyes filled with undisguised heartache, guilt, and a kind of humble waiting. He squatted there, his tall figure looking particularly humble at this moment, like a devout believer awaiting judgment.
Xia Wan looked into his eyes, which were filled with complex emotions, at his tightly pursed lips and the tense lines of his jaw. Her heart was still choking, her throat dry, and she couldn't utter a word.
Ten years of time, ten years of secret love, ten years of missed opportunities...a chasm stretched between them, like an insurmountable gap. In that gap lay her humble past, which she could not let go of, his huge regret, which he could not redeem, the shadow left by Shen Zhiyao, and the confusing beginning of their relationship.
Too many emotions, too much past, too much uncertainty.
She couldn't give him a clear answer here and now, whether it was forgiveness or acceptance.
She just stretched out her hand very slowly and with great difficulty, without touching him, but just gently, gently touched the stack of tissues he placed next to her with her trembling fingertips.
Then, very slightly, almost imperceptibly, she shook her head.
Not a rejection.
Not acceptance.
But... a huge, unspeakable confusion and a silent prayer that requires time.
Jiang Yu watched her fingertips touch the tissue, saw the confusion in her eyes and the fragility after the tears, and his heart ached so much that it was almost numb. He understood her shaking head.
He didn't press, didn't ask, but nodded very slowly, with a heavy understanding.
He stood up, his tall figure casting a long shadow under the light. He picked up his coat and gently draped it over her trembling shoulders, isolating her from the cool air in the restaurant.
"Let's go," his voice was hoarse, filled with extreme fatigue and cautious tenderness, "I'll take you back."
Xia Wan didn't refuse. She wrapped herself tightly in his warm coat, like a puppet without a soul. He gently supported her arm, and she mechanically stood up and followed him, step by step, out of this restaurant that had carried so much heavy past and so much shock.
The night wind was sharp, icy cold against my tear-stained face. The black sedan slid silently into the night. The cabin was completely silent, save for the muffled breathing of the two people.
Xia Wan leaned back in her chair, looking sideways out the window at the rapidly receding light and shadows, shattered by the streetlights. Her tears had long since dried, leaving only a vast, almost debilitating exhaustion and a vast, chaotic emptiness.
ten years.
Is the dust settling? Or is the storm just beginning?
She doesn't know.
She only knew that from this moment on, she and Jiang Yu could never go back to being just "classmates".
Behind the door of the heart that has been completely knocked open, are there ruins, starlight, or an unknown wasteland that needs to be traversed again?
The answer is blowing in the wind.
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