Chapter 26
The faint light of dawn shifted across the floorboards, dust motes dancing silently within the bands of light. Xia Wan sat on the floor, her back against the cold wall, her gaze unfocused as she stared at the dark gray coat resting quietly on the coat rack in the hallway. The black sedan downstairs had vanished, as if it had never been there. Only the brand-new, long-handled black umbrella remained, a silent, warm beacon, standing on the inside of the unit door.
Jiang Yu guessed it?
Did he guess what she had been thinking all those years? Was he sure? How much did he know?
This realization, like a faint but clear light, penetrated the fog in Xia Wan's heart that was shrouded in huge shock and chaotic emotions.
The earth-shattering words he'd spoken in the restaurant, "I've waited ten years," now took on a new meaning in her mind. It wasn't just a belated regret for "seeing" her in person, but perhaps also a heavy sense of guilt for a girl's affection he'd overlooked, perhaps even unintentionally betrayed. Perhaps what he was trying to make amends for wasn't just "Xia Wan" herself, but also the pure love from the past that he'd vaguely sensed but failed to reciprocate.
An indescribable bitterness welled up in my heart. For my own humble and hopeless ten years, and for Jiang Yu's equally heavy and regretful pursuit at this moment.
She slowly stood up and walked to the desk. The dark blue diary was still open, lingering on the last page, a blank space that symbolized the end. On the yellowed pages, the ink from tears had dried, like silent scars.
She reached out, her fingertips gently brushing over those tender yet sincere words. Eighteen-year-old Xia Wan, in the most clumsy way possible, sealed her burning heart within this small booklet. It was a secret garden belonging only to her, blooming with the unknown flower called "Jiangyu."
Now, the key to this garden seems to be vaguely glimpsed by the man outside the door. He lingers outside the door, with a belated awakening and heavy guilt, wanting to knock on the door and enter to make up for the lost time.
Tell him?
Tell him how she looked up at him silently in the corner during those years, how she poured all her thoughts into her diary, and how she posted a one-inch photo on the diary at graduation, hoping that the memory of her in him would be "clean and free from dust"?
A powerful urge surged within her. Tell him! Let him know what he'd missed! Let him know the humiliation and heartbreak his blindness had brought upon that young girl! Let his regret become even more profound! Let him know that her love for him, Xia Wan, didn't begin with the chaos of that class reunion night, but was rooted in a long and hopeless decade of waiting!
However, just when the impulse was about to burst out, Xia Wan suddenly clenched his fists, his nails digging deep into his palms, causing a sharp stinging sensation.
No.
Can't tell him.
At least, not now.
The reason wasn't out of anger or revenge, but rather a deeper clarity that even surprised herself.
So much lay between them: the shadow left by Shen Zhiyao, the chaotic beginning of the class reunion, the breakup at the Jincheng alley, and now, the turmoil of the momentous revelation. Telling him this even heavier secret now would be like dropping another bomb on the ruins, only making everything even more out of control and difficult to recover from. They needed to deal with the present before they could truly face the past.
She didn't want this pure, unrequited love of ten years to become another weight weighing on his current guilt and need for compensation. She didn't want him to feel even more pressure to "make it up" to her simply because he "knew" the weight of her affection. She wanted him to truly "see" and fall in love with the present Xia Wan, not be held hostage by the guilt of the past. This love should be based on genuine attraction and understanding in the present, not repayment for past debts.
This decade-long, secret crush was the most secret and precious part of her youth, her treasure. It shaped her and made her who she is today. It shouldn't be thrown out as a weapon or a bargaining chip in such a chaotic emotional landscape. It deserved a more solemn and pure moment, a moment when she was truly ready and he was truly worthy, to begin.
Xia Wan took a deep breath, her eyes gradually becoming firm and clear. She carefully closed the diary, as if closing a dusty treasure that belonged only to her. She put it back into the brown paper document bag, then walked to the wardrobe, opened the bottom drawer, and hid the diary deep and securely under her clothes.
What is hidden is not the secret itself, but the opportunity to open it.
After doing all this, she walked to the window and opened the curtains again. Under the gray sky, the black umbrella still leaned quietly against the door of the unit.
This silent protection and consideration, like a warm current, quietly flowed into her still bitter heart. He didn't press her too hard, nor did he try to drown her with guilt and confessions. He simply told her through his actions: he knew she needed space, he respected her boundaries, but he would use his own way to provide the most practical protection where she needed it.
This is more powerful than any words.
Xia Wan lowered the curtains and walked to the entrance, her eyes once again falling on the dark gray coat. She hesitated, but ultimately left it alone. She let it hang there, a silent reminder, a temporary landmark.
She turned and went into the kitchen, where she cooked herself a simple bowl of noodles. The warmth of the food brought a touch of comfort to her chilled body and turbulent mind. After finishing her noodles, she forced herself to turn on her computer and begin processing the backlog of work emails from yesterday's meeting. The intense work was the perfect anesthetic at the moment, allowing her to temporarily distract herself from the surging emotions.
However, her mind still couldn't fully concentrate. Jiang Yu's eyes, filled with complex emotions, the painful words "I've waited for ten years", and the silent umbrella downstairs always inadvertently broke into her thoughts.
In the evening, the sky really became gloomy, with lead-gray clouds hanging low, brewing a winter rain.
Xia Wan stood by the window, watching as large raindrops began to patter against the glass. The rain gradually intensified, soon forming a curtain of rain that blurred the world outside the window.
She remembered the umbrella downstairs.
Without hesitation, she grabbed her key and hurried downstairs. Pushing open the door, she was greeted by the cool, damp air of rain. The brand-new, long-handled black umbrella still sat securely against the doorframe, like a loyal guard.
Xia Wan picked up her umbrella and opened it. The wide canopy instantly blocked out the icy rain. Holding this umbrella, which carried his silent care, she stepped into the rain. Raindrops hit the umbrella with a dull, rhythmic sound. The rain gathered into small streams on the ground, reflecting the dim streetlights and the blurred lights of the city.
She wasn't going anywhere, just walking slowly along the path in front of the apartment building. The cold air, tinged with the scent of moist earth, helped her chaotic thoughts become a little clearer. The space under the umbrella was warm and dry, like a small, mobile haven.
The rain washed over the streets, seemingly also washing away the accumulated dust and confusion within her heart. The immense shock and sadness seemed to settle with the passage of time and the cold winter rain, transforming into a deeper, more complex emotion—one mingled with bitterness, regret, and confusion, yet also quietly nurturing a faint glimmer of hope.
Jiang Yu's regret is real.
He was serious about his “seeing”.
His protection is silent but powerful.
She hid the diary, and also hid the secret of her ten-year crush, not as a punishment, but to protect that purity, and to give them both a chance to rebuild their future from the ruins.
The rain continued to fall. Xia Wan stood in the rain, umbrella in hand, gazing at the gray sky. Her emotions remained swirling, the road ahead still shrouded in fog. But at least, the small space beneath her umbrella was warm and dry.
She didn't know what the future would be like, didn't know whether the diary would eventually be opened, and didn't know whether Jiang Yu's belated pursuit could truly reach her heart.
But she knew that from the moment she picked up the umbrella and walked into the rain, she had chosen to move forward, carrying with her the scars of the past and a faint but real hope for the future.
Back downstairs, she folded her umbrella, gently shook off the rain, and carefully placed it back in its original position against the inside of the apartment door. Then, she turned and went upstairs.
At the corner of the stairs, she subconsciously turned her head to look at the black umbrella standing quietly. In the cold rainy night and the dim light, it was like a silent beacon.
The corners of Xia Wan's mouth curved upwards, almost imperceptibly, ever so slightly. It was a brief, almost invisible arc, carrying a hint of relief and a gentleness that even she herself hadn't noticed.
She turned around, her steps lighter, and disappeared at the end of the stairs.
The rain continues to fall. The umbrella sits quietly at the door, waiting for the next person who needs it. It's as if it's watching over a long, unknown story about seeing and starting over.
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