Chapter 45
The high fever crisis finally passed thanks to the doctors' dedicated treatment. Jiang Yu's temperature gradually returned to normal, his infection indicators decreased, and his consciousness regained clarity. However, the atmosphere in the ward did not relax.
Xia Wan still showed up every day, bringing warm soup, gently asking about his condition, helping him adjust his backrest, and handling some necessary daily matters. Her movements were still delicate and gentle, and her expression was as calm as ever. But Jiang Yu was keenly aware of the difference.
Her eyes no longer fixed on him with the same complete focus and warmth they once had. More often, she would droop her eyelashes, absorbed in peeling an apple or gazing out the window, as if deliberately avoiding his gaze. Her smiles became polite and fleeting, as if veiled by a thin veil. The unspoken intimacy and dependence between them, nurtured through pain, was replaced by an invisible sense of distance.
What made Jiang Yu even more uneasy was that he occasionally caught a glimpse of fatigue and...a hint of hurt flashing across her eyes, which she hadn't been able to conceal. Especially when his parents were present.
Jiang's father and mother also returned to Jinzhou and visited the hospital every day. Jiang's father's attitude was relatively reserved, mostly asking the doctor about the condition or chatting with Jiang Yu about the company's recent situation. His eyes occasionally fell on the busy Xia Wan, with scrutiny, but also a subtle hint of inquiry.
Jiang's mother, on the other hand, was different. She barely concealed her detachment from Xia Wan. She'd complain about the soup Xia Wan brought, calling it "too bland" and "not to Xiaoyu's taste." She'd casually mention how meticulously Jiang Yu had been cared for since childhood, implying that Xia Wan wasn't paying enough attention. When Xia Wan was fielding work calls in the ward, she'd frown slightly, betraying her dissatisfaction with her "lack of patient care." What made Xia Wan most uneasy was the look Jiang's mother would give her, filled with defensiveness and worry, as if she were a hidden danger poised to lure Jiang Yu back into danger.
Jiang Yu saw it all. He tried to soften the blow. When his mother complained about the soup, he'd immediately say, "Mom, I like it light. Xia Wan spent a long time preparing it, and it was very thoughtful." When Xia Wan received a work call, he'd proactively explain, "It's a critical time to close the project, and I'm responsible. We can't delay." He'd even go out of his way to shake Xia Wan's hand with his uninjured hand in front of his parents, conveying his support and comfort.
Xia Wan would return his handshake and offer him a reassuring smile, but Jiang Yu could sense the coolness of her fingertips and the reluctance beneath her smile. The estrangement they'd felt from her feverish mumblings hadn't dissipated with his awakening and explanations. Instead, it had grown heavier under Jiang's mother's continued pressure.
One afternoon, Jiang's father left for something, and Jiang's mother sat by the bed, peeling fruit for Jiang Yu. Xia Wan had just finished a conference call and rubbed her brows tiredly.
Jiang's mother spoke seemingly unintentionally, but her tone was sharp and tentative: "Ms. Xia is so busy at work, but she still has to take time out to take care of Xiaoyu. It's really hard. But girls are too career-oriented, and sometimes they can't help but neglect one thing while focusing on another. Look, this time, if it weren't for..." She didn't finish her words, but the unfinished meaning was obvious.
Xia Wan's body stiffened imperceptibly, and the fingers holding the phone tightened slightly.
"Mom!" Jiang Yu's voice was rare with severity and irritability, interrupting his mother's words, "I said, this matter was my own choice! It has nothing to do with Xia Wan's work! She works excellently and is independently responsible for major projects. I am very proud of her!" His excitement pulled the wound, and he gasped in pain, and his face turned pale in an instant.
Xia Wan immediately stepped forward and nervously supported him: "Don't get excited! The wound will hurt!"
Jiang's mother was shocked by her son's sudden harshness. Looking at his pale face and painful expression, she felt distressed and wronged. Her eyes instantly turned red: "Xiaoyu, I'm doing this for your own good! You almost lost your life for that... for Shen Zhiyao! I'm afraid that you will..."
"Mom!" Jiang Yu suddenly raised his voice, his chest heaving violently, and looked at his mother sharply, "Don't mention her! Don't compare Xia Wan with her! They are completely different people! Xia Wan is not her!" He almost shouted, his voice hoarse, with a kind of pain and anger as if his reverse scale had been touched.
The ward suddenly became silent.
Jiang's mother was frightened by her son's reaction and realized that her words had touched upon his deepest wounds. She looked at Jiang Yu's pained and angry expression, then at Xia Wan, who stood beside him, pale, lips tightly pursed, and silent. A mixture of emotions washed over her. In the end, she just put down the fruit silently, her eyes reddened.
"I...I'll go ask the doctor about your medicine." Jiang's mother choked up and stood up and hurriedly left the ward.
The door was closed. The only sounds in the ward were Jiang Yu's heavy breathing and the suffocating silence.
Xia Wan held Jiang Yu's arm and could feel the tension and slight tremors in his body. His intense reaction, the words "Don't mention her!", the pain mingled with anger, all pierced Xia Wan's heart like needles. She clearly saw the devastating effect the words "Shen Zhiyao" had on Jiang Yu, the unhealed, sensitive zone deep within him.
"I'm sorry..." Jiang Yu's voice was hoarse, filled with deep fatigue and regret. He held Xia Wan's hand tightly with his backhand, as if grabbing the only driftwood, "My mom...she didn't mean it. She was just...scared by the past."
Xia Wan lowered his eyes and looked at their clasped hands. His palms were burning hot, carrying the fragility and uneasiness of someone who had survived a catastrophe.
"I know," she said softly, her voice calm and composed. "Auntie is worried about you." She didn't say, "I understand," nor did she say, "It's okay." Some wounds can't be healed with just a simple "It's okay."
"Xia Wan," Jiang Yu looked at her eagerly, his eyes filled with struggle and the pain of wanting to be understood. "What did I say when I had a high fever... Li Mo told me. That wasn't what I meant! I..." He struggled to organize his words, trying to explain the subconscious mumbling. "That's all in the past! Shen Zhiyao... She was just a mistake, a mistake that I paid a huge price to understand! She represents my worst state in the past, the most unhealthy emotional pattern! That's not love, it's a kind of... devastating consumption!"
He took a breath, staring at Xia Wan with scorching eyes, as if he wanted to carve his feelings into the depths of her soul: "Xia Wan, you are different! Completely different! Only with you did I begin to understand what equality is, what respect is, what it means to truly want to protect rather than morbidly possess! You make me feel calm, real, and... I feel that I am getting better. You are the only person I want now and in the future! That mumbling... it's just a sad echo left from the past, it doesn't represent any present!"
His confession was urgent and sincere, tinged with the pain of self-analysis and the clarity of love. Xia Wan listened quietly, her heart churning with emotion. She believed his sincerity at the moment, and understood the unconscious nature of his mumbling. She felt a sense of relief that he had finally seen the true nature of their past relationship so clearly.
but.
"Jiang Yu," Xia Wan raised her head and met his nervous and expectant gaze. Her eyes were clear and calm, with a kind of all-seeing tenderness and a hint of imperceptible fatigue. "I believe what you are saying now is true. I also believe that your feelings for me are genuine."
She paused, her voice soft but full of force: "But, the 'past' will not really disappear just because of the word 'past'. It's in your heart, in your aunt's worries, and even... maybe in some corner that I don't know about, it still exists. It's like a scar, usually invisible, but it hurts when touched." She looked at Jiang Yu's eyes that dimmed in an instant, and she felt sorry for him, but she continued speaking.
"I don't need you to forget Shen Zhiyao immediately, or erase that experience. That's unrealistic, and unnecessary. It's a part of you." Her words were gentle but firm. "What I need is time, Jiang Yu. Time for the scars in your heart to truly heal, so they won't bleed so easily. Time will also allow your aunt, me, and all of us to see clearly that the relationship we are building is a completely different and healthy one from the past."
She gently held his hand back, conveying strength and drawing a line: "Before that, we both need some space to think carefully. You rest and recuperate and make your body fully recovered. I also need to... sort out my mood and work." She avoided the name "Shen Zhiyao", but they both understood that the call in the high fever was the core of what she needed to sort out.
Jiang Yu looked into her calm yet distant eyes, listening to her rational and clear plans. His heart felt like it was blocked by something, a dull pain. He knew everything she said was right, irrefutable. She offered him the utmost understanding and tolerance, yet also maintained a reasonable distance. This sense of distance made him feel more powerless than any argument.
He didn't try to hold her back or explain, but simply held her hand tighter, as if trying to grasp this only remaining connection. His voice was low and hoarse, with complete compromise and a hint of imperceptible pleading: "Okay... I'll listen to you. I'll recover. You... don't stay too far away from me, okay?"
Xia Wan looked at the almost humble pleading in his eyes, her heart softening and her nose slightly sore. She nodded and softly promised, "I won't go far. Just... let's go slow."
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