On the table sat the magnolia wood box that had never been given away. The lid was open, and the magnolia carving inside was covered with a thin layer of dust.
The delicately carved petals seemed to be weeping, and even the downy hairs on the calyx looked aggrieved, as if they were mocking my uselessness, my timidity, and my slowness.
I was the one who met her first, and I was the one who understood her thoughts on the battlefield first, yet I didn't even dare to say "I like you".
He was so drunk that he was slumped on the table, mumbling incoherently, "Su Jinyun, you old fox, you stole my man while I was away, you just wait."
The smell of alcohol filled the table, even wrinkling the pages of the books. Suddenly, light footsteps came from outside the courtyard, the sound of armor plates clattering without any guards, only the rustling of fabric.
I looked up and rubbed my blurry eyes. I saw the Emperor Emeritus dressed in casual clothes and the Empress Dowager carrying a food box, standing at the door. The lamplight cast long shadows of them.
The food box in the Empress Dowager's hand was painted green and decorated with gold. When I opened the lid, I found my favorite braised beef.
It was a cow that the retired emperor had slaughtered under countless pretexts. Judging from the appearance, it was made by Chef Zhang from the imperial kitchen; it was so tender that even the tendons had melted away.
There was also a dish of steamed sweet cheese that I loved to eat when I was a child, still steaming, with some osmanthus flowers sprinkled on top.
They know everything. Almost all the officials in the court have seen it. Even the guards at the gate know that I slow down my horse every time I pass by the Left Prime Minister's residence.
Staring blankly at the vermilion gate, he didn't even notice the horse snorting.
Even Prime Minister Qin came to me, patted me on the shoulder and said, "Yunxi, I'm sorry you had to go through all this."
Only Qin Qianluo, who was oblivious, tilted her head, clutching a piece of osmanthus cake in her hand, and asked me, "General Mu, do you think Prime Minister Su is a good person?"
She always brought me pear wood from Jiangnan and even helped me sharpen my carving tools; she was more attentive than I was to myself.”
Her eyes sparkled, as if they held stars, and she thought I was just "General Mu, who was loyal and always protected her," completely unaware of the truth from beginning to end.
She never noticed anything amiss when I brought her a heater or military newspapers under the pretense of "just passing by."
"That old hag Su Jinyun is so wicked! She's like an old cow eating young grass, shameless!" I grabbed the Empress Dowager's arm, my drunken words mixed with the smell of alcohol spilling out, cursing incoherently.
Tears welled up from the smell of alcohol, streaming down her cheeks and dripping onto the Empress Dowager's pale white sleeves, spreading out in small, damp circles like plum blossoms falling on snow.
"I haven't... I haven't given her the wooden box yet... I haven't even had a chance to tell her I like her... and she's already taken her away... She didn't even give me a chance... Your Majesty, you're so unfair!"
The Empress Dowager patted my back, sighed, and didn't say anything.
The retired emperor didn't get angry; he simply reached out and took the wine pot from my hand, the bottom of which was warm from my grip.
He gently placed it on the corner of the table, then patted my back with his palm, the force neither too light nor too heavy, with the comforting touch of an elder.
Like when I was a child and I scraped my knee, my dad would squat down and blow on my wound.
It was those few pats that prevented me from rushing back to Prince Zhao's mansion in my drunken state, grabbing Su Jinyun by the collar and questioning her.
"Why should you figure out her thoughts before I do? Why can you take the blame for her, but I can't?"
I was afraid that if I opened my mouth, tears would fall before I could speak, and I was even more afraid of disturbing the red silk covering the courtyard and ruining the smile in Qianluo's eyes.
After all, that was the peace she had longed for for two lifetimes. How could I, because of my own resentment, add even a little more trouble to her life?
The next day, when I woke up, my head was throbbing as if I had been hit by a blunt object. My mouth was filled with the pungent smell of alcohol. I rinsed my mouth three times, but it still tasted bitter, like I had swallowed the snow from Yanmen Pass last winter.
I recall his madness at night, when he hugged the Empress Dowager and cried, and pointed at the Emperor Emeritus, cursing him for being "biased."
Thinking about how she had mistakenly counted "Su Jinyun is six years older than me" as "nine years older" to vent her anger, she wished she could find a crack in the ground to crawl into.
Bury yourself in the snow at Yanmen Pass and freeze for three days and three nights to clear your mind.
Why am I so unable to hide my feelings? My joy, anger, sorrow, and happiness are all written on my face. Even when my personal guards serve me tea, they dare to secretly look at my expression.
Seeing me frown, they quickly retreated; seeing me staring blankly in the direction of the Left Prime Minister's residence, they silently warmed the tea.
Anyone can see that he has no guile whatsoever; he's nothing like a general leading troops into battle.
The moonlight outside the window slanted across the empty wine jug through the window frame, casting a cold, desolate glow, like a thin layer of ice, even the shadow seemed chilly.
I reached out and touched my burning cheeks; my fingertips still bore the marks of last night's crying, and my skin was taut.
The magnolia wood box on the table was still open. I reached out and brushed the dust off the carving, my fingertips touching the petals as thin as cicada wings.
Suddenly, I remembered last spring when Qianluo squatted by the wall of the Prime Minister's residence, pointing at the magnolia petals and saying, "General Mu, do these petals look like butterfly wings?"
At that moment, her fingertips were only an inch away from mine, but I didn't dare to touch them.
The resentment and bitterness in my heart felt like swallowing a piece of unmelted snow, chilling me from my throat to my heart, causing a tight, painful pain that made my breath tremble, as if I were choked by the cold wind of Yanmen Pass.
But as her fingertips slid down, she touched the jade pendant at her waist, a piece of bluish-white jade left by her parents.
I touched the four characters "Mu Family Guards the Border" until they shone, the edges were smoothed, and even the engravings softened.
Suddenly I remembered what my father once said: "Protecting the land and securing the country is not about guarding a piece of land, but about ensuring that the people in the land can live a peaceful life."
Qianluo wants stability, and Su Jinyun can provide that; Tianxuan wants peace, and Su Jinyun can uphold that. What do my personal feelings matter in the face of the stability of this land?
That's all.
She was able to get what she wanted and no longer had to remember the cold days spent in the dark prison with her ankles chained when her undercover work was exposed in her previous life.
Imagine being able to plant magnolias with Su Jinyun in a courtyard in Jiangnan, where in spring the petals would pile up like snow, and when the wind blew, they would fill the entire courtyard and land on her carved wooden table.
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