I always remember that when she wrote those words, she smiled and said, “Your Majesty must remember that benevolence and authority are both indispensable, just like holding a gun, you must be steady and ruthless.”
As the future ruler, you must understand better than anyone how to protect the country and its people.
I gently stroked the words, my fingertips brushing against the texture of the paper, as if touching the warmth she left on the paper back then, and whispered to the bright moon.
"Look, I'm learning."
Learn to be like her, to hold firm to both softness and hardness, impartial and unbiased, neither too kind nor too harsh. As she taught me, benevolence is not foolish kindness, and severity is not cruelty. Protect Zhaoning well.
But as I was studying, my eyes welled up with tears again.
The most difficult part was never weighing the pros and cons between supplies and aiding neighboring countries, nor was it dealing with the envoys in heated debates.
It was not about insisting on one's own opinion in the face of the opposition from the court that "His Majesty is benevolent and should not be too harsh."
Before I put pen to paper, no one smiled and came over, leaning slightly forward, the scent of ink from their hair mingling with the aroma of atractylodes, wafting to my nose as they pointed at the words on the memorial.
With a sly smile, he said, "Your Highness, please wait a moment. Allow me to consider this further—this move can be made even more secure."
We can get the iron ore mining rights for another two years, and we can exchange the mulberry seedlings for their cotton seeds, so we won't lose out.
Besides, we haven't settled the accounts they withheld from my Zhaoning caravan back then.”
The candlelight flickered, stretching my shadow long, casting it on the wall like a lonely silhouette, without any accompaniment.
The apricot branch on the table still exuded a faint fragrance, though a few petals had fallen and clung to the pages of "Strategies for Diplomatic Relations".
The pinkish-white petals brushed against the four characters "仁威并济" (benevolence and severity combined), as gently as she used to brush the snow off my shoulders.
Haoyue suddenly stood up and rubbed her little head against my wrist. It was fluffy and warm, like she was hugging me and patting my back, saying, "Your Highness, don't be afraid, I'm here."
I looked down at it, and tears finally rolled down my cheeks, landing on its snow-white down, leaving a small wet patch, and also landing on that line of annotations.
The four characters "仁威并济" (benevolence and severity combined) were soaked until they were damp, like the damp stains on the handkerchief she left on me when she wiped my sweat years ago, still warm.
"Regent," I said, my voice trembling, like a child who hadn't done his homework, as I carefully picked up the tear-stained apricot petal with my fingertips, afraid of crushing it.
“I learn very slowly, and sometimes I hesitate, and I still miss the malt candy you gave me, but I don’t slack off.”
"Did you see that? I remember everything you taught me, not a single thing—your benevolence, your authority, your protection of the people, I've learned it all."
The wind slipped in through the cracks in the window, making the candlelight flicker again, and finally, the last apricot petal, stained with tears, slid off the page of "Strategies for Diplomatic Relations".
It floated onto the soft downy surface of the bright moon, like a pink butterfly alighting there.
I reached out to catch it, but my fingertips knocked over the copper paperweight on the table—a gift from the Regent, with the words "Steady Heart" engraved on the bottom, which she had carved herself.
The copper paperweight rolled over the memorial, pressing the five characters "iron mine mining rights" deep into the paper, just like when she taught me how to hold a gun, saying, "You have to put all your strength into it."
"Your Majesty?" A timid voice came from outside the hall, "The lotus seed soup in the imperial kitchen is still warm."
I sniffed, pulled Haoyue into my arms, and said in a hoarse voice, "Bring it in."
The lotus seed soup was made according to the Regent's recipe, with some chopped dried apricots added, making it sweet and sticky.
I scooped up a spoonful and held it to Haoyue's lips. The little guy licked it, and his snoring became even louder.
While I was still in a daze, Prime Minister Pei rushed in, carrying a memorial to the throne, his steps hurried.
"Your Majesty, the envoy from the neighboring country, after reviewing the old trade treaty, dared not press the matter further and has already agreed to the conditions for iron ore and cotton seeds!"
He smiled slightly, "The Regent was farsighted back then, having already seized their weaknesses."
I stroked the two characters "稳心" (meaning "steady mind") on the bottom of the paperweight, my fingertips brushing against the engraving: "Just do it the way the Regent suggested."
Prime Minister Pei nodded, his gaze falling on the apricot branch on the table, and paused.
"Today, I passed by the Imperial Garden and saw that the old apricot tree was in full bloom, which reminded me of... the Regent used to love picking the flowers there."
I didn't say anything, I just hugged Haoyue even tighter.
The days that followed were relatively peaceful.
The neighboring country delivered cotton seeds as agreed, and the farmers tried planting them along the edges of the fields. In the autumn, they harvested a full granary of cotton bolls.
Only Haoyue knows that every night, I would ramble on to that book, "Strategies for Diplomatic Relations."
The Grand Tutor praised my review of the memorial today, saying it was "both benevolent and authoritative."
She said that Prime Minister Pei said this year's cotton could be woven into the warmest cloth, and that the apricot trees in the Imperial Garden were laden with fruit, as sweet as the dried apricots she handed over.
In the autumn, I took Haoyue to the northern frontier.
Standing on the city tower of Yanmen Pass, the wind was still so strong, but it carried a warm, cottony scent.
On the distant grassland, herders drive their flocks of sheep, their songs carrying far and wide.
I touched the spot on the city wall where the Regent had drawn a red circle back then, and my fingertips were covered in dust.
“Regent,” I said softly, “look, I have protected this barrier. The people are all well, with food to eat and clothes to wear.”
Haoyue suddenly jumped down from her arms, her little paws gripping the city wall, and she cried out "woof woof" towards the direction of the grassland, as if responding on her behalf.
The wind rustled my clothes, carrying the fragrance of Atractylodes lancea—it was I who planted the Atractylodes lancea seeds from her brocade pouch at the foot of Yanmen Pass, and now they have grown into a clump of Atractylodes lancea seedlings.
I squatted down and touched the leaves of the Atractylodes lancea seedling, and suddenly felt my eyes welling up with tears again.
It turns out she never went far; she was in the apricot tree in the Imperial Garden, in the annotations of "Strategies for Diplomatic Relations," and in the fragrance of Atractylodes macrocephala in the northern frontier.
In every inch of the land I guarded for her, and in the smiles of every citizen.
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