Chapter 20 Mermaid 20
Cheng Shuinan's heart was in his throat. Although his eyes were looking elsewhere, his peripheral vision fell uncontrollably on Zhang Jingshu.
The heart-wrenching pain his legs felt when his tail transformed into his own seemed less unbearable at that moment. He pursed his lips, his hands clenching the hem of his pants until his fingers turned white.
Zhang Jingshu raised her hand.
Cheng Shuinan suddenly turned around and stared at her, his eyes filled with pleading, and called out in a low voice: "Zhang Jingshu, don't..."
——The mermaid’s eyes were broken and tears welled up in her eyes.
Zhang Jingshu, you have to be cruel and throw the pearl away. Stomp on the sincerity he offers you and make him understand that there is no good result from falling in love with a human being.
Zhang Jingshu thought viciously in her heart.
But at the same time, deep down, I felt a pang of reluctance. What had he done wrong? Why did you have to treat him like this?
Zhang Jingshu retracted her raised hands and placed the pearls on the table in the living room under Cheng Shuinan's gaze which gradually became filled with expectation.
"This is yours. You should keep it yourself. It's up to you whether to keep it or throw it away. I won't take it."
Zhang Jingshu returned to the house and changed her clothes.
Cheng Shuinan stood clinging to the wall, his pupils suddenly shrinking. "Where are you going?" He forced a sad smile. "It's just... a few pearls. If you don't want them, then don't. Dinner is ready. Don't leave. Stay for dinner, okay?"
Zhang Jingshu walked to the entrance and put on her bag.
Cheng Shuinan trotted over and, for the first time, boldly grabbed her bag strap and pleaded again: "It's snowing outside and it's already dark. If you...if you don't want to see me, I'll leave now...I'm sorry, I've made things difficult for you."
As he spoke, he was about to open the door.
Zhang Jingshu stopped him: "Where can you go if you leave here?"
Cheng Shuinan pursed his lips for a long moment before saying, "I don't have a fish tail now, and my appearance is no different from that of a human. I can go anywhere."
Zhang Jingshu pushed him into the house: "Cheng Shuinan, I think you need to calm down and think carefully about what your feelings are. I just happened to meet you and rescued you. You are just grateful to me, not any other feelings. If someone else rescued you, you would do the same."
"No..." Cheng Shuinan retorted.
"Don't talk first, just listen to me."
Zhang Jingshu leaned against the door frame, her legs stretched out against the other side. She was really afraid that Cheng Shuinan would leave without a care in the world. He was completely unfamiliar with the place, and he was so stupid. Where could he go if he left?
She didn't want to see the mermaid she had worked so hard to raise healthy fall into the hands of someone with ulterior motives again.
"Think carefully about what I said. Wasn't our previous relationship good? Why do you have to..." Zhang Jingshu lowered her eyes. "You're a mermaid, and your personality is relatively simple. You think that meeting someone who treats you well means you like them, but that's not the case. There are many kinds of emotions. What you feel towards me can only be described as gratitude, trust, and dependence. No matter how much more, it's just the intimacy between friends..."
Cheng Shuinan listened to her quietly.
"I have a house nearby. I'll be staying there for the next few days. Think about it carefully at home. I'll come back when you've figured it out..."
Zhang Jingshu didn't give Cheng Shuinan time to react. She stepped back, closed the door, trotted into the elevator, and pressed the button quickly.
Now she only hopes that Cheng Shuinan can give up those empty and fleeting loves and let their lives return to before as soon as possible.
…
Cheng Shuinan had no idea what was going on in Zhang Jingshu's mind. Her words, "I'll come back when you think it through," sounded more like a threat, as if he would never see her again if he couldn't get what she wanted.
The door closed almost against his face.
A strong shock reached his brain and his whole body trembled.
Zhang Jingshu said a lot of things, each of which denied his feelings, but he didn't have time to tell Zhang Jingshu——
He likes her.
She rejected it.
Cheng Shuinan thought he had concealed his shyness and love in the pearls he gave her, but not only did she not accept them, she even guessed his thoughts and rejected them without hesitation.
He should have been sad, but his heart had long since disobeyed his orders, and he actually felt a faint expectation in the face of Zhang Jingshu's resolute rejection.
No matter how angry she was, she did not throw away the pearls, but put them down carefully, as if they were fragile treasures.
Even though she didn't want to see him anymore, she didn't drive him out, but left here by herself in the heavy snow.
Cheng Shuinan quietly lay in front of the floor-to-ceiling window, watching Zhang Jingshu drive out of sight.
His lips slowly pursed, not knowing what to do to win Zhang Jingshu's love.
Suddenly, he remembered the story of the mermaid that Zhang Jingshu had mentioned -
Can the mermaid in the story get the love of the person she likes?
Cheng Shuinan turned on his phone and started searching.
The name of the story is, The Little Mermaid.
…
Zhang Jingshu did have a few houses in the city center, but they were not very close to here. There was snow on the road, so she didn't dare drive too far and just found a hotel nearby to stay in.
Paid for three days.
She made up her mind not to contact Cheng Shuinan during these three days.
He must be able to weigh the pros and cons.
She didn't sleep well at night, so she stayed in bed for a while at dawn. The hotel was near her company, so she would still have time to get up when it was time to go to work.
Arrived at the office.
There was a girl in the same office who was related to Zhang Jingshu. She had bought a large bag of snacks and placed them on her desk while watching a movie with headphones on. When she heard the door open, she quickly called out to Zhang Jingshu, "Jingshu, I bought a lot of snacks. Would you like some?"
Zhang Jingshu rubbed her eyes and said, "No need."
"You stayed up late to watch the drama too?"
Zhang Jingshu hummed vaguely.
Female colleague: "What drama did you watch last night? Share it with me! I couldn't sleep all night. I was almost killed by the sweetness of the male and female leads. Have you seen this movie? It's so, so, so good!"
The picture on the screen is beautiful, a man hugs a woman and kisses her on the beach.
Zhang Jingshu was not interested.
"I forgot the name."
"Okay."
Zhang Jingshu wasn't sick, and she ate a large breakfast, but she just felt unwell, a kind of fatigue brought on by mental exhaustion. People in the office noticed her low mood, and some of her close colleagues expressed concern, but she always gave the same response:
"I'm fine! I ate a lot this morning. Maybe I'm too full?"
The hotel's breakfast was beautifully presented and looked appetizing, but Zhang Jingshu found it bland. She swallowed the breakfast, which she should have savored slowly. Still unsatisfied, she bought some more at the nearby breakfast shop.
It always feels like something is missing when I eat it.
Cheng Shuinan's most common morning dish was noodles. Initially, he simply made clear broth with a few vegetable leaves and a poached egg. Later, he added more and more variations, so that no matter what time Zhang Jingshu woke up, she could always enjoy piping hot noodles.
Moreover, as Cheng Shuinan's knowledge of human beings increased, he went from letting Zhang Jingshu order everything at the beginning to being able to weakly refuse her requests and patiently ask Zhang Jingshu what dishes she wanted to eat.
Sometimes Zhang Jingshu would deliberately make things difficult for him by telling him about some big dishes that would take a lot of time, energy and ingredients. He would then look at the videos on his phone. If he really couldn't make them, he would apologize to Zhang Jingshu in frustration.
Cheng Shuinan will also...
——Stop, don’t think about it anymore.
Zhang Jingshu held her head in her hands and did not move for a long time.
Zhang Ning: "Jingshu, are you feeling unwell again?"
Zhang Jingshu shook her head.
Zhang Ning sat next to her with a cup of coffee, looking skeptical.
Zhang Jingshu's complexion was clearly not looking good. Her skin was naturally very fair, and her usually clean face had a red pimple on her chin, not to mention the dark circles under her eyes.
He looked listless and his eyes were dull.
Zhang Ning: "Jingshu, you're not in a good mood right now. A few days ago, I saw you beaming with joy. I even wondered if you were secretly in love. You couldn't even hide your smile. But it's only been a few days. Could it be that you're really in love? Are you having a conflict with him today... or did you break up?"
Zhang Jingshu waved her hands: "It's not love at all, it's just that I didn't sleep well last night."
Zhang Ning: "If you're really not in a relationship, don't think I'm nosy. I have a very good guy here. Would you like to meet him?"
After graduating from university, Zhang Jingshu was introduced to many men by her family elders, most of whom had business dealings with her family. Seeing those introductions, which looked like job resumes, and the family backgrounds behind them, made her envious, reminded her of her own parents.
A life as dull as water.
There is no love or passion at all.
Zhang Jingshu rejected them.
Later, Zhao Jing also joined the army of men who provided blind dates. Knowing that her daughter did not like men with a business background, she deliberately chose a man from a scholarly family. The man is currently teaching at a 985 university in China and is already a professor in his twenties.
Zhang Jingshu also felt that this man's family background and career were perfect, but she was worried that the difference in their educational backgrounds was too great.
Zhang Jingshu only graduated with a bachelor's degree, but the man has a doctorate degree.
In the end, it was left unresolved.
"This guy is the same age as you. He's the younger brother of my husband's friend. You don't have to worry about his family background. His parents are both retired teachers. He's currently studying for a master's degree in Chinese painting. He's very tall, about 1.9 meters tall, and very handsome. Let me show you his photo..."
Zhang Jingshu leaned over to look at the photo. The boy was indeed very handsome, with a confident and flamboyant smile in the photo. Her anxious nerves began to stir, and she whispered, "He's so handsome. He must have a lot of people chasing after him, right?"
"That's for sure."
"Too handsome, insecure."
Zhang Ning clicked his tongue. "Zhang Jingshu, don't you usually look in the mirror? Don't you know how beautiful you are? How can someone who's not good-looking be worthy of you?"
Zhang Jingshu: "Then...then he is the same age as me..."
Zhang Ning crossed his arms and said, "Yeah, what's the problem?"
"It's easy to get into conflicts when you're dating someone your own age... And boys generally mature much later than girls. If you date someone your own age, it's like raising a child..."
Zhang Ning was persuaded by Zhang Jingshu's reasoning: "It's okay. I have many other boys here. Just look at this one... I have selfish motives. I won't introduce anyone else to him. This is my cousin, five years older than you. Is this age difference acceptable to you? He works at the research institute and is so busy with his career that he doesn't have time..."
After being rejected again by Zhang Jingshu with all kinds of strange reasons, Zhang Ning turned off his phone, stood up straight, and stared at her condescendingly.
Zhang Jingshu: "...or maybe just forget it."
Zhang Ning: "Zhang Jingshu, I suddenly have a question. You haven't even been in love before, have you?"
Zhang Jingshu: "Yes."
Zhang Ning smiled. "That's why you're so hesitant and worried about this and that. Before you've even met someone or started dating, you're already imagining all sorts of breakup scenarios. You're really pessimistic about love."
Zhang Jingshu blinked and nodded: "I'm not pessimistic, I just think we should be more cautious. After all, marriage is a big deal..."
Zhang Ning interrupted her: "Marriage?"
Zhang Jingshu looked puzzled. She didn't understand what she said was wrong.
Zhang Ning: "Jingshu, you are still young and there are many possibilities in the future. I introduced you to some boys because I thought they were good enough for you. If you two feel it's a good match, you can date and live happily together... It's not like I introduced them to you and you have to get married the next day! Marriage is indeed a serious matter, but dating is different. If you don't like someone, you can move on to someone else. Even if you get married, you can still divorce if you're not satisfied... How could you go straight to the final step without even starting..."
Zhang Jingshu clenched her hands in confusion: "But, if we're not suitable for each other in the end, and we can't even be friends after we break up, it's better not to even start..."
Zhang Ning shrugged. "I think we should enjoy the present. Can friends stay together forever? Besides, the future is so far away, and no one can predict what will happen. Yet you've already determined a failed ending before it even begins."
Zhang Jingshu nodded thoughtfully.
Zhang Ning: "So... who do you want to meet? I'll send you my WeChat, you two can get to know each other and chat as friends..."
Zhang Jingshu refused bluntly: "No thanks, Sister Zhang."
Zhang Ning was speechless: "So you didn't listen to a single word I said just now."
…
Outside the window, the cold wind blew the heavy snow into a frenzy.
Zhang Jingshu lay on her back on the soft big bed in the hotel.
She had to admit that she was influenced by Cheng Shuinan.
She raised her cell phone countless times, wanting to call him and ask him how he was doing at home, but finally threw it away cruelly.
Out of sight, out of mind.
However, it was destined to be another sleepless night. Zhang Jingshu's phone rang with a new message. She picked up the phone with a lack of interest. The contact's profile picture looked randomly chosen, without any characteristics at all.
Click to open the chat box.
It's voice.
Zhang Jingshu hates voice messages from others the most. They are meaningless and full of nonsense. If they were text messages, she could read them in three lines at a glance.
She pursed her lips and waited for a moment with an expressionless face. Her finger landed on the screen and remained suspended in the air for a long time before dropping it.
"Zhang Jingshu."
Zhang Jingshu's heart skipped a beat. Few people would address her by her full name; it was just a nickname. Her parents and friends usually called her Jingshu, but when they said it, it simply meant "I'm talking to you now," without any other meaning.
But Cheng Shuinan was different. From the very beginning, when he pronounced her name in his hoarse voice, his tone was always indescribably gentle and solemn.
It was as if this was not just a name, but a treasure in the mouth.
"I have something I want to say to you, but I can't bring myself to say it in front of you. I've been struggling with this for a long time, but I still feel I should tell you. Before I met you, I was in a warehouse. There was no fresh air in there, and even during the day it was gloomy, without a single ray of sunlight. I had long… long since given up wanting to live. My wounds were multiplying every day, but I couldn't feel the pain. My spirit was growing numb. It was you… Zhang Jingshu, it was your appearance that made me feel that continuing to live in this world wasn't so unbearable..."
"To you, it may be just a trivial matter, but to me it is a very precious and unforgettable memory. It was on that day that I first saw the complete night sky, with stars twinkling. You held my hand and took me in when I was homeless..."
"I'm filled with gratitude and trust for you, and inevitably want to rely on you... I've thought about it for a long time, but I still can't figure it out. You said people have many kinds of emotions, and I only have these for you. But there's no authoritative research to prove that while I have all these emotions for you, I can't..."
"—produces love."
"You said I would do the same if it were anyone else, but... Zhang Jingshu, I feel like you're making things difficult for me. I've already met you, you've already appeared in my life, and from now on there will never be anyone else..."
Zhang Jingshu clutched her phone in one hand and pressed the pillow against her face with the other, hiding her entire face in the soft pillow. She held her breath tightly, her face flushing red, as if this could prove that her blushing wasn't because of what he said.
Cheng Shuinan is really... He usually speaks so little, but he can say so much through the screen.
Sixty seconds after another.
So annoying.
Zhang Jingshu blushed and listened patiently.
Then, another long voice message came.
Zhang Jingshu rolled over, clutching her phone. Without a mirror, she couldn't see what she looked like. The dark shadows still clung to her eyes, but her gaze had become bright and sharp. Not only were her cheeks flushed, but the tips of her ears were red, too.
The vibration of my chest was like holding a lively rabbit in my arms.
She clicked it and wondered what he was going to say next.
After not seeing you for a day, you become more slick.
I really don't know what he was secretly watching.
——But suddenly, the joy on Zhang Jingshu's face froze.
"I like you, Zhang Jingshu. You're a very good person. I've thought about it. Liking someone is a one-sided thing, but I hope you like me back. Actually, I have nothing, and I shouldn't expect that. Thank you for letting me feel things I've never experienced before. You let me see the whole sky, breathe the air of freedom, and even let me experience... the human way of life. This is enough for me, enough for me to remember for a lifetime..."
"After all, I'm not human. Even if I have legs, I still can't adapt to the human world. Don't worry, I won't bother you anymore. These days, I must have caused you a lot of burden. I'm very sorry..."
"It's very cold outside. Nowhere is as comfortable as home. Zhang Jingshu, come back... I'm leaving."
…
Cheng Shuinan read The Little Mermaid word by word with secret expectation.
It took a long time for me to come back to my senses.
It's like a piece of glass that has been hammered thousands of times and remains as strong as ever, but is suddenly hit by the most unexpected blow and finally shattered.
It turned out that the beautiful ocean princess who grew up in pampered love could not get the love of her lover, and turned into colorful bubbles and dissipated in the world.
——In the depths of the sea, the water is so blue and so clear.
——In order to be with him, I lost my beautiful voice and pretty fish tail forever.
——He was murmuring his bride's name in his dream.
Cheng Shuinan finally woke up from his dream.
In the distant, beautiful and vast ocean, there will never be Zhang Jingshu.
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