Chapter 18
For an hour after hanging up on Zhang Xingyan, Tang Chengting found himself unable to do anything. The pile of documents around him remained as high as it had been that morning. He knew better than anyone that Chen Huanong was accustomed to dealing with crises; she would handle them securely, without him having to worry about anything. He tried to distance himself from the news, but the moment he flipped open the file, the Chen Huanong from yesterday, with her bouncy smile and crescent-shaped smile, filled his mind. Chi Buyu stood beside him, her words veiled in awe. This was the true Chen Huanong!
What is Chen Huanong's true self? Is it the imposing Chen Huanong who spares no effort to attack his opponents in court? Is it the virtuous Chen Huanong who washes his hands and makes soup at home? Or is it the heartless Chen Huanong who plays with his elders and remains playful?
These are not her, and yet these are all her. She plays each role well from different identity standpoints. She separates herself and defines herself clearly. Each role does not interfere with each other, so she becomes the ideal Chen Huanong.
Lonely and indifferent Chen Huanong. Such a person has no emotions to speak of. He has carefully cultivated such a person, and such a person will not be hurt.
The Chen Huanong he met at Chi Buyu's house wasn't what he expected, but he couldn't help but get closer. Just like his drunken confession six years ago, Chen Huanong, my rational mind tells me I should let you go, but my emotional mind keeps wanting to be close to you, to absorb your warmth. Even if there's a cliff behind me, because you're here, I'm not afraid anymore. You're the only light I see after falling into the abyss, Chen Huanong, will you be my sun?
The past surged towards him like a rising tide. That day, Chen Huanong was like a proud queen, stretching out her hand to him, Tang Chengting, you have to hold on to me, after all, I am the only one! You also have to think clearly, the moment you grab me, there is no turning back, I will never let you go. That day, Chen Huanong sat on the sofa, hugged his knees and buried his head, crying breathlessly, Tang Chengting, I'm scared. My mother has always said that I am hot-headed since I was a child. What if I run away halfway? That day, Chen Huanong grabbed the corner of his clothes tightly, huddled in his arms, motionless, Tang Chengting, if I want to give up one day, you must brainwash me, because I don't really want to let go, I may just want you to value me, so I use such a childish way.
Chen Huanong on that day was her true self. She could be happy, cry, and be afraid. She was a lively little person.
Tang Chengting got Sun Huiyun's contact information from Zhao Liangqi and arranged to meet at a membership-only cafe. Sun Huiyun was led to a private room by a waiter. Tang Chengting apologized, "I'm sorry to bother you today. I'm Chen Huanong's husband, Tang Chengting."
Men have always attached great importance to their reputation. If others encounter such things, it is already a blessing from their ancestors if they do not add fuel to the fire, and it is considered the utmost kindness if they can turn a blind eye. When encountering such people who help to clean up the mess, Sun Huiyun is really curious and can't help but wonder if there is a genetic mutation in the men of this generation?
"You already know who I am, so I won't introduce myself. From what you said on the phone, it seems like you're not looking for me to understand what happened back then, but to help Chen Huanong clarify things?"
"We sincerely apologize for the harm Chen Huanong caused you and your family. We will do our best to make up for our mistakes. No matter what you ask for, we will do our best to meet your request." Tang Chengting took out his iPad and showed her the page of malicious comments. "I don't know what happened between her and your ex-husband. There may be some truth in these posts, but she would never force your original wife away. If it were true as they say online, she wouldn't have married me."
"You don't know anything, yet you're rushing to defend her? You should know that nothing comes without reason. Don't you mind?"
Did he mind? He had never asked about Chen Huanong's past. He had no idea what kind of person she was during the four years they had been in on-and-off contact. The only thing he was sure of was that Chen Huanong would always stand by him, no matter what. He asked himself, if their identities were reversed, could he have done what Chen Huanong did?
"We all have an irreversible past. Looking back at the past at any age, you will find that feelings of stupidity and regret are never absent, and this just proves that we are one step forward today compared to yesterday. What I really care about is not her past, but myself." Tang Chengting's right hand subconsciously touched his wedding ring, which was the place closest to his heart. "If I had realized what she meant to me earlier, I would never have left her alone because of my own meanness. In the years when she needed me the most, I didn't accompany her, letting her lose her way, letting her struggle alone in the chaos, while she wandered among the crowd, afraid to move forward. I care a lot."
Sun Huiyun suspected that she was being fed dog food, but she had no evidence. "What do you want me to do?"
The solemnity on Tang Chengting's face faded away little by little. "Chen Huanong will handle this matter herself. You don't need to do anything. Silence is the greatest help."
Sun Huiyun spent the entire afternoon scrolling through Weibo, witnessing Chen Huanong's ruthless tactics. However, within that afternoon, nearly all the posts and comments had been deleted. Recalling Tang Chengting's words that afternoon, she fell into deep thought. She wondered if she and Zhao Liangqi had ever had such trust and tacit understanding. What had been her initial reaction upon learning about Chen Huanong? What had been Tang Chengting's initial reaction upon learning about Zhao Liangqi? Whether it was love or marriage, she and Zhao Liangqi had never really managed well.
Because Chen Huanong acted so quickly, and with Sun Huiyun's statement, the matter was quickly settled. Chen Huanong was still the one participating in the negotiations and bidding. However, for safety reasons, Qin Huai and the others were still very cautious. They picked her up and dropped her off in the morning and evening, and even had her assistant accompany her to the bathroom, not allowing her to travel alone.
Chen Huanong, who had been highly focused in recent days, was a little stunned when he saw Tang Chengting at the hotel entrance. "Why are you here?"
"Don't say that."
It was obvious that it was Zhang Xingyan who asked. This woman, who had never had tape on her lips, was truly a traitor. Didn't she know that Zhang Xingyan and Tang Chengting had been practically the same old couple for so many years? At this critical moment, Chen Huanong didn't want to see Tang Chengting at all. She was afraid he would ask about what happened seven years ago. Whether intentional or not, that past was shameful. She had to bear the consequences of her mistakes alone and didn't need anyone to share them with her, especially not Tang Chengting.
"Pack your things and let's go home."
"Whose home are you going back to?"
"We haven't divorced yet. Whether it's an apartment in the city or a villa in the suburbs, it's all our home." Tang Chengting walked over to her, took her hand, and walked into the hotel while talking. "If you have anything to say, talk to me when you get home. I'll listen. Don't cry alone."
Chen Huanong remained silent, letting Tang Chengting lead her away, letting him pack her things, and letting him drive her back to the apartment. He prepared a bath, pajamas, and left the bedroom. The sound of the range hood whirred from the kitchen. She was a little bewildered, wondering what Tang Chengting was up to this time. Last time, when they were so affectionate and she thought things were looking up, he suddenly asked for a separation. What about this time? Was he using this opportunity to ask for a divorce by mutual consent?
Perhaps the hotel food was too bad, but after tasting Tang Chengting's cooking again, Chen Huanong actually felt that his cooking skills had improved. She sipped her porridge in small sips, saying nothing. In fact, she didn't know what to say, but in Tang Chengting's eyes, she looked like a child who had made a mistake and was afraid to speak. He rarely saw Chen Huanong like this.
"Want to talk to me?"
"What are we talking about? Everything has been resolved, what else is there to talk about?"
"I've thought about it carefully. I don't think I've ever asked you how you spent those four years. I feel that those things are unimportant, because no matter what your past was like, it will not affect our relationship. I was only looking forward, ignoring the fact that you might have been hurt in those four years and needed comfort, and ignoring the fact that you were also an ignorant little girl in those four years. I no longer ask you to be my sun, nor do I ask you to be a rational and sober Chen Huanong." From now on, you can be yourself, you can have little emotions for no reason, you can feel discouraged, you can complain like everyone else, Qingqing, you don't have to hide your vulnerability in front of me, so that I can know that you need me.
People say that time is a good medicine that will heal all wounds. For Chen Huanong, it is more like an anesthetic. It will not make you recover, but it will temporarily numb the nerves and make people lose the sense of pain. Once you touch the scar, it will still feel dull pain. If Tang Chengting had said the same words to her five years ago, perhaps Chen Huanong would really pour out all the grievances she had suffered in recent days. However, after more than a thousand days and nights of repeated tempering, trying again and again to suppress her emotions, and repeatedly telling herself not to cross the line, enduring one hardship after another, and finally turning disguise into a habit, she no longer had the desire to confide in anyone.
Hiding her vulnerability? She didn't, she didn't even have the time to be vulnerable. The negative comments printed out as evidence piled up in a thick stack. She knew the complexity of human nature since she started studying law. She never expected the world to treat her well, and she also hoped not to be hurt too much. It didn't matter if things didn't go as she wished. She was willing to reconcile with the whole world, just asking life to be kinder to the people around her. She wanted to find those people privately, use a little intimidation and inducement to delete the posts, and the moment Tang Chengting's civil judgment was uploaded, no one knew how panicked she was. Fortunately, she has accumulated some experience in the past five years, fortunately, she has become more resistant to pressure in the past five years, and fortunately, she has maintained a network of contacts that is enough to counteract the evil nature of human nature.
"If it weren't for the sober Chen Huanong, how would you have handled this situation?" Chen Huanong put down his spoon and slowly raised his head to look at Tang Chengting. "Have you ever thought about the consequences of not suppressing this matter as quickly as possible? You'll be the first to get hurt, then our parents, and then our work and life will be affected. Can you share the consequences with me?"
"As you said, I was hurt during those four years and I may need comfort, but we can't go back to those four years. Just like you can't go back to that time to comfort me, I can't go back to that time to hold you tightly. The time we have missed will never intersect again. This is the reality."
Tang Chengting, you don't need to try to understand the past, don't use the past to speculate about who I am. Every moment I'm with you is the real me, and only with you can I be my true self. No deception, no calculation, no reservations. That's why I always lose to you. Whether forced or voluntary, these changes are based on you, based on my deep love for you. So I have always lived for myself.
The idiom "not turning back until you hit the wall" refers to a person who is extremely stubborn, and Chen Huanong was one of those people who wouldn't turn back even if she hit the wall. Tang Chengting knew this very well. She didn't want to talk about the past with him, and she wouldn't say a single word. Chen Huanong put down the spoon and didn't pick it up again. After saying that, she went to the living room to watch a Korean drama. The half-eaten seafood porridge was left on the dining table. Tang Chengting couldn't help but chuckle. She really said no, but her hints were very honest.
Chen Huanong doesn’t have the bad habit of leaving food on the table, except for one situation: when he’s in a bad mood. When the two of them had just been together for a short time, Tang Chengting didn’t know about this situation. He just thought she had no appetite because she ate too many snacks, and never asked much. After holding it in for several times, Chen Xiaohua was unhappy. She woke Tang Chengting up in the middle of the night and said pitifully, “You didn’t even comfort me when I was in a bad mood, but I comforted you every time you were in a bad mood.” Tang Chengting was drowsy, thinking, “How can you be in a bad mood? You looked so happy when you opened the package.” Chen Huanong was furious and shook again, “I didn’t finish my meal tonight, don’t you think it’s strange?” I’m such a foodie, I eat two bowls of rice in one meal, but I left some food today. There must be something wrong! You didn’t even ask, you’re too careless.
From then on, there was an unwritten agreement between the Tang couple: whenever Chen Huanong had leftovers, Tang Chengting would have to coax her. Although such occasions had been few and far between since they got married.
When Tang Chengting came out after cleaning the kitchen, Chen Huanong was already half curled up and asleep on the sofa. Her thick long hair almost covered most of her face, leaving only her eyes exposed. Tang Chengting was afraid that she might have difficulty breathing, so he gently moved her hair behind her ears. As expected, he saw faint traces of tears at the corners of her eyes, and his heart suddenly felt like it was being stabbed by someone.
Chen Huanong fell asleep before Tang Chengting came to comfort her, and was eventually carried into the bedroom by Tang Chengting. Unbeknownst to her, the man who always said he was not good at flattery held her in his arms and whispered, "Don't you know why I call you Qingqing? You are a liberal arts student. After Qingqing is me, and after you is me. When you look back, it is me. When you fall down, I am there, so don't be afraid."
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