Green Waterfall in its youth 10
Caught off guard, the latter stumbled as he was pulled, his back slamming against the cold stone wall. He looked at Shi Qing in astonishment, but saw a familiar, reckless light in those red eyes—just like when he said in the ghost market passage, "Unless I give you back the seven extra years I've lived."
"Shi Qing, you—"
"Shut up." Shi Qing gritted her teeth, and with her other hand roughly tore open Yuan Xi's already loose belt. The movement was haphazard and even somewhat clumsy, but the strength was extraordinary, carrying a desperate and ruthless force.
Yuan Xi was completely stunned. He subconsciously tried to push Shi Qing away, but as soon as he raised his hand, he met those tearful eyes. There was anger, grievance, hurt, and a kind of almost desperate stubbornness in them—as if to say: If you still won't believe me even after this, then I really have no other way.
The hand that was pushing the other hand froze in mid-air.
His collar was ripped open, and the cool air touched his skin, causing Yuan Xi to shiver. It wasn't cold, but a long-lost, unsettling sense of exposure. Since becoming a half-dream puppet, his perception of temperature had become dulled, but at this moment, when Shi Qing's scalding fingertips touched his chest, he felt as if he had been branded with a hot iron.
"Shi Qing...don't be like this..." His voice was dry, trying to regain some composure, "Let's talk this out..."
"Say what?" Shi Qing lowered her head and bit his collarbone, not hard, but with a punitive tone. "Say how great you are? How much you care about me? How little you care if I leave you behind?"
The warm, moist touch, accompanied by a slight sting, made Yuan Xi stiffen. He wanted to say something, but Shi Qing's next action silenced him—the boy clumsily and fiercely kissed his lips.
He should have pushed him away.
He should push him away.
But... his trembling hands began to undo his belt, and when hot tears slid down that young and stubborn face, when that trembling yet fierce body pressed against him... Yuanxi heard a huge crack appear in the icy wall in his heart.
Something collapsed with a crash.
“…Xiao Qing.” Yuan Xi finally found his voice, very softly, with a hint of compromise.
He raised his hand, this time not to push her away, but to gently wrap his arms around Shi Qing's waist. Her firm waist was trembling slightly with excitement.
Shi Qing froze abruptly, and then the feigned fierceness receded like a tide, leaving only a broken sob. He buried his face in Yuan Xi's shoulder, tears instantly soaking the thin fabric of his clothes.
"Why...why won't you believe me..." He cried like a child, all the emotions from the long wait, the anxiety after the reunion, the heartache of learning the truth, and the grievance of being driven to the brink of despair bursting forth. "I told you...I won't leave...why won't you believe me..."
Yuan Xi didn't speak. He simply tightened his arms, holding the trembling boy tightly in his embrace. His palms pressed against the boy's back, and he could clearly feel the protrusion of each vertebra and the surging, burning life force beneath. After a long while, when Shi Qing's crying gradually subsided, leaving only soft sobs, Yuan Xi finally spoke, his voice low and hoarse: "It's not that I don't believe you."
"It's because I don't believe in myself."
He lifted Shi Qing's face and gently wiped away the messy tear stains with his fingertips.
“Shi Qing, my life… is shattered beyond repair. I’ve lost my hometown, lost my family, suffered injuries, poison, and now I’m half-dead…” He paused, looking at the boy’s red and swollen eyes, “How can I believe that someone would be willing to pick up these pieces and even say they’d keep them?”
Shi Qing opened her mouth as if to say something, but Yuan Xi shook his head and continued speaking.
“I’m leaving you a way out, not just because I’m afraid you’ll regret it.” He smiled bitterly. “It’s also because I know that if one day you really want to leave, I can’t… and I have no right to stop you. So I have to prepare in advance so that when you leave, at least you won’t have to worry about me.”
This was the first time Won-seok had so openly laid bare his fears. Not of nobility, not of sacrifice, but of a deep-seated inferiority and powerlessness.
Shi Qing looked at him, and tears welled up in her eyes again. But this time, they weren't from anger, but from heartache.
Yuan Xi did not answer immediately. He looked down at their disheveled clothes, at the red marks on Shi Qing's collarbone that he had unconsciously scratched, and at everything that was happening in the dim stone chamber—a chaotic, clumsy, yet real entanglement that he could no longer escape.
Then, he did something he never expected.
He lowered his head and kissed Shi Qing.
This kiss was completely different from the one before. It was light, slow, tentative, yet also tender and settled. The moment their lips touched, Shi Qing trembled, then returned the kiss forcefully, her arms tightly wrapped around his neck.
Only the sounds of breathing and the rustling of clothes filled the stone chamber. The candlelight cast flickering shadows on the wall, elongating the two intersecting figures.
The subsequent process was awkward and difficult.
Shi Qing had no experience and relied solely on his courage, while Yuan Xi, though a few years older, was also completely clueless in this area. Pain was inevitable, but neither of them called for a halt. Shi Qing gritted his teeth, his forehead pressed against Yuan Xi's shoulder, sweat mingling with his still-wet tears, dripping onto the cold stone bed.
...
Omitting some unnecessary details, Jingxi was completely bewildered. In the blink of an eye, Yuanxi had pulled Shiqing behind him.
Jingxi glanced at Yuanxi, then at Shiqing, who was being protected behind him and secretly tugging at his sleeve. The courtyard was so quiet that only the soft sound of the two of them digging holes in the snow could be heard.
"...I'm going to cook." She dropped the broom and went into the house. A moment later, the sounds of chopping vegetables and rinsing rice came from inside, along with her deliberately raised, nasal voice as she ordered, "Xiao Qing, take Shuangshuang to tidy up the east wing! The bedding is on top of the cupboard! Yuanxi, you...you go to the yard and chop some firewood! Don't exert yourself too much, or you'll break your body!"
Shi Qing and Yuan Xi exchanged a glance.
Shi Qing's eyes still held a hint of tears, but now he smiled with relief. He shook their clasped hands and whispered, "Did you hear that? Your sister told you to chop wood."
Yuanxi looked at his reflection in his eyes, the paleness of which seemed to be tinged with a faint trace of life by the warm light in the room. He also gave a very slight smile: "Yes. I heard you."
Winters in the north get dark early. As evening approached, a light snow began to fall, silently covering the courtyards, woodpiles, and the path leading out of the village.
After dinner, the two of them walked towards the snow-capped mountain in tacit agreement, saying they were going to watch the sunrise.
Hearing this, the others were patting Shuangshuang, who had come from Kaifeng: "...Did this guy go crazy from dating?"
The two fools climbed to the top step by step. It was still dark, and they could only see each other, who was closest to them.
In the silence, Shi Qing suddenly spoke, "Yuan Xi, I think..." He paused, as if organizing his thoughts, or as if making a conclusion, "You never really thought about giving me a way out; you're just deceiving yourself."
Yuan Xi paused slightly. He lowered his eyes, looking at Shi Qing's fluffy back of the head, and said nothing.
Shi Qing didn't seem to need an immediate answer, continuing on his own with exceptionally clear logic: "Why?" He asked for Yuan Xi, then answered himself, "If you had truly thought about it, thoroughly thought about it, you wouldn't have done it the first time..."
He spoke frankly, even with a touch of slyness, as if stating an obvious fact. Even though it was something he had pestered, made a fuss about, and refused to let go of that, it was Won-seok who ultimately nodded, accepted, and guided everything that happened.
Sometimes, the body is more honest than the mind. Yuan Xi could prepare a thousand "escape routes" and rehearse countless times in his mind about being "left behind," but from the moment he truly embraced Shi Qing and accepted her, those "escape routes" became mere empty talk. His body and his heart had already made the most honest and irreversible choice—he wanted her.
Yuan Xi remained silent for a long time. So long that Shi Qing thought he would respond with silence or changing the subject, just like before. Shi Qing leaned closer and saw the fine lines under his eyes and a hint of helplessness at being seen through, as well as a deeper sense of relief.
Yuanxi sometimes felt that this child was too stubborn, inflexible, and wouldn't turn back even after hitting a wall. Other times, he felt that he was too smart, frighteningly perceptive, and could always see through his complicated and dark thoughts that he thought he had hidden well.
After a long pause, he spoke in a low voice, his tone devoid of much emotion, more like a statement and a hint of confusion: "But I prepared so many things," he meant the copies of the land deeds and the untouched money pouches, and perhaps even more arrangements that Shi Qing was unaware of, "Don't you think... that's a kind of compensation?"
A "breakup fee" paid in advance for a possible "departure," a "compensation" prepared for taking away his youth and passion. In Yuan Xi's logic, this is almost a matter of course, the last "responsibility" he can think of.
Upon hearing this, Shi Qing gently shook her head.
"I don't think so," he answered crisply and decisively, without hesitation.
Yuan Xi raised an eyebrow and asked, "Then what should it be?"
Shi Qing tilted her head slightly, looking up at him. He blinked, then, in a tone so matter-of-fact it was almost naive, offered his interpretation—
"You love me."
Three words. Simple and direct.
Won-seok was completely stunned.
It is not compensation, not a sale, and not a prepayment to draw a clear line.
Rather, it's like an adult saving up for a dowry or building a family fortune for their beloved child. It's because they want the child to be well, they're afraid the child will suffer, and they want the child to have something to rely on for the rest of their life, even after they're gone. ...In Shi Qing's case, his self-righteous "fallback" and "compensation" can also be interpreted as another clumsy expression of love.
This shattered the last bastion of Yuan Xi's resolve. He suddenly realized that all his meticulously planned and thoughtful arrangements seemed utterly ridiculous in front of Shi Qing.
He looked into Shi Qing's bright eyes, at his "I'm right" expression, and after a long while, he finally chuckled softly and tenderly.
The laughter was soft, yet it seemed to emanate from deep within the chest, carrying a sense of utter defeat.
Yuan Xi raised his hand and gently tapped Shi Qing's forehead with his finger.
Then, he nodded, his gaze so gentle it could melt hearts, and replied:
"OK."
On the snow-capped peaks of the Tianshan Mountains, the rising sun shines upon the two embracing figures, bestowing upon them its best blessings.
(End of text)
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