Chapter 117 Confession
Even though he had just seen his sketch in her diary, when he heard her admit in person that the man was him, Ji Yanxing felt a warm current flowing into his heart, wrapped in a sour liquid, and his mood suddenly became gloomy and complicated.
"Why didn't you tell me?" He looked straight into her eyes, not giving her any room to dodge.
Yu Nian pursed her lips, sat on the chair holding the diary, and looked up at him, "I thought about telling you before, but you said you were not interested."
Ji Yanxing's pupils suddenly shrank. He would never have thought that the person she said she had a crush on was him. With a feeling he couldn't even explain, he coldly rejected her confession.
If he had chosen to listen to her at that time, would everything that happened afterwards have been different?
Ji Yanxing looked at her calm eyes, his heart felt like it was being pierced by needles, again and again, and then it was covered with a layer of honey, making him feel both distressed and happy.
She has liked him for many years. She actually liked him for so many years.
At this moment, he remembered many things from the past.
When they first went on a blind date, his impression of her was that of a beautiful and gentle daughter of a wealthy family. He couldn't say that he liked her very much, he just felt that she was suitable.
She probably noticed his attitude and kept a proper smile until the end.
He offered to take her home, but she said no, she had driven there. He left the cafe without saying anything. For some reason, he looked back and saw her holding her chin with both hands, with a hint of melancholy and loss between her brows.
He didn't think much about it at the time, let alone think it would be related to him.
Later, he knew that he might not be able to give her the love she wanted, and in order to make her think carefully, he told her many times that if she regretted it, he would take the responsibility.
Even when they arrived at the entrance of the Civil Affairs Bureau, he still gave her room to regret. He remembered that she was a little nervous that day. After he said this, she mocked him and then she was no longer nervous or expectant, and she became calm again.
She must have been very disappointed that day.
During this marriage, he disappointed her time and time again.
Ji Yanxing closed his eyes and asked in a hoarse voice: "Why do you like me?"
Yu Nian: "You are good-looking."
"..." For Young Master Ji, being praised by a woman for his appearance would never satisfy him. But after hearing her praise him like this, Ji Yanxing curled his lips and said, "Have you never seen anyone good-looking?"
Yu Nian avoided his burning gaze and said, "You are so beautiful. This is the first time I see you."
"..." Ji Yanxing raised his eyebrows, "How much do you like my face?"
Yu Nian: "..."
She admitted that she was superficial and obsessed with men, but that was normal for a seventeen-year-old girl.
Seeing her dissatisfaction, Ji Yanxing raised his hand and picked her up, then sat on her office chair, let her sit on his lap, straightened her face, and asked in a deep voice: "Besides you eleven years ago, before we got married, have you ever seen me?"
Yu Nian shook his head: "No."
"Why?" Yu Nian adjusted his breathing and tried to speak in a calm tone: "I said before that I met a group of outstanding people in my second year of high school. Actually, it wasn't really one person, and that person was you."
Ji Yanxing was slightly startled and narrowed his eyes. Yu Nian lowered his eyelashes, "You were the freshman representative at the time, and you were giving a speech on the podium. I thought you were very outstanding and dazzling, so I wanted to pursue you. I heard from your classmates that there were many beautiful and outstanding girls who liked you, but you didn't like them. If you didn't even like them, how could you like me at that time."
She was still a high school student at the time and didn't know how to dress up. Compared with the girls in college, she looked like a good student. What's more, she was not a good student and didn't even have any talents to show off.
How could she, who was so dull, be worthy of him?
Ji Yanxing looked at her and pinched her chin. "If we weren't married, would you come to see me?"
"No," she shook her head firmly, lowering her eyes, "I will slowly forget you."
Ji Yanxing's eyes suddenly narrowed, "Then why do you want to stay in City A?"
"I..." Yu Nian tried to think of a reasonable explanation in a panic. She never felt that she liked him very much when she grew up, but why did she choose to stay in City A?
Ji Yanxing saw a trace of embarrassment flashing in her eyes, and his heart ached. He leaned over and hugged her in his arms, his voice low and dull: "I'm sorry."
"You didn't do me any wrong," Yu Nian's throat was a little blocked, and her eyelashes trembled slightly, "I wanted to like you, I can't blame you just because you didn't respond to me, it was also my own choice to marry you, although we had some unpleasantness, but I was happy most of the time, we were just not suitable."
She said this very objectively, but Ji Yanxing still heard a hint of grievance. Due to her personality, Yu Nian would not put herself in the position of a victim in a relationship. This was a matter of mutual consent, and no one was sorry for anyone else. She would work hard to get what she wanted, and if the result was not satisfactory, she would not think that others had let her down.
It was just that she lost the bet.
This is a rational point of view, but she still feels aggrieved in her heart. She has liked him for so many years, and she gave him all her girlish heart in her youth and her attachment after marriage, but in the end she did not get the love she wanted.
No matter how rational you are, you can't avoid feeling a little aggrieved.
Ji Yanxing loosened his hand and was caught off guard to see her red eyes. His heart twitched as if it was spasming.
Yu Nian turned away and took a deep breath. "I'm not saying this to gain sympathy. It's just that we are really not suitable. Both of us are too mature and rational. You need a girl who loves you passionately—" After a pause, she said, "Just like Qi'er and Qi Ye, a girl with Qi'er's personality will be more suitable for you."
If it was Yu Nian eleven years ago, perhaps she would have the courage to love someone regardless of the consequences.
Now she no longer dares to jump into this abyss.
I can't give him the warmth and love he wants.
Ji Yanxing looked at her trembling eyelashes, feeling flustered and at a loss. In the end, he could only hug her and keep repeating: "I'm sorry, Nian Nian, I'm sorry..."
I'm sorry for not giving you the love you wanted.
I'm sorry to disappoint you again and again.
I'm sorry for keeping you around in the way you hate.
She didn't let herself be wronged. But that didn't mean she wouldn't be wronged. In the past, the things he didn't care about, the things he was stubborn about, actually caused such great harm to her.
"Don't say sorry to me." Yu Nian said in a low voice.
What she wanted was never his guilt or sympathy.
-
Yu Nian still locked the diary in the cabinet. Few people came into her study, and the notebook didn't look that special. Ordinary people wouldn't have the time to look through her study, so she didn't lock it up, but just put it on the bookshelf.
I probably won’t take it out again in the future... The moment it was locked, there was a "click" sound, and Yu Nian's heart shook slightly.
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