give up
Everyone in the house had left. She quietly looked around. The people who used to live here, and the child, were all gone. The house was now deliberately tidied up. Her eyes turned and she saw Lu Chang looking at her. His previous indifference had vanished, and the disappointment in his eyes made Jing Wan lower her head in distress. She stood in front of Lu Chang like a little dog who had done something wrong.
Lu Chang stopped looking at her. He leaned back in his chair, his voice weak: "On the way to the Northwest, you kept calling me cousin. Even if you no longer love me, I would be content if you treated me like a brother. But today I realized you only called me 'brother' with your mouth, and didn't truly acknowledge me in your heart."
For some reason, Jing Wanxin suddenly felt a little flustered. She didn't even dare to look at Lu Chang's face. She wanted to tell Lu Chang that it wasn't true, but her actions these past two days had clearly kept him at arm's length. After thinking for a long time, she could only stammer out "cousin".
On the table were the land deed and house deed, with Jingwan's name written on them. Lu Chang stood up, as if his heart was broken, unwilling to stay any longer. Before leaving, he only instructed the Feng family not to bother her again, and that Wuxia would stay in the Northwest to take care of her.
Before he even left, Jingwan's eyes were already wet. Her eyes, which were already bright, became even more moist after being soaked with water. She took a few steps after him and asked, "Cousin, where are you going?"
Lu Chang was reluctant to part with her, but he knew that he couldn't force her to stay. If she didn't want to, it wouldn't be gentlemanly of him to keep her by his side. She liked the Northwest, so he brought her there. But whatever fate brought them together, it had to end there.
Even if there were regrets and remorse, it's enough that when you recall her in your old age, there was someone who once stayed in your heart.
Lu Chang told Jingwan that the imperial court had sent him an appointment letter, and he would be heading south to Chaozhou to take up his post in two days. When they parted, he couldn't help but bend down and gently hug Jingwan. Where she couldn't see, he gently kissed her soft, dark hair.
Once he had taken back his feelings, he could not let them out again. Only when he held the soft body did Lu Chang realize the pain of letting go.
Jingwan clutched his robe tightly and burst into tears: "Cousin, I have no relatives or friends left in the Northwest..."
Azhiqi had his own wife, and Xiaoyue didn't want her to come back. Apart from a few thatched huts, she had nothing left in the Northwest.
I once longed to return to my hometown, but now that I'm going back, everything has changed.
I can only speak of my loneliness.
Lu Chang hugged her tighter and tighter. Jing Wan was short and could only lean against his chest. Her tears and snot covered him. She kept saying that she had nothing left.
He thought with a heavy heart that he had lost his home ten years ago. The general's mansion had long been razed to the ground. Before his mother committed suicide, she left a will asking him to cremate his parents and bury their remains, mixed with ashes, in Hulao Mountain, without erecting a monument or building a tomb, as if the two of them had never existed in the world.
When I miss them, I can only climb to the top of a tall building alone and gaze at the Hulao Mountain in the northwest.
I once read Emperor Ming's poem, "I look up and see the sun, but not Chang'an." When he lived in Pingdu, he could feel the sorrow and bitterness of homesickness even more. Hulao Mountain was also Chang'an in his heart. The silver hook of Fusang hanging high in the sky could be seen with just a glance. But when he looked to the ends of the earth, he could not see the snow that never melted on Fengyin Mountain, nor the colorful carp jumping in the Heihe River.
As they say, if one's feelings are only slightly revealed, they will burst forth like a river bursting its banks. Lu Chang thought that he was ultimately unwilling to give up, or perhaps he didn't want to leave any more regrets.
If time could turn back, he thought, if he could go back to that night, he would say, "Jingwan, come with me!"
Whether in glory or poverty, whether in comfort or displacement, they are ultimately in the same place, and ultimately, they have all made a firm choice for each other.
Therefore, he held the person in his arms and said, "Come to Chaozhou with me. You no longer have me in your heart, so be my sister. From now on, I will only be your brother. If you meet someone you like, I will prepare a dowry for you and happily send you off to your wedding."
As he spoke of this, an image of Jingwan in a red wedding dress actually appeared in his mind, but his joy was only for her sake.
Jingwan was sobbing uncontrollably at the words of the brother and sister, nodding like a chick pecking at rice: "I don't know where Chaozhou is, but I'm willing to go with you. I'm not staying in the Northwest anymore, cousin. You're the only family I have left."
Even if she only considered him as her brother, at least at this moment, she completely trusted him.
The words "I'm willing to go with you" broke Lu Chang's heart. If he could go back four years, and if he wanted to take her away, she would definitely say the same thing.
What exactly did he miss? Was it really just four years?
Before leaving the Northwest, Jingwan paid her respects to her mother and the man who almost became her stepfather. She touched the words on the tombstone, her fingers filled with endless longing.
Mother, I have to leave again.
When I return, I will not know what year it will be, nor who will be standing beside me.
In March, the Northwest is often windy and dusty. On the day she left, the yellow sand blinded her, and she couldn't help but look back at the increasingly blurry land behind her. It was eventually buried by the yellow sand and disappeared without a trace. Only then did Jingwan turn around. Lu Chang took a handkerchief and gently wiped the sand off her face, comforting her softly, "You will come back."
When that time comes, I will bring you back with me.
The journey south was not boring. Sometimes, when they arrived at a famous city, Lu Chang would even take Jingwan to stroll around the city for several days.
The young girl was unaware that officials could not be delayed in taking office, and that they would be severely punished if they did not arrive at their post on the appointed day. As she traveled, she felt less resentful and let her brother take her sightseeing.
When they passed through Runan, a group of people passed by them on the official road. The group included people from a private security escort agency, government officials, and several soldiers. They were escorting large locked chests, and no one knew what was inside.
The procession was so eye-catching that people on the roadside couldn't help but stop and watch. Jingwan, who was eating a freshly baked meat pie, also squeezed into the crowd and watched with relish, while Lu Chang deliberately stood behind her to protect her.
Locals watching nearby said that this was Princess Boping's dowry, and that the princess would get married after the dowry was transported to Pingdu.
When someone asked who the princess was to marry, the common people didn't know and only said, "Only a prince or nobleman is worthy of the princess."
Lu Chang glanced at Jing Wan, who was still munching on the pancake with an unchanged expression. After a while, she lost interest and pulled Lu Chang away to another spot.
Lu Chang was tall and had been a gentle and refined nobleman. After his business trip, he became much darker-skinned, and his handsome appearance was now more mature and bright. He was quite eye-catching, and even the old lady selling wontons would give him a discount of two copper coins.
Taking advantage of his inattention, Jingwan glanced at him a few more times and suddenly felt proud of her brother. Walking with such a handsome person, she felt as if she herself had become more beautiful.
At this point, Lu Chang thought that Jingwan had long forgotten about that boy Pingdu. But when he saw her sitting alone under the sycamore tree in the middle of the night, looking at the cold moon in the sky, he realized that she still had that person in her heart. She just hid it well and didn't let anyone see her feelings.
The footsteps startled Jingwan, who was leaning against a tree trunk. She woke up with a start, sat up straight, and saw that it was Lu Chang. She forced a smile and greeted him.
Lu Chang sat with her under the sycamore tree. He reached out to Jing Wan, holding something wrapped in a handkerchief, the contents of which were not visible.
Seeing his gesture, Jingwan examined the handkerchief layer by layer. When the last layer was lifted, she stared blankly at the pair of jade bracelets, her mouth slightly open, but she couldn't utter a single word.
"Wuxia said you sold them to raise money for medicine, so I went to a pawnshop and bought them back."
She gently picked up the pair of bracelets. The jade was cool to the touch and even more translucent and clear under the moonlight. The few streaks of green seemed to be inspired by the moon's spirit, as if they were truly floating within the jade.
She could no longer hold back. She clutched the jade bracelet tightly but didn't wear it on her wrist. Qin Ziyou's tears, which had been accumulating for months, poured out. His thin shoulders heaved with sobs. Silent weeping was no longer effective; only a loud cry like this could relieve the pain of losing her beloved.
“I’ve dreamed about Dongqiao Night Market many times. He’s standing under the eaves waiting for me. I don’t dare call out to him or go up to him. I’m afraid he’ll be gone as soon as I get there.”
"I think he had something he couldn't tell me, which is why he wanted to break up with me. But no matter how I tried to comfort myself, the truth was that he didn't want me anymore, and he was going to marry another girl. When he gave me this bracelet, he said it was a dowry from him. I really thought he would marry me then. We even made a promise to go to the Northwest together, to go to so many places together, but in the end, he lied to me..."
She was sobbing and hiccuping that she could barely speak, yet she still had to pour out her troubles to Lu Chang.
Since he returned to Pingdu, this is the first time Jingwan has talked about her relationship with Qin Ziyou. As he listened to her sobbing, he thought about how she had shared so many laughs with Qin Ziyou, but none of them were given by him.
Her cries grew louder and louder. Lu Chang held her, but instead of comforting her, he patted Jingwan's back gently, as if soothing a baby.
"Cousin, please return the bracelet to me. I don't want it anymore."
What she didn't want, the bracelet or the person?
It wasn't until the moon had set a little past midnight that he picked up the unconscious Jingwan and gently placed her on the bed.
She had cried for so long today that her eyelashes were stuck together with tears. Lu Chang was afraid that her eyes would be swollen and uncomfortable when she woke up the next morning, so he took a hot towel and wiped away her tears.
He just looked at her like that, unwilling to leave her for even a moment.
The bracelet was still sent to the Qin family. That day, Li Changying happened to be at the Qin family looking for Qin Xi.
The servant was about to give something to Qin Ziyou, but Li Changying stopped him. The jewelry box was so exquisite, inlaid with gemstones, that the girls couldn't contain their curiosity.
"Let me see what this is?"
The servant hesitated, only daring to bring the things over after Qin Xi gave him a signal.
Upon opening it, one finds a pair of jade bracelets, exquisite jade of unparalleled beauty; who wouldn't be tempted by them?
Qin Xi smiled and said, "Little brother, you're so thoughtful to have bought such a nice bracelet. Are you adding some more color to the betrothal gifts?"
Li Changying was unusually shy, only wearing the two bracelets on her wrists and admiring them carefully.
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