Chapter 65 Memory Disorder "I believe you."
"Back then, after Brother Huaijin finished his business in Liangzhou, he encountered this group of mountain bandits who had been lying in ambush for a long time on his way back to Chang'an and fell into their trap. Brother Huaijin was no match for them and could only escape in the chaos. While dealing with the mountain bandits, he also rescued Jiang Huaishun, the eldest son of the Jiang family, who had been kidnapped by the mountain bandits."
"The bandits were numerous and powerful, and they relentlessly pursued Brother Huaijin. Even after he fled deep into the mountains, they continued to press him and refused to let him go. At that time, Brother Huaijin had been stabbed three times and was bleeding profusely. He had no medicine available and his provisions were almost gone."
"Seeing that the bandits had followed the trail and were about to find the cave where they were hiding, and looking at Jiang Huaishun trembling beside him, Brother Huaijin finally broke out of the cave alone to lure the bandits away. During his escape, he accidentally slipped and fell off a cliff, and his body was never found."
Despite having heard Jiang Huaishun recount the story in detail, hearing it again did not lessen the excruciating pain. Xue Rongyue could not stop the torrent of tears, feeling as if her internal organs were being burned by raging fire.
Her neatly trimmed nails dug deep into her flesh, staining her fingertips red with blood. Even though she already knew what was going to happen, she still asked, "And then?"
The wrinkles between Xue Rongyue's brows deepened, and the tears that fell from her eyes landed on Qin Jin's hand, feeling like hot coals that made it hard for him to breathe. He pursed his thin lips tightly, unable to bear continuing to speak.
Xue Rongyue refused to give up. She gritted her teeth and waited for Qin Jin's answer: "And then? Tell me!"
Qin Jin took a deep breath and slowly exhaled, as if trying to expel the heavy, turbid air gathered in his internal organs, but it was all in vain: "The cliff is thousands of feet high. In order to complete their task, the bandits could only find a corpse with a similar body shape to hand over. This is the corpse that the government later snatched back from the bandits, transported back to Chang'an, and buried in... the plum grove of Wuniu Mountain."
"So all these years, I haven't even been worshipping my brother, right?"
Blood dripped from between her fingers, splattering onto her apricot-yellow dress. With all her might, Xue Rongyue forced out these words through clenched teeth: "Before my brother died, he entrusted Jiang Huaishun to deliver this letter to me, still blaming himself for not being able to return safely to celebrate my birthday, while I... and I..."
Her pale, colorless lips trembled, and a metallic taste of blood welled up in Xue Rongyue's throat. Her voice was hoarse, and she was on the verge of collapse: "And I couldn't even recognize his body. For so many years, he's been a wandering ghost, with no one to worship him!"
"What kind of blood relative am I?! No wonder he's never wanted to visit me in my dreams all these years, he must be blaming me..."
At this moment, the hatred for the bandits and the resentment towards herself could no longer be suppressed. A raging flame flowed through her bones and blood, seeping into every inch of Xue Rongyue's skin, and her reason was about to be burned away by the raging fire.
Suddenly, she smashed the teacup beside her. With a crisp sound, the teacup shattered into pieces. Then came the candlestick, the bed curtains, the table, the bronze mirror... anything that could be smashed was smashed to pieces by her frenzied rage.
Like an enraged little beast, it frantically rams against the cage that confines it.
Qin Jin did not stop her.
He stopped Jingnu and Luo Zhen and the others who wanted to rush in after hearing the commotion, and ordered them to guard outside the courtyard. He also quickly threw out some sharp weapons that could harm Xue Rongyue herself, and closed the windows to block the view from outside.
With nothing left to smash inside, driven by her hatred, Xue Rongyue rushed outside.
Seeing this, Qin Jin, who was standing beside her, quickly grabbed her wrist and blocked her way.
The boy, now grown up, was like a towering pine tree, his broad and tall figure enveloping Xue Rongyue. Even though he didn't exert much force for fear of hurting her, he still prevented Xue Rongyue from getting past him and rushing out.
With the true culprit she had been searching for for years now within reach, Xue Rongyue was unable to maintain her composure.
She struggled desperately, tearing and shoving Qin Jin: "Don't stop me, I'm going to kill them, I'm going to tear them to pieces!"
Qin Jin's gaze fell on her pale face, lingering on her almond-shaped eyes that were already red and swollen from crying. His knuckles trembled as he clenched his fists tightly. At that moment, the emotions that had been building up in his heart turned into ice spikes, piercing him fiercely.
His throat tightened, and he felt the same emotions as Xue Rongyue.
The veins on his neck bulged, each one clearly visible. He gritted his teeth, suppressing the urge that surged within him as he gasped for breath.
Suddenly, he reached out and pulled Xue Rongyue into his arms with trembling hands.
"I promise you, I will tear them to pieces, but not now. If I do it now, all my efforts will be in vain."
Perhaps it was the sight of the bloody scratches on Qin Jin's neck and cheeks from the struggle, perhaps it was the familiar scent emanating from Qin Jin, or perhaps it was the touch of the flowing blood on his strong, muscular arms.
Xue Rongyue seemed to have all her strength drained away; her legs went weak, and through her rapid breathing, her eyes blurred with tears: "How much longer? How much longer! Why, why are you doing this to me? Why can't you just let me have my way even once..."
She gripped Qin Jin's sleeves tightly with both hands, as if she wanted to cry out all the pain she had accumulated over the years.
Tears streamed down her cheeks and fell onto Qin Jin's neck, the cool drops burning his heart as they traveled down the bulging veins.
The once fearless young man hugged Xue Rongyue tightly, his voice hoarse: "Soon, very soon, give me another half month, and I will definitely let you kill the culprit from back then."
Her swollen almond-shaped eyes throbbed with pain, and Xue Rongyue's tears were almost all gone. She rested her forehead on Qin Jin's broad shoulder, and slowly loosened her grip on his clothes.
After venting her emotions, she didn't even have the strength to speak.
Summer nights come slowly. I don't know how much time passed, but as the last rays of sunset faded behind the distant mountain peaks, the brightness disappeared, and the deep night finally arrived. The moonlight had quietly risen above the branches, and outside the window, a few flickering candlelight could be seen. The night watchman walked through the streets and alleys, striking his gong, his voice trailing off in a long, drawn-out tone—
"It's dry, be careful with fire—"
"It's dry, be careful with fire—"
"It's dry, be careful with fire—"
As the night watchman's drum grew closer, Xue Rongyue, whose eyes had been vacant and numb, suddenly moved her gaze stiffly. She raised her head and looked out the window. With increasingly rapid breathing, she muttered to herself, "The night watchman's drum... the night watchman's drum..."
She broke free from Qin Jin's embrace: "Did you hear that? The night watchman's drum, Qin Jin, the night watchman's drum!"
A memory shrouded in thick fog slowly emerged from the deepest recesses of her mind. The sound of the night watchman's drum seemed like a hand parting the fog, pulling those deliberately erased and destroyed memories back into Xue Rongyue's mind, and brushing away the layers of cover-up.
The courtyard echoed with suppressed sobs, the house was filled with the smell of medicine, maids moved cautiously back and forth, an older brother lay thin and frail on the bed, the imperial physician rushed over, and the parents argued heatedly, their faces flushed.
At this moment, countless hidden memories flooded into Xue Rongyue's mind, with scenes flashing back, appearing, and disappearing incessantly.
A dizzying sensation swept over her, and Xue Rongyue staggered backward, her rapid heartbeat making it hard for her to breathe: "...No, no, this is fake, it's not like this, it's not like she fell off a cliff without a trace, this is not right, everything I just said is wrong!"
Qin Jin stared blankly at her, then noticed her expression suddenly become agitated: "What's wrong?"
As memories flooded back, Xue Rongyue suddenly grabbed Qin Jin's arm as if she had grasped a lifeline. Her swollen eyes shone with a chilling expectation: "Brother didn't fall off a cliff. He clearly came back. He came back to celebrate my birthday. That night, when the night watchman's drum sounded after midnight, he woke up from his coma and even spoke to me!"
Qin Jin frowned, his worry evident in his eyes. He gently comforted Xue Rongyue, "I know you've been troubled by Huaijin's death all these years, you..."
Xue Rongyue understood Qin Jin's hesitation in his gaze and immediately shouted anxiously, "What I said is true! That night you had a few words with me and left the birthday banquet early. Therefore, you have always regretted not being able to see him one last time. Why, why... don't you remember!"
Meeting Qin Jin's gaze, Xue Rongyue stamped her feet anxiously: "Believe me, my brother really did come back on my birthday. On his deathbed, he was still breathing heavily when he spoke, saying that he hoped I would have a peaceful and smooth life in the future, and he also said, he also said..."
Tears welled up again, and Xue Rongyue choked out, "He also said that he was glad I had a happy birthday and even patted my head before passing away. He didn't fall off a cliff at all!"
As soon as she finished speaking, Xue Rongyue suddenly remembered something and said excitedly, "Yes, yes, he also left a will, saying that after his death, he hoped that I could set up a memorial tablet for him in the Taoist temple on Qingheng Mountain and light an ever-burning lamp. So I also repaired that Taoist temple."
"Just recently, you returned to Chang'an and even went to that Taoist temple to look for me, bringing me pastries. Have you forgotten all about it?!"
Xue Rongyue spoke with absolute certainty, but Qin Jin was completely bewildered: "I...I've never heard of you offering a memorial tablet and a longevity lamp for Brother Huaijin on Qingheng Mountain, nor have I ever gone here to look for you..."
Meeting Qin Jin's questioning gaze, Xue Rongyue took a step back in disbelief, slumped into a chair, her vision blurred, and her thoughts were a jumbled mess: "How could you not remember? How could you not remember? It was clearly just a few days ago."
Upon catching sight of the figure outside the window, Xue Rongyue abruptly stood up and urgently called out, "Jingnu, Luo Zhen!"
Hearing the commotion inside, Jingnu paced back and forth anxiously. Upon hearing Xue Rongyue's call, she immediately rushed into the house with Luo Zhen.
Pushing open the door, Xue Rongyue's disheveled state was clearly visible under the silvery moonlight. Jingnu paused, almost bursting into tears.
My wife cares about her reputation. No matter how upset she is, she always holds her head high and maintains a proud posture. She has never been so utterly distraught and hysterical.
"My wife..."
Before Jingnu's tears could fall, Xue Rongyue rushed forward and grabbed her: "Jingnu, you've been by my side all these years. Every year on the anniversary of my brother's death, after I pay my respects to him, you accompany me to Qingheng Mountain. Tell me, isn't that right!"
Jingnu was taken aback upon hearing this, and looked at Xue Rongyue with confusion. Hesitantly, he said, "My lady, Qingheng Mountain is densely forested with tall trees and few people. Why would we go there? Every year after you pay your respects to Lord Xue, don't you immediately return to the mansion and hide in your room?"
Her blood seemed to run cold at that moment. Xue Rongyue's face turned deathly pale, as if struck by lightning. Her hands, which had been gripping Jingnu, fell limply to her sides. She shook her head, staggering backward as if she no longer recognized Jingnu: "How could this be? Even you... even you..."
Xue Rongyue refused to believe it.
Jingnu stepped forward worriedly, wanting to support Xue Rongyue's swaying body, but Xue Rongyue dodged her and pushed her away. She took a deep breath, wiped away the tears on her face, and looked at Luo Zhen: "Most of the matters concerning the repair of the Taoist temple on Qingheng Mountain have been entrusted to you. Do you remember?"
When she spoke the last four words, Xue Rongyue practically squeezed them out through clenched teeth, her expression growing numb and cold with each denial.
Luo Zhen lowered his head, hesitated for a long time, and finally told the truth: "My wife, I really know nothing about the Taoist temple you mentioned."
He thought for a moment: "Moreover, as far as I know, there has never been a Taoist temple on Mount Qingheng, only a dilapidated Buddhist temple. I wonder if you...remembered wrong?"
As if slammed to the ground by a giant wave, Xue Rongyue slumped into a chair, a surge of blood rising in her throat as if about to burst forth. She gritted her teeth and clenched her fingers tightly.
Could it be that she really remembered it wrong?
But the memories surging in her mind were so clear, so clear that Xue Rongyue still remembered the events of that night, the words spoken by everyone, the expressions on their faces, and the lingering smell of medicine seemed to still be on her nose.
When her brother stroked her black hair, a tender reluctance flashed across his face, a reluctance he didn't want anyone to notice—a wound that lingered in her heart, one she could never forget.
She didn't believe it; she didn't believe that these were all things she had imagined.
Not long ago, Jingnu and Luo Zhen accompanied her to Qingheng Mountain, where they met Qin Jin and Guanhe, who was rushing back to Chang'an for help. These scenes are still vivid in her mind. How could they be fake?
How could it be fake?!
But if her memory wasn't distorted, why would they all say the same thing?
Her thoughts were still in turmoil. Faced with the unanimous agreement of those close to her, Xue Rongyue could no longer remain steadfast, and waves of emotion surged within her.
Two conflicting thoughts tug at each other. Xue Rongyue sat down tremblingly, took a deep breath, and gradually calmed down. She snapped out of her pain, and the scene of her brother's death kept replaying in her mind. She began to unravel the mystery, hoping to uncover the truth she wanted from a certain moment.
She needs to figure out who is telling the truth.
Xue Rongyue's knuckles still trembled slightly, and she closed her eyes, her almond-shaped eyes shining blackly.
"You all go first, leave this place, and don't bother me."
With Xue Rongyue left alone in the room, how could Jingnu feel at ease? She stepped forward, about to speak to persuade her, but Qin Jin raised his hand to stop her.
With a furrowed brow, Qin Jin's gaze fell on Xue Rongyue, who was deep in thought with her eyes closed. Even though what Xue Rongyue had said and asked just now was quite different from his memory, seeing her resolute appearance, Qin Jin couldn't help but waver at this moment.
After a moment of silence, Qin Jin stepped forward, squatted down in front of Xue Rongyue, looked up at her eyes and brows, swallowed hard, and said, "I believe you."
Xue Rongyue shuddered and opened her eyes: "You don't need to say these things to appease me. Don't worry, I won't do anything reckless..."
Meeting Qin Jin's calm, dark eyes, Xue Rongyue paused, her words caught in her throat. She knew Qin Jin well enough to see that his words weren't meant to comfort her. Her eyelashes trembled slightly: "You...you remember?"
"No."
Qin Jin spoke frankly: "Although I don't know why, the things you described are very different from my memory, I still feel that I should believe you."
“You wouldn’t talk nonsense about this.”
Qin Jin knew Xue Rongyue all too well. Her expression and her confident words just now didn't seem like fabrications or something she had imagined while in a daze.
Biting her lower lip, Xue Rongyue looked down at Qin Jin, a sour feeling rising in her nose.
She had shed too many tears today and didn't want to cry anymore, but she never expected that when she couldn't help but waver and begin to doubt herself, Qin Jin would choose to believe her.
In the end, tears still welled up in her eyes.
Xue Rongyue turned her face away and roughly wiped away her tears.
Today, she cried out all the tears she had shed in half her life.
Qin Jin slowly closed his fingers. Today's embrace was already out of line, and he could not allow himself to cross the line again.
"Was the roast duck delicious that day?"
Qin Jin asked her.
Xue Rongyue wiped away her tears, nodded gently, and uttered two words: "Delicious."
Qin Jin smiled slightly: "Then I'll go buy you another one. When I get back, we'll find out the clues together, okay?"
He had a pair of striking, superior peach blossom eyes, with slightly upturned corners. Usually, they were lowered in a cool and indifferent manner, with a deep gaze and a hint of nonchalant affection. When he smiled, his eyes were even more captivating, drawing people in and making them unable to escape.
Xue Rongyue had no appetite, but when she met his gaze, she hesitated and nodded, replying, "Okay."
She paused, then added softly, "Then, come back soon."
"good."
Qin Jin stood up: "Wait for me."
Qin Jin led Jingnu and Luo Zhen out of the house. Luo Zhen went to fetch the horse, and Qin Jin instructed Jingnu, "Don't disturb her easily."
Jingnu responded softly, "Young Master, do you believe what my wife just said? Perhaps you should find a doctor to take her pulse."
After Xue Langjun passed away, she accompanied her mother to pay respects every year. She had never heard of Qingheng Mountain. Back then, the incident of Xue Langjun being killed by bandits caused a great uproar in the city, which enraged the imperial court, which launched a vigorous campaign to suppress the bandits.
Although she had not yet gone to serve her mistress at that time, she had heard about it. When the body was brought back from Liangzhou, she went to the street to take a look.
However, what the lady said just now did not match her memory at all.
Qin Jin said in a deep voice, "No, calling a doctor at this time will agitate her."
Luo Zhen led over the horses, and Qin Jin nimbly mounted them, tightened the reins, and turned the horse around: "Don't make any rash moves before I return."
“Moreover,” Qin Jin said, cracking his whip, “I truly believe what she said is true.”
Before he finished speaking, the steed galloped away like an arrow released from a bow. Qin Jin spurred his horse and galloped wildly, his imposing figure quickly disappearing into the night.
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Author's Note: A Race Against Time
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