Tang Xiaomei said jokingly: "In these long thirty years, you have been entangled with many women in the emotional world, and you have also experienced countless emotional tortures. These complicated and complicated romantic pasts are enough to compile a fascinating novel. Let the later generations learn lessons from them and take them as a warning."
I couldn't help but sneer at this and retorted, "Many of the people involved are still alive today. How can such a private and sensitive matter be made public so easily?"
She didn't care and said casually, "Then just hide their real names and just tell the stories themselves."
After careful consideration, I gradually felt that it was necessary to record these past events. This is not only a kind of comfort for my first half of life, but also a kind of memorial and remembrance for those women whom I have deeply loved and who have deeply loved me.
The following is my own statement:
I, Guan Hongjun, was born on February 28, 1975 (the tenth day of the first lunar month) in a remote mountain village in the northeast. As a Manchu, according to my elders, our surname "Guan" comes from the ancient Manchu Guarjia clan, which was extremely prominent during the Qing Dynasty and ranked among the major Manchu surnames. It produced many generals with outstanding military exploits, among whom Aobai, who was captured by a child's play, is the most well-known.
However, our lineage is by no means a family of nobility. When many Manchus followed the dragon into the pass, our ancestors chose to stay in this land of dragon's birth in the northeast and multiply and thrive.
My parents are both simple farmers. I am the only child in the family and I enjoy all their love and care.
Although they lived in poverty, they always gave me the best. I did not fully appreciate their selflessness and dedication until I became a father. While they gave me selfless dedication, they also quietly placed their high hopes on me to succeed.
I don't think I'm a very smart person. Among my peers, I'm often the one who's most likely to be bullied. I think there are two reasons for this: First, as the saying goes, "Those who can swim will be drowned, and those who are stubborn will be beaten to death." I have a stubborn personality and am not good at observing others' expressions. When I get along with my friends, I often stick to my own opinions, which inevitably leads to conflicts and scolding. Second, as the only child in the family, I lack the protection of my brothers and sisters. Once I fight with others, I have to fight alone, and no one will support me.
In that innocent and simple era, when children were bullied in public, they often did not dare to go home and complain to their parents. Because even if they did, it would often be useless. Instead of going to the neighbors to ask for an explanation, parents might give you a "mixed doubles beating" as a punishment for your "non-competitiveness".
Although I have a stubborn personality, I also have my own advantages. When I am not a good opponent in a physical fight, I will use my academic performance to crush the opponent.
From the first grade of elementary school to high school, my academic performance has always been outstanding. I have also served as the "study committee member" until the second year of high school, and I have been recognized as a leader by my classmates.
In the village, the only thing my parents were proud of was my excellent academic performance. However, as time went by, whenever we tried to bring up the topic and show off, the villagers would always cleverly change the subject and no longer give us the opportunity to show off.
In the high school entrance examination, I was admitted to a key high school with the fifth best score in the county, and the four students ahead of me were all from the county seat.
When I was in the second semester of my senior year, I was admitted to a key class without any suspense. This means that as long as there are no major setbacks in my subsequent academic career, I have already firmly grasped the key to university. The class teacher has high hopes for me and set a minimum goal for me to pass the key undergraduate entrance examination.
In that era when there were no 985 or 211 universities, and undergraduate programs were not divided into first, second, and third tier universities, the number of students enrolled in undergraduate and junior college programs nationwide each year was less than one million.
For a rural family like ours with no background or connections, being able to get into a university is like a carp leaping through the dragon gate. It is a great event that brings honor to the family and inspires the whole family.
My future seems to be clear. It will be a path of eating "public food", or perhaps relying on outstanding performance to become an official, step into the official career, and start an extraordinary journey of life.
In my parents' minds, this was undoubtedly a golden phoenix flying out of the chicken coop, a great opportunity to turn their fortunes around, and the act of changing their destiny that they had always dreamed of.
However, life is like a hurdle race, and there are always obstacles along the way. If you run too fast and too smoothly in the first half and are not fully prepared to jump over them, then the moment of falling is not far away.
My life took its first major turn during the first semester of my sophomore year in high school. It was a day that I still remember vividly, in November, when the first snow fell very quickly.
The snowflakes fluttered like feathers flying in the sky, covering the entire school playground with a nearly foot thick clean white snow blanket.
During the sports activities that afternoon, each class organized students to work together to remove snow. It was in this world of silver that I met her for the first time.
Her name is He Yahui, a new girl who has just transferred to Class 3 of Senior 2. Her name is as beautiful as she is. Her round face is red and puffy in the cold wind, like a ripe apple, emitting an alluring luster.
Although people's aesthetics have changed since then and a round face is no longer the mainstream aesthetic standard, at that time, her round face stood out among a group of pale and skinny classmates, and was particularly eye-catching.
She worked just as hard as the boys, pushing the snow with her snowplow, in stark contrast to the lazy girls. The hot air she exhaled condensed into frost in the cold air, clinging to her eyebrows and eyelashes. At that moment, I saw for the first time a girl with such charming long eyelashes. Against the backdrop of the hoarfrost, those long eyelashes trembled slightly with her big, blinking eyes, as if they had touched my heartstrings inadvertently.
This scene, as my first impression of her, was profound and unforgettable. It was like a beautiful painting, forever engraved in the depths of my memory.
Her father was a battalion-level officer who was transferred from the provincial military camp to our garrison. She moved here with her mother and father, opening a new chapter in her life.
Of course, it took me a week to collect this information, and I even had to pay for a week of meals for my junior high school classmate Ren 놂song, because 놛 was also in the second and third grade classes at the time.
Girls are in love and boys admire their daughters. This is a stage in life that every sixteen or seventeen-year-old high school student must go through.
If love is defined as the innocent liking for the opposite sex, then I am sure that I fell in love for the first time from the moment I saw her.
It also heavily opened the first page of my emotional history.
From that day on, I entered into a long and miserable unrequited love. In order to have a chance to see her, I rarely left the classroom, but as soon as I heard the bell for the end of class, I immediately ran out of the classroom like an arrow from a bow.
At first, the teacher and classmates thought I was in a hurry to pee and looked at me with sympathy and pity.
Gradually, everyone got used to it and defined my running like crazy as a pervert, because no one who was in a hurry to pee would start walking gracefully after leaving the classroom.
At a class reunion several years later, my high school classmates still teased me by calling me “Close the door to the left”.
Because every time I rushed out of the classroom, I basically turned left and headed towards Class 12 and 13 of Senior High School.
My classmates used my last name to create a nickname that sounded more like a Japanese name - "关门向左".
Of course, later on, all my classmates knew the real meaning behind “closing the door to the left”, which was that I was desperately creating opportunities to meet her by chance.
Sadly, at the reunions ten, twenty, or thirty years after high school graduation, I never heard a single word about her.
I don't know if this kind of unrequited love can be considered unrequited love. Because every time I "unexpectedly" meet her, I can read something different from her beautiful big eyes.
Looking back now, it must have been a confusing behavior of dodging, being ambiguous, wanting to look each other in the eye but being too shy to do so.
A feeling different from the normal relationship between boys and girls was growing wildly in my heart.
I don't know since when, I can no longer concentrate in class, my eyes staring at the teacher writing on the blackboard, and my thoughts have flown freely out of my body, wandering on her round face.
Then came the final exam of the second semester of high school, and my ranking had dropped from the top three in the class to fifteenth place.
I spent the entire winter vacation suffering from my parents' sighs and sarcasm.
In their minds, this is a human disaster like the collapse of the sky and the collapse of the earth, and the end of mankind.
Such a family atmosphere could not defeat me, but the torment of lovesickness completely defeated me.
I had a serious illness, and to this day I cannot quite describe what it was.
The fever continues to rise and when it is severe, the patient starts talking nonsense.
This symptom continued throughout my vacation.
When mom and dad couldn't sleep at night, they sighed and reached a consensus: Don't push your children too hard in their studies in the future. If you push your children to something bad, you will regret it later.