It's snowing outside the window again.
Fine snowflakes danced freely and freely, like countless pure white spirits, silently descending upon the earth. Their graceful movements seemed to sweep away the dust of my thirty-six years, leading me into a deeper world of loss and silence, concerning the origin of my life.
Sartre's "Being and Nothingness" lay open in my hand, the type on the pages seeming to be covered in a thin layer of mist. My eyes wandered beyond the lines, my thoughts drifting away, aimlessly wandering with the falling snow outside the window.
In the study, the piano teacher leaned over, patiently correcting Xixi's fingering. The intermittent, unmelodious notes occasionally leaped awkwardly, repeatedly striking my eardrums but failing to truly reach my heart.
Ever since that night, Peng Xiaohui's presence has become increasingly rare in my world. On the few occasions we've met, there's always a sense of deliberately maintained distance in the air. She seems to be silently retreating, hiding herself.
Apart from traveling abroad—preparing for the IELTS and going to the consulate to handle the complicated visa procedures—I could hardly catch any trace of her. The trajectory of life had quietly diverged.
My plan to go abroad went surprisingly smoothly. I already had an offer from the University of Birmingham Business School, and I only had to wait for the start of the spring semester in March of the following year to travel across the ocean and step into that unfamiliar academic field.
As for the nominal title of Deputy Director of the Municipal Cooperative Development Zone's Management Committee, it felt more like a distant symbol. I couldn't even remember whether the door of the office that nominally belonged to me faced east or west.
So, I settled permanently into this apartment in the provincial capital, called "home." Like a burrowing animal, I voluntarily severed all ties with the outside world, exiling myself to this tiny space, becoming a true "recluse." In the silent stillness of falling snow, I savored the taste of existence and nothingness.
Near noon, Lin Xun called and said he would visit me later.
I quickly told Xiao Min to go buy some food to entertain her.
As soon as Xiao Min left, Xixi's piano lesson also ended. I personally saw the teacher to the door.
As the teacher changed her shoes, she praised him sincerely, "Xixi, this child has a rare talent! She can grasp it at once. If you train her well, she will definitely achieve great things in music in the future."
I smiled politely and said, "You're too kind. I'm just cultivating a hobby. I don't expect her to become anything great."
She seemed a little curious about our family's relationship. She changed the subject and asked casually, "That girl Xiaomin... is she related to Xixi? She's very forthcoming, and Xixi is especially attached to her."
I replied vaguely, "Well, they're... distant relatives, I guess."
Her eyes flickered, a trace of inquiry passed through her eyes, perhaps wondering: What kind of "distant relative" could have such an obscure relationship with the male host?
Alas, the prying eyes of this world are always with us.
Back in the living room, Xixi jumped onto the sofa. I scolded her: "You are a little girl, why are you jumping around like a tomboy? What a disgrace!"
Xixi was unconvinced: "Is Sister Xiaomin also a tomboy? I even saw her jumping on the bed!"
I was speechless for a moment. Xixi was right. When Xiaomin's childishness came out, she was indeed very naughty and reckless.
At this moment, Xixi suddenly came close to me and said mysteriously, "Dad, I'll tell you a secret - I woke up last night and found my sister crying."
I said "Oh?" and wondered: Why is she crying at night for no reason?
Xixi analyzed like an adult: "Dad, I think she misses you. Sometimes when I miss you, I cry secretly."
When I said this, my nose felt sore and I gently hugged her in my arms.
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