Hearing footsteps behind me, I looked back and saw Zhang Xiaodong and the driver Xiao Xiang following us.
He put a woolen coat on my shoulders and said, "Hongjun, you have a heavy burden on your shoulders. No one can predict the future. You never know which fortune or misfortune will come to you unexpectedly."
I nodded and held out my hand to him: "Do you have a cigarette? Give me one."
He didn't have the habit of smoking, so Yu turned around and told Xiao Xiang: "Go buy him a pack of Zhonghua cigarettes."
Xiao Xiang took the order and left. Both he and I fell silent.
When I got the cigarettes, I lit one immediately, and the smoke made me cough several times. When I lit the second one, I was already able to breathe the smoke into my lungs and exhale it very freely.
Zhang Xiaodong asked Xiao Xiang to find a hotel to rest, while he stayed to accompany me.
I said, "You should also go and rest. I will not jump from here."
He groaned in silence, and when I was about to smoke my first cigarette, he finally spoke up and said, "You're going to die!"
I smiled bitterly and said, "My life is so miserable that it is not worth dying. If a person almost loses his lover, is betrayed by his friends, and even teased by his enemies, living is just like a walking corpse."
He obviously understood the deep meaning of my words, and said earnestly: "Hongjun, you are also 10 years old this year, right? It is said that 10 years old means one should be able to stand on one's own feet, and should look at the people and things around you maturely. But you are still so impulsive, although it may make you happy for a while, it will bring endless troubles and harm to the people around you."
Seeing that I remained silent, he continued, "Your impulse made you listen to one side of the story and be blinded by one thing, which led you to listen to rumors and hear the rain. Eventually, you became stubborn and began to doubt and deny everything. To be honest, I don't care whether you have misunderstood me, but I don't want to see you lose those friends who truly care about you, and I don't want to see you deeply hurt Lin Mushroom."
I turned around suddenly and asked him, "Could it be that everything Zhang Weitang said was a lie?"
He sighed and replied, "Many things cannot be simply judged as true or false. Because of different standpoints and perspectives, the judgment of right and wrong will naturally be different."
"You are talking nonsense," I retorted. "Can't you tell me honestly why you are helping the old men to commit atrocities and being in cahoots with them?"
In the darkness, I clearly heard his sigh: "Hongjun, you overestimate me. I am just a small county magistrate, and in ancient times I would be just a small official. In the Taixiang coal mine water inrush accident, I was isolated and helpless in the Standing Committee, and I had to bear huge pressure from the city. I also wanted to uphold justice and fairness, but my personal ability was insignificant. I also want to fight like you, but I know that moth is flying into the fire. I don't care much about this black veil on my head. I just want to implement the idea you conceived in this position. For this goal, I have to choose to compromise and give in."
I turned around, and although I couldn't see his expression clearly, I could hear sincerity in his voice. Maybe I really misunderstood him.
He said: "Compromise, concession, and even sacrifice are all for the sake of reaching a certain deal. This is the rule of the game in this world. I can't do it with a clear conscience, but I don't want to lose you as a friend."
My eyes were soaked with tears again, and I walked forward involuntarily and hugged him tightly.
That night, I tossed and turned in bed, curled up on the sofa in the ward, with a lot of thoughts in my mind. I spent the whole night thinking hard about the future, but I still couldn't figure it out.
When it was visiting time in the ICU, my mother-in-law and I went in to visit Qingwan.
She has woken up and her face has regained some of its redness.
I leaned over her bed, held her hand tightly in my own, and gazed at her lovingly.
She was wearing an oxygen mask and seemed to want to say something to me, but I couldn't hear her words clearly.
I comforted her softly, "Qingwan, you are a great mother, you are the best. Our daughter is safe, you should rest in peace."
After that, I kissed her hand gently. She looked weakly at her mother standing beside her.
The doctor began to urge us to leave: "The patient's vital signs have just stabilized. Avoid emotional fluctuations. Please leave first. Come back to visit during the next visiting time, okay?"
We then went to the NICU to visit my newborn daughter again, and through the transparent dome of the incubator, I gazed at her up close for the first time.
Her features were like those of her mother, and a strong feeling of adoration instantly surged up in my head. This new life, bred at the cost of her mother's life, was the inseparable bond between Qingwan and me.
Both mother and daughter are safe and sound, and I would like to express my sincere gratitude to the relatives and friends who came to visit.
After bidding farewell to Zhang Xiaodong, Wang Yanshu and his wife, and Liu Yun, I took my mother Ning Yu to stand outside the NICU window, gazing at my daughter from afar.
Ning Yu asked me curiously: "Dad, what's your sister's name?"
This is indeed a question I haven't had time to think about, so I answered: "I haven't thought of a name yet."
He blinked his childish eyes and said to me innocently, "Then I'll name my sister Xixi."
I asked curiously, "Why is it called Hee Hee?"
He pointed at Zhang Fangfang who was standing not far away and said in a baby voice, "My mother said that children need to smile every day to be liked by others."
I glanced at Zhang Fangfang, whose eyes were red and swollen, and an inexplicable emotion surged in my heart.
I looked down at Ningyu in my arms and said softly, "Hee Hee, this name is very cute, but it's not very suitable for a name. Then let's call my sister Xixi. The Xi in Chenxi means she is the morning sun. Okay?"
Ning Yu clapped his hands excitedly and said with a smile: "Great, great! My sister's name is Xixi now!"
Xi - a symbol of hope, a messenger of light. I hope my daughter can be as energetic as the morning sun and dispel all the haze in the world.
I sent Zhang Fangfang and Ningyu downstairs. Qingwan and her daughter were safe, and they were about to go back.
I hugged Ningyu and said gratefully, "Fangfang, thank you for coming."
She said, "No, you don't need to thank me. I came here for Qingwan."
I said, "No matter what, I have to thank you. When I saw my son yesterday, I felt strong."
She said, "Guan Hongjun, stop being fickle and promiscuous. If you betray Qingwan, I will curse you for the rest of your life."
I was speechless. Ning Yu put his tender little face against mine and asked curiously, "Dad, what kind of flower is this?"