A few days later, Qingwan was transferred back to the ward from the ICU.
I was overwhelmed with emotions and held her slender little hand, not wanting to let go for a moment.
She said, "Hongjun, I'm sorry to have to take care of you. I think everything is fine now. Can I come and see the baby?"
I tried to hold back my tears and didn't want to tell her about her condition, so I comforted her: "The baby is doing very well, because it was born prematurely, it needs to stay in the incubator for a while. You also need to recover, you don't need to stay here. I will be here with you, and then we will go home together as a family."
She nodded, and I thought she must be looking forward to a better life in the future, because a touch of sunset glow was burning on her pale face.
Yang Ruining and I had a long talk in her office.
Her face was expressionless, and her tone was still cold: "Although the patient has passed this stage, the prognosis is not optimistic. If this rare disease is discovered in the early stages of the disease, it should be able to survive to five days with the help of existing medical methods. But the patient is now in the progressive stage, and it is taboo for pregnancy and childbirth. It can be said that there is no way to save her. You must be fully prepared."
After hearing what she said, my expression became even colder than hers.
I asked anxiously: "How long will she have?"
She replied coldly: "I am a doctor, not a fortune teller. Patients are different, so I cannot give you an accurate judgment. To be frank, if the patient does not have a strong will, your daughter is likely to die in the womb due to distress. Or she may suffer developmental abnormalities and neurological damage. I have talked to obstetricians, and your daughter is normal except that she is a premature baby. This is a miracle, and your wife is a great mother."
My nose felt sore and tears welled up in my eyes. I was still not dead, so I asked, "Didn't they say there is targeted treatment?"
She glanced at me and replied, "There are currently a few large hospitals in the country that have conducted clinical trials. The drugs are all imported and the prices are very expensive."
I still say: "Money is not a problem. I will do anything to let her live one more day."
She looked at it and sighed: "I understand your feelings. I know you have deep feelings for your wife. But you have to face the reality. Even if targeted therapy is used, the end result is still nothing."
I was a little excited: "So are we just going to sit there and wait for death?"
She was very sympathetic to my situation, but as a doctor, she had to let me face reality.
She said, "Guan Hongjun, through Lin Xi, we are no longer just a doctor and a patient's family, so I want to tell you my thoughts without reservation. If you want to prolong her life through treatment, let's not talk about whether this wish can be realized, but she will have to spend her last few days in the ward. Do you think this is meaningful?"
There is no greater sorrow than death. I know Qingwan, she would definitely not lie in the hospital ward just to linger on.
She went on to say, “I’m not going to get philosophical with you, but if I had to choose between the length of my life and the depth of my life, I would choose the latter without hesitation.”
I murmured to myself, "What does it mean to be thick?"
She replied: "To be with the one you love, to enjoy family happiness with your children, and to have no regrets at the end of your life, this is what I think is richness."
I bit my lips hard, trying to control the tears, but it didn't work, and the tears welled up in my eyes.
She looked at me with sympathy and comforted me, "For this disease, patients in the late stage do not suffer as much as patients with cancer in the late stage. Oxygen inhalation and medication can alleviate some symptoms. Cultural care is also very important."
If I were to watch Qingwan gradually wither and die like a blooming flower, how could I bear such a cruel reality?
I stood up like a zombie and moved towards the door step by step.
I first persuaded my mother to leave by saying that Qingwan and her daughter were safe and there was no need for them to stay in the hospital. But I had to persuade my mother-in-law, who knew Qingwan's condition, and she decided to go back first, while my mother-in-law insisted on staying to help me take care of Qingwan.
Her reason was very simple: It was not convenient for me, a man, to take care of Qingwan's excrement and urine.
In fact, I know in my heart that she also has a premonition that her daughter will not live long, and she wants to stay with her daughter longer.
On Saturday, Liu Yun brought Tang Xiaomei to see Qingwan.
Xiaomei didn't even have time to take off her down jumpsuit before she threw herself into Qingwan's arms, shouting, "Mom Zhu, are you okay?"
Qingwan held her in her arms, kissed her on the forehead, and said, "Mother Zhu, everything is fine. Have you finished your homework? Are you tired after running so far?"
Recalling this past event now, Tang Xiaomei still couldn't calm down for a long time. She said that she had eavesdropped on the conversation between Liu Yun and Fu Hongjun. Although she was unaware of Qingwan's illness, she had a premonition that her mother Zhu must have suffered from a serious disease.
So when she saw Qingwan, she couldn't control her emotions and burst into tears.
There is one thing I can never understand. I asked Tang Xiaomei, "After your father died, your mother ran away with you again. I remember that I took you home from the orphanage and you only lived there for a few days. Why do you have such a deep affection for Qingwan?"
With tears in her eyes, she said to me: "You don't understand how terrified, helpless, scared and inferior a little girl who suddenly lost her mother would be. When she saw Mother Zhu for the first time, she didn't say a word, but just a look from her eyes, which I have never experienced from my own mother. To this day, I still can't describe that feeling in accurate words."
This is Qingwan. She used her energy to illuminate the world of others, but burned herself out prematurely.
Xiaomei's arrival made Qingwan immersed in joy. She and Xiaomei chatted with each other like a real mother and daughter.
Xiaomei asked: "Has your sister been named yet?"
Qing Wan said, "Her brother gave her a name, Guan Ningxi. Does it sound nice?"
Xiaomei said: "Guan Ningxi, it sounds really nice."
Lin Xun, who was standing nearby, glanced at Liu Yun and me. Liu Yun and I understood and quietly left the ward.
We wanted to leave some space for Qingwan and Xiaomei to be alone.
Soon, Tang Xiaomei's childish singing voice came from the ward. She was singing "Want to Sing" which is the theme song of "Super Girl", a talent show on Mango TV. I looked inside through the crack in the door, listening to Xiaomei's singing quietly and clapping her hands to the beat.
Liu Yun said, "I know a Taoist priest who lives next to Qingquan Temple in the west of the city. He is quite accurate in fortune-telling. Do you want to go and ask him?"
I was shocked and said, "You said you wanted to have your fortune told?"
She nodded.
I was a little annoyed and said unhappily, "I am a materialist and don't believe in those supernatural things."
Lin Xun continued, "Life and death are determined by fate, and wealth and honor are determined by heaven. There is nothing wrong in letting him do the math. There is nothing to lose by listening to what he says."
Listening to Qingwan and Xiaomei's laughter in the ward, I had the idea of trying anything I could find, so I went to Qingquan Temple at the instigation of her two sisters.