In our originally peaceful world of two, she would suddenly ask me worriedly about my plans after graduation.
I told him that he would most likely go back to his hometown or county town to work.
She would get angry and say she didn't want to go with me to that place where even birds don't like to poop.
Why did she suddenly care so much about her future after graduation? I figured it was because she and I were already so close that whether we could be assigned to the same place after graduation was the key to whether this relationship could be maintained.
I was just a kid from a peasant family, without any social background, so I had no choice but to follow the assignment after graduation.
If I choose my own job, I will have to pay several thousand yuan in training fees to the school, which is a considerable burden for my family.
Her family is just a working-class family and their ability is really limited.
Without external help, I had to find a way myself, so I started a small business with a few roommates.
Like setting up stalls at night markets to sell small accessories and small utensils, renting out theaters and selling tickets to make a profit, these are small businesses.
The result is obvious, they lose money to gain publicity, not only do they not make any money, but they also lose their already limited living expenses.
Before graduation, Zhou Xintong saw me running around non-stop every day, even competing for every second I spent with her, and she said to me angrily: "Guan Hongjun, you're like a headless fly, messing around all day long, and there will be no good results at all."
I was so stubborn that she had to comfort me, saying, "Don't get angry. Just think of it as spending money to gain experience. I asked my dad to ask someone. Our Municipal Steel Design Institute is very satisfied with your academic performance and can arrange for you to be a technician in the automation equipment room."
My eyes lit up, my mood suddenly brightened, and I quickly said, "That's great, we can finally be together."
She said bitterly, "Don't just be happy. The design institute has a prerequisite. We must issue a letter of recommendation from our school."
There are so many tricks here, I sigh.
Looking back at myself at that time with my eyes today, I would despise myself. At the critical moment that determined my future and destiny, I was like an outsider, not using my brain or my heart, just waiting for fate to favor me, or just going with the flow and doing whatever I wanted.
Of course, I finally came to my senses after my family broke up and I became destitute.
Unfortunately, I woke up too late and failed to keep many people around me.
Zhou Xintong told me that the person in charge of this work in the school is Director Zhang of the Student Affairs Office, and now we have to attack him like conquering a fortress.
Zhou Xintong had already prepared the explosives for me to capture the fort. They were two hard-packed Chinese cigarettes.
It is a very ironic thing to tell you that in the 1990s, a worker's monthly salary was between 300 and 500 yuan, and a pair of hard-coated shoes was 450 yuan. Today, workers' monthly salary is more than 5,000 yuan, and hard-coated shoes are still priced at this level.
Is this the advantage of the exclusive sales system?
Zhou Xintong handed the "explosives" to me, but I didn't have the courage to throw the explosives.
I wandered in front of the sign of the director's office of the Student Affairs Office, hesitating and feeling uneasy. Several times, I made up my mind to knock on the door, but I shrank back as if I had been electrocuted halfway.
Finally, I could only go home with my head down.
A few days later, Zhou Xintong asked me while we were having dinner in the cafeteria: "How is your work going?"
I stammered, "I didn't dare to send it. Besides, Director Zhang wouldn't dare to accept it if I did."
Zhou Xintong glared at me, frowned, and asked me fiercely, "Cigarette?"
I said, "Let me sell it."
"Money?"
"You're wrong."
Her face suddenly darkened, and she said aggrievedly, "Guan Hongjun, that was the money I squeezed out of my teeth."
Her eyes were full of despair and tears welled up from her eyes.
Suddenly, she stood up from the stool with a bang, threw her lunch box at me, and yelled, "Guan Hongjun! You are a hopeless person!"
After shouting, she wiped her tears and ran out without looking back.
Compared to the various strange looks from the diners in the cafeteria, I care more about Zhou Xintong, the one who was deeply hurt by me.
I shook off the rice and vegetable soup on my clothes and ran after him desperately.
This time the rift can never be healed.
The graduation project and graduation defense are getting closer and closer, and the time in college is running out.
At first, she was indifferent to me, and was not moved by my apologies and pleas. Then, she gradually distanced herself from me, maintaining a state of being close yet distant.
When we were divided into groups for the graduation project, she was determined not to be in the same group with me. I clearly realized that she and I could never go back to the past. To be exact, our relationship started with silence and ended with silence.
One year after graduation, Lao Wu called me and asked mysteriously, "Guess who Zhou Xintong married?"
I had no time to play dumb with him because I was also planning my wedding, so I said unhappily, "She can marry whoever she wants, not me."
Lao Wu said meaningfully, "Of course it's not you, because you don't have the ability. She married Jiao Yu. Whoever it is will be the one to take it back. After all, it has returned to its original owner."
I forgot what I cursed Lao Wu at that time. After hanging up the phone, I stood beside the phone in the workshop for a long time.
Later, news came from different channels that when Zhou Xintong was working in Jiao's family, she entered the Municipal Planning Commission of her city, which was soon reformed and reorganized into the National Development and Reform Commission, and then there was no news of her anymore.
In 2010, I was already a member of the county standing committee and director of the county economic development zone management committee. In order to upgrade the economic development zone from municipal level to provincial level, I went to the provincial capital to smooth things over.
In the office of the Provincial Development and Reform Commission, I was received by a deputy director. To my surprise, this deputy director was Zhou Xintong.
During this meeting, we both felt very relaxed with each other and talked openly for a long time in the office.
I just found out that she had divorced Jiao Yu several years ago, leaving her only daughter to Jiao Yu, and she has been single ever since.
She asked me about my marital status, and I smiled awkwardly and said, "My situation is complicated, so I'd better not tell you."
She also smiled and didn't talk about this topic anymore.
She asked me how many people I brought with me this time.
I flipped my palm over, and she looked at me with surprise and said, "Guan Hongjun, even though you are now a deputy director, you still haven't made any progress. You want to get things done with such trivial things. You can add another zero after this number."
I said to her in a sarcastic tone: "Director Zhou has risen rapidly in the career, and now he is only a deputy director."
She hit my shoulder angrily.
Then she said, "Let me help you deal with Deputy Director Cui, so you can save your little money."
That night, after hosting Deputy Director Cui at the hotel, she took my arm and said, "I've been blocking the drinking for you. I've had too much to drink. I can't drive. Please drive me home."
I walked her upstairs, and when we said goodbye, she grabbed me and kissed me with her drunken lips.
After we finished, she rested her head on my chest and asked me if I felt the same way as before.
I said that except for the people, everything else has changed.
She didn't say anything for a long time.
Two years later, I heard that she and Deputy Director Cui were in trouble, and she was sentenced to 10 years in prison for dereliction of duty, abuse of power and bribery.
She certainly didn't reveal my failed attempt at bribery.
A year later, I went to see her once when I passed by the Provincial Women's Prison on a business trip. The prison officer told me that she refused to meet me.
Then I never heard from her again.
Tang Xiaomei said: "She is a milestone figure in your emotional experience. She and you have completed many firsts in your life. It is worth remembering."
In front of Tang Xiaomei, I pretended to be nonchalant and said, "It's just a scenery along the journey of life. It doesn't have any special meaning."
Tang Xiaomei defined this love for me as: passionate love that starts out chaotic but ends in abandonment.