She smoothed her hair unnaturally, her face flushed. She covered her mouth and asked me, "Are you disappointed? Not as pretty as you imagined?"
I said with a straight face, "Very disappointed."
I paused for a moment and watched her expression change carefully. Her face turned pale in an instant and her eyes were evasive, trying her best to hide her disappointment.
Seeing her expression suddenly change, I couldn't bear to tease her anymore. I smiled and said, "I am disappointed. I am disappointed in my own poor imagination. I have imagined your face countless times in my mind, but none of them is as beautiful as you are in reality."
She turned the camera around and hid herself out of the shot. I heard her giggle in my earphones, and she said, "You're so annoying."
I teased her, "Please come back to the camera, you are so pretty, but I am not full yet!"
She smiled outside the camera for a while, and finally turned the camera back, her face even redder than before.
I asked her: "Are you in Shenzhen?"
She nodded shyly, and I asked with concern: "Do you live alone?"
She suppressed her smile and pursed her lips: "I guess so."
I asked, "Are you feeling better?"
She nodded, a smile on her face: "Yeah, a lot. All my worries are gone when I see you."
We chatted via video for a long time, just like old friends who hadn't seen each other for a long time, but neither of us called each other "wife" or "husband" during the video conversation.
From that day on, as our channels of communication increased, we reached the point where we would greet each other whenever we opened our eyes.
At night we chat or video chat on Facebook. During the day she would text me. If I didn't reply to her message for more than an hour, she would call me on my phone out of concern.
Those days, she seemed to have nothing else to do except keeping in touch with me at this high frequency.
Of course, my passionate exchange with her did not escape Lao Ba's eyes. He kissed me earnestly and said, "Sixth brother, don't say I didn't warn you. Everything on the Internet is virtual. Don't get too deep into it, or you will be unable to extricate yourself."
I was so absorbed in this wonderful feeling that I ignored his well-intentioned advice.
In the summer of 2002, Northeast China experienced historically high temperatures, and it has been dry and rainless since the beginning of spring.
I slept in the attic of the Internet cafe, and even though the air conditioner was on, the heat waves could not stop. I lay in bed unable to fall asleep, not only because of the hot weather, but also because she had not contacted me for three days.
I began to feel worried and anxious about her abnormal behavior.
At noon, Lao Ba came to the attic. He thought I was sleeping soundly and pushed me gently.
I was half asleep and half awake, and thought he was bringing me a lunch box, so I casually said, "It's too hot, I have no appetite, I don't want to eat."
He put more strength in his hands, pushed me, and said in a half-voiced voice, "Sixth brother, look who's coming."
I rubbed my sleepy eyes and saw her standing behind him.
She was looking at my shelter with curious eyes, and when she saw me sitting on the bed, she waved at me with a smile.
I really can't find a more appropriate word to describe my mood at that time. She came to me alive as if she had fallen from the sky.
This unexpected meeting made me overjoyed but also at a loss as to what to do.
Lao Ba went downstairs in a hurry. The air in the small space seemed to have stagnated and the only sound we could hear was our breathing.
She saw that I was only wearing a piece of clothing and turned away shyly.
I put on my coat awkwardly and searched my brain for a topic to talk about: "It's hotter here too, right?"
She hummed, and turned her back to me and said, "It's not worse than the weather in Guangdong."
After I regained my composure, I began to wonder why she suddenly showed up. I straightened my appearance and asked her in a somewhat reproachful tone, "Why didn't you tell me in advance? You suddenly showed up in front of me without any preparation at all."
She was a little hurt by my questioning. Suddenly she turned around and looked at me pitifully, saying aggrievedly, "I didn't want to come either, but I just couldn't control my urge to see you. If you don't like it, I'll go back now."
Before he finished speaking, he prepared to go downstairs and leave.
I suddenly felt that I was not only unromantic, but also somewhat unkind. I pulled her aside and said, "How could I dislike you? I can't get close to you."
She turned around and punched me with an angry look on her face.
She came to me quietly and broke our agreement on platonic love.
She chose a very expensive hotel in the city. When I heard the price quoted by the front desk clerk, I didn't even have the courage to put my hand into my pocket.
She completed the check-in procedures and took me to my room.
This is the first time I have stayed in such a luxurious room. It is decorated magnificently and has all kinds of facilities.
She put down her luggage and looked me up and down carefully.
Then, without saying a word, he took my hand and ran to the largest shopping mall in the city.
She looked me up and down, and the price of each piece of clothing made me smack my tongue.
Finally, she nodded with satisfaction and gave me a thumbs up.
In this way, I lived a life of being "kept".
During the day, we talked to each other in the room. At night, we cuddled in bed. The room service staff delivered all three meals a day to the room, as if every minute and every second was wasted.
Time passes quietly in the midst of glue and paint, with you and I both talking.
In a blink of an eye, it was the first day she came to my side. In the evening, she answered a phone call behind my back. When I saw her again, she was a little depressed. With red eyes, she asked me, "Honey, if I suddenly leave you, will you miss me?"
I answered without hesitation: "Not only will I miss you, I will go to the ends of the earth and find the end of the universe."
She became even more sad and started to cry.
I was affected by her inexplicable change, and my mood dropped like a free fall.
That night, she wanted to tell me something several times, but she couldn't. We lay in bed, hugging each other, just silently feeling each other's breathing and heartbeat.
I seemed to have a premonition. I knew very well that this relationship that started on the Internet and was deepened in reality would eventually be like a flower that could not be seen in the light of day and would be fleeting.
In such chaos, I fell asleep.
The next morning, I was left alone in the big bed. She came and went in a hurry, and although she did not take away a wisp of cloud, she brought me into the darkest hour.
She wrote in the text message: "Hubby, this is the last time I call you this. I have unspeakable difficulties and cannot stay with you forever, but these days, I have left all my feelings in this life with you. This is our eternity. If there is an afterlife, I think I will recognize you at first sight in the vast crowd, because I secretly left tears in your heart. Goodbye!
I wanted to cry but couldn't. I sat on the bed feeling lost. In the huge room, I felt a heart-wrenching pain.
I started calling her and texting her non-stop.
But she kept her phone number turned off until it became unavailable a few months later.
I ran back to the Internet cafe like crazy, pushed away Lao Ba who was sitting in front of the computer, and logged into my own Penguin account. Her avatar was always in a gray state.
Just like that, I completely lost all contact with her.
I began to drown my sorrows in alcohol and numb myself by getting drunk.
I ignored Lao Ba's dissuasion and resolutely embarked on the journey south.