Many years later, when reviewing my rapid fall from grace, Tang Xiaomei said bluntly: "Your cowardice, selfishness, and self-degradation are the culprits that pushed you down the wrong path. During this period, Chen Mengzhao did nothing wrong."
I smiled bitterly and shook my head, and replied softly: "From the beginning, I never blamed her, and I don't have the right to blame her. In the final analysis, it was me who was cowardly and retreated when facing feelings, and became a deserter. It was also because of this relationship that I fell into the absurd quagmire again and couldn't extricate myself."
Perhaps it was then that I thoroughly realized that in the world of love, I was like a double-edged sword. Not only would I hurt myself, but I would also bring indelible harm to the person I loved deeply. With this realization, I secretly made up my mind that I would neither plan nor have the courage to fully commit to a relationship in the future.
In 2010, a beautifully framed wedding invitation quietly appeared on my desk.
On the wedding invitation, it was written in beautiful regular script: "The wedding ceremony will be held on Sunday, February 20, 2010 in the Gregorian calendar, which is the 20th day of the second month in the lunar year of Gengyin. We will respectfully prepare a wedding banquet. Mr. Guan Hongjun and his family are respectfully invited to attend. The groom Feng Lei and the bride Chen Mengzhao respectfully invite you." The couple also marked the location and time of the wedding banquet in detail.
I gently picked up the invitation that carried her happiness, and my fingers slowly stroked the texture of the paper. For a moment, my heart was filled with mixed feelings, and a feeling of loss spread and lingered for a long time.
Ever since that absurd night with Cui Yingying in KTV, my life has been completely derailed and I have fallen into the quagmire of debauchery.
During the day, I still sat in the office in a suit and tie, pretending to be a gentleman, busy with documents; when night fell, I seemed like a different person, shuttling between bars and karaoke halls with Cui Yingying, choosing exciting and crazy ways to play. Family responsibilities and work pressures were all thrown out of my mind, just for the sake of momentary pleasure.
But truth will come to light sooner or later, and my absurd and dissolute behavior was soon discovered by the forest mushroom with a keen sense of smell.
Once, she seemed to be well prepared and blocked Cui Yingying and me in the hotel with great precision. In an instant, she was like a wild animal that had lost its mind. Her emotions instantly went out of control. She rushed up like a madman and slapped me hard with her hand. Each slap was filled with endless anger and disappointment. Then, she grabbed Cui Yingying's hair and dragged her out. Cui Yingying screamed in pain but was unable to break free.
After this incident, Cui Yingying seemed to have evaporated from the face of the earth, disappearing without a trace. At that time, I was numb and had no interest in finding out where she was going. In my distorted cognition at that time, women were just tools to relieve loneliness and vent desires. As for who she was, it didn't matter. What mattered was just that moment of indulgence and pleasure.
My unruly nature was like a cancer that spread wantonly in my life, gradually eroding my relationships with the people around me, and ultimately leaving me deserted by everyone I met. Lin Xun was extremely disappointed in me. The warmth that once appeared in her eyes had completely disappeared, leaving only indifference and alienation. Our daily communication became increasingly rare, and when we met, it was always in a hurry, as if we were strangers. Liu Yun used to be close to me, but now she avoids me as much as possible. The contact between us is like a kite with a broken string, and we no longer have any intersection.
What hurt me the most was that Zhang Fangfang was afraid that I would lead Ning Yu astray, so she resolutely took me away. My father and mother took Xixi back to their hometown. I was the only one left in that warm home.
In May 2009, after the groundbreaking ceremony of the county party committee and county government's office building in the new city district, Wang Yanshu did not return directly to the county, but went straight to the nearby development zone management committee and walked into my office.
As soon as she stepped into the room, her face instantly turned gloomy. With a "bang", she slammed her briefcase heavily on the coffee table. Then, without saying a word, she sat directly on the sofa, as if she had come here specifically to confront me.
I quickly smiled, sat down next to her, and said, "Sister, you must be exhausted from running around for this groundbreaking ceremony. How did you still have the energy to come to my shabby office?"
She responded coldly: "Guan Hongjun, it's working hours now, please don't use these sister, brother, etc., can't you call me comrade?"
I smiled helplessly and said, "Okay, Comrade Wang Yanshu, if you have something that makes you unhappy, just tell me directly. I have a thick skin and can handle it."
She stared at me sharply and asked, "You know you are thick-skinned. Let me ask you, it's been more than half a year, and your development zone doesn't even have a big project to show for it? What on earth have you been focusing on?"
I explained, "This is due to the aftermath of the financial crisis. Many companies are thankful to be able to stabilize their basic business. How can they think of expanding investment at this time?"
She refuted mercilessly: "Even if the situation you mentioned exists, can't you come up with something new with the existing stock companies? You have always been smart. It's not that you can't think of a solution, but that you simply haven't put your heart into it."
I said, "Leader, I feel so wronged by what you said. It's fine that you don't care about your family members, but why do you question whether I work hard enough?" His face was full of helplessness and grievance, and there was a hint of dissatisfaction in his eyes.
Her face suddenly turned gloomy, her eyes locked on me, and she said with a look of regret: "Can you be like an ordinary subordinate? Since you entered the system, you have worked for me the longest. Over the years, I have watched you grow and improve step by step. But what have you been doing in the past six months? You hang out with a bunch of bad people every day, and your behavior is extremely absurd. If you continue like this, your life will be completely ruined!"
I frowned, feeling a little unhappy, and retorted: "How can I not do my best? If everyone can be like me, the work would have been completed excellently long ago. Besides, it seems that it is not your turn to interfere with my personal work, right?"
She slammed the table hard, and with a "pop" sound, the cups on the table trembled. She said loudly: "Isn't the discipline of daily life a rigid constraint of party discipline? As a party member, you should know this better than anyone else!"
After that, she took a deep breath, softened her tone, and advised earnestly: "Hongjun, wake up! At your age, it is the golden period for you to do something big. If you waste it, you will definitely regret it for the rest of your life."
I knew in my heart that every word she said was for my own good, and I swallowed the rebuttal back when it came to my lips. So I adjusted my mood and said, "Sister, please stop beating around the bush. You came here specially today, so you must have something important to say."
She subconsciously glanced at the tightly closed door, and after confirming that there was no gap, she leaned forward slightly, lowered her voice, and said to me softly: "Hongjun, I'm moving."
When I heard this, my eyebrows instantly raised, a hint of surprise flashed across my eyes, and I asked, "Where are you going to get a good job?"
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