Her suicide note
Cheng Yayin felt as if she was walking in a dark cave. She couldn't see her hand in front of her face, and there was knee-deep sticky mud under her feet. She took every step with all her strength, but she was still sinking deeper and deeper.
The cave was dark and she couldn't see the shore. The fear of being stuck in the quagmire overwhelmed her. She shouted for help, but all she heard was an empty echo.
In despair, she suddenly felt her eyelids become heavy as if filled with lead, and she closed them uncontrollably. After struggling to open them, she saw a blurry halo of light, reflecting the figure of a woman, her outline soft, seeming to be both far and near.
Cheng Yayin raised her heavy arms to reach for the woman, and uttered a weak, tearful whisper from her throat: "Mother, I'm afraid..."
Madam Pei held the hand that Cheng Yayin extended to her and said softly, "Good child, don't be afraid. Mother is here."
When Cheng Yayin heard the voice, she closed her eyes and fell asleep again, not knowing whether she felt relieved or too weak.
Mrs. Pei didn't let go of her hand. Her fingers caressed the back of her pale hand lovingly, and she said in a daze, "Poor child, she wasn't calling me, she was clearly calling her own mother. While she's still confused, I can still comfort her a little. When she wakes up, she's so weak, and without her mother by her side, I don't know how hard it will be for her."
Pei Songsheng stood by the bed, clenching his fists weakly, looking dejected.
Mrs. Pei came here two days ago. The reason was that Pei Songsheng and his son had been at odds over the recent incident involving their daughter-in-law's book. The son had grown up and had his own ideas, and they had occasionally argued over the years, but they were minor and passed over. But this time, Grand Tutor Pei was furious and threatened to sever all ties with his son. She had assumed it was just an angry remark, but Grand Tutor Pei hadn't mentioned his son at all in recent days. If she brought it up, he would have lost his temper.
Why would such a blood relationship cause such a commotion? Mrs. Pei felt the need to mediate between father and son, and at the same time comfort her daughter-in-law. She had been surprised to hear Cheng Yayin was writing a storybook, but then she realized it was nothing. Regardless of what she wrote, the child was a good child. Besides, her son loved his wife, and she couldn't let his father's attitude chill his daughter-in-law's feelings. If he really scared her away, the child would suffer.
She went to the door. But she heard that Cheng Yayin was ill, and her illness was so serious that she was drowsy all day long. When she opened her eyes occasionally, she was still not awake and just babbled nonsense.
Mrs. Pei had no time to persuade her son to apologize to his father. In this situation, Pei Songsheng was extremely anxious. Apart from Cheng Yayin's health, he had no time to take care of anything else.
Worried that her son and servants might not be considerate enough, Mrs. Pei came to the house every day these days to help take care of Cheng Yayin.
Cheng Yayin's fever had subsided, but she was still unconscious. When a person is weak, they become as dependent on their mother as a child, and when she mumbled in her sleep, she would cry out for her mother.
How could a mother endure such a scene? Madam Pei wiped the sweat from Cheng Yayin's forehead with a handkerchief and said distressedly, "This child hasn't seen her mother in three years. How can her in-laws be so cruel as to abandon their entire family? Although praying for the family's well-being is kind, being away for three years and not being able to take care of the child when she's so sick is like putting the cart before the horse."
She turned to Pei Songsheng, who had been silent the entire time, and said, "If you truly love Yayin, go to Ganye Temple and bring your mother-in-law back. If your mother-in-law knew her daughter's current situation, she would surely rush back eagerly. Having your own mother by your side to take care of her would be a comfort, and Yayin would surely recover faster."
Pei Songsheng said, "When my mother-in-law entered Ganye Temple, she swore a vow before the Buddha. If she were to leave rashly, it would be taboo, and even more detrimental to A Zheng."
Mrs. Pei was a devout believer in gods and Buddhas, so she didn't mention the matter anymore. However, she was puzzled: her son had always been indifferent to gods and Buddhas, so why did he now fear them?
She glanced at him doubtfully, and seeing that his mind and eyes were filled with his daughter-in-law lying on the sickbed, she immediately understood what was going on - when it comes to someone you care about, you have to be cautious, for fear that something might go wrong for her.
Mrs. Pei felt both heartbroken and relieved. Her son had been raised under his father's strict guidance since childhood, and although he possessed a stern and upright character, as a mother, she had always worried that he would become too lonely and his life too bleak. Now that he had someone in his heart, she no longer had to worry about him withdrawing from the world.
It was unknown what had happened to the young couple this year, as they had been plagued by misfortunes one after another. Mrs. Pei decided to visit more temples and Taoist temples in Shengjing City and burn more incense to pray for a safe and smooth life for her son and daughter-in-law.
I don’t know if it was really her sincerity that worked, but after sleeping for five days in a daze, Cheng Yayin finally woke up.
When she opened her eyes, the room was dimly lit, as if it were dusk. Cheng Yayin stared at the curtains above her head, and it took her a while for consciousness to return. She moved her hand and realized that someone had been holding it.
She looked over and saw Pei Songsheng sitting beside the bed. He held her hand with one hand, resting his forehead with the other, eyes closed, asleep on the edge of the bed. Even sleep couldn't hide the exhaustion on his face. His eyes were dark blue, and a light stubble appeared on his chin. It was obvious that he hadn't rested properly in a long time. Cheng Yayin looked at him, her lips moving silently, unable to bear to interrupt him.
But Pei Songsheng was a light sleeper, and he woke up as soon as she moved. When he opened his eyes, he met her gaze. He was stunned for a moment, and suddenly said in ecstasy: "A Zheng, you're finally awake!"
Cheng Yayin didn't know how long she had slept, but seeing how overjoyed he looked, it must have been quite a while. He must have been taking care of her constantly during this time, which was why she had become so haggard.
Cheng Yayin felt a little touched and a little guilty.
Pei Songsheng was overjoyed, but he maintained a measured attitude. He gently lifted Cheng Yayin up from the bed, placed a soft pillow behind her, and let her sit comfortably. After settling her down, he called out to Lanyue and Yixing.
The two maids entered the house in a flash, and were so happy to see their master awake that they shed tears.
Pei Songsheng sent them to the kitchen to bring food. During Cheng Yayin's coma, the kitchen stove had been kept constantly burning, simmering fresh porridge, to ensure she would be served hot food upon awakening. The cooks took turns guarding the stove, ensuring she would have a hot meal immediately upon awakening.
Cheng Yayin had been unconscious for a long time, and her stomach couldn't stand any stimulation, so the kitchen prepared only porridge. The porridge was mixed with minced meat and chopped vegetables, and it should have tasted very delicious, but unfortunately, the back of her tongue was bitter, and she couldn't taste it.
She had slept for too long, and even her arms were weak and limp, but Pei Songsheng still fed her the porridge mouthful by mouthful.
Cheng Yayin couldn't eat anymore after eating half a bowl. Pei Songsheng didn't force her. He had the dishes cleared away and the door closed, leaving only the two of them facing each other in the room.
Cheng Yayin leaned back on the cushions, feeling warm in her belly. She gradually regained her strength. She raised her eyelids and looked at Pei Songsheng. The first words she said were, "Qu Xiaoyou."
Pei Songsheng's slightly raised lips froze, he slowly lowered his eyes and pursed his lips.
His silence was the answer. Cheng Yayin's heart was filled with shock and pain, her self-deceiving hopes shattered in an instant. What was she still fantasizing about? She knew how high the watchtower was, and she had heard the sound of Qu Xiaoyou falling to the ground clearly. He died instantly.
The memory of that day came flooding back like a tide. Cheng Yayin's eyes were once again pierced by the glaring red, and she suddenly felt short of breath. Pei Songsheng held her shoulders and said with a heartache, "A Zheng, you're not well yet. Stop torturing yourself like this!"
Cheng Yayin's face turned pale. She bit her lip tightly to endure the discomfort and squeezed out two words from between her teeth: "Murderer."
Pei Songsheng shook his head silently.
"How could it be?" Cheng Yayin said hoarsely, "Didn't I send someone upstairs to look for them? And all the exits downstairs have been blocked..."
She was weak and out of breath after just a few words. Pei Songsheng patted her back to soothe her breath while explaining what had happened that day.
When Qu Xiaoyou fell that day, the residents were halfway up the watchtower. Hearing the cries of panic below, fearing something had happened to their mistress, they all turned back downstairs. Qu Xiaoyou fell right at Cheng Yayin's feet, and she lost consciousness in shock. Naturally, the residents prioritized her safety, leaving a gap in their guard, and the murderer likely took advantage of the chaos to escape.
Cheng Yayin: "This is a murder case. The Dali Temple and Jingzhao Prefecture should be fully investigating. Don't you think they can find any clues at all?"
"I found it, but..." Pei Songsheng paused, unable to bear looking at Cheng Yayin's expectant eyes, and took out a piece of letter from his sleeve and handed it to her.
Cheng Yayin took it in confusion, unfolded it, and discovered that it was actually a suicide note.
Qu Xiaoyou's suicide note.
The handwriting was beautiful, yet filled with melancholy. She described herself as a drifter from childhood, wandering for half her life until she finally encountered a golden opportunity, intending to showcase her talents in Shengjing. However, fate proved unpredictable, and she encountered unexpected events, leading to her being criticized. The future seemed uncertain, her heart stagnant, and she wished she could die...
The thin piece of letter paper made Cheng Yayin's wrist tremble. She said in disbelief, "This must be fake."
The last time they met, Qu Xiaoyou chatted with her about the future. She said she wanted to see the mountains and rivers of Daxi. That longing look on her face is still vivid in my mind. But now she left behind a suicide note declaring her determination to die. How is that possible?
Pei Songsheng: "I've asked someone familiar with Qu Xiaoyou to identify it, and I've also compared it with the scriptures she copied during her lifetime. It's definitely her handwriting."
"How could it be? It's impossible..." Cheng Yayin was so grief-stricken and angry that she couldn't even hold the light letter in her hand. Pei Songsheng hugged her with heartache, "A Zheng, don't be so excited. I know what you are thinking. I don't believe she committed suicide. Xue Zhi and I will do our best to catch the murderer."
Cheng Yayin leaned on Pei Songsheng's shoulder and burst into tears, gasping for breath and saying, "It was... that man who killed her, because Madam Qu wanted to leave, and if he couldn't get her, he would destroy her..."
Cheng Yayin recalled her conversation with Qu Xiaoyou. Her words were filled with a resolute determination to break with the past and start anew, clearly determined to let go of an old relationship that shouldn't have existed. If Cheng Yayin had thought a little more, asked a few more questions, could she have prevented the tragedy that followed?
Cheng Yayin cried and spoke incoherently about her regret. Her words were incoherent, and most of her words were swallowed by tears, but Pei Songsheng understood. He hugged her with heartache, absorbing all her grief in his arms, and said in her ear over and over again: "I know, Azheng, this is not your fault. You have done well enough."
Cheng Yayin cried intermittently for half an hour. Pei Songsheng, worried about her health, fed her a bowl of tranquilizer, and she gradually fell asleep. Even in her dreams, she was filled with regret and shame, and tears occasionally overflowed from the corners of her eyes.
Pei Songsheng stayed with her all night, soothing her sorrow with his fingers.
When Cheng Yayin woke up again, she stopped crying. She was still listless and unusually silent. But she cooperated well with Pei Songsheng and Lanyue Yixing. No matter what hard-to-swallow medicine or medicinal food they brought her, she ate it all without a word, even refusing the bitter candied fruit.
Pei Songsheng knew that she wanted to recover quickly so that she could contribute to the pursuit of the murderer, and was also punishing herself. He knew he couldn't stop her from treating him this way, so he could only take better care of her and make her get better soon.
The disease healed very quickly. Cheng Yayin's health condition was not very good to begin with, and she took more than half a month to recuperate.
On the day he recovered from the illness, Doctor Wang also sent someone to secretly deliver something - the antidote to Lihunsan.
The antidote lay on the table. Cheng Yayin and Pei Songsheng sat across from each other, staring at the small pill in silence. It looked like an ordinary pill, and there was no unusual smell. Along with it came a handwritten letter from Imperial Physician Wang, containing only two simple words: "First trial, efficacy unknown."
Cheng Yayin couldn't help but ask doubtfully, "Can this really cure your poison?"
"There's no other way." Pei Songsheng sighed, picked it up and drank it with water.
He swallowed the medicine without hesitation. Cheng Yayin didn't have time to stop him. She looked at him nervously. She didn't see any strange expression on his face, nor did he say anything about feeling unwell. At least she felt relieved.
She trusted Doctor Wang's medical skills. Even if this medicine couldn't cure the poison, it certainly wouldn't harm the patient. Thinking of this, Cheng Yayin felt more at ease.
Before going to bed at night, she was still thinking that Pei Songsheng had no symptoms at all, and she didn't know whether the poison had been cured or not. She had to ask Doctor Wang to come and check on him.
Just when I was about to discuss something with Pei Songsheng, I found that he had entered the house long ago but had not gone to bed.
The two of them had always slept in the same bed before. During the time she was sick, Pei Songsheng still slept with her at night to take care of her. This made Cheng Yayin get used to it. If there was no one around her, it would be difficult for her to fall asleep.
The lights outside were off. Through the gauze bed curtains, she could vaguely see Pei Songsheng's figure, as still as a mountain under the moon.
She was puzzled and lifted the bed curtain to ask: "Why don't you——"
Her voice stopped abruptly, and she looked at Pei Songsheng in surprise, her voice stuck in her throat.
Pei Songsheng was kneeling below with his back straight. When he saw her looking at him, he immediately bowed deeply.
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