Chapter 61 I'll give you
"Chu Jianshan!" Ji Shi's voice was as sharp as ever.
Chu Jianshan subconsciously pulled his hand back from Cheng Yuan's grasp, unaware of the disappointment in someone's eyes.
"What's wrong? Why are you shouting at me so loudly?"
Ji Shi looked like he had run all the way here; he was still panting heavily as he reached the door, bending over and breathing heavily.
"You...you're going to the Shaoxuan Sect, aren't you?!"
Chu Jianshan nodded: "You're quite well-informed. I was originally planning to say goodbye to you tomorrow."
Ji Shi pouted, as if he had been wronged: "You guys, you're not taking me with you... Is our trio going to fall apart?!"
"Well……"
Chu Jianshan had indeed forgotten about this, so he could only try to comfort him by saying, "Going there... is too dangerous. It's better for you to stay."
"Excuses!" Ji Shi shouted, "You just think I'm a burden!"
"How could that be!" Chu Jianshan said sincerely, pressing Ji Shi to sit down and pouring him a glass of water: "I asked you to stay here because I have an even more important task for you."
"Really?" Ji Shi looked at Chu Jianshan with a skeptical expression.
Chu Jianshan nodded to him: "More real than real gold."
"Okay, then tell me what it is?" Ji Shi was easily appeased and finished the water in his cup.
“It’s like this,” Chu Jianshan said, sitting down next to him. “After we leave, only you and Bai Qianfan will be left at Changjin Mountain. Linyi Sect is full of tricks, so the two of you absolutely cannot leave. You must protect Changjin Mountain well to prevent them from using a diversionary tactic.”
"This..." Ji Shi hesitated, "Senior Brother Bai is alright, but I... can I really protect Changjin Mountain?"
"Of course!" Chu Jianshan affirmed, saying, "Do you remember what you shouted from the rooftop on New Year's Eve?"
As Ji Shi recalled, those words slowly escaped her lips as if they were burning her tongue: "I want to...be a hero."
“That’s right,” Chu Jianshan laughed, “Now your chance has come. Protect Chang Jinshan and my sister. I believe in you!”
Provoked by Chu Jianshan's words, Ji Shi's hidden faith burned brighter and brighter like a torch, and his posture straightened. Looking at Chu Jianshan and the other man, he nodded firmly: "Don't worry! I will live up to your expectations!"
After Ji Shi ran out, Chu Jianshan was still standing there sighing. This child is just fine as he is. As the saying goes, fools have their own kind of luck. He is still very lucky.
"Master," Cheng Yuan called out to him.
Chu Jianshan turned around and asked, "What's wrong?"
Cheng Yuan hesitated, as if he wanted to say something but then stopped himself: "Isn't it a bit wrong to keep lying to him like this?"
Chu Jianshan couldn't help but laugh: "Who said I lied to him? Linyi Sect is indeed full of tricks, and it's possible that they used a diversionary tactic."
Cheng Yuan said, "But if it really is a diversionary tactic, how could Senior Brother Bai and Ji Shi possibly hold the line?"
Chu Jianshan sighed: "If it's really a case of luring the tiger away from the mountain, that would be fine. I'm just afraid they have some underhanded tricks that I can't guess."
Cheng Yuan slowly took his hand from behind and earnestly promised, "No matter what happens, I will face it with Master."
Chu Jianshan tilted his head to look at him, unable to hide the smile in his eyes. Just as he was about to hug him, he heard him say, "So... Master, can you tell me who that person is?"
Chu Jianshan couldn't help but chuckle, deliberately holding back his words and not saying the exact words: "Him? He's quite good-looking, and he's also considerate and caring. Most importantly, he's presentable in public and good at cooking. He's definitely a good man."
The more he spoke, the lower Cheng Yuan's eyes drooped, as if something sore had been touched. Chu Jianshan had thought he would get jealous and throw a tantrum, or at the very least, he would pin him down on the bed and kiss him, pestering him to tell him who this person was, and making him promise to love only him for the rest of his life.
But Cheng Yuan did none of these things. Only after Chu Jianshan finished speaking did he lower his head and softly say, "I'm sorry..."
His voice was light and airy, as if those words had taken away all his strength.
Chu Jianshan's upturned lips slowly disappeared. He didn't understand what was going on. Why was he suddenly apologizing? Shouldn't he be the one apologizing?
"I'm sorry... what?"
Cheng Yuan pursed his lips, hesitated for a moment, then suddenly reached out and hugged Chu Jianshan. He hugged him tighter and tighter, and said in a hoarse voice, "These are all things that Master should have had. If it weren't for me, Master could have had a good future, could have had children with this woman, and lived a happy and fulfilling life, instead of having to bear the infamy of the world."
Chu Jianshan was stunned. He had never thought so much, and he didn't know that Cheng Yuan would think so far ahead.
From the day Cheng Yuan confessed his feelings to him, he was puzzled. In his memory, Cheng Yuan was not such a person with strong love and hate. He would think a lot about everything he did and would not easily tell others his thoughts. How could he be so busy expressing his love to Chu Jianshan without even knowing the other person's feelings?
Now, he seems to understand a little.
Compared to Chu Qingyuan, Chu Jianshan is an independent person. He is simply himself, a person like Cheng Yuan who carries many burdens and is misunderstood by others. He saw Chu Jianshan's abilities and understood his powerlessness. His feelings for Chu Jianshan were a matter between the two of them.
Therefore, when Chu Jianshan showed even a little bit of concern for him, Cheng Yuan frantically tried to hold onto this person, to grasp this bit of concern. He wanted to prove to himself that he would never be abandoned again, that such a person should walk with him, no matter how distorted this love was, he didn't care.
But Chu Qingyuan is different; he is the Immortal Venerable of Changjin Mountain. Behind him are his senior brother, the sect leader, his elder sister, and thousands of disciples of Changjin Mountain. Such a wonderful and hopeful person cannot be tainted, cannot be dragged down by such a scoundrel as him. Their relationship would completely drag Immortal Venerable Nanxu down from his pedestal and make him a laughingstock.
Even on the day he was forced to reveal his identity, he subconsciously blamed Chu Jianshan, wanting to get justice for his grievances. He wished he could dig out Chu Jianshan's heart to see if he was inside. Yet he was still worried that Chu Jianshan would be blamed because of him. No matter how painful it was for him, he had to keep Chu Jianshan away from him.
Chu Jianshan felt a tightness in his chest; his heart ached with each beat, as if something was about to burst forth.
He hugged Cheng Yuan back, tighter and tighter, fighting back tears in his eyes, and said to him, "Silly boy, you are my future."
Cheng Yuan chuckled, stroked his hair, and asked, "What does this mean?"
Chu Jianshan said, "Literally, this beloved man... has only ever been you."
He looked up at Cheng Yuan, cupped his face in his hands, and said each word with sincerity: "The person I love is my A Yuan, and that will never change. I know what you're worried about, but I also want you to know that to you, I will always just be Chu Jianshan, just your lover."
Straightforward words are often the best medicine for those who remain silent. These words were etched into Cheng Yuan's heart. He did not respond verbally, but kissed Chu Jianshan again and again, gently and devoutly, as if holding some rare treasure, not daring to break even the slightest bit.
He wondered why Chu Jianshan was so good, so good that he felt unworthy. In this relationship, he seemed to be the one in control, but in reality, he was the one who was most anxious about losing it. He was always afraid that he couldn't hold onto something so wonderful, like quicksand slipping through his fingers and disappearing in an instant.
But now, he truly cherishes this beautiful feeling.
Sensing that the man's breathing was unsteady and his body was trembling, Chu Jianshan knew that he had been crying, since even the kiss on his lips tasted salty.
But no one dared to say anything. Chu Jianshan raised his hand slightly, and the flickering candle went out, plunging the surroundings into complete darkness. He wrapped his arms around Cheng Yuan's neck, pressed his forehead against him, and seduced him in the night: "I'll give it to you, okay?"
He was to rush to Shaoxuan Sect tomorrow, and everyone knew that this was not the right time. But he felt sorry for his disciple and wanted him to see how much he cared about him. If he could let go of his resentment, he would accept any nonsense from him.
He felt Cheng Yuan's body stiffen for a moment, and then the world spun around him as Cheng Yuan picked him up in his arms.
He was gentle when he was placed on the bed, gentle when his clothes were taken off, gentle when the hand holding his waist, and even the kisses that landed on his body were gentle.
Hmm... While Chu Jianshan does enjoy this gentleness, compared to his previous assertiveness, this doesn't seem like a further step forward.
So he took the initiative, flipped over and pinned Cheng Yuan down. Cheng Yuan didn't react excessively, only kissing Chu Jianshan's collarbone. He didn't seem to care much about who was on top.
But Chu Jianshan was different. He was a lazy person by nature. When he was on top, he was afraid of pressing down on Cheng Yuan, so he could only support himself with all his might. But after a while, his arms became sore. He was so angry that he released all his strength and lay directly on Cheng Yuan's chest without moving.
Cheng Yuan chuckled softly, then turned him back and gave him a light, fleeting kiss on the lips: "Don't rush."
Chu Jianshan, enraged and embarrassed, shouted, "Who's in a hurry!"
Cheng Yuan coaxed, "It's me, I'm worried."
... (1000 words that the reviewer did not allow to be written are omitted here)
In the middle of the night, someone lit a candle, and the dim yellow light shone on Chu Jianshan's sweaty face. He felt like a crumpled piece of paper, his whole body aching and numb. Even the faint smell in the air made him feel ashamed.
Confused and infatuated, their passions raged, like dry wood meeting a raging fire, their desires consumed them. Words he had only ever read about in miscellaneous books began to apply to his life, making him wonder where he had gotten the courage to do it.
Cheng Yuan was initially unwilling. They had to travel the next day, and he was afraid that Chu Jianshan wouldn't be able to bear it, so he preferred to suffer himself rather than let Chu Jianshan feel pain.
But who is Chu Jianshan? He's a rebellious man. The more Cheng Yuan was unwilling, the more unconvinced he became. He felt that he was a man, so why was he being so delicate?
But as it turns out, Cheng Yuan's worries were justified. He was in pain all over, his body ached, and he didn't even have the strength to lift a hand. He wished he could sleep for three days straight.
Chu Jianshan had to admit that Cheng Yuan had tried his best to be gentle with him during the process. It was really not easy for Cheng Yuan to do so even when he was deliberately seducing him. Even his usual kisses were much more intense than before.
But right now, he's in pain and he's unhappy. His way of expressing his unhappiness is very simple—he kicks Cheng Yuan off the bed.
Cheng Yuan sensibly knelt down beside the bed, wiped the sweat from his temples, fed him water, stroked his hair, and asked softly, "Does it hurt?"
Chu Jianshan glared at him irritably: "What do you think?"
Cheng Yuan chuckled and kissed him, his mouth open as if he wanted to say something.
Chu Jianshan knew that he would definitely say, "Then I'll be gentler next time," a standard line for men, but in reality, he would only be more skilled and ruthless next time.
But Cheng Yuan said, "Then we won't come anymore."
Chu Jianshan: "???"
What the heck! His happiness was cut short halfway through?
Chu Jianshan was furious and suddenly sat up abruptly: "What do you mean! Are you dissatisfied with me? You...! Hiss..."
He exerted too much force, and the intense pain almost made him pass out.
"Hey! Don't move around," Cheng Yuan said, trying to help him lie down, but Chu Jianshan turned over and faced away from him, not wanting to hear him speak.
“Master…” Cheng Yuan tried to explain to him, “That’s not what I meant. How could Master be bad? I just… I’m just afraid you’ll be in pain. If you don’t want it, I can never do these things again.”
Chu Jianshan remained silent in the shadows, but a smile had already crept onto his lips; he understood what Cheng Yuan was worried about.
This person, despite appearing skilled, had never been with a man before. It was unclear whether he experienced more pain or pleasure. Throughout the process, Chu Jianshan didn't consciously control himself, and he cried out in pain. Cheng Yuan probably assumed he was in more pain, which led to the scene just now.
"Master, please pay attention to me..." Cheng Yuan called out to him, his voice tinged with grievance.
Chu Jianshan finally turned over and waved to him, trying to get him closer.
Cheng Yuan obediently went over, but Chu Jianshan kissed his forehead as a reward. Chu Jianshan stroked his head and smiled, "A Yuan is great."
Cheng Yuan's eyes lit up, and he tentatively asked Chu Jianshan, "Really?"
Chu Jianshan assured him, "It's more real than real gold."
Cheng Yuan was somewhat displeased: "You've already said that to Ji Shi, so you're not allowed to say it to me again."
Chu Jianshan couldn't help but laugh, grabbing his hand and placing it over his heart.
Cheng Yuan slowly opened his palm, feeling the powerful beating of Chu Jianshan's heart beneath his bones. Thump, thump, beat slowly and rhythmically, making him truly feel that the person beside him was real, his smile was real, and what had just happened was real.
Chu Jianshan leaned down and whispered in his ear, "What I said is also true."
His A Yuan is the best person in the world. No matter how many difficulties he faces in the future, as long as he thinks that A Yuan is by his side, he will no longer be afraid.
[Author's Note]
I was wrong, I've changed, please don't lock me out [crying emoji]
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