Chapter 109 The sky is vast, the earth is vast, yet there is not a single place...
[A Mirror of Mutual Rejoicing Between Beloved Disciples:]
I am fully aware of Shujin's actions, and my heart aches with grief. I regret not being able to personally kill this scoundrel to avenge you. However, although I am your teacher, I am also your father. Even the most venomous tigers and wolves will not devour their own offspring, so I find it difficult to kill him. I also cannot bear to see you, your own flesh and blood, killing your own children. I have no face to see you again.
Knowing that you might come here, I am filled with anxiety, not knowing how we can meet, nor how I can see Shujin and my fellow disciples and juniors of Wanshan Sect again.
This wayward son has committed such a grave mistake, which is truly my fault as a father and teacher for failing to educate him properly. If you harbor resentment, then you may hold a grudge against your teacher.
As your teacher, I know you are strong-willed, hate evil as if it were your enemy, and are vengeful. If you ever have a chance to settle a score with him, you will surely kill Shujin to avenge your past grievances. I also know that this request is inappropriate, but it is the bond between father and son, how can I not plead for his life?
Therefore, my disciple Xiang Huan, I implore you to temporarily cease your wrath, considering his past kindness to you and his deep protection of you since you took over the sect. Please forgive Shu Jin for this transgression. If you insist on settling scores, please allow me to take his place in death.
[I once leaned alone, tears streaming down my face]
She looked at the words on it again and again, trying to find some explanation she hoped for, but the result was that with each reading, the sorrow and disappointment that welled up from her soul would deepen.
Therefore, her story was known not only to those in the Wanshan Sect, but also to her master, whom she believed she could rely on and trust. Not only did he know, but he also knew that she had not died and would return to this place.
But thinking about it, it's inevitable.
She grew up in the world of sword cultivators. After succeeding as the sect leader, although she would often leave the world of sword cultivators to go out and kill all kinds of evil spirits, she never thought of living outside the world of sword cultivators.
Therefore, the only places she could really go, besides Wanshan Gate, were the bamboo house where her master lived in seclusion.
But now...
She had nowhere else to go.
The world was vast, yet there wasn't a single place where she could find refuge.
Everything she used to care about seemed like a fragile bubble.
And those who fawned over her upon seeing her, those who swore to follow her to the death, those who revered her as a sword goddess, her friends, fellow disciples, and juniors—all of them, turned into nothing but bubbles.
When the bubble bursts, there is nothing left.
Everything she cared about, everything she did, and everything she practiced before has become a huge joke.
It's utterly ridiculous.
It's utterly ridiculous.
She wanted to laugh, laugh at herself for misjudging people in the past, laugh at herself for working in vain, laugh at herself for being so foolish, and laugh at herself for being so blinded by her high position that she ended up like this.
But the more she tried to laugh, the less she could. Tears streamed down her face, causing her shoulders to tremble. Her fingers, gripping the letter tightly, gradually turned pale from the force.
Through her tears, she stared at the blurred handwriting on the paper, feeling as if it were a blurry, chaotic mess, just like the first half of her life.
Having spent too long in the world of sword cultivators and been treated fairly by her master for too long, she had forgotten everything.
Her master was just a master, but he was also the biological father of her two other fellow disciples.
Having an extra layer of blood relation makes things different.
If she also had family...
No, she has family, but she was thrown out by her family, unwanted by them.
And now, she's been thrown out too...
No, I don't want it anymore...
Finally, she slowly raised her head and leaned against the cold wall behind her. As if she had lost all her strength in an instant, the hand holding the letter slipped limply from her knees and fell to the ground.
Along with the light yet incredibly heavy letter, it also drifted to the ground.
She silently tilted her head back, staring blankly at the empty rooftop above, making no sound. Only tears streamed down her face, leaving streaks of tears.
The name Li Xianghuan is seen by many as an existence that is difficult to surpass.
He succeeded as the leader of the Wanshan Sect at the age of eighteen, and became famous throughout the world at the age of twenty, earning the title of Sword God. However, after four glorious years, he quietly perished at the age of twenty-four.
Like a flower that withers prematurely before it can fully bloom.
When people talk about her, they should feel more regret and sorrow, regret for the early death of this hero and sorrow for the capriciousness of fate.
But for Li Xianghuan at that time, all those things from the outside world had become unimportant. Whether it was praise, sighs, regrets, pity, ridicule, or insults, they had all become unimportant.
Even the concepts of repaying kindness, seeking revenge, settling scores, and repaying virtue have become unimportant.
Nothing matters anymore, nothing cares anymore; she just feels very tired, extremely tired.
Everything she had done before became meaningless in an instant, and in the end, the only one who could stand by her side was herself.
She wouldn't kill her master. Since her master didn't want her to take revenge, then so be it. From now on, they could go their separate ways.
She will never be the Sword God again, nor will she be Zeng Guyi's disciple, nor will she be the leader of the Wanshan Sect.
From now on, she will only be herself.
Try to live.
At the very least, one should live well before death arrives.
Let's live for the sake of the unrestrained Li Xianghuan of the past.
He should live for the sake of Li Xianghuan now, who has seen through the illusion of life.
Believe that a hundred years is but a dream, for the world is vast, so let us wander freely (1).
Li Chen was lost in thought, his gaze lingering blankly for a long time before he slowly came back to his senses.
She suppressed the slight sadness that had inadvertently slipped out earlier, smiled faintly, as if she felt no remorse for what happened back then. "I saw the letter my master left me. Every word he said was deeply moving, so I no longer want revenge, that's all."
I thought Zeng Shujin would feel sad or nostalgic after hearing her words.
But in reality, when he heard what she said, his body tensed up instantly, and his eyes showed a hint of fear, as if Li Chenjin had said something extremely frightening.
After a long while, he finally moved his lips a few times and said to Li Chen, who was full of doubt, "Master..."
"You passed away on the night you left Wanshan Gate."
Li Chen tilted his head, looking completely bewildered, and said, "...What?"
Zeng Shujin remained silent for a long time before saying, "At that time, the news of your death, along with the news of Master's passing, spread throughout the Wanshan Sect. The elders of the Wanshan Sect were worried that the spread of these two events would cause turmoil in the sword cultivation world, which is why they appointed a new sect leader in less than a month."
"The reason they believe you have perished is because... I told them the news of your demise myself after I returned to Wanshan Sect. Those elders... all believe that what I said is true."
Li Chenjin: "..."
After saying this, Zeng Shujin lowered his eyes and fell into silence, as if he didn't know how to explain it to her, since he was the one who indirectly harmed her in the first place.
She stared at the person opposite her for a long time, unsure of what to say, when he suddenly said, "But I don't know... I don't know why... I did those things..."
"At that time, I felt a blur in my mind, unable to control myself, like a wandering soul in the world. It wasn't until the ceremony of my succession as sect leader ended that I suddenly came to my senses, but when I went to look for you there again, I couldn't get in no matter what I did..."
"Xianghuan, I... I didn't mean to hurt you. I don't know what came over me. I... At that time, I only had one thought in my mind: I hoped you would stop running around, I hoped you would stop being so independent, I hoped you would stop immersing yourself in cultivation all day, I hoped your reputation would stop being so great, and I hoped I... would no longer have to hide behind you..."
"Because you became the sect leader, no one could see my contributions. I became the vice sect leader, staying in the Wanshan Sect to handle various affairs within the sword cultivation world, and I also became your 'wise and capable assistant.' At that time... I didn't want things to continue like that anymore. I also wanted to be the sect leader, I..."
Zeng Shujin paused again as she spoke.
He looked into Li Chenjin's eyes, and instead of hatred and disgust, he saw a kind of detached calm and gentleness. She looked at him as if he were a stranger, as if she had truly let go of the past and become a true practitioner in the Zen world.
He remained silent for a long while, then slowly lowered his head and whispered, "I'm sorry... I don't know what was wrong with me back then. After I came to my senses, I lived in regret and pain every day. If I were given another chance..."
“If you were given another chance, you would still choose to do that, because you already hate me, don’t you?” Li Chenjin replied softly.
Zeng Shujin: "..."
“Shujin, I have never changed, nor have I ever tried to take anything from you. If you say you want the position of sect leader, I think Li Xianghuan will definitely give it to you,” Li Chenjin said. “It’s not that you don’t know what’s wrong with you, it’s just that your heart has changed and you are no longer willing to accept her.”
"You said you didn't want her to run around, but when you used to travel around with her, you laughed even more than she did. You also said that you liked her for being opinionated; that you liked her for being passionate and vengeful; and that you even seemed happier than she was when she first cultivated her semi-immortal body."
"You were also happy that her reputation was growing, and you took the initiative to stay in Wanshan Sect to work together with her to promote the sword cultivation world. In fact, what you and she did was no different, and what you did was very important."
"Without you, the sword cultivation world would be unstable; without her, the evil spirits of the world would not be so timid and hesitant to come out and disturb the human world. Whenever people talk about her, they will inevitably think of you. In fact, there is no need to distinguish between you two."
Li Chen paused for a moment before continuing, "However, she is indeed not good enough. There are many things she does not do well, so it is normal for you not to like her. And it is precisely because you don't like her that her former advantages in your eyes have become disadvantages, that's all."
"Xianghuan, I..."
Just as Zeng Shujin was about to utter all the words that were about to come out, Li Chenjin spoke up first, interrupting her, "However, this matter is obviously not simple, and I believe what you say."
"But Shujin, have you ever heard of the Demon Clan? What you just said sounds like someone who has been bewitched by demonic energy and committed wrongdoings. I have seen quite a few such people, and they all have an inextricable connection with the Demon Clan. In all these years, have you noticed anything unusual within the Wanshan Sect?"
The author's note: (1) From Shao Hengzhen's "Jiang Cheng Zi: Sparse Clouds Passing Rain Leaking the Slanting Sun" in the Yuan Dynasty
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