Chapter 5 Not sleeping? If you keep doing this and won't sleep, I'll beat you...
As for her "true purpose" as she had said before, he believed it at first, but the more he thought about it, the more he felt that there were many loopholes in it. Those words seemed to be made up on the spot based on his words, and were completely different from her actual actions.
But what if it's true?
After all, there are many hypocrites in this world who talk a lot about benevolence and morality but do things like murder and arson.
According to his previous thinking, if Li Chen really thought that way, he would definitely kill her first after repairing the spiritual veins.
But now I suddenly feel that it would be nice to have someone by his side during times like this.
Even if she had ulterior motives he was unaware of, even if she had ulterior motives he was unaware of, it would be too painful and too frightening for him to walk the road ahead alone...
Whenever he is alone, he thinks about what he has been through.
The pain, the separations, the despair—a complex mix of emotions tore at his mind, drawing him deeper and deeper into despair and agony…
But just now...
As he was held in someone's arms, that feeling slowly dissipated, giving him a sense of peace that he hadn't felt in a long time. It also extinguished some of the burning hatred that had kept him up day and night, at least preventing him from feeling resentful every time he thought about it, wishing he hadn't been the one to die.
It was only just now that he suddenly realized that he didn't not want someone to be with him, nor did he not want someone to care about him, remember him, or be concerned about him.
He was busy surviving before and busy cultivating afterward. In his short life of just over ten years, he was always rushing forward and never had time to stop and see what he was thinking or what he really wanted. That's why he felt doubled pain, loneliness, resentment, anger and despair when he had to stop.
Ultimately, he wasn't ready to go back to the way things were before.
He had clearly lived a life in the world of cultivation for so many years, where he was well-fed and clothed and not bullied. Now, suddenly telling him that he might have to go back to the way things were before, where he could only barely survive by struggling, begging, and kowtowing for mercy, would only make him more desperate than if he were killed.
So he was afraid, he was terrified, he was resentful.
He had clearly tasted enough of those bitter experiences before, so why, after finally escaping them, did fate suddenly kick him back, back into those years of darkness, forcing him to continue enduring, to continue suffering, to continue pleading...
if……
If only she had appeared later, or hadn't appeared at all.
This way, he won't think about these things, and his heart won't waver. As long as he gets through this period alone and confused, that fear will eventually dissipate. Then, he won't want to try to accept other people's company, charity, or pity because of fear...
The moment this thought crossed his mind, he dismissed it as he left, and what alarmed him even more was that he would actually want to try accepting charity and pity from others because of Li Chenjin...
This is a terrifying thing, indicating that he has unconsciously lowered his guard around Li Chen. Perhaps it's because he's spent so much time together that he's become unaware of it, or perhaps it's because he's afraid of being alone that he's unconsciously lowered his guard around her. Whether it's the former or the latter, it's an extremely frightening thing.
If he can lower his guard with someone he doesn't know today because of his own fear, then tomorrow he can disrupt his plans for that person, and even be forced to change his thoughts and goals step by step, to the point that he no longer recognizes himself...
Although he didn't think Li Chenjin really had that ability, no matter what, she was definitely not someone worth confiding in.
His gaze slowly fell on the person who was fast asleep.
Li Chenjin slept very well, lying upright on the bed. When she closed her eyes, her face looked even softer, giving people an extremely peaceful and serene feeling. She was clearly not a person who usually spoke the truth and did not seem like a trustworthy person, but at this moment, she made people feel at ease and calm.
His hand, which had originally intended to wake her, uncontrollably touched her face, his fingertips pressing against her slightly pale lips. The soft, warm touch traveled through his hand to his heart, and in a daze, he felt that he was truly still alive in the world, rather than living in hell.
He wanted to drive her away and get away from her, but looking at her sleeping face gradually calmed his restless and tormented heart, making him unable to resist wanting to get closer, as if the pain could be relieved if he got closer.
At some point, Li Chenjin opened her eyes, her gaze calm as she looked at the person who had moved so close to her that their face was almost touching, and whispered, "Don't you sleep at night?"
Shen Zhengyuan: "..."
He quickly withdrew his hand, stepped back, and huddled against the wall. Because he was hiding in the darkness, Li Chenjin couldn't see his expression at that moment.
But now she was really sleepy. If it weren't for the feeling of a gaze watching her and a hand touching her face, making her feel uneasy from head to toe, she would have already fallen asleep.
She turned over, her back to the person behind her, grabbed the clothes from the stool by the bed, covered her face, and said, "If you can't sleep, go do some work. This room hasn't been lived in for a long time, and many places are covered in dust. Go sweep what needs to be swept and wipe what needs to be wiped, so we can have less work to do tomorrow."
The person behind her remained silent for a long time, until she was almost asleep, when she heard him speak in a hoarse voice: "Did you really leave the Zen world for me? Did you really go to find the Thousand-Year Snow Lotus for me?"
"Yes, yes. Are you done asking? It's the middle of the night, you should be sleeping, not asking these nonsensical questions." Li Chen said quietly with his eyes closed, "If you keep disturbing others' sleep instead of sleeping yourself, I'll knock you out and throw you out."
Shen Zhengyuan: "..."
Now it seems that Li Chenjin is not as gentle as he thought. At least when it comes to sleeping, it is clear that she dislikes being disturbed.
Shen Zhengyuan fell silent, lying there calmly, pondering what Li Chenjin had just said.
If what she said is true, and she did indeed come from the Zen meditation world, and her departure from the safest place in the world was for him, and her desire to find the thousand-year-old snow lotus was also for him, and if she is indeed physically weak and suffers from a heart ailment, then the hardships she encountered on her journey to this place must have been far greater than those of ordinary people.
Although she left the Dharma Cultivation Realm, the place where she collapsed was still near the Dharma Cultivation Realm. However, the Zen Cultivation Realm is not close to the Dharma Cultivation Realm; for ordinary people, it is a relatively distant distance. Therefore, from the moment she left the Dharma Cultivation Realm, she had already placed her life in the last place.
If what she said is true, or even partially true, then it shows that she truly likes him very much...
Even if those reasons are full of loopholes upon closer examination, there must be some truth in them. Even if there is only a sliver of truth, it is still a truth.
In truth, he didn't know how to respond or face it if all of this were true, because he really didn't understand what feelings were.
Or perhaps he did know it all along, but after constantly facing separation and death, various kinds of pain, various kinds of sorrow, and various unavoidable escapes, he had long forgotten and become numb.
But that doesn't seem right either. What was he thinking about earlier?
It's as if he thinks she's not worth confiding in and wants to get rid of her. If that's the case, why bother wondering if she really likes him...?
He stared into the darkness before him, his thoughts drifting uncontrollably back to the day he questioned Li Chen about his destination.
In fact, he only believed half of what Li Chen said at the time, and when he heard the phrase "love grows over time," he felt disgusted, angry, and ridiculous.
But now he suddenly feels that the word is actually quite good.
Although he knew in his heart that he didn't like her and that feelings would never develop over time, if possible, Li Chen was willing to tell her the truth about her origins and not lie so much. They could be friends...
Sending her away now would be too hasty. Observing her a little longer should not be a problem...
Li Chen had no idea what Shen Zhengyuan was thinking last night. She only knew that when she woke up the next day, Shen Zhengyuan's attitude towards her seemed to have softened. He even started to look at her more actively and took the initiative to find a broom to sweep the floor.
Li Chen was very satisfied with his actions, but the most urgent task now was to repair the roof, otherwise the second floor would be uninhabitable and they would have to continue sleeping together.
To be honest, she was quite relieved to know that Shen Zhengyuan didn't have any strange intentions towards her, but the problem was that this guy was always making a fuss at night, disturbing her sleep and not only preventing her from sleeping herself, but also disturbing her peaceful dreams. His sense of morality was too low. Sharing a room with him all the time was really affecting her sleep quality, so it was better to separate as soon as possible.
Fortunately, there were plenty of usable materials in the place. Occasionally, she could find some furniture and decorations that could be repaired and barely used, which made her very satisfied. So she got up early in the morning and searched around for things. She also asked Shen Zhengyuan to put everything that could be used into his Qiankun bag so that it would be convenient to move it into the small building later.
After the two of them had searched around and gathered all the materials needed to repair the house, they returned to the small building.
She watched as Shen Zhengyuan placed the various types of wood he had collected from his Qiankun bag onto the ground. These woods, of course, could not be used directly; they had to be shaped into suitable forms first. So she asked, "You have so many magical treasures in your Qiankun bag, do you have any divine weapons that can cut through iron like mud?"
Shen Zhengyuan paused, as if recalling something, and then took out a small knife from his Qiankun bag.
Although this knife looks small, it is a rare and powerful weapon that can easily split the wood without the need for a saw.
A note from the author:
Xiao Shen's left and right brains are at odds; on one hand, she wants people to leave, and on the other hand, she wants them to stay, and she even finds reasons to convince herself to accept it. [doge][doge with rose in its mouth]
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