Chapter 97 Disappearance You disappeared without a trace before, how can I...
The leader of the Body Cultivation Sect nodded. "That's true. Actually, many people knew about this at the time, but the sect leader had said that no one was allowed to discuss it, and the Sword God was especially forbidden to know. That's why everyone talked about it secretly and never discussed it in public."
"Speaking of which, Zen Master Mingcun was truly prescient. He knew in advance that Master Zeng wanted to invite him to come out of seclusion, and asked a disciple in the Zen community to convey a message: If you want to invite him to come out of seclusion, you need to see how sincere Master Zeng is."
"As you know, layman, the Zen community has never valued gold and silver treasures, and Zen Master Mingcun was no exception. To show Zen Master Mingcun his sincerity, Abbot Zeng kowtowed every step of the way from the foot of Wufo Temple to its gate, climbing over 70,000 stone steps, taking a full day and night to reach the summit..."
Li Chenjin couldn't hear what they said next. She stood aside in a daze, not even knowing when the monks from Wufo Temple had asked them to leave.
All she knew was that when she came to her senses, Shen Zhengyuan was standing in front of her, looking her up and down.
When she finally came to her senses and subconsciously took a step back, he said in a very calm tone, "It seems that you and Zeng Shujin, the sect leader, are truly deeply in love."
"You planted peonies that filled the entire sword cultivation world for him, and he kowtowed all the way to the top of the mountain for you. You must have been very moved, right? Don't you wish you could return to the sword cultivation world immediately, reveal your identity, and live happily ever after with him?"
Li Chen frowned. "I don't know what you're talking about."
Shen Zhengyuan stared at her for a long time before slowly saying, "Is it that you really don't know what I'm talking about... or is it that... I hit the nail on the head, which is why you 'don't know what I'm talking about'?"
Li Chen took a deep breath, turned his face away, and said in a calm tone, "The past is the past. No matter how good things were before, it can't cover up what he did in the end. Besides..."
"Sect Leader Shen, in what capacity are you questioning me? A so-called Daoist partner whom I was unaware of before and whom I do not wish to acknowledge now?"
Her tone was very calm, revealing neither sadness nor joy, nor even a trace of anger. She simply stared at Shen Zhengyuan silently, as if engaging in a silent contest with him.
As Shen Zhengyuan gazed into her dark eyes, which carried an invisible pressure, he seemed to see, in a daze, the Sword God who was once full of murderous intent and only wanted to take his life.
They stared at each other silently for a long while, then Shen Zhengyuan suddenly asked, "If I were to kill him..."
Before he could finish speaking, Li Chenjin blurted out, "Then I will definitely kill you."
Shen Zhengyuan's gaze suddenly trembled, as if he could hardly believe that Li Chenjin would say such a thing to him.
In that instant, Li Chen seemed to see, through the present Shen Zhengyuan, the boy who, more than seven hundred years ago, was starving, cold, and riddled with injuries, struggling to survive in a chaotic world, and was not yet fully grown up.
When they first met, she could clearly see the wariness, disgust, and distrust in Shen Zhengyuan's eyes.
As they spent more time together, she gradually saw trust, gratitude, and affection in Shen Zhengyuan's eyes, but she had never seen Shen Zhengyuan like this before...
He looked aggrieved.
But thinking about it carefully, back then, she never let Shen Zhengyuan suffer any grievances outside. Whenever something happened, she would always be the first to rush to the front and seek justice for him.
Then stay with him, advise him, and comfort him...
In Shen Zhengyuan's memory, she had never argued with him because of anyone else, nor had she ever stood against him because of anyone.
In Shen Zhengyuan's heart, and even in her own heart, the past her and the present her had long been completely separated. Therefore, given her current status, it was impossible for her to return to the life-or-death situation she had with Shen Zhengyuan before.
We shouldn't go back to that life-or-death situation...
After a while, Shen Zhengyuan's expression returned to normal, as if everything he had just shown was just an illusion.
Li Chen watched him silently take a step back, and as he turned to leave, he whispered, "I'm sorry... that's not what I meant..."
She paused, then sighed deeply. "But I think we should both take a break. I can sense your feelings, but I never imagined I would become a partner with someone who is forcing me."
“Ah Yuan, I may have acted inappropriately in the past, but so much time has passed. I hope you can let go of the past and think carefully about what you really want, and also what I really want.”
Shen Zhengyuan turned around, looking at her with a deep gaze, and said, "What I want and what you want are never the same thing, and it is impossible to have both."
Li Chen remained silent for a long while before saying, "But I hope you understand one thing: I just don't want to have a conflict with you, not that I can accept anything you do. If you truly want what's best for me, can't you make even the slightest concession for me?"
"Then can you compromise for me?" Shen Zhengyuan suddenly asked. "Does being together mean that I have to keep making concessions?"
When did you regress?
"When have I ever not regressed?!"
Shen Zhengyuan suddenly grabbed her wrist and said, "If I hadn't backed down, you would still be in the Pure Realm right now, having lost all your cultivation and been turned into a puppet by me. You would only be able to obey me and wouldn't be able to have any of your own thoughts!"
“Li Chenjin, I have to be secretive and hide my desire to become your Daoist partner. I know you are unwilling to accept it or admit it. I just want to deceive myself in this way. Is that not even allowed?”
"You think I know nothing? You think I understand nothing? You think I've never met Zeng Shujin, is that it? You think I didn't understand before why you always stared into my eyes, and you still don't understand now?!"
“Li Chenjin, if it weren’t for me, and if the person in front of you now were Zeng Shujin, you would definitely be eager to become his Daoist partner, right? After all, in the past, in order to get Zeng Shujin to agree to be with you, you clung to him every day. Aren’t the things I did to him the same things you did to him in the past?”
Li Chenjin: "..."
Li Chen looked at him quietly for a long time before saying, "So when you were with me before, you were always thinking about these questions, right? You always felt that I treated you as a substitute, that I was two-timing you, that I was such a despicable and shameless person?"
Shen Zhengyuan: "..."
They remained silent for a long time, so long that the world seemed to become utterly still, before Shen Zhengyuan finally spoke: "...Isn't that so?"
Li Chenjin: "..."
To be honest, she wasn't sure if Shen Zhengyuan was speaking from the heart or just saying things out of anger, but it certainly stung her.
Therefore, she shook off his hand without any hesitation and said, "Shen Zhengyuan, let me tell you, I did wish I could become his Daoist partner before. The reason I chose to save you at first and didn't actually sever your tendons was because your eyes look a lot like his."
"If it weren't for the fact that you look a little like him, I wouldn't have saved you at all. I would find it annoying even to touch you. Is this what you want to hear me say? Do you feel better if I say these things and confirm your long-held suspicions?"
Shen Zhengyuan's breathing had stopped several times because of Li Chenjin's words.
Suddenly, it seemed as if not only his breathing had stopped, but also his heartbeat, causing his face to turn pale, as if he had returned to the time when he was seriously injured.
Seeing Shen Zhengyuan's appearance, Li Chen scoffed mockingly, pointed at him and said, "Judging from your expression, you really thought that way. So I've always been so worthless in your heart. No wonder no matter what I say to you, you don't listen or believe me, and just go crazy on your own."
“But let me tell you, I saved you not because your features resemble his, and I have never treated you as a substitute for anyone. You are you, and he is him; everyone is unique. If one day I were to mistake you for him, or him for you, it would not only be an insult to you, but also an insult to myself. I would never allow myself to do such a despicable thing.”
"Also, you said that what you did was also what I did, which is not right. No matter how flamboyant I was in the past, or how many stupid things I did, I could still win and lose. I have always acted according to my conscience and never hoped to get anything in return."
“If he truly doesn’t want to have anything to do with me, I will not force him. So Shen Zhengyuan, I’m not like you. If he rejects me, I can still become his fellow disciples and friends. The one who truly can’t afford to lose is you, and only you, but definitely not me. And it’s precisely because you can’t afford to lose that you use your own ideas to think about me, thinking that I also can’t afford to lose.”
As Shen Zhengyuan listened to her words, his eyes grew increasingly red.
In the end, he shed a tear in the blink of an eye, causing Li Chen to swallow back the words he was about to say.
He dodged Li Chenjin's outstretched hand, took a step back, and looked at her, saying, "Li Chenjin, you..."
His voice choked for a moment, and after a pause, he continued, "You lied to me from the very beginning. I... I didn't want to do those things, and I didn't want to have anything to do with anyone else. I just wanted to rebuild the cultivation world, and I just wanted revenge. It was you, you kept lying to me until I believed you, and then you suddenly... suddenly left."
“I’ve been looking for you for a long time. At first, I just wanted to find your body, but after searching for several years without success, I gave up. I always thought that you died because of me, just like those who left me in the end. They all died because of me, they all died so that I could live.”
"That's why I rushed to find you as soon as I knew you were still alive. I was actually very happy, happy that I wouldn't be alone anymore, and even happier that I wasn't destined to be a lone wolf. But as soon as I found out you were still alive, you told me you were going to die, and you told me to let go..."
As he spoke, he took a few steps back, his gaze towards her filled with disappointment and pain, as well as a more complex emotion that Li Chen couldn't decipher. "I hope you can live, and I hope we can be together forever. I know what I've done will disgust you, but you disappeared inexplicably before. How can you expect me to believe that you won't suddenly disappear again?"
Author's Note: There's a reason why Xiao Li used to tolerate Xiao Shen before; she knew she had a sharp tongue and was afraid of hurting people's feelings, but she actually did.
Actually, I'm a bit overwhelmed too. Yesterday's earnings were only 20 cents, haha, the data was so bad I didn't even dare to look at it [laughing and crying emoji]
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