Chapter 26: Harem Melon
After being kept in a side hall of Fengyi Palace and carefully raised for several days, Dongfang Yuning felt like he was about to grow mushrooms.
What frightened her the most was not the thrilling hostage-taking, but that bowl of...nuclear-level bitter medicine, and someone's "earth-shattering and tear-jerking" way of feeding her the medicine!
Now, whenever Dongfang Yuning sees the familiar black medicine bowl or hears the words "it's time to take the medicine", his scalp tingles reflexively.
What was even more terrifying was that Nangong Ye seemed to have mastered some kind of switch. Whenever she tried to cheat, procrastinate, or show an expression of unwillingness to surrender, Nangong Ye only needed to raise his eyebrows slightly, or just look at her lips meaningfully...
[Wuwuwu…Tongzi! His eyes are so scary! I feel like he wants to… want to do that again!]
Dongfang Yuning's inner alarm bells rang loudly.
[No, no! A gentleman can be killed but not humiliated! My lips are not a medicine spoon!]
System 118:
[Host, he who knows the current situation is a hero! Based on the principles of energy conservation and risk avoidance, oral administration is recommended! Oral administration is highly safe! Dignity is precious, but lips are even more valuable. If you want to be innocent, quickly bring the medicine bowl!]
[…Tongzi, have you read any strange novels recently?]
Dongfang Yuning complained inwardly, and under Nangong Ye's oppressive gaze, he timidly picked up the medicine bowl, pinched his nose, tilted his head back and drank it down! The action was done in one go, it was truly heroic!
When the medicine bowl was empty, her face wrinkled up, and she frantically searched for candied fruit with her tongue sticking out, wailing in her heart:
[Wuwuwu... I want to go home. I don't want to be in this damn place anymore~ Wuwuwuwu... This life is unbearable! Drinking poison every day! And being threatened by stares! I want to go back to modern times! I want to order takeout! I want milk tea!]
The resentment was almost solidified and hovered over Fengyi Palace.
Nangong Ye looked at her, who was angry but dared not speak, cowardly and aggrieved, and a smile almost overflowed from his eyes.
He slowly handed her a dish of the finest preserves, his fingertips seemingly carelessly brushing against her cheek, which had turned red from the medicine, and a trace of hidden regret flashed through his heart:
[Tsk, why isn't the little thing making a fuss anymore? Otherwise... feeding it medicine would be so much fun! That soft touch... that sweet smell (mixed with the smell of medicine is also a special feature)... and they didn't even give it a chance! What a shame...]
If Dongfang Yuning heard this, he would probably explode on the spot.
Not long after a few good days (days when you don’t have to take medicine), the “nightmare” of Yinshi arrives on time!
Familiar scene, familiar recipe.
Lian'er, the chief maid of Fengyi Palace, brought people and skillfully "dug" out Dongfang Yuning, who was still immersed in a sweet dream and wished to merge with the bed.
After drinking the refreshing bitter tea, putting on the complicated and gorgeous palace dress, they packed up and stuffed themselves into the luxurious sedan chair that symbolized "punching in for work."
[Zhou Paopi of the Nangong family! Devil! Beast! Wuuwuwuwu… It’s only what time now… It’s not even daybreak! Exploiting child labor! I’m going to file a labor arbitration lawsuit against you! I’m filing a complaint with the emperor!]
The resentment broadcast started on time, with great penetrating power, adding a bit of hopeless background music to the silent palace.
System 118:
[Host, hold on! Think of the melon fields! Think of those walking melon vines! The source of today's happiness is beckoning you!]
The comfort was insincere.
Empress Dongfang Qiwu stood at the gate of Fengyi Palace, watching her sister's sedan chair depart. She rubbed her aching waist, a trace of fatigue and despair on her beautiful face. Lately... she'd really been having trouble getting up.
In the past, the emperor was particular about treating everyone equally, but she, the queen, was content to be leisurely and just be dignified and virtuous. She had already kept her heart closed to avoid suffering.
But lately, Old Deng has been acting strangely. He's been ignoring all the beautiful concubines in the harem and going to her Fengyi Palace every day! He's so energetic that it's frightening!
That group of concubines will definitely go to the Queen Mother to make trouble this morning... It's better to go to her for refuge as soon as possible! If you can't afford to offend, you can afford to hide!
In the Golden Palace.
When the petite figure in gorgeous palace attire, whose face was still a little pale from illness but whose eyes were bright because she had just been "refreshed" by bitter tea, was carefully placed by the palace servants on the side of the emperor's brother-in-law's dragon throne, holding her own luxurious little stool—
Buzz!
The air in the entire court seemed to freeze for a moment, and then fell into an eerie, extremely oppressive silence.
All the ministers, regardless of rank, acted in unison: bowed their heads! lowered their eyes! held their breath! reduced their presence! In their minds, they frantically scrolled through their screens:
[You can't see me! You can't see me! I'm invisible! I'm air!]
[Ancestor! Little Ancestor! Please spare me! Please don't target me today!]
[The law of keeping the melon field ripe is invalid today! It’s invalid!]
[My underwear...oh no, my secret money...danger!]
Dongfang Yuning, bored, rested his chin on his hand, looking at the group of ministers below who looked like quails, and muttered in his heart:
[Huh? Why are these people acting like they're all going crazy today? Their shoulders are shrugging... Is this some kind of mass hysteria? Is it contagious? Ouch! This is scary! We need to stay away!]
She subconsciously moved the stool back.
Fortunately, the system seemed relatively lenient today. There were no earth-shattering revelations of confiscation of property, extermination of clans, or ruin of reputation. Instead, it played some harmless little tidbits of daily life in Dongfang Yuning's mind:
[Beep! Master Zhang of the Dali Temple, a master at hiding his private money! Location: The hollowed-out compartment of "The Analects" on the bottom shelf of the third row of bookshelves in the study!
Amount: Three hundred taels of silver! Note: Once discovered by the wife, I knelt on the washboard for three days.
[Beep! Doctor Li from the Ministry of Works, the epitome of henpeckedness! Every time his wife lectures him, he hides in the government office's toilet cubicle and secretly wipes his tears. This lasts for about an incense stick.]
[Beep! Minister Wang of the Ministry of Rites, while appearing serious and old-fashioned, actually... loves collecting all sorts of... uh, brightly colored... bellybands? Collection location: Bedroom secret compartment! He has unique tastes, preferring ones embroidered with large peonies...]
Although these melons are not fatal, they are vivid in details and have a strong sense of imagery! Especially Wang Shangshu's "unique hobby"...
“Puff…”
Someone couldn't help but let out a very light laugh, but then held it back tightly.
Then, an eerie atmosphere began to permeate the entire hall. Although the ministers tried their best to bow their heads, their shoulders shook even more violently, their faces flushed crimson, and some even had to pinch their thighs tightly to maintain their composure.
Nangong Yu, who was sitting on the dragon throne, twitched his mouth suspiciously, and glanced at Shangshu Wang, who was trying hard to be a quail, with a hint of understanding and teasing?
Dongfang Yuning looked at the ministers below who were all going crazy and became even more confused:
[It's over, it's over. Looks like this hysteria is highly contagious! Tongzhi, quickly show me if there's a mask nearby... No, a veil! I need some protection!]
System 118:
[…Host, according to analysis, the cause of the disease may be… you? You are the ‘source of infection’!]
Dongfang Yuning:
【??? I'm such a kind and beautiful person, how could I possibly be infected with hysteria?!】
Just as this strange atmosphere was about to reach its climax, and it looked like a minister was about to faint from trying to contain his laughter—
[Ding! Level 1 Alert! Urgent Melon Eating Mission Announced!]
System 118's voice suddenly became rapid and excited, instantly drowning out all the gossip about "secret money" and "belly bands"!
[Host! Rush to the battlefield! Location: Empress Dowager Cining Palace! Event: Collective complaint meeting of all concubines! Theme: Accusing the Empress of monopolizing the Emperor, demanding equal treatment!]
The Empress has arrived on the battlefield! The Queen Mother presides! The scene is in utter chaos! The melon fields are ripe, and every one of them is guaranteed to be ripe, sweet, and explosive! Hurry!
Dongfang Yuning's eyes suddenly lit up! Brighter than night pearls!
[Wow! Harem drama! My sister is in trouble! Eat some melons... No, go support her!]
Her heart instantly boiled.
[System, I'll give some silver to the guards carrying the sedan chair after the court session to invigorate them! Quick! At the speed of light! Charge! Target the Cining Palace! We won't stop until we've conquered the city!]
While she was making arrangements in her mind, she couldn't help but complain:
This old brother-in-law is so dirty! He's not afraid of getting sick with so many women! I'm lucky my sister didn't mind him being so dirty and using public toilets so many times!
He's so good, he's even causing trouble for my sister! Humph! I might as well find an opportunity and take my sister out to the world! Performing arts, opening a chain of snail noodle shops! Live a carefree life! This dirty man can be taken by anyone who wants him! I hate him so much~]
The three words "dirty man" were like thunder, striking Nangong Yu's head precisely on the dragon throne!
His face instantly turned dark! As black as the bottom of a pot! The knuckles of his fingers gripping the armrests of the dragon throne crackled, and the imperial pressure spread uncontrollably! The temperature of the entire Golden Throne Hall plummeted by ten degrees!
【!!! 】
All the ministers screamed in their hearts!
[It's over! This little ancestor is making a big mockery! And the target is the emperor! Dirty man... Puff... No, you can't laugh! Hold it in! You'll die!]
They even wanted to stop breathing, buried their heads even lower, and wished they could dig a hole in the ground to crawl into.
Experience tells them that if the little ancestor spews fire, the emperor will be very angry and the consequences will be serious! Moreover, the emperor is reluctant to touch the little ancestor, but he is very good at diverting his anger!
"cough!"
The great eunuch Fuquan sang at the perfect time, using all his life's skills:
"Retreat—towards—!"
The sound was so sharp that it could pierce the eardrums, as if sending a signal to everyone: Run! Save your life!
"I will take my leave!"
The ministers moved as if they had heard an amnesty order. They saluted, turned around, and retreated in an unprecedented manner. They scattered like birds and beasts in an instant, running faster than rabbits!
I was afraid that if I was a step slower, I would be roasted to death by the emperor's tangible anger.
Dongfang Yuning had no time to care about these things. Like a bird (hungry wolf?) released from a cage, she rushed to her own private sedan chair and waved her hand:
"Hurry! Cining Palace! Hurry as fast as you can! This princess will reward you handsomely!"
The sedan bearers got the hint and the silver they were about to get, so they lifted the sedan and ran towards the harem at full speed!
Nangong Ye looked at the little thing's anxious back, and glanced at his brother whose face was as black as charcoal. The corners of his mouth curled up with a hint of watching the show, and he said loudly:
"Brother Emperor, I haven't paid my respects to Mother for a long time. I have nothing to do today, shall we go together?"
Crown Prince Nangong Chengqian also immediately followed:
"Father, I miss Grandmother, too!"
Nangong Yu gritted his teeth, looking at these two brothers/sons who were obviously there to watch the fun and laugh at his own jokes, and squeezed out two words from between his teeth:
"Together! Go!"
He wanted to see what kind of trouble those women could cause! And that little sister who dared to call him a dirty man and even wanted to seduce his queen?!
The atmosphere in the Cining Palace was indeed extremely warm.
The Queen Mother sat in the main seat, twirling Buddhist beads in her hand, with a look of indifference as if she had seen through the world, but a barely perceptible interest was hidden in her eyes?
Empress Dongfang Qiwu sat below the Empress Dowager, with a dignified posture and a cold expression, like a perfect jade-carved beauty, and she turned a deaf ear to the humming sounds below.
She was thinking about her sister's suggestion of wandering around the world selling snail noodles. Hmm, it sounds... much more interesting than being a queen?
Below, all the beautiful women knelt on the ground. Several high-ranking concubines, headed by Consort De, were weeping bitterly, their tears streaming down their cheeks. (They thought they were being treated with pity.)
"Empress Dowager, please make the decision for us concubines!"
De Fei's voice was gentle and full of tears.
"Your Majesty...Your Majesty, he hasn't set foot in the palaces of the other sisters in the harem for more than half a month!
"She stays in Fengyi Palace every day... every day. This... this is against etiquette! Even though the Empress is the Empress, she should... should advise the Emperor to treat everyone equally!"
As she spoke, she glanced at Dongfang Yuqing with a sad look.
The other concubines immediately echoed:
"Yes, Your Majesty! We, your servants...are useless!"
"This little princess of yours has lost weight because of missing her father every day..."
"My palace is almost covered in spider webs..."
Dongfang Qiwu felt nothing in his heart, and even felt like laughing:
[Whatever, flip whose card you want, I'm happy to be alone. It's good to be calm, at least I don't have to keep the lights on every night and wait, tormenting myself.]
She picked up the teacup and took a sip gracefully, as if she was enjoying a farce that had nothing to do with her.
Just then, there was a commotion at the entrance of the palace.
"The Emperor has arrived—!"
"Prince Yong has arrived—!"
"His Royal Highness the Crown Prince has arrived—!"
"Princess Fuxing has arrived—!"
Wow! The main characters (the melon-eating group) are all here!
Nangong Yu, Nangong Ye, Nangong Chengqian, and Dongfang Yuning, whose face was slightly red and eyes were shining from running, rushed in almost one after another.
"Your Highness, I pay my respects to you. May your Highness be blessed with good health and happiness!"
When the concubines saw the emperor, they were as excited as if they had been injected with chicken blood. They immediately wiped away their tears (pretended), replaced them with the most charming and attractive smiles, their voices could make water come out of them, and their postures of saluting were even more charming.
Dongfang Yuning's scalp tingled at that scene, and he complained madly in his heart and to the system:
[Tongzi! Help! My trypophobia is coming on! This sobbing… I'm getting goosebumps all over the floor!]
[Host! Hold on! The melon field is right before our eyes!]
[Tong~ I finally understand. Ancient men were truly filthy! So many women sharing one... uh, public power bank? That must be filthy! Wow~ That's horrible!]
The villain in Dongfang Yuning's heart shook his head frantically.
[I've made up my mind! I don't want to get married! I want to be beautiful and alone! I want to be a happy little rich woman! I can't let anything dirty contaminate me!]
System 118:
[Support the host Dumei! Stay away from public facilities, and keep you and me healthy! ]
Nangong Ye: “…”
Looking at the emperor with resentful and hurt eyes
[Royal brother, take care of your harem! Don't implicate me! I'm innocent!]
Nangong Yu: “…”
(His face darkened)
[My sister-in-law is using this map cannon...]
Dongfang Qiwu looked at his sister with gentle and yearning eyes:
Ning'er is right... Dumei is great... Wandering around selling snail noodles... sounds really good...
Nangong Yu's inner alarm bells rang loudly:
[Wu'er, don't listen to her nonsense! I'm not dirty! I...I've only been using...that's not right!]
He immediately signaled Nangong Ye with a frantic look:
[Keep your future princess under control! Don't let her lead my queen astray! If you dare mention 'smuggling,' 'jianghu,' or 'snail noodles' again, I'll never let you go!]
Nangong Ye rolled his eyes:
【Mind your own group of whining monsters! 】
The Queen Mother watched this scene with undercurrents surging and eyes flying around with a smile, and she found it even more amusing when she saw the disgusted yet excited expression of her quirky little daughter-in-law (future daughter-in-law).
She waved:
"Ning'er is here? Come, come sit next to me! Are you feeling better?"
The tone was as intimate as if he was treating his own daughter.
Dongfang Yuning immediately jumped happily to sit beside the Queen Mother like a little bird that had found its nest.
"Thank you, Queen Mother! Ning'er is much better now!"
But her eyes couldn't wait to glance at the group of concubines below, especially Concubine De who had cried the loudest just now.
Defei felt a little uneasy when she saw Dongfang Yuning's surprisingly bright eyes, but she relied on the fact that she had given birth to princes and princesses, and she felt that Princess Fuxing was just a little girl, so what could he do to her?
She regrouped and took out the props she had prepared long ago - a crooked children's painting.
"Your Majesty~"
Concubine De's voice was so soft and charming, she twisted her waist and took a step forward.
"Look, this is the family portrait the little princess painted for you, thinking of you day and night! Look how much care went into it! The little princess misses you so much she can't eat. I'm so heartbroken that I've dared to ask Your Majesty to come and see the princess..."
As she spoke, she looked at the emperor with affectionate eyes, trying to arouse his fatherly love and some desire.
[Beep beep beep! Target locked: Concubine De! Big melon!]
The electronic sound of System 118 suddenly became excited.
[Host! Attention! High energy ahead! This Concubine De is a top graduate of the Harem Drama Academy and a professional scorpion! Every time she uses the princes and princesses as an excuse to attract the Emperor, there are dirty tricks hidden behind it!]
Dongfang Yuning was cheered up:
[Quick! Tell me in detail! What's the dirty trick?]
System 118 spoke rapidly:
She didn't love those children at all! To create the illusion that the children were sick and missing their father, she often abused them in private! She starved them of food! She pricked them with needles! She locked them up in a dark room! She deliberately made them catch colds and fevers!
[Holy crap! Even a tiger won't eat its own cubs! Is this still human?!]
Dongfang Yuning was shocked.
【It’s not over yet! 】
System 118 continues to expose information,
[When the emperor is truly deceived by her performance of loving the child, do you think she wants to use the child to win back the emperor's heart? Wrong! Absolutely wrong! She wants to use medicine!]
【Medicine? What medicine?】
【Powerful aphrodisiac incense! 】
System 118's voice was filled with contempt.
[She would light those vile things in the bedroom in advance! As soon as the emperor entered and inhaled those incense, he would feel hot all over and his consciousness would be blurred. Even a sow could look like Diao Chan, let alone the carefully dressed Concubine De?
And then… naturally, something happened! The emperor thought it was a burst of paternal love (animal desire?), and he felt pity for the child's mother! But in fact, he was drugged!
This time the little princess got sick, and it was because she had used the same old tricks again! She had made the little prince sick again! She was just waiting for the emperor, the big fish, to take the bait!
Oh my god!
Dongfang Yuning's three views were completely shattered after hearing this.
[This…this is too messed up, isn't it?! Despicable means! Vicious heart! Poor prince and princess! Poor…uh, although he's a dirty man, he's also quite pitiful, the emperor's brother-in-law!]
Being treated like a stud! My sister is even more pitiful! Being cuckolded in the palace... No, it's dirty water coming from the sky! This harem is like a giant bacterial culture dish! Sister! Let's run! No time to lose!]
This voice was like a depth bomb dropped on a calm lake! The amount of information was enormous, and the plot was extremely deplorable!
Concubine De was holding up the family portrait, posing with the most perfect angle and expression, waiting for the emperor to be moved.
Suddenly, she felt a chill run from the soles of her feet straight up to her head! Especially when she heard the words "torture princes and princesses," "incense," "drugs," and "stud," it was like thunder exploding in her ears! Her biggest secret! Her most filthy trick!
I was actually... deceived by this little girl... in such a mysterious way... and had my underwear stripped off in public!
"ah--!"
The extreme fear and the shame of having her secret exposed instantly overwhelmed Concubine De's sanity! She could no longer maintain her charming appearance. Her face instantly turned as pale as a ghost, and her features were distorted with horror and anger!
She suddenly pointed at Dongfang Yuning, who was sitting next to the Queen Mother with a look of "I'm just in a daze" on her face, and screamed, her voice as sharp as a ghost:
"Witch! You...you are a witch! You are slandering me! You are defaming me!"
This shout startled everyone!
Dongfang Yuning was pointed at by her, his face full of innocence and ignorance, he even shrank behind the Queen Mother and muttered softly:
"I...I didn't say anything?"
That expression is as pure as it can be.
Queen Dongfang Qiwu reacted instantly, immediately stood up, and stepped in front of her sister, protecting Dongfang Yuning tightly. Her beautiful eyes were full of dignity, and her voice was cold:
"De Fei! How dare you lose your composure and roar in front of the Empress Dowager and the Emperor, and even slander the princess! I think you've lost your mind!"
[Sister is awesome! Fight her!]
Dongfang Yuning was cheering for her sister crazily in her heart.
Emperor Nangong Yu's expression had gone from gloomy to mad! He listened to his sister-in-law's revelations, and combined with Concubine De's out-of-control reaction at the moment, what else was there to understand?
It turns out that the inexplicable emotions he felt after visiting Concubine De's palace several times before were actually caused by... being drugged?!
A surge of rage, feeling fooled and tricked, instantly consumed him! What made him even more disgusted was that this woman had actually abused his child! She had used his own flesh and blood as a tool to win favor!
"shut up!"
Nangong Yu roared like thunder, carrying the wrath of an emperor.
"Witch? I think you've lost your mind, and you dare to accuse Princess Fuxing! Someone, come here!"
The guards outside the palace came in in response!
"Capture Concubine De!"
Nangong Yu's voice was icy cold, and every word was filled with murderous intent.
"Immediately strip him of his title and banish him to the cold palace! He must not be released until he is dead! Thoroughly investigate Yonghe Palace for me!"
"Your Majesty! Your Majesty, please spare my life! I am innocent! It was that witch..."
Defei was roughly held by the guards and was still struggling and screaming wildly.
"Shut her up!"
Nangong Yu waved his hands in disgust.
"Drag him away!"
Defei's cries were blocked and she was dragged out of the Cining Palace like a dead dog, leaving the whole palace in deathly silence and a group of concubines with pale faces.
Just now they were whining and begging for equal treatment, but now they wish they were invisible! They are afraid that they will be the next ones to be skinned by Princess Fuxing!
The Queen Mother twirled her Buddhist beads, watched the farce come to an end, and sighed:
“What a sin…”
Then he looked at the people around him who looked "scared" but in fact
[Wow! It's ripe! So cool!]
Dongfang Yuning's eyes became even more loving. Is this little girl really the palace's...scavenger?
After dealing with Concubine De, Nangong Yu turned his gaze to Dongfang Yuning, who was protected by the Queen, with a complicated look.
This sister-in-law... really makes people love and hate her. He cleared his throat and was about to say something to ease the atmosphere, but his eyes met the still cold and distant profile of Queen Dongfang Qiwu, who had nothing to do with her at all. His heart suddenly tightened.
It's over! Wu'er must think he's dirty again! She must be thinking about "wandering around the world selling snail noodles" again! Can he... still enter Fengyi Palace tonight?
Dongfang Yuning was happily reviewing the situation with the system in his mind:
[Tongzi, this melon is delicious! It's just a little too much for Concubine De! What do you think of the cold palace Wi-Fi number?]
System 118:
[…Host, this system recommends that you observe the escape route before eating melons next time. For example, the emperor's brother-in-law behind you, with a dark green complexion, looks a lot like… Call Forwarding Rage?]
Dongfang Yuning:
【……???】
She subconsciously turned around and met Nangong Yu's unfathomable eyes that seemed to be brewing a storm.
[Tongzi! Quick! Plan the shortest route to the dog hole in the Imperial Garden for me! I feel like I'm going to die!]
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