Chapter 117
That evening, when Lin Ting received the "Winter Night" model from Chen Zhiyi, she was overwhelmed with emotions. She felt she should cry but couldn't. She only felt that the model was printed with two idioms: "The world is unpredictable" and "It feels like a different world."
It feels like all of this happened in a past life.
Her home was demolished, her mother passed away, and her father went to prison. She experienced all the misfortunes that a tragic heroine should have.
The sharp edges of the model pricked her palms until they turned red and sore. She should have cried, but even though her eyes were red and swollen, the tears still wouldn't fall.
In the past, tears and resentment arose because these things were still there, providing a source of pain. But when these things are gone, the things that couldn't be let go of, the entanglements, the things that clung to in my heart also dissipate. Without them, there is truly nothing left.
When Chen Zhiyi saw Lin Ting with her head down, eyes glazed over and silent, he realized he had made a mistake. He had taken the photos back to make her happy, not to drag her back into the painful past.
He put his arm around her shoulder, letting her lean against his chest, and said in a somber tone, "I'm sorry, I gave you this gift because I wanted to make you happy."
Lin Ting hurriedly explained, "I'm not unhappy, I'm just..." Her thoughts were in disarray, and she was momentarily speechless, unsure of how to express herself.
Chen Zhiyi patted her back. "I understand. We have each other, and that's enough. Keeping this model is to remember the beautiful moments we shared, and to sever the bad ones. From now on, I will always be with you, loving you. We will create the beautiful future together, whether it's family, friendship, or love—it will flow endlessly."
Lin Ting looked up at Chen Zhiyi, her eyes glistening with tears, and said, "Okay."
It's enough to have you by my side.
"Did you watch the live stream? I think I did pretty well, right? A lot of people in the chat said I could try being a commentator." Chen Zhiyi changed the subject to lighten the mood.
Those clothing terms were all taught to me by Lin Ting before we set off. He taught them in a very official way, and when I said them, they sounded rather sentimental.
"Yes, they all performed exceptionally well. No wonder they are actors."
Chen Zhiyi said proudly, "That's right, actors are best at improvisation and embellishment."
Lin Ting squinted and drawled, "Exaggerating? So you weren't being sincere about what you said."
Chen Zhiyi immediately raised his hand and swore, "May Heaven judge loyalty and treachery, my heart for you is as clear as the sun and moon."
Lin Ting slapped his raised hand down, "What nonsense are you talking about?" She couldn't help but laugh.
Chen Zhiyi gently pinched her cheek, "A smile makes you ten years younger."
"Come on, you're just trying to make me happy."
"If I don't comfort you, who will I comfort?"
It's rustic and sour, but it's sweet inside!
“I’m off tomorrow, let’s go back to Pear Town,” Chen Zhiyi suddenly suggested.
Lin Ting was a little puzzled, "Why go back to Pear Town?"
"I want to go see my aunt."
The next day, the weather was fine and sunny. Lin Ting took Chen Zhiyi back to Lizhen. Lin Qin was buried in the cemetery. In the past few years, Lin Ting would always visit her mother during festivals and holidays, coming and going quietly. She didn't want to see anyone she knew. Now her uncle's family had also moved to the county town, and it seemed that they had no ties to Lizhen anymore.
Chen Zhiyi followed Lin Ting and stopped in front of a tombstone in a corner of the cemetery. Lin Qin preferred quiet, and Lin Ting didn't want her mother to be bothered by everyone after her death, so when choosing a burial plot, she selected a corner with trees and artificial hills around it, enclosing Lin Qin's grave so that she could have some peace and quiet.
Chen Zhiyi bent down and placed the bouquet of gardenias in front of the tombstone. He stood up and looked at the photo on the tombstone, his eyes slightly moist. He had only met Lin Qin twice, and his deepest impression of her was that she always had a kind and gentle smile and was a mother who loved her child with all her heart.
I still remember the last time we met. Lin Qin pulled me aside for a late-night chat. She said a lot, and what she was most worried about was Lin Ting. That night, Chen Zhiyi made a solemn vow in front of her, saying that he would protect Lin Ting, love her for the rest of his life, and take good care of Auntie with Lin Ting, and that the family would always be together.
Not only was the vow not fulfilled, but it also became a final farewell.
Shame, incompetence, and regret swept over me again, just like countless times in the past nights, my body felt like it had fallen into a cold ice cave, cold and stiff.
Lin Ting sensed the change in his body, took his hand, and intertwined their fingers.
Chen Zhiyi turned his head to look over, and Lin Ting met his gaze, her smile as warm and beautiful as spring.
“My mom has never blamed you, because she knows that you love her as much as she loves the people she cares about in this world. She will only thank you.”
Chen Zhiyi clenched his fist, his large palm completely enclosing Lin Ting's hand.
Lin Ting said to the tombstone, "Mom, Zhiyi and I have come to see you. Yes, we are back together. This time I am no longer hesitant or wavering. I will stand firmly by his side. We will be fine, so you can rest assured. You must be well over there too. If you miss me, come to see me in your dreams. Just like when I was a child, I will snuggle in your arms and tell you about my recent life and the fun things that happened to me."
Chen Zhiyi: "Auntie, I still want to say sorry. I didn't do what I promised you, but please give me another chance. This time I will definitely keep my promise. I love Lin Ting. My love for her can't compare to your love, but it's no less. Loving her is the most worthwhile thing I've ever done in my life. I will love her until I grow old, and I will never leave her. Please, you absolutely must believe me."
"Yes, I believe you. I'm speaking on behalf of my mother," Lin Ting said with a smile.
Seeing the lively and joyful expression on Lin Ting's face, and seeing her standing in front of Lin Qin's grave, Chen Zhiyi finally believed that she no longer held a grudge about what happened three years ago and was genuinely willing to start over with him.
It's so good, so lucky that you can come back, and that we can go back.
Chen Zhiyi turned around and hugged Lin Ting for a long time, so long that Lin Ting felt embarrassed.
"You can relax now, everyone's watching."
Chen Zhiyi smiled and released her, saying, "What you said sounds pretty scary."
"hey-hey!"
"Okay, I have a few more words to say to my mom." Lin Ting said, looking at the photo on the tombstone.
"Mom, we've settled everything. I know you still have someone you care about. I'm sorry, I haven't visited him since he went to jail. Some things can be let go of, but not forgotten. A few days ago, Prosecutor Yan called me. Prosecutor Yan is the prosecutor in the original case. He said he's been behaving well in prison and should be able to get released early. I think you'll be very happy to hear that. If he has a conscience, he should come to see you when he gets out. If he doesn't come, don't worry about him anymore. You've thought about him your whole life, that's enough. You're such a good person, you'll definitely meet someone who loves you wholeheartedly in your next life."
The two stayed a little longer before leaving.
Chen Zhiyi glanced at Lin Ting, not expecting her to say that in the end. She loved her mother so much, and thought she would pray to continue her mother's love in the next life.
"Is there something you want to ask?" Lin Ting noticed that glance just now.
"I thought you would say you hope to be my daughter again in the next life," rather than hoping that Lin Qin would find a good man again.
Lin Ting didn't answer directly, but said, "When we were little, during the hardest time of our lives after being abandoned, I asked my mom, 'Do you regret meeting my dad?' She said no. Before she passed away, I asked her the same question again, and she still said no. So in her heart, she had a deep regret about my dad, perhaps even more than her feelings for me. If she could do it all over again, knowing the outcome, my mom would still choose to meet my dad. My dad originally had a very heavy sentence, but my mom made me take out the demolition compensation money to pay to the court to offset some of the charges, which reduced his sentence by a few years. My mom really devoted her whole life to my dad, and she was also ruined by him. This love was too heavy and too humble. It's enough to stop in this life; I don't want it in the next."
Chen Zhiyi thought, "But, but..."
"But what?" Lin Ting asked.
Chen Zhiyi stopped and stood in front of Lin Ting. "In that case, I won't be able to meet you in the next life." He loved Lin Ting so much, and he firmly believed that he and she would be together for all eternity.
Lin Ting wrapped her arms around his waist. "I don't like making promises about the next life. It's too unrealistic. It's already difficult enough to grow old together in this life. Why drag it out to the next? Cherish the present and protect the present so that you won't have any regrets."
"Okay, then let's make a promise for this lifetime. I also promise that the regrets your parents have had will never happen to us."
A lifetime is long; we walk hand in hand from youth to old age, watching each other grow old. Of course, a lifetime is also short, so short that it passes before we even realize we've done anything for each other.
So cherish the love while you can; don't put off until the next life what you can do in this one.
After all, no one knows whether tomorrow or an accident will come first, whether it's a reunion or a separation.
As soon as Lin Ting got into the car after leaving the cemetery, he received a call from a landline number. It was from the nursing home, informing him that Xie Yuling had passed away due to a sudden heart attack.
The news came as a surprise. Since Xie Yuling entered the sanatorium, she and Qin Wei had never made a point of inquiring about her situation; they had simply transferred the sanatorium fees to her every month.
Of course, Lin didn't know about this medical treatment fee. No matter how kind she is, she wouldn't be so selfless as to sacrifice herself for the person who hurt her the most.
The money was left by Qin Qiang. Whether it was precognition or a change of heart, he had opened a bank account in Qin Wei's name a long time ago and regularly deposited money into it for Qin Wei's future use. After all, he was his own son, and he knew his situation. He didn't expect his mentally challenged son to be successful; he just hoped that Qin Wei would have enough to eat and wear for the rest of his life.
In this way, he managed to save a considerable sum of money. Qin Qiang didn't touch this money even during his most difficult times, and the prosecutor's office couldn't find it when they came to investigate. After Qin Qiang went to prison, he told Lin Ting to withdraw the money and live a good life with Qin Wei, as taking care of Qin Wei was also his wish.
Lin Ting didn't spend the money; instead, she divided it into two parts: one part was used to pay for Qin Wei's autism rehabilitation classes, and the other part was entirely spent on Xie Yuling's recuperation.
Unexpectedly, Xie Yuling passed away after only three years. Lin Ting thought it would be a great relief, after all, it would be a great revenge, but it wasn't. Instead, he was very calm, as if he had heard some everyday news that had nothing to do with him.
Qin Wei was driven back to Lizhen by Zhang Ke. Xiao Yuan had just started learning, and Du Yuan's wife was about to give birth. Only Zhang Ke was truly at ease.
Speaking of Qin Wei, after arriving in Haishi, he joined a Lego club through Chen Zhiyi's introduction. He studied and trained there. Qin Wei was very interested in Lego and studied very hard. With his talent, he made rapid progress. His teacher said that he would be able to compete in a while and become a professional player.
Children with autism often possess extraordinary talents in certain areas. Qin Wei is fortunate to be able to shine in his beloved and proficient field and realize his life's value.
Lin Ting was also pleased. It wouldn't be bad to spend one's whole life stuck in a shop receiving and sending packages, but it would feel like a waste. She had always been doing what she loved, and she hoped Qin Wei could do the same.
Zhang Ke drove directly to the sanatorium, where Chen Zhiyi and Lin Ting waited in the parking lot. Lin Ting didn't go up to see Xie Yuling once, waiting in the car for Qin Wei to arrive. What she did couldn't be considered repaying evil with kindness, but it was more than enough. Considering the grudge between the two, she could now set off fireworks to celebrate at the entrance of the sanatorium.
Zhang Ke didn't linger; he dropped Qin Wei off and then left.
Lin Ting led Qin Wei to Xie Yuling's ward. Chen Zhiyi did not follow. When they arrived at the ward door, Lin Ting let Qin Wei go in alone and waited outside.
Xie Yuling was covered with a white sheet. After Qin Wei went in, he just stood at the head of the bed and looked at her without making any move.
Lin Ting glanced through the door and window, recalling Xie Yuling's fierce and arrogant demeanor. He never imagined she would also end up with a white sheet covering her body. He truly felt that the status, wealth, and power people pursued weren't so important anymore; in the face of life and death, everyone is the same, and no one can escape it.
A smile can erase all grudges; death can bring about a hundred lives. When a person dies, all those loves, hates, and grudges will eventually be forgotten.
Lin Ting understood why she was so calm about Xie Yuling's death: once it's gone, it's gone, and what's the point of worrying about it now?
Qin Wei stood there for a moment before coming out.
Lin Ting grabbed his hand. "Didn't you say a few words to her?" Although Qin Wei was emotionally slow, she was still his biological mother, and they had lived together for more than ten years. The blood relationship couldn't be denied. She was worried that Qin Wei would break down. If an autistic child suffers a major emotional shock, all the previous efforts will be in vain, and his condition will become the same as before, or even worse.
As a result, Qin Wei shook his head and said very clearly, "I don't know what to say to her, sister. Am I very unfilial? My own mother died, but I am not sad and can't cry. People say that mothers and children are connected by a deep bond, but when I stand next to her, I don't feel any pain at all. I try to recall the past between us, but I can't remember anything. I have no memories at all, neither painful nor happy ones. In the end, all I remember is that she is my mother."
This was the first time Lin Ting had heard Qin Wei speak at such a long length. She understood: only blood ties could prove they were mother and son; nothing else mattered. Qin Wei had never felt maternal love from Xie Yuling, and he had no feelings for her.
Lin Ting hugged Qin Wei and comforted him, "It's okay, no one will blame you for crying or not, none of that matters."
"Sister, what should we do next?"
"Go through the proper procedures, settle everything with the nursing home, then contact the funeral home to have her taken away for cremation."
"good."
According to the customs of Lizhen, when a relative dies, one must keep vigil for three days. Three years ago, when the Xie family had an accident, all the relatives severed ties with the Xie family. Only Qin Wei kept vigil, and he decided to keep vigil for Xie Yuling for one night and then let her be buried the next day.
Lin Ting told him that it was fine to come in three days, and that they could stay in Pear Town for a few more days. They should still observe the customs, after all, the dead should be respected.
Qin Wei said, "She was in pain all night giving birth to me, and I stayed by her side all night after she died. We're even now. I definitely don't want to be her son in my next life."
The next day, after Xie Yuling was cremated, she was buried in the cemetery, in the same cemetery as Lin Qin. There was no other way; this was the only cemetery in Lizhen, and everyone who died was buried there.
Chen Zhiyi was worried that Lin Ting might have a heart attack. He could spend money to bury Xie Yuling elsewhere, or move Lin Qin to Haishi for burial. He would never let Xie Yuling disturb Lin Qin.
Lin Ting refused. People believe in returning to their roots after death, and even if he died, he would want to be buried here, so why would he want to bury his mother here?
Besides, they're all dead now; let bygones be bygones.
After the burial ceremony concluded, Xie Yuling was laid to rest. As Qin Wei walked out of the cemetery, tears he had been holding back for so long finally streamed down his face. He squatted on the ground like a child, burying his face in his legs and sobbing uncontrollably.
Lin Ting squatted down beside him, patted his back, and comforted him. "It'll be alright if you cry it out."
Qin Wei looked up at Lin Ting, his face streaked with tears, his voice choked with sobs, "I do hate her. Why did she give birth to me but not care for me properly? Why did she protect me when other children bullied me? And why did she always lock me up at home? When I was ridiculed by classmates and teachers at school, she never stood up for me? She even pretended not to see when the housekeeper bullied me? I know she despises me, thinks I'm stupid and a disgrace to her. When I was feeling unwell or had an attack, I longed for her to hug me, but every time she looked at me with such disgust and disdain. Sister, am I really that stupid and foolish, so no one likes me? Everyone just hates me?"
Lin Ting immediately hugged his head and comforted him, "No, Xiao Wei is very smart. He can even participate in international competitions as a professional Lego player. Not many people can do that. Besides, I, Brother Chen, Xiao Yuan, the master craftsman in the shop, Han Ming, and Sister Xiao Lei, whom you just met, all like you very much. Don't have any self-deprecating thoughts. More people will like you in the future."
"Then why doesn't my mother, who should love me the most, love me?"
Lin Ting choked up a little, "Because not every parent is a good parent. Some parents have children because they love each other, some become breeding machines to carry on the family line, and some become things for them to show off and gain face. There are all sorts of strange things in the world that we can't control. It's their fault for giving birth but not raising their children, don't take the blame on yourself. We are in charge of our own lives. Parents are just there to provide support. If they can't provide support, it's better not to have them than to beg for them. They gave us life, but we create our own lives."
"Don't be sad, okay?" Lin Ting gently smoothed his messy bangs.
Qin Wei nodded, but he was still very sad. "Although I really want to hate her, when I think about how she is my mother, and how she is a child who has a mother, but now she is gone and my father is nowhere to be found, I have really become an orphan, as people say."
Chen Zhiyi squatted down to meet his gaze and patted him on the shoulder. "Your statement is incorrect. First of all, your sister and I are your family; you are not alone. Also, you are now an adult, an independent individual capable of living on your own and supporting yourself with your own hands. You no longer need anyone's protection. What you need to do is work harder, excel in your field of expertise, let others see your excellence and success, make those who once looked down on you look utterly astonished, and even let Xie Yuling in heaven see it all clearly, making her regret why she didn't cherish and love you properly back then."
When others have the lowest opinion of you, you are the one who proves them the most.
Lin Ting put their hands together, saying, "We will always be a family. Sister, brother-in-law will always stand behind you."
Hearing Lin Ting call him "brother-in-law" made Chen Zhiyi's heart flutter, and he couldn't hide the smile on his lips. "Yes, he's not only family but also a fan. Your brother-in-law has high hopes for you in your first match."
When Qin Wei mentioned the competition, he broke into a smile through his tears, the gloom on his face vanished, and he became confident. "Yes, I will definitely do my best."
A breeze blew by, lifting the white dandelions beside it. The dandelion fluff, carrying the seeds, drifted into the sky. In that instant, I witnessed the collapse of a life, but also the birth of countless new ones.
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