Chapter 32
The next morning at 5:30, Lin Ting got up from her second-floor guest room, packed her things, and prepared to leave quietly and completely.
As I reached the stairwell, I saw Chen Zhiyi coming down from the third floor. His eyes were dark and swollen, and his eyes were bloodshot. His once bright eyes had become dull and lifeless, showing that he hadn't slept all night.
Both of them spoke almost simultaneously, "Didn't you sleep well last night?"
Lin Tingtie thought to himself, "It seems I've still bothered you, so..."
Chen Zhiyi immediately interrupted, "So you've thought it through, right?"
Lin Ting nodded.
He knew what she was going to say, but he didn't want to listen or know. He wanted to stall for as long as possible, hoping that things would turn around.
"I have a mock exam today, it's very important, and I don't want my mood to be affected. Can you reply to me after I finish the exam?"
Looking into Chen Zhiyi's eager eyes, Lin Ting couldn't refuse.
For her, it was just a matter of sooner or later.
"Okay!" Lin Ting turned and left.
Chen Zhiyi called out to her, choking back tears, "Sister, please don't avoid me or hate me because of this, okay? My affection for you isn't embarrassing."
...
With her fever still not fully subsided and having not slept all night, Lin Ting had no energy to go to work and decided to take a day off.
It's just an internship; there's no need to go to such lengths as to risk one's life.
Sitting on the bus, Lin Ting leaned against the window and looked out. In the moment before the dawn had completely dispelled the darkness, the world outside seemed to be shrouded in a mysterious veil, and everything appeared so peaceful and profound.
Looking back on her time with Chen Zhiyi, aside from the initial conflicts of the first few days, things were very relaxed afterwards. She didn't feel any pressure from his family, but instead received a lot of care. The daily tea, fruit, and snacks, Mid-Autumn Festival mooncakes, and last night's pear soup and bird's nest soup—the long-lost warmth of family made her yearn for it. In that study, she didn't need to put on airs as a teacher, nor did she need to prepare lessons in advance; she could even do her own thing.
Chen Zhiyi is right, what kind of teacher is this?
But since they were just getting along normally and nothing particularly touching happened, how did they fall into this misunderstanding?
Lin Ting herself was indifferent to love and couldn't understand its complexities. She only felt that love was a deadly poison, causing unbearable pain.
Indeed, Chen Zhiyi's last words were like a sharp arrow, piercing deep into my heart, lingering there, and still causing a dull ache when I think about them.
She truly didn't want to hurt Chen Zhiyi's feelings; he was arguably the guy she'd spent the most time with besides her closest relatives. She had considered that ending the tutoring relationship would be difficult, but she would keep his contact information and they could remain friends who encouraged each other. However, she knew they could never become lovers.
I wanted to treat you as a younger brother, a friend, or a family member—I had so many choices—but you wanted to be my lover.
How could this world be so insane!
...
Opening the dormitory door, I encountered Ren Jingjing, who had just gotten up. Both of them looked sleepy and hadn't woken up properly. Yun Shu and Zhong Xiaoman had both found internships and weren't living in the dormitory for the time being.
Ren Jingjing thought she was hallucinating. "Why are you back in the dorm at this hour?"
Lin Ting: "I've taken the day off and I'm not going to the company."
Ren Jingjing wasn't talking about that. "Last night when I called you, Chen Zhiyi answered and said you had a high fever and were resting at his house. It's only been a few hours, and you're already better?"
Lin Ting felt completely lost whenever she heard the name Chen Zhiyi, and her bloodless face became even paler.
Seeing Lin Ting's helpless look, Ren Jingjing immediately understood and tentatively asked, "Did he confess to you last night?"
After she finished speaking, Lin Ting froze, as if struck by lightning, unable to move, staring at Ren Jingjing in disbelief.
Sure enough, Ren Jingjing guessed right. "Don't be surprised, you're just too oblivious. I noticed it when we ate together last time, and Yun Shu noticed it too. His eyes were on you the whole time, his gaze was practically drooling. When you smiled, he would secretly smile along with you. And whenever we talked about you, he was so focused, as if he didn't want to miss a single word. If you just paid a little attention, you could tell he really liked you."
Lin Ting sat at her desk, head bowed, feeling even more powerless. "Then why couldn't I see it?" If she had seen it earlier, she would have immediately pulled away, or even scolded him to wake him up and extinguish this evil seed.
Ren Jingjing: "Didn't Xiaoman say that you were implanted with a love-severing pill?"
Lin Ting didn't find it funny. "I'm so worried, stop joking."
Worried? This piqued Ren Jingjing's interest. You see, there were quite a few people pursuing Lin Ting, but in the past, she had always dealt with them coldly, simply ignoring them. This was the first time she had ever been worried.
She moved a chair over and sat down next to Lin Ting, wanting to have a good talk with her. With such a beautiful face, why was she living like a nun? Wasn't that a waste? Besides, she genuinely wanted Lin Ting to find someone who loved and cared for her, so that she could lighten the burden on her shoulders.
"Don't tell me what you're thinking. You're completely unmoved. In terms of looks, family background, and character, we can't find anyone better than him in our school."
Lin Ting: "What else can I think? He's just a tutor, a high school student who's about to take the college entrance exam, and a younger brother who's four years younger than me."
Ren Jingjing: "Don't shut me down with just one sentence. The three conditions you mentioned aren't immutable; they won't be a problem once the time comes."
Lin Ting: "How is it not a problem? When he said he liked me, I felt a deep sense of guilt. How am I supposed to face his family after this? His family really trusts me and takes care of me. I don't want to disappoint them or even make them hate me in the end. And if he fails his art exam or college entrance exam because of this, wouldn't I be a sinner for all eternity? We've all been through this, and we know how important this exam is. Right now, he should focus all his energy on this and not be distracted by anything else."
Ren Jingjing: "Chen Zhiyi must have considered all of these things you mentioned, otherwise he wouldn't have said them so easily. Besides, you know his grades best. Is it really possible that he will fail the college entrance exam? Not necessarily."
Lin Ting: "Did he contact you privately? Why are you speaking up for him like this? You weren't this concerned when other people were pursuing me?"
Ren Jingjing: "Did you even glance at those guys who were pursuing you before? Did you say a single word to them? Rejecting them was as easy as drinking water with them. But look at yourself now? You're radiating pain and guilt. Are you sure you don't have even the slightest bit of affection for him?"
Lin Ting made a firm decision without room for argument: "No, Jingjing. You know a little about my family situation, so I will never fall in love with anyone. I hate love and marriage; they only bring betrayal and hurt."
Yes, Ren Jingjing knows that Lin Ting grew up in a single-parent family. Her parents separated when she was very young due to incompatibility. This would indeed have some impact on Lin Ting's views on marriage and love, but she shouldn't despair. What makes the girl despair about these two people is the people themselves, not the two people themselves.
“What you went through wasn’t your fault. You shouldn’t blame yourself and let it affect your attitude towards love. You’re a wonderful girl and should enjoy being loved. And whether you like someone or not isn’t decided by words, but by your heart.” Ren Jingjing poked Lin Ting in the heart.
Lin Ting remained firm: "No, I can't accept his feelings for me; it makes me feel too guilty."
Ren Jingjing: "Don't be so hasty. You two have been together for half a year. I don't believe you have no feelings for him at all. Back when you were competing, if he hadn't come to your rescue, do you think you could have won? And last night, if he hadn't taken such good care of you, would you still be able to talk to me so confidently? When he told you he liked you, are you sure you didn't feel a little bit moved at that moment?"
Lin Ting was stunned. She remembered the light in Chen Zhiyi's eyes when she first met him, the flutter in her heart when he suddenly appeared backstage at the competition, and his profile on the catwalk with a mask on. She could feel the heart-fluttering attraction she felt for him as a boy. And last night, when he was taking care of her, she imagined who he could become in the future, and she felt jealous, a jealousy tinged with sourness.
Moreover, when he told her "I like you," she was morally shocked, but emotionally moved. However, at that moment, morality prevailed over emotion, leaving her no choice but to back down and refuse.
She couldn't be an emotionally ordinary person, but she was willing to be a moral saint; she didn't want to disappoint those who trusted her.
From childhood to adulthood, few people loved her, so she received little affection in return. For the little affection she did receive, she would go to great lengths to protect it, even at the cost of her own interests.
Seeing Lin Ting deep in thought, Ren Jingjing didn't want to bother her any longer and let her sort things out herself. Finally, she patted her shoulder and said, "Just like you said, he's still a high school student. You have to think carefully about how to handle this. Don't hurt a young man's pure heart, don't let him be troubled by love, and don't leave him with unpleasant memories of love, so that he will be disappointed in love."
It was still early, so Ren Jingjing climbed into bed for a nap.
Lin Ting sat in her seat, thinking for a long time. Coupled with her lingering illness, her mind grew increasingly heavy, so she climbed into bed. Lying on the bed, she stared blankly at the ceiling, the blanket covering her body, her hands constantly twisting and wringing the edges of the blanket, recalling everything that had happened during this period.
Yes, she had to admit that she was attracted to Chen Zhiyi, perhaps not deeply, but it had happened.
Other girls experience excitement and bittersweet feelings when they have someone they like, but she doesn't feel the panic she feels, as if she's done something unforgivable.
The little voice in my head told me, "Chen Zhiyi is so outstanding, it's normal for you to have some feelings for him. Don't put pressure on yourself."
Another little person immediately jumped out, "No, it's just admiration, there's no ulterior motive."
Yes, it's possible!
Can't!
With the double pull, her eyelids gradually grew heavy and closed up. In a daze, she seemed to see a painting.
As evening fell, she and Chen Zhiyi sat side by side by the lake, watching the sunset together, a warm and beautiful scene. Their reflections were mirrored on the shimmering lake surface, seemingly merging with the sunset, a picture of tranquility and peaceful bliss.
They began to talk quietly, sharing their thoughts and feelings. Lin Ting poured out her recent troubles and confusion, while Chen Zhiyi listened patiently, offering comfort and advice from time to time. Chen Zhiyi recounted interesting things that happened at school, some happy and some frustrating, and Lin Ting listened intently, as if she had returned to her innocent and naive high school days.
Their conversations had nothing to do with romance, yet they had endless topics, from daily life to future plans, from their hobbies to their values—they seemed to have an inexhaustible supply of things to talk about.
Lin Ting enjoyed the evening, appreciating everything they talked about—no romantic talk, just heartfelt communication, as if another version of herself had emerged in the world, engaging in dialogue with herself.
It's been so long since I've been able to let go of my worries and chat freely and openly.
They seemed to be immersed in each other's world, forgetting the passage of time.
Just then, an angry voice came from behind. "What are you doing?" Turning around, they saw Chen Lan staring at the two of them, her eyes flashing with an uncontrollable rage, like an enraged lion.
The two turned around simultaneously, and before they could even retort, Chen Lan angrily spoke up again, this time targeting only one person.
"Ms. Lin, we hired you at a high salary to be Chen Zhiyi's tutor, but you've been having an affair with my son behind his back. Do you deserve to be a teacher? Do you deserve the trust of the parents?"
Lin Ting felt her head spinning; a huge accusation was being leveled against her. She hurriedly explained, "Auntie, you've misunderstood. We were just chatting here, trying to find out about his recent studies. It's not what you're thinking."
Chen Lan refused to listen to any explanation. "I saw it clearly with my own eyes. You could have talked about these things at home. You didn't need to hide by this lake. Based on what you said, could you have just been chatting for so long? Is it believable?"
Lin Ting grabbed Chen Zhiyi's arm next to her, "You explain to your aunt that we were just talking about life, studies, or work, and we didn't cross any lines."
Chen Zhiyi's face was as cold as ice, and his voice was indifferent and mechanical, "Our conversation was normal, but that doesn't stop me from liking Teacher Lin and wanting to be with her."
Lin Ting was immediately stunned and released her grip on Chen Zhiyi's arm.
Chen Lan pulled Chen Zhiyi away from Lin Ting, "Still saying you're innocent to my son?"
Suddenly, Lin Ting heard a lot of unpleasant sounds.
"Hooking up with high school students behind their parents' backs is a disgrace to the school."
"How could they do this to their own student? It's disgusting, a disgrace to Tianjin University."
"So she was a pure white lotus flower. She rejected so many suitors at school, but then she got together with one of her own students. So she just likes to sleep with older men."
...
Slander and insults rushed towards Lin Ting from all directions like a raging flood, and in the next second she would be swallowed up without leaving a trace.
Suddenly waking up, Lin Ting was panting heavily, her chest heaving, and her back was soaked with sweat.
This is a dream, a true reflection of Lin Ting's inner fears. She doesn't want to turn her dreams into reality.
So she sent Chen Zhiyi a long message, thus ending their relationship.
He then sent Chen Lan his resignation message. Obviously, this time Chen Lan did not call to inquire about the situation or try to persuade Lin Ting to stay, after all, it was a reason that he could not refuse and a firm determination.
Chen Zhiyi was absent-minded all day. Today's mock exam was an excuse to procrastinate, and he was thinking about how to salvage the situation.
He disagreed with her resigning, but he was willing to reduce the number of counseling sessions; if three times a week wasn't enough, then once a week would be fine.
As long as we can meet and stay in touch, there's still a chance.
He won't give up.
How could you possibly give up on the first person you've ever liked?
Then, when Chen Zhiyi saw that message, he didn't know what to do. He knew she had always been a stubborn person, and once she raised her shield against someone, she was impervious to swords and spears.
Chen Zhiyi, I'm sorry, I can't accept your feelings, so I can't pretend nothing happened and continue being your tutor.
I won't be going to your place anymore. I've already told your mother. There will be a new, better teacher to take my place. You're so smart and outstanding; you'll definitely pass the art exam and the college entrance exam smoothly and get into your dream university.
You're still young, and many of your ideas aren't fully developed. When you grow up and experience more, you'll look back and realize how naive you were. Don't define "like" too easily. Gratitude, attachment, and admiration can all give rise to affection, but they're different from romantic love. In the future, you'll definitely meet the right person, someone who makes your heart flutter. At that time, you'll truly understand what "like" means.
I'm sorry I can't keep my promise to be there for you, but I won't delete your contact information. If you encounter any doubts or difficulties, you can still come to me. Although we can't meet in person, we can still communicate online. Consider this my way of accompanying you on your art exam journey.
A promising young man with a bright future
May you always be able to pursue what you love in the future.
May you live up to your time and achieve your full potential.
Lin Tingliu
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