Chapter 40
“My dad and mom fell in love when they were young, but my maternal grandfather’s family was poor, and my dad’s family looked down on them. In addition, my mom hadn’t even finished junior high school, while my dad had graduated from high school. Even though he didn’t get into university after failing the college entrance exam, my mom was still considered inferior in their family’s eyes. But that didn’t stop them from having a very good relationship, and they eventually agreed to let them get married.”
“They looked down on my mom, but when they first got married, my mom was the one who supported the family. She was good at embroidery and always had a steady stream of work, while my dad was unemployed at that time and had no skills to make a living. In the 1990s, accounting was a very popular profession, and my dad wanted to learn accounting and get an accounting certificate, but his parents disagreed. My mom still earned money to support him. The family expenses and my dad's tuition were all covered by my mom. Even when my mom was pregnant with me, she was still working hard to get work during her postpartum period. Fortunately, God was on his side, and my dad successfully passed the accounting certificate exam and became a professional accountant.”
"Actually, before I was ten years old, my family was not very wealthy, but we were very happy. Every day, our home was filled with laughter. But when I was ten, everything changed."
At this point, Lin Ting lowered her head and remained silent for a while. Chen Zhiyi could clearly see the tear stains on her pants. He didn't know how to comfort her, so he tightened his grip on her hand with both of his, determined not to let her hands get cold.
After a moment, Lin Ting continued, "That year, my dad passed the exam and got a job as the chief accountant at the town government in the neighboring town. Everyone envied him. In his parents' eyes, it was a glorious thing for the family. And it's true, he'd be a civil servant with a permanent position. And they had even more reason to look down on my mom. But it didn't matter, as long as my parents' love remained the same. But all of that was destroyed after that woman appeared. Xie Yuling, the daughter of the town mayor of the neighboring town, started pursuing my dad relentlessly after a chance encounter. Yes, a younger, more dazzlingly beautiful girl from a better family was showing her love relentlessly, following him around. No man could resist that. Finally, on my tenth birthday..."
Lin Ting will never forget that day, which ruined all her birthdays for the rest of her life.
Her birthday is on Christmas Eve. Every year, her family would sit around the stove at the door and eat hot pot. It was so warm and cozy, and it was even more romantic when it snowed.
That evening, Lin Qin held Lin Ting's hand as she returned from school with her left hand, and carried hot pot ingredients and a small cake she had bought with her right hand, ready to celebrate her tenth birthday, which was a big one.
The mother and daughter stepped into the front house with smiles on their faces. They saw a pink bicycle they had never seen before parked in the hallway. They could tell at a glance that it belonged to a girl. They walked towards the back house, but the door was tightly closed. However, they heard unusual noises coming from inside.
Lin Ting was still young at the time and didn't understand anything about men and women, but she could still tell that there were two voices. The man was her father, and the woman was a voice she had never heard before. They sounded like they were fighting, or like they were sick, with constant panting. She was terrified.
As Lin Qin walked toward the closed door, her face grew paler and paler.
As the front door opened, clothes were scattered all over the living room floor. Lin Qin's hands had been trembling since she opened the door. Lin Ting gripped her mother's left hand tightly. She smelled the unusual scent and saw the clothes scattered on the floor in the hall. Every pore on her body seemed to explode with dread.
Upon opening the master bedroom door, she saw her beloved father and a strange girl, their bodies entangled, naked and pale—a scene both disgusting and shocking.
But there were no fights, arguments, or cries of people caught in bed together, as seen in the news. There was only the mother's helpless and regretful weeping. Snowflakes covered her, leaving her covered in white, and chilling her heart to the bone.
The cake that fell to the ground became the last birthday cake in Lin Ting's memory.
"Later, in order to legitimately and without any blemishes, the mistress used her family connections to slander and spread rumors, throwing baseless accusations at my mother. It was clearly them who cheated and acted shamelessly, but they claimed that my mother seduced other men and was caught red-handed by my father. In that era when social customs were valued, my mother became the target of public criticism, seen as a shameless woman. She had no way to defend herself and could not seek justice. In order to save my face and quell the storm as soon as possible, she had no choice but to sign the divorce agreement. On New Year's Eve, she was kicked out of the house by her in-laws, and I was kicked out with her. On a day when families were supposed to be reunited, my mother and I were left home alone, while her family raised their glasses and laughed."
“You’re included too. Aren’t you their daughter, their granddaughter? How could they do this? They’re simply…” Chen Zhiyi, with his inner cultivation and deep respect for family and relatives, couldn’t bring himself to utter those four words.
Although he often argues with his parents, he still loves them deep down and knows that they love him too, just in their own way. Their ideas and ways of doing things are conflicting, but love has no conflict.
How could anyone not love their own child?
How can anyone actually abandon their wife and children?
He phrased it more delicately, "They're simply not mothers."
Lin Ting snorted coldly, "We live in a small town where boys have always been heavier than girls. Besides, given Xie Yuling's personality and her family's situation, how could she possibly tolerate my dad having a child in his arms? And Qin Qiang's parents never liked my mom, so how could they possibly keep me here just to climb the social ladder? If medicine were advanced enough, they would want to wash away half of Qin Qiang's blood that flows in my veins. I can't stand their smug, self-satisfied looks for even a second."
"But sometimes fate is just unkind. Later, Comrade Qin Qiang, relying on his wife's family's influence, rose rapidly through the ranks and became the head of the county-level finance department."
"Where did you and your aunt go? Where are you staying now?" Chen Zhiyi asked softly.
"The house belonged to my maternal grandparents. They took us in, but luckily my uncle and aunt had already gotten married and moved out of the house. However, they still valued their son, so they mostly favored my uncle. My mother earned all our food, clothing, and tuition. After the accident, she couldn't get any embroidery work for a long time. To support me, she worked as a waitress, a bathhouse attendant, and a cleaner. In winter, her hands were soaked in cold water for long periods, causing chilblains that were itchy and painful, keeping her awake all night. Later, as time passed, everyone forgot about it. Plus, my mother was skilled, her prices were low, and she could finish quickly, so she got more work." My embroidery work increased again, but it also damaged my eyes, caused herniated discs in my lumbar and cervical vertebrae, and left me with a host of health problems. To help ease my mother's burden, I also learned embroidery from her. I could handle even the simplest patterns. In fact, my mother was my first embroidery teacher. During holidays, I did all sorts of jobs, like the ones I told you about before, such as working as a cashier at the arcade, babysitting for the neighbors, and sorting newspapers and milk. You probably only heard about these things in TV dramas, but you didn't expect them to actually happen in real life. Sometimes when I read fairy tales, I feel like I'm Cinderella in real life, always covered in dust and dirt." Lin Ting said with a self-deprecating laugh.
Every word she spoke was like an invisible hammer striking Chen Zhiyi's heart. Each beat carried a heavy burden, making it difficult to breathe and causing a feeling of oppression and suffocation. It turned out that she had lost the innocent and romantic smile and unrestrained vitality in the photos in such suffering.
“But I remember that even if you get divorced and the court awards custody to your aunt, he is still obligated to pay alimony. He also said that he has already sent money to you. Why didn’t he ask me for it? I don’t mean anything by it, I just think that you should take what is rightfully yours, so that you can live a more comfortable life.”
"For the first year or so, we did receive alimony, but it wasn't paid in cash. Xie Yuling would come over in cash, and every time she came to see my mother, she would make sarcastic remarks, like feeding a stray dog. If you want me to give you food, you have to wag your tail and bark a couple of times to make me happy. For my sake, my mother endured all her insults. But I didn't know that. Then one time I bumped into her, and I went crazy and chased her away. From then on, even if my mother and I died of hardship and starvation, we would never take a penny from them again. Now, things have finally turned around. I successfully entered university, and the scholarships, competition prizes, and part-time jobs I earn each year can completely cover my mother's and my living expenses. She no longer has to embroider under the stars and moon. I even have some savings. A couple of years ago, I even paid to renovate the house. Didn't you notice how new the walls and roof are? Before, it's no exaggeration to say that when it rained heavily outside, it drizzled inside. Wasps could build nests in the bedroom, and in the summer, we would get anemia from mosquito bites."
Chen Zhiyi disregarded everything and hugged her tightly. He had never felt such pain in his heart before; the girl he loved had suffered so much.
Others in the same situation would probably have given up and gone astray long ago, but she persisted in being herself and did not bow to suffering. Like a snow lotus blooming on the edge of a cliff, pure and beautiful, she bloomed alone, interpreting the power of life with resilience and purity.
Lin Ting didn't push him away. She could feel his burning love. She had been fighting alone for a long time and needed such a sincere embrace. She reached out and patted his back gently, as if to comfort him.
"You don't need to feel bad for me. Heaven has eyes. Qin Qiang and Xie Yuling had a son not long after their remarriage, but unfortunately, he was autistic and severely intellectually disabled from a young age. Tests revealed it was genetic, and that gene came from Xie Yuling herself. She had a mental illness, and she had been married once before. Her ex-husband discovered her problem and divorced her. So Qin Qiang didn't live as carefree as he appeared. He was a live-in son-in-law, dependent on his wife who could go crazy at any moment, and a mentally disabled son who couldn't be left alone. Thinking about all this, the tears my mother and I endured all those years seem less painful. I just feel sorry for my mother. Her youth, her sincerity, her feelings—all turned into ruins that can't be rebuilt, and she's buried inside, unable to escape."
"And what about you? Have you made it out?" Chen Zhiyi asked her.
Lin Ting released his embrace and stared at him blankly.
"So this is why you've cut off all love and affection?" Chen Zhiyi asked again.
Lin Ting did not reply, turning her head to look elsewhere.
Chen Zhiyi held her chin, preventing her from looking away, and asked, "Can you answer me?"
"Is this important?"
"Yes, it's very important." His gaze went straight into Lin Ting's eyes, trying to see through her true thoughts.
"Yes, I don't deny it. My parents' relationship is every child's first model of love and marriage. I have studied my own model carefully. It is absurdity that shines through the pages, betrayal that is penetrating to the core, and pain that is etched into my bones. So it has made me pessimistic about love and marriage from beginning to end. I am unable to love people, and I do not believe that anyone will stand by my side from beginning to end and will firmly choose me."
"I will!" Chen Zhiyi said firmly and directly without any hesitation, as if he had already made up his mind and had no regrets.
"Give me a chance and I can prove it to you."
At some point, vows lost their credibility for Lin Ting, but she believed them when they came from Chen Zhiyi's mouth. After all they had been through, she had no doubt about his sincerity at this moment.
But how long can such sincerity last? Will it fade when faced with various temptations and setbacks? Or will it lead to a change of heart?
"Would you betray me?" This was the question Lin Ting was determined to ask.
"Those who betray will die a horrible death." The most poisonous vow, the most steadfast love.
Chen Zhiyi grasped Lin Ting's hands tightly once more. This was his chance, a chance to lay his heart bare before her.
"I've never been in love before, and I never knew that liking someone could feel so painful yet so joyful. Sister, this isn't actually my first time in Nancheng, in Lizhen."
Lin Ting's eyes widened: "You've been here before? When?"
Seeing Lin Ting's reaction, which showed she didn't remember her at all, Chen Zhiyi felt disappointed. "Sister, do you really have no memory of me at all?"
The same thing, the same people involved, one has a vivid memory while the other acts as if it never happened. Isn't that unfair?
Upon hearing this, Lin Tingxin perked up and tried hard to recall. After thinking it over, she realized that her first meeting with Chen Zhiyi was on the first day of tutoring. "What do you mean? Wasn't our first meeting the day I went to your house to tutor you?"
Chen Zhiyi shook his head. "It seems you really don't remember." He took out his phone and pulled out a photo. "This is a photo I took in Pear Town when I was ten years old."
"Ten years old? That is, nine years ago?"
“Yes.” Chen Zhiyi flipped to another photo. “Sister, did you embroider this?”
Lin Ting zoomed in on the photo and examined it closely. It was a gardenia, her favorite embroidery pattern. Although the stitches were sparse and worn, she still recognized it. Nine years ago, she had just started learning embroidery from her mother, and the gardenia was a pattern she often practiced.
But how could he have it? Lin Ting's brows furrowed, and her brain began to scan again, but she still couldn't remember anything. She could only look at Chen Zhiyi in disbelief.
Chen Zhiyi grasped Lin Ting's hand and led her back to what happened nine years ago. "That year, my parents and I came to Lizhen for research. I went out to play by myself and saw other children climbing trees. I wanted to join them, but I fell down as soon as I climbed up. My clothes were torn, my arm was scraped, and my face was covered in dust. I was a mess and they laughed at me. You came over, scolded them, and chased them away. You cleaned my wounds and sewed up the holes in my clothes. This gardenia is the one you embroidered on it back then."
Upon hearing this, Lin Ting seemed to recall some memories, but not many. He vaguely remembered a little boy who didn't talk much and almost thought he was mute, but was fair-skinned and looked like a delicate porcelain doll.
"You're that 'little mute'?"
Chen Zhiyi smiled and said, "Yes."
Lin Ting laughed along, marveling at the wonder of fate.
Chen Zhiyi continued, "That day, I felt like you were a female knight-errant from a martial arts novel, descending from the sky to save me, and then you even mended my clothes. Honestly, none of the women in my family, including my mom, my grandma, and my maternal grandma, would do this. I just thought you were so cool and amazing."
"What? What heroine? That's an exaggeration." Lin Ting rubbed her forehead, feeling a little embarrassed. In her eyes, this was just helping others, a very small thing, yet he remembered it for so long.
No, the situation on my first day tutoring at his house didn't seem like he recognized me.
"When did you recognize me? The way we were so confrontational when I went to your house the first day didn't seem like you recognized me."
Chen Zhiyi said embarrassedly, "I didn't recognize you on the first day. It was when I accidentally hurt you during my argument with my mom that day. After you left that day, the lucky charm on your bag fell off, and I recognized you because I saw the same gardenia pattern on it."
"So that's why you called me later, insisting on meeting me and asking me to stay and tutor you?"
Chen Zhiyi nodded.
"So you like me because of the memory of me saving you when we were kids."
Chen Zhiyi did not deny it, "A little."
Lin Ting felt a little disappointed, unable to explain why. Her heart felt heavy, and her tone turned cold. "To repay a debt of gratitude."
Chen Zhiyi realized she had misunderstood and quickly explained, "I admit I've never forgotten our childhood encounter, especially what you said to me. I remember it clearly to this day. You said it's normal not to like your parents because not every parent is a good parent. Since they're not good parents, why should we, their children, like them? You also told me that we should listen to our parents when they're right, and not listen to them when they're wrong, or even rebel against them, because we have to walk our own path in life. Before that, I completely obeyed my parents' arrangements, without any freedom or autonomy, and I lived a very repressed life. You woke me up and gave me the courage to rebel against their arrangements. What you said was truly a very important guiding light on my path of growth, and I'm so glad I met you back then. So when I recognized you after our reunion, I was really happy. I admit my feelings for you do include a continuation of the good impression I had as a child, but that's not all there is to my love for you."
"Even without that childhood encounter, I would still have liked you, since I didn't recognize you at first. The day you came to my house, I initially only saw your back. I was standing by the window, watching you squat under a tree feeding stray cats, and saying goodbye as you left. I thought, 'How silly of you to say goodbye to a cat,' but I also found it adorable. I never imagined you were the tutor my mom hired. Although we didn't get along well the first couple of days, your calm and collected demeanor attracted me. It was as if nothing mattered to you. I accidentally saw your sketchbook and realized how passionate and persistent you are about what you love—that's exactly what I needed at that time, and I saw it in you. Do you remember what you said when I argued with my mom? I still remember it vividly, even..." I remember every word and expression on your face clearly. You cherished and took responsibility for every job you did, regardless of its status or rank. It was the first time I was truly moved by a girl's words. The moment you stood up for yourself was so beautiful; it was then that you opened a corner of my heart. Later, we had a long talk in the park. That was the first time I opened my heart to a girl, sharing my true feelings and discussing my dreams. Everyone around me was against me becoming an actress, but you affirmed me and encouraged me to pursue my dreams. This was so rare and precious to me. Honestly, if I hadn't met you, I might have been persuaded by my family to follow the path they wanted me to take. But thankfully, I met you. So I'm very grateful to you, but I'm certain that gratitude isn't the reason I fell in love with you. It's a factor, but not a necessary condition. The only condition is you; it's you who is the reason I love you.
"The reason I chose the performance agency is simple: I wanted to be closer to you, spend more time with you, and take the bus to and from work with you. On the day of the finals, I actually arrived at the venue very early and hid in a corner watching you. So my appearance at the first moment was not a coincidence, nor was it a sudden occurrence; it was premeditated. That whistleblower email was sent to all employees after someone hacked into the LA Group's local area network. I couldn't let the person I like suffer any injustice. Even if Ren Jingjing hadn't called that day, and I hadn't had that opportunity, I was already planning other opportunities to get back to you. At that time, I had already decided that even if I hid my feelings, denied them, and maintained the relationship between tutor and student, I wanted to stay in touch with you until I graduated from high school. Once I graduated and was no longer a high school student, I would definitely confess to you formally and pursue you."
This must be the longest sentence Chen Zhiyi has ever uttered in one breath. He had thought about how to confess his feelings, prepared his thoughts in his mind, and even rehearsed in his mind many times, but he always hesitated and paused, and it was difficult for him to say it all smoothly.
When faced with someone you like, you always want to use all sorts of beautiful words to describe her and express your admiration for her.
But when it comes to actual combat, we find that the things we've experienced together, the fleeting glimpses we've made, and the subtle touches we've shared are the reasons that make our hearts flutter.
After saying that, the person who confessed their feelings had ears as red as a boiled shrimp, and their heart was in their throat.
The reaction of the person confessing to her was unexpected; they just stared at her blankly, not knowing whether to refuse or accept.
"You, you should at least give me a response?" Chen Zhiyi almost buried his head in the ground. After all, it was his first time speaking, and he had been very sincere and talkative when he was speaking. But now he was shy.
Lin Ting chuckled first, then burst into laughter, her red lips parted slightly to reveal her white teeth, her laughter like the clear sound of silver bells echoing in my ears.
Since they met, Lin Ting has rarely smiled in front of Chen Zhiyi, and she has never smiled aloud like this. At this moment, she seems to have suddenly become enlightened and brightened up. This smile is similar to the Lin Ting in the photo album when she was a child.
Chen Zhiyi thought that this might be a good omen, and sure enough, the next second, a hug tightly embraced him.
A soft voice whispered in my ear, "Thank you! I like it very much."
Chen Zhiyi hadn't quite recovered from the sudden hug, and this declaration of love had left him completely dizzy. He released Lin Ting's embrace, stared at her, and cautiously asked, "Is it about liking someone, or about that confession just now?"
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