Chapter 36 I have a lover I can't let go of...
After seeing Gu Xiangyi off in the morning, Gu Sui strolled alone to Luncheng College of Political Science and Economics. Its philosophy department is ranked second in the world. If it weren't for the fact that it didn't quite match her major in philosophy of mind, this would probably be her alma mater.
She has always enjoyed visiting these universities. Shang Shu once teased her about this "old-fashioned" hobby, saying that the girl was more interested in fighting with seagulls for fries at the dock than visiting the campus.
Although Shang Shu said that, she still obediently let her hold her hand every time, walking across the lawns of various campuses, shuttling between different libraries, and listening to the bells in the clock tower ringing again and again.
It was unusually sunny and clear in Luncheng today, as it was a rare occurrence. Gu Sui strolled leisurely, admiring the scenery around him and reminiscing about the time he spent walking with Shang Shu.
Unlike the medieval castle-like Renaissance style of Edinburgh, this school is located in the financial district of London. The buildings are sparse, exquisite and compact. Gu Sui only walked around casually and had almost seen everything.
As she was gazing at the building in a daze, she suddenly heard someone calling her name.
"Gu, is that you?"
Gu Sui turned his head, somewhat surprised: "Professor Clark!"
The middle-aged woman's name was Anne Clarke. She was Gu Sui's professor when he was pursuing his doctorate at the University of Edinburgh. She was a humble and interesting woman. She was very rigorous in her academic work and was known for her responsibility in supervising her students. She provided Gu Sui with a lot of help when he was doing his doctoral research. She was a mentor whom Gu Sui respected and loved.
"It's been years since we last met, what a coincidence to run into you here," Anne exclaimed in her fluent Scottish accent, before giving Gu Sui a light hug.
“Me too,” Gu Sui replied with a smile.
Annie slung the canvas bag back over her shoulder. Gu Sui recognized the bag; it was one of the school's souvenirs, printed with the school emblem. However, Annie's bag looked a bit old, as if it had been used for several years. Gu Sui wasn't surprised; she knew Annie was always a carefree person.
After exchanging a few pleasantries, Gu Sui learned that Annie had come all the way from Edmonton to attend the school's academic seminar.
“My train is delayed again, you know, they always do,” Anne shrugged and complained helplessly.
“That is indeed a unique feature. Even after I left, I still miss it from time to time,” Gu Sui joked.
“I think they should print that in their tourist brochures,” Anne said with a light, British-style humor.
Gu Sui shook his head, unable to suppress a smile.
"Are you fully recovered?" Anne asked tentatively.
When Gu Sui graduated, Annie was very impressed with her research abilities and intended to keep her in her lab as a postdoctoral researcher. However, fate had other plans, and Gu Sui had to decline the offer.
"I guess so, if things remain stable," Gu Sui replied with a smile.
“That would be wonderful.” Anne nodded. She genuinely admired this student. Then she introduced the recent situation in the lab, “In recent years, my lab has been researching the interaction between consciousness and artificial intelligence, as I mentioned to you before.”
“I remember, interdisciplinary research is both challenging and full of potential,” Gu Sui replied earnestly, adjusting her scarf around her neck. “How’s everything going?”
Annie shrugged: "It's been somewhat successful, but it's still a pity that you weren't there."
She exaggeratedly used the English slang word "gutted," which means extreme disappointment and frustration.
Gu Sui was amused by her expressive face and joked, "You always think of me as such a perfect person."
Upon hearing this, Anne's expression changed from relaxed to serious: "Gu, I'm serious. The departure of such an outstanding scholar as you is a great loss to this field." After hesitating for a while, she still suggested, "If you'd like to come back, my lab would welcome you anytime. I hope you'll consider it."
Seeing the man's sincerity and seriousness, Gu Sui also suppressed her smile: "Professor Clark, I am very grateful for your trust." She expressed her gratitude with a solemn expression.
"I once thought that doing academic research would be the only thing I wanted to accomplish in my life, but... perhaps only after experiencing a near-death experience will I know what I truly cannot let go of."
She chuckled softly, looking into Anne's earnest eyes: "I have a lover I cannot part with. She waited for me in Macau for three years. I think if she is willing, I will spend the rest of my life making up for what we missed. This is more important than anything else in my life. So Professor Clark, please forgive me for not being able to stay."
“Gu, I’m really touched that you’re willing to share this with me.” Anne’s eyes sparkled. “I’m glad you’ve found meaning in your existence, and I think that’s precisely the value of our field of research.”
She devoted most of her life to the philosophy of the soul, so she deeply understood the significance of lovers to humanity. This irreplaceable intimate experience not only enriches consciousness but also makes life more complete in terms of emotions and values.
If life is finite, then the significance of a lover becomes even more pronounced. To be able to spend one's short life with someone, to experience all the wonders of the world together, to care for and cherish one another—this is a precious treasure.
Regardless of gender, social role, or cultural background, because this in itself is a profound "meaning of existence".
"Thank you." Gu Sui was slightly moved. "But if there's anything I can do to help, I'd be happy to."
“Then I’ll have to count on you.” Anne regained her humor and glanced at her watch. “I’m afraid I have to go now. You know, the academic world doesn’t wait for anyone.”
"Okay." Gu Sui smiled and watched Annie walk into the school.
Rain started falling from the sky without anyone noticing. Gu Sui shrank his neck, already used to such sudden rain. That's how it is in Luncheng; one second the sky is clear and blue, and the next second a torrential downpour soaks you to the bone. Today was already considered quite lenient.
She took a few steps and went into a Pret shelter from the rain.
She ordered a hot cocoa, chose a seat by the window, and stared blankly at the street scene outside.
Retro red telephone booths and double-decker buses coming and going give the streets of London a cinematic feel.
The hot cocoa was sickeningly sweet. She took out her phone and looked at the empty message bar.
The girl is really "heartless"; if I don't take the initiative, I won't receive a single message.
She glanced at the time; it was six o'clock in the evening in Macau. Shang Shu should be done with her work by now.
So she moved her finger: "Are you home yet?"
【Not yet.】Shang Shu replied instantly.
"Don't work too late, remember to eat." Gu Sui pursed her lips. She knew the girl was a workaholic who would lose herself when she was busy, but she still couldn't help but remind her of these words.
After the other person typed for a while, Shang Shu replied: 【Okay, what are you doing?】
She guessed that the little girl had just checked the time.
"I'm taking shelter from the rain," she replied, casually snapping a photo of the street scene outside the window.
She doesn't actually like taking pictures. To be precise, she doesn't like taking pictures of herself in front of the camera. So much so that Shang Shu used to secretly take pictures of her when she wasn't looking. When she was discovered, she would often complain indignantly that she was wasting her good looks.
Her response was that it was enough not to waste Shang Shu's good looks.
So even though she didn't like taking photos, her album was always full of pictures she had taken of Shang Shu.
Gu Sui smiled and stared at the top of the chat box.
After another series of typing sounds, Shang Shu replied: 【Don't catch a cold.】
A few seconds later, she added, "[Drink something hot.]"
Gu Sui's lips unconsciously curved into a wider smile. The little girl was taking the initiative to care about him, and she even had two smiles on her lips.
She picked up the hot cocoa next to her and took another sip. It didn't seem so sweet anymore, because at that moment, her heart was a hundred times sweeter.
"Yes, ma'am." she replied.
The rain gradually intensified, the raindrops pattering against the windows, creating a soft "pitter-patter" sound that harmonized with the clattering keyboards in the coffee shop. The streets became damp, and speeding cars splashed water, adding to the liveliness of this bustling city.
The rain in Luncheng has been falling for a hundred years and still tastes the same. Locals never like to use umbrellas; some just casually put on their hats, while others simply walk in the rain, carefree and at ease.
The warmth of the hot cocoa had completely dissipated, and the previously dark phone screen lit up again:
[Gu Sui, it's raining in Ao City too.]
Her hand holding the phone trembled slightly, and the sound of the rain outside the window seemed to be slowly fading away.
Before her eyes, it was no longer the layered Victorian buildings and glass towers.
Instead, it was the Ruins of St. Paul's that was faintly visible through the rain.
It is the area in front of the council pavilion, paved with wet stone slabs.
It is the A-Ma Temple, where the scent of incense and the mist of rain mingle.
Gu Sui lightly touched the screen with her slender fingertips, let out a soft breath, but couldn't calm her emotions:
【Ah Shu, I miss you too.】
*
Shang Shu sat in the not-so-soft chair in the office, looking at the drizzling rain outside the window.
She chose this chair on purpose, for a somewhat absurd reason: she didn't want to be too comfortable so that she could stay alert and focus all her attention on her work.
However, it seems that this method is not very effective.
She stared at the computer, manuscripts, and documents all day, but only she knew that her mind was completely on that screen half a meter away.
It doesn't rain often in Macau in December, so today's rain came suddenly, as if it were tailor-made for her, to echo the rain from the person 10,000 kilometers away.
The phone screen was lit up and lying on the table, its bright display of the confessed love.
Shang Shu hugged her knees and buried her head in them.
At eighteen, she would stand in the rain, holding a plate of freshly baked apple pie, and knock on the door of Gu Sui's villa, asking if she would like to spend Christmas with her.
At twenty-five, she could only use this sudden drizzle to subtly express her longing that spanned the entire Eurasian continent.
This had almost exhausted all her courage.
People say that someone who has been abandoned once will question all love, but for her, who has been abandoned three times, how easy is it to muster the courage again?
This love was like a mirror shattering upon hitting the ground, the sound jarring, the sharp edges everywhere. Gu Sui picked up the fragments and handed them back to her. She hesitated, knowing that the sharpness might cut her palm, but she still took them, and even wanted to hold them in her arms.
She was gambling, gambling that the mirror was made of sugar, gambling that the fragments were just sugar crumbs pretending to be hard, gambling that it would melt in the warmth of her palm.
Since Gu Sui has already taken so many steps toward her, she might as well take a step forward and give it a try.
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