Chapter 84. Never again.
She had never told anyone these things, not even Lin Lang. Putting aside her dislike of complaining and playing the victim, Shang Shu believed that true empathy was rare in this world.
However, she noticed that Gu Sui's eyes were red.
Shang Shu knew that she was a sensitive person, and her emotions were always very strong. Crying was one of the few things she could do to release her emotions, and she could control them at will, so she loved to cry.
But Gu Sui did not.
"What were you thinking about while I was talking just now?" After sitting quietly for a while, Shang Shu lowered her eyes and asked her in a soft voice.
People always like to dig up the roots of a tree, even when facing their loved ones, especially their loved ones.
"I feel sorry for you," Gu Sui gently rubbed his cheek against her hair, his voice softening and slowing, "and..."
"What?" Shang Shu lifted her head off her shoulder, straightened up, and looked at her eyes, which were now barely red.
Gu Sui looked back at her, swallowed, and said in a barely audible voice, "I want you."
The tassels on the shawl swayed back and forth, following the person, the swing, and the wind.
With a gentle, damp brush against her eyelashes, Shang Shu reached out and softly, repeatedly stroked Gu Sui's chin before bringing her hand to her lips. In a voice as clear as falling snow, she told her, "You can."
Love is tenderness, surrender, and possession.
At this moment, Gu Sui was no longer satisfied with feeling sorry for her, no longer satisfied with giving herself to her. She wanted to possess her like never before, to possess her past, present, future, everything about her, forever.
The third half-squat, somewhere between standing and kneeling, can be a gesture of appeasement and concession, or of control and aggression.
Kiss fell from all directions, eventually returning softness to an even softer place. They trembled with the swing and rippled with the moonlight.
The small boat, swept away by the storm, began to dodge uncontrollably, but the wind and rain showed no sign of stopping. Shang Shu had no choice but to loosen her grip on the rope and gently stroked Gu Sui's hair with her weak hand: "Let's go inside, okay?"
Gu Sui closed his eyes, turned his head and kissed her wrist, then showed his approval with his actions.
I want to be close to her not only physically, but also like intertwined vines, nourished by the rain of love and burning in the flames of love.
Gu Sui was particularly unsatisfied tonight, Shang Shu could feel it. Unlike the extreme tenderness of that time, wave after wave of heat made it difficult for her to even breathe.
As her fingertips were submerged, Gu Sui felt her reason being completely swallowed up. She couldn't wait to bury all those helpless past events and the regrets of not being able to protect her.
"A-Shu..." she called Shang Shu's name emotionally, her wrists sometimes moving quickly and sometimes gently, and each time she stopped to soothe Shang Shu when she could no longer control herself.
I don't want her to arrive so soon.
I want her to be happy for a little longer, and for a little longer.
When Shang Shu had furrowed her beautiful brows and eyes countless times, whispering "A-Sui" in her ear in a soft, melodious voice, Gu Sui finally touched her earlobe and murmured tenderly, "Never again."
I will never go back to the past, and I will never let you suffer again.
"Hmm..." Tears fell as Shang Shu, holding onto the back of her neck, sighed absently, as if in response.
After struggling until almost dawn, Shang Shu felt completely exhausted and didn't even have the strength to blame Gu Sui. In her drowsy state, she only felt Gu Sui gently cleaning her up before she drifted off to sleep.
The New Year holidays briefly slowed down the days, but after they were over, things quietly returned to normal. Just when it seemed that we were about to smoothly enter the warm spring of March, Shang Wei still couldn't hold on.
Shang Shiqing called to say she was critically ill on the last day of February. At that time, Shang Shu was preparing to go home from the company, while Gu Sui was at the Gu family home seeing off her aunt who was returning to France.
Gu Sui rarely acted rudely, but on this day, after apologizing to his aunt, he left the table in public and went directly to the hospital to meet Shang Shu.
Shang Shu had no idea that the Shang family had so many relatives, and what was even more interesting was that very few people recognized her.
Actually, she didn't know why she came, because she didn't expect Shang Wei to apologize, and she didn't even know if he could still speak or breathe. But she still came. She guessed that there was a soft-hearted element to it, but more than that, she probably wanted to settle things.
Shang Shu didn't go in; she just glanced at the person on the bed through the glass. Since everyone was surrounded by machine tubes, they all looked pretty much the same. So, Shang Shu's glance wasn't very detailed. If it weren't for Feng Yuan and Shang Shiqing standing next to her, she probably wouldn't have been able to recognize who was lying on the bed.
Shang Wei walked very quickly. Shortly after she arrived, Shang Shu thought that Shang Wei must have known that she had come, considering that the last thing humans lose when they die is their hearing, and the three women in the room who looked at her through the glass window earlier.
Listening to the real and fake wailing and sobbing inside and outside the door, and watching the mother and her two daughters who were dazed as they blended into the group of relatives, Shang Shu calmly glanced at Gu Sui and then asked, "Should I... cry?"
Gu Sui didn't say anything, but simply put his arm around hers and gently stroked it a few times.
The funeral was handled efficiently and methodically by the secretariat. Everyone understood the situation without saying a word, including the elders of the Shang family and Feng Yuan. So apart from keeping vigil and other formalities, there was nothing else for Shang Shu to worry about.
Fearing media speculation, Shang Shu did not agree to have Gu Sui accompany her for the later stages of the process, saying that Song Lan was by her side, and the Lin family would also be there in a few days, so she could rest assured.
The next day, the family held a vigil. Wealthy families, especially business people, are more or less superstitious. They often pray to gods and Buddhas and pay attention to feng shui and auspicious and inauspicious things. Naturally, the more grand the occasion, the better. Therefore, the mourning hall of the business was very lively. Groups of monks and priests took turns chanting sutras and continuously carried out the ritual of deliverance. People also came to the side of the hall to light lamps and change incense at regular intervals.
Shang Shu, dressed in mourning clothes, knelt at the front, not exchanging any words with the mother and her two daughters, not even glancing at them. After several hours, her knees were a little numb. She stared at the black and white photo surrounded by white chrysanthemums, her face expressionless, but she was thinking to herself whether even such a display could truly cleanse Shang Wei's karma.
On the third day, the obituary was officially released. In the afternoon, the first round of condolences came from the Lin family. After all, they were old friends. Ke Ya Hui and Lin's father shed a few tears. Lin Lang stayed and accompanied Shang Shu until the evening.
On the fourth day, during the peak of the mourning period, Gu Sui and Gu Qi came on behalf of the Gu family, which gave them the opportunity to meet Shang Shu. Because there were too many people watching, Shang Shu couldn't leave for too long, so she only led Gu Sui to the empty rest room at the back and exchanged a few words with him.
Knowing that Gu Sui was worried about her, because she could tell that Gu Sui hadn't slept well at all, and her face was as haggard as her own, she only gently touched Gu Sui's face, not daring to let her see her bruised knees. She also knew that Gu Sui had secretly sent people to protect her, but he didn't want to say it out loud or be too ostentatious.
On the sixth day, an internal family meeting was held to announce Shang Wei's will and trust arrangements, as well as the details of subsequent inheritance and distribution of property. It was almost exactly as Secretary Kong had said. Feng Yuan seemed to have lost her spirit and accepted it without arguing or making a fuss.
With everything settled, Shang Shu was stopped by Shang Shiqing outside the conference room. Shang Shiqing said that after dealing with Shang Wei's matter, she planned to take Feng Yuan and Shang Zhiyi abroad to live for a while, firstly to adjust their mood, and secondly because she also wanted to continue her studies.
Actually, there are three more, but even if Shang Shiqing doesn't say it, Shang Shu already knows. After the board meeting in a while, she will start to be associated with the group. It seems that Feng Yuan doesn't want to stay here and watch her thrive.
On the day of the funeral, a light rain fell in Macau, just like in TV dramas and novels, with a foggy sky and a drizzling rain. Shang Shu thought that perhaps God saw that she had no tears, so He specially gave her some.
Gu Sui was waiting in the car outside early on, with Song Lan holding a black umbrella beside her. In front of Shang Wei's tombstone, she stared at the black and white photo once again, performing the three kneelings and nine kowtows as the eldest daughter of the first wife.
As if seizing this last chance to vent her pent-up emotions, Feng Yuan, who had been dejected for many days, broke down in tears while hugging the monument. Afterwards, she came to Shang Shu and scolded her, "What a cruel heart you have."
In that instant, Shang Shu suddenly remembered the kind of bag she had seen on Goldfish Street when she went to Hong Kong. It was the perfect thickness, and could be filled halfway with water. The red and yellow fish inside made it impossible to break.
But now, her bag has been pierced by a knife, and the gap is still being torn open. Shang Shiqing is holding onto Feng Yuan's side, and Song Lan is holding onto her side. The water has all flowed out, the fish have turned belly up, and all that is left is crumpled plastic and belated sadness.
However, she still didn't shed tears. She knew very well that what was falling on her face was rain, because she had given her tears to He Landai, and she couldn't give them to him anymore.
She found it hard to figure out what kind of feelings she had for Shang Wei. Perhaps Shang Shu, who might have had feelings for Shang Wei, had died when she was six years old, or even earlier, but fortunately, she didn't want to delve into it.
Without an apology or forgiveness, the relationship ended abruptly, just like He Landai's life. Although this analogy is not quite appropriate, Shang Shu did think that for a second at the time.
"I want to be by myself for a while." After everyone had left, she was the only one left looking at the monument, and she said to Song Lan, who was holding an umbrella behind her.
The umbrella that was left behind was left unused. Shang Shu squatted down and touched the black and white photo with her eyes one last time. The more she looked at it, the blurrier it became. Was it rainwater that got into her eyes, or rainwater that wet the photo? Perhaps it was both.
What was the last thing she said to him? Shang Shu couldn't quite remember. The rain moistened her lips, and she gently opened them.
"Don't run into Mommy again." That's all.
May we never meet again, whether in heaven, on earth, or in the next life.
Standing up again, Shang Shu turned around and saw Gu Sui walking towards her in the rain, taking steady steps, as if he were coming to take her away from the past and towards a brand new future.
"Why didn't you bring an umbrella?" Shang Shu reached out and wiped the rain off Gu Sui's face, asking her gently.
Gu Sui bent down to pick up the weapon from the ground, propped it up over their heads again, and replied irrelevantly, "I've come to take you home."
Shang Shu felt a pang of sadness. Seeing that there was no one else around except Song Lan who was not far away, she took Gu Sui's hand and squeezed it lightly: "Okay, let's go home."
The following day, Shang Shu did not attend the wrap-up ceremony or thank-you party. Exhausted from completing a major event, she thought she could finally rest for a few days with Gu Sui, but she did not expect that some things, like this one, will not wait for someone to be ready before they happen.
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