"The word 'selfish' has absolutely nothing to do with you. For the past four years, every holiday or that child's birthday, you would have me send a lot of things to the Shen family. In that locked drawer in your bedroom, there are just as many photos of Mu Mu as there are photos of that child."
Ye Xinning lowered her head, her fingers tracing the outside of the teacup, her tone faint yet carrying a sigh, "It's still not the same."
How could she not know that Su Wan said those words to comfort her, that accompanying someone through their growth is something that no amount of material gift can compensate for?
Su Wan reached out and took her hand. "Don't put too much pressure on yourself. Besides, didn't you say that you and Shen Lin would each have someone to accompany you?"
Ye Xinning nodded.
“I know that everyone has to bear the consequences of their choices, and so do I.”
Seeing that she was not so down, Su Wan started making other jokes, "When I came up here just now, I saw Chen Lin downstairs."
Upon hearing this, Ye Xinning was slightly taken aback. "He was already there when I got home."
"You didn't say anything?"
"There's nothing to say," Ye Xinning said.
Su Wan said "Oh," and added, "However, he has been found this time, so he shouldn't be leaving again anytime soon."
"He'll eventually come to his senses." Ye Xinning's attitude towards Shen Lin has always been the same.
Su Wan asked her, "Even after we reunited, you still don't seem to want to let go of the past?"
Shen Lin had asked her a similar question when he first appeared before her.
She had asked back then, but now that Su Wan was asking again, Ye Xinning remained silent for a moment before finally saying, "Actually, I've let it go."
Su Wan is a good friend. There are many things she has to say that she can keep to herself when she's with others, but there's no need to do so with Su Wan.
"In the past, whether it was Shen Lin's aunt, Xia He, Jiang An, or anything between Shen Lin and me, their revenge was against the Ye family. Shen Lin met me and got caught up in this revenge. I love him, and by some twist of fate, he caused me a lot of pain. Undeniably, it was also because of me that his love life and marriage faced many obstacles. The hurt and pain between us are real. All things considered, as I said before, we're actually even." (Reading by Shuluo)
Su Wan couldn't understand, "Since you've thought all this through, why can't you accept Shen Lin?"
"Yes, now that I've figured all this out, why can't I accept Shen Lin? Four years ago, when I found out that the child was mine and Shen Lin's, my mother asked me the same question. She asked me if I still loved Shen Lin. I hesitated for a moment, but still said yes. It's ridiculous, isn't it? After so many things, I still said I loved him. But if love were so easy to disappear, I wouldn't have thought of returning to Nancheng to marry him in Switzerland. But can love really overcome all difficulties? If I had asked that question when I first met Shen Lin, I would have definitely accepted it without hesitation."
"But later, you grew up, you became more rational?" Su Wan's gaze was sincere; she seemed to understand Ye Xinning a little.
"Do you know? The nights after I found out that the child was mine and Shen Lin's, I didn't sleep well for a single night. I had nightmares every time I fell asleep. At that time, the calm on the surface masked the turmoil inside. I didn't know how to face Shen Lin. Things that I had always been concerned about suddenly became different. It was in that struggle and doubt that I realized that since I met Shen Lin, my life has always revolved around him, whether it was loving him, hating him, or doubting him. In other words, I no longer know what life is like without Shen Lin. I feel like I don't know what's left in my life besides the love and hate with Shen Lin?"
So you chose to leave?
"To be honest, before Shen Lin went to extremes and hurt himself, I hadn't come to my senses. But on the night Shen Lin lay unconscious in the hospital, his father talked to me. His few simple words made me realize that, at that moment, separating from Shen Lin was the best thing for me. Staying would only have drained us both. I left Shen Lin, trying to find myself again before I met him. At first, I was always melancholy when I left, and I couldn't help but think of him. But later, I slowly built my own life, found a job that made me feel valued, and that was the state I wanted."
Su Wan and Ye Xinning rarely discussed Shen Lin's affairs. This was the first time in four years that Ye Xinning had sat down and so seriously analyzed her own heart.
Therefore, Ye Xinning left Nancheng in order to find herself again and stop herself from constantly losing herself in love.
However, no matter what was said, Shen Lin still failed to give Ye Xinning a sense of security.
There is no doubt that Shen Lin loves Ye Xinning, but this love is obsessive and domineering, and he doesn't even give Ye Xinning the trust she deserves. Ye Xinning must feel very difficult in such a relationship.
"If you like this kind of life, then follow your heart. No matter what, you'll only know which path is best for you once you've walked it."
Su Wan said this.
Ye Xinning looked at her gratefully, "Thank you, Wanwan."
...
Su Wan didn't leave that night. While Ye Xinning was busy working in the study, she stayed in the children's room with Ye Zhimu, playing with the newly bought building blocks.
After finishing all her work in the study, Ye Xinning sat in her office chair for a while, then suddenly got up and went to the window.
Ye Xinning peeked downstairs through a small gap in the curtains.
When I came back during the day, the car I saw was still parked downstairs. In front of the car, the man was tall and slender, his shadow stretched long under the streetlights.
Ye Xinning tightened her grip on the curtains; she hadn't expected that Shen Lin hadn't left yet.
The weather in Jiangcheng is not as warm as in Nancheng. It's evening now, and a light rain has started to fall. The rain isn't heavy, but if you stand there for a long time, your clothes will definitely get wet. Besides, the temperature outside isn't very high right now.
Why isn't he leaving? Is he staying downstairs because he thinks he can easily control her by using this self-inflicted injury?
Thinking this, Ye Xinning felt somewhat angry.
Yes, it was anger.
Four years have passed, and Shen Lin is still as obsessive as ever. He still uses the same extreme methods as he did four years ago.
She lowered the curtains, returned to her desk, and sat down, rubbing her temples. If he was willing to stand in the rain, then let him stand in the rain.
She tried to convince herself of this, but for the rest of the time, Ye Xinning remained somewhat absent-minded.
The same thing happened when she returned to the bedroom. Seeing her so absent-minded, Su Wan finally couldn't help but sigh.
"Let's go down and talk to him. He's always down there; I bet everyone in the neighborhood thinks he's crazy."
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