Chapter 113 I Am Also Me (I) I observe floating, as the universe observes me...
There is a saying that you must avoid being observed.
Don't let anyone observe your actions, because it will cause your behavior to be deformed and your future to collapse.
Zhang Deng probably understood what the person who said this was thinking, but he found it boring.
Humans cannot avoid being observed, just like Chi Xiaoxia, who is no longer a creature of this dimension and cannot escape being observed. This is a fact, and facts cannot be denied.
He stayed in this world quietly for seven days. Except for the first day, he hardly went out with the lights on.
He eats bread, noodles, whatever else he can get at home, but most of the time he doesn't eat.
Although he had rested for a long time, he still felt exhausted. He had no strength in his body and could not muster the energy to do anything.
He didn't know what was happening outside, but the Internet was very exciting. Everyone was a new user, and there were many new Internet celebrities. Some were in love, some were taking the opportunity to make a fortune, and some were worrying about nothing. Zhang Deng still felt a headache after just a few glances at the noise, but he threw away his phone and didn't know what to do.
He consciously stayed away from words and hadn't written anything since that short line.
That day, he suddenly wanted to go out for a walk. He picked up Xiao Mi and walked aimlessly on the street. Zhang Deng wanted to buy something. He felt that this world was about to retire and it was time to drive all these people out. It was too noisy. Taking this opportunity, Zhang Deng wanted to buy some souvenirs. Even if he couldn't take them back, he could keep them in his memory.
Zhang Deng's schoolbag was lost in Yingzhou.
Last time he only remembered to bring Xiao Mi back and forgot everything else. That backpack had been with Zhang Deng for too long, and Zhang Deng wanted to buy a similar one.
He walked in the bustling city and saw the overlapping and towering high-rise buildings. He suddenly felt in a trance. This was actually a civilization created by a few lines of text. They were thrown in here with some words, some imagination and reality. This inversion of reality and illusion made it difficult for people not to fall into nothingness. Isn't this also a kind of thought and infinite collapse?
When we entered a shopping mall, many girls were very interested in Xiao Mi and were eager to come forward and touch her.
A voice came: "Little Maomi!"
Zhang Deng was stunned and looked up. The girl came over in a hurry. When she looked up and saw Zhang Deng, she was also stunned.
"Li Mai?" Zhang Deng asked.
"Oh my god," Li Mai said, "Light the lights!"
This was such a coincidence. Zhang Deng hadn't spoken for a long time. He cleared his throat and said, "You..."
Yes, people from all over the world are here, and he may meet anyone, but he just doesn't want to meet them.
Li Mai subconsciously looked behind him: "Where's Wei Yuanye?"
Zhang Deng said naturally, "We're breaking up."
"Ah?" Li Mai was incredulous. "Who? You two? Breaking up?"
Zhang Deng blinked: "Ah."
Li Mai: "Stop lying to me."
She was still carefree and hadn't lost any weight. She was still looking for Wei Yuanye, convinced that he must be somewhere nearby. She said, "Even if I die, you two can't break up."
"Don't look for it anymore," Zhang Deng turned her head around, "We've really broken up, so stop bothering me."
Li Mai stared at his face and could not see any trace of lying.
She suddenly realized that Zhang Deng almost never joked, let alone joked about feelings.
Li Mai's face froze, and she instantly said awkwardly, "I'm sorry."
"It's okay." Zhang Deng smiled relievedly and said, "We've been separated for several days."
Li Mai said, "You must be very sad."
"Yeah, a little." Zhang Deng and she found a place to sit down, each holding an ice cream. "But it's okay now."
Li Mai politely didn't ask why they broke up. She consciously stood on Zhang Deng's side: "He will definitely regret it. You are the cutest little 0 I have ever seen."
Zhang Deng burst into laughter and said, "How many have you seen? Am I not the first one?"
Li Mai said, "Yes, but he really doesn't deserve you. No one can stand his stinky face."
"Oh," Zhang Deng said, "He's actually quite handsome."
"He may be handsome," Li Mai said, "but he's just a skin. I can't tolerate him having bad character."
Zhang Deng nodded, agreeing deeply.
Li Mai said: "Don't worry, I will introduce you to a better one in the future."
"Ah," Zhang Deng said, "That's great, but it still needs to be more handsome."
Li Mai said, "Why are you so superficial?"
Zhang Deng lay on the table, playing with Xiao Mi's paws. He curled up slightly, looking helpless and small. He said, "I just like handsome guys."
As he spoke, tears quickly flowed down his face and fell on the glass table. Zhang Deng sniffed, put Xiao Mi's paw on his nose and sniffed it, then said to Li Mai, "It stinks."
Li Mai also went to smell it and said, "Damn, it stinks."
The two of them burst into laughter, and Li Mai tacitly pretended not to notice his tears.
Zhang Deng rarely cries loudly. His tears always appear unexpectedly and disappear quickly. He is always reminded of his sad memories by the slightest thing, but he can distract himself from it.
At night, Li Mai slept in his room. While they were chatting, Zhang Deng cried briefly twice, but Li Mai didn't notice.
Li Mai slept on the sofa, looking at everything in the lighted room. She said curiously, "I like your room very much."
"Yeah," Zhang Deng said, "Me too. I've lived in this room for five or six years."
Li Mai was stunned for a moment: "Didn't you just get here?"
Zhang Deng let the cat out of the bag, but he didn't think it was a big deal. He said, "I wrote this world. I'm sorry, but I have to tell you."
Zhang Deng briefly explained what had happened, leaving Li Mai stunned. He finally concluded, "So—are you the hero who saves the world?"
"Forget it," Zhang Deng said casually, his spirits low. "I'm just a lousy novelist."
"But..." Li Mai said, "Do we have to separate again?"
"Well," Zhang Deng said, "maybe."
Li Mai was quiet for a while, then she said, "You are really amazing."
"It's okay," Zhang Deng said. He didn't think it was that impressive. He hadn't done anything wrong. He had just been used and deceived. He said, "There are other powerful people. We are just ordinary people."
"You're already great," Li Mai said. "If I were you, I would be scared to death."
Zhang Deng was fine. He was so heartbroken that he didn't even bother to be afraid.
Li Mai said, "Then you really broke up, and it's really impossible to get back together."
Zhang Deng said, "Okay, stop talking. I'm strong, but you can't hurt me like this."
Li Mai chuckled softly: "It's okay, he's not a good person anyway."
"Don't say that," Zhang Deng said, "Although I don't know what he did, he was very good to us and never hurt us. There's no need to scold him."
"Fuck," Li Mai said, "Are you a saint?"
Zhang Deng: "I'm in love."
Li Mai cursed: "You're so love-brained."
"What did he do to you?" Li Mai said, "If I were there, I would have scolded him and beat him to death. Even though I couldn't beat him, I would have beaten him anyway. It pissed me off."
Zhang Deng was very moved. He said, "Stop talking. I'm about to cry."
In fact, I have already cried.
Li Mai said, "You are just too nice. They all lied to you. Why didn't anyone lie to me?"
That’s true, Zhang Deng thought, it’s his own problem.
He always pretends to be open-minded and easy-going, so everyone thinks it's okay to hurt him.
But Zhang Deng did this because he wanted to make friends with them and be nice to them.
"Oh," Zhang Deng sighed, "forget it."
Li Mai comforted Zhang Deng for a long time, until he fell into a loud snoring sleep, and Zhang Deng also fell into a deep sleep.
In his dream, Zhang Deng saw a blurry figure.
He almost subconsciously determined who it was. He stood there, looking at the black figure. The two of them were facing each other, and Zhang Deng didn't take a step forward.
The next second, Zhang Deng opened his eyes. The sunlight outside the window shone on his face through the gap in the curtains, and Zhang Deng woke up.
Li Mai stood in front of the refrigerator and wailed, "Are you awake? There's nothing in your refrigerator!"
Zhang Deng sat up in a daze. After thinking for a long time, he finally remembered what happened yesterday. He said, "Oh, let's go out for dinner?"
"Order takeout," Li Mai said, "I'm too hungry to go out."
Zhang Deng has an ability. He can distinguish in this world which people are created by him in the novel and which are people in real life. He can't explain this feeling, but in short, he can tell the difference clearly.
Just like when he was a child, he could always spot the ethnic minorities in the crowd at a glance. He himself didn't know how he did it, but he always felt that those people had a unique temperament.
Li Mai ordered takeout, and the rider who delivered the takeout turned out to be from real life.
Zhang Deng subconsciously asked, "Have you found a job?"
The man was stunned for a moment, then he said, "What are you doing?"
Zhang Deng still felt strange. He said, "What's the harm in taking a break? Don't you have money? You can't spend it all. Wouldn't it be a waste when you leave?"
"Leave?" The man was puzzled. "Where to?"
Oh, Zhang Deng suddenly realized the problem. Many people don’t know that this is just a transitional stage and they will eventually leave here.
Human beings are like a crazy crop. When being transplanted, they always try their best to take root downwards for fear that they will not be able to survive. This crazy plant always lives from today to tomorrow.
The man said, "Let's go."
He said hello to Zhang Deng and left in a hurry, leaving Zhang Deng standing there with bags of takeout, looking a little confused.
Li Mai asked, "What's wrong? Come in."
Zhang Deng responded and asked Li Mai, "Tell me, will you stay here?"
"I'm sick," Li Mai said, "and I have my own family."
"Yeah, everyone should leave."
"Not necessarily," Li Mai said after taking a bite of his burger. "Some people will definitely stay. Some people who have a hard time in their own lives might like this world where they don't know anyone. You have to be mentally prepared."
Zhang Deng felt annoyed: "But I don't want to."
As a creator, Zhang Deng's first thought about letting strangers stay in his work was that it was difficult to handle. If he still wanted to live a normal life, then this was not the way to go. But if he insisted on driving everyone out, Zhang Deng felt that it was as if he gave them hope and then deprived them of it, which was as cruel as those high-dimensional creatures.
Zhang Deng was in a bad mood again.
Li Mai ate a chicken fillet burger, a chicken roll, a bag of fried potato wedges and a duck platter in one go. Zhang Deng, who was standing next to him, couldn't even finish a burger. He put it aside and touched Xiao Mi blankly.
Li Mai was annoyed and said, "You are so thin that you look like a skeleton."
Zhang Deng still didn't respond.
"I really don't understand those of you who lose your appetite so easily," Li Mai said. "You are so fragile living in this world."
Zhang Deng stretched out a finger and shook it, denying it, "I'm very brave."
Unfortunately, the relationship between Zhang Deng and food that he had finally restored was exhausted again. He began to distrust himself again, lost his appetite and self-love, and neither wanted to eat nor dared to eat.
He had lost most of the weight he had gained back, and his stomach was empty and his body was emaciated.
Li Mai burped from eating so much, patted his belly, and said, "I can crush you to death with just one finger."
Zhang Deng said, "Impossible, at least two, otherwise it won't be able to bear the force."
Li Mai laughed so hard that her body shook. She said, "You're so annoying."
"Then we have to separate again," Li Mai said with some regret, "I really missed you after you left."
Zhang Deng felt guilty: "Actually, I had forgotten everything. I only remembered it when I saw you."
Li Mai said, "Huh?"
"Then can you also forget Wei Yuanye?"
Zhang Deng exclaimed, "Ah!", and was delighted at first, but then immediately said, "Forget it, I'd better keep it."
"I really like this memory," Zhang Deng said. "I don't want to forget it."
Li Mai also understood his feelings and said, "If it were me, I probably wouldn't forget it either."
"Although some memories are painful," Li Mai said, "they are also very valuable."
Li Mai took out her phone and played with it. She scrolled through videos and said to Zhang Deng, "Everyone has adapted to this world very quickly. We all have internet celebrities."
Zhang Deng lay listlessly in a corner of the sofa, holding Xiao Mi quietly and kneading its ears. He didn't play with his mobile phone or write anything, as if he was a dummy. He was really injured and needed quiet healing. Although he was very happy to meet Li Mai, it would not make his situation better.
Li Mai felt bad watching this, and the only solution was to order takeout for Zhang Deng. Zhang Deng ate very little, and in the end, she had to clean up everything.
Li Mai said, "You'll get sick sooner or later if you keep doing this."
"Don't worry," Zhang Deng said weakly, "It will be fine."
"It's just a broken heart," Li Mai said, "Everyone has been broken-hearted. If everyone were like you, we'd all be dead."
Zhang Deng felt that, essentially, he had simply suffered a broken heart, but he felt that this was something more serious than just a broken heart. Thinking it over, Zhang Deng summed up his current situation: "How could someone suffer such a complete heartbreak?"
"Those men died—" Li Mai's voice suddenly stopped. "Oh, it seems that it is really difficult to move on."
Zhang Deng's situation is no different from the dead man's. No, it is. The man has been a liar and a fugitive from the beginning. It is possible that he was just deceiving him and never loved him.
Li Mai thought about it and said, "Just feel bad for yourself, don't take it to heart."
Zhang Deng said: "After experiencing such a huge failure, people really only have one feeling."
"What does it feel like?"
"I'm questioning the authenticity of everything," Zhang Deng said, his eyes fixed on me, looking frightening. "Is this all just a dream?"
Li Mai said, "Listen to me."
Zhang Deng looked at her.
Li Mai said, "Don't stop taking the medicine."
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