Chapter 68: The Song of Taotie (VIII) Sisyphus's Pie. ...
Li Mai stood up to find a bag for Zhang Deng to put his books in. Zhang Deng glanced at him and couldn't help but ask, "Have you lost weight?"
"Huh?" Li Mai was not very defensive towards him. "No. The scale is really broken."
But Zhang Deng really felt that Li Mai seemed to have lost weight, obviously thinner than when he first met her.
Zhang Deng asked, "Did you vomit all the food?"
"No," Li Mai handed him a bag to put his books in. She stood in front of the mirror and asked Wei Yuanye, "Do you think I've lost weight, too?"
Wei Yuanye said: "It seems so."
Li Mai looked sullen and said, "You clearly haven't noticed me!"
Wei Yuanye said: "...Then what are you asking?"
Li Mai: "See if you can lie too."
Zhang Deng laughed and said, "He's really good at lying."
"Isn't that right?" Li Mai said, narrowing his eyes. "I saw through his true nature at first glance."
Wei Yuanye had no intention of making excuses for himself, and he stopped talking and just lowered his head to play with his phone.
Li Mai looked at himself in the mirror and said, "I seem to have lost weight. I haven't dared to look at myself in the mirror properly in a long time."
"Let's have something good at noon as a reward," Li Mai said happily. "What shall we eat?"
Zhang Deng felt that he really couldn't eat at such a high intensity. Just as he was about to say goodbye, Li Mai's phone rang. Li Mai said, "It might be my sister."
He picked it up and said, "Hey, why is it her?"
"What's going on, Liu Bo?" Li Mai pressed the speaker. "Aren't you at work too?"
Liu Bo's voice sounded strange: "Li Mai, can you contact Jingjing's boyfriend?"
Li Mai's smile immediately cooled. She realized something was wrong and said, "I don't have that guy's contact information."
"What happened to Jingjing?"
"She..." Liu Bo said, "She's not feeling well. Do you want to come over and take a look?"
"My legs and feet are not very convenient, I want someone to accompany me," Li Mai asked, "Is it convenient? Bring a boy in."
"Convenient."
Zhang Deng glanced at Wei Yuanye, and Wei Yuanye said, "You two go over there?"
Li Mai said: "Sorry, the room for two girls——"
She actually didn't need to explain, and Wei Yuanye had no intention of going. He was just asking Zhang Deng for the right to move freely.
Zhang Deng said, "I'll tell you when I'm done."
Wei Yuanye made an “OK” gesture.
After Wei Yuanye left, Li Mai sincerely asked him, "How did you raise such a loyal servant?"
"Nothing." Zhang Deng said modestly.
Li Mai said, "I know your relationship, I don't mind."
Zhang Deng: "Of course you don't care. It's not your boyfriend."
Li Mai laughed and patted him on the head: "I'm going to cut you."
Zhang Deng actually had no psychological burden in revealing that she liked men, but Li Mai was very curious: "Honestly, why does he love you so much?"
"How did you know that?"
"He accompanies you wherever you go," Li Mai thought. This was quite rare. "He was almost bored to death, yet he still came here to play with you."
That's because it's also his job, Zhang Deng argued in his mind.
Wei Yuanye does not fall into the category of a good boyfriend. He is like a wild horse that cannot be completely tamed and is always ready to kick someone.
Zhang Deng said, "You don't understand him."
Li Mai disagreed and said, "Don't take me so lightly."
"None of my friends' relationships are going well," Li Mai said. "I really don't know what's going on. It seems like no one's in a happy relationship. Jingjing has been with her boyfriend for two years. I didn't support it at first, but Jingjing said it was just for fun. At the time, he had a well-paying job as a tattoo artist, so I didn't think she would suffer too much, so I didn't say anything. Later, I found out that he was fired. Jingjing was so in love at that time that she couldn't extricate herself."
Zhang Deng helped her into the elevator. Li Mai said, "Do you think it's easy to find a good man?"
"I don't think so," Zhang Deng said, almost devastated. "I'm just kidding. Can't you see? I love it so much."
Li Mai: "I think he loves you more and can't live without you. There were so many girls yesterday, I guarantee he didn't even glance at a single one."
"Because he likes men."
"There are a lot of men in the company too," Li Mai said, "aren't they completely uninterested?"
Zhang Deng wanted to refute again, saying that it was because he and Wei Yuanye had experienced too much... But as he spoke, Zhang Deng realized that he was always refuting the fact that Wei Yuanye loved him.
"Okay." Zhang Deng said, "That's it."
Li Mai said, "I'm so lucky."
Zhang Deng was still wondering why this was happening. He always found many reasons to explain how good Wei Yuanye was to him.
Is it because, fundamentally, he doesn't love himself enough, so he feels that no one can love him at all?
This question confused Zhang Deng. It wasn't until Li Mai asked him several times that he finally responded. Li Mai said, "How did you two know each other? Who pursued who first?"
Zhang Deng said uncertainly, "I think I was the one chasing him."
"I knew it," Li Mai said excitedly, "It must be like this. You fell in love with him first, but you didn't cherish him after you got him. He's so pitiful."
Zhang Deng didn't like this statement: "I cherish him very much."
In this relationship, Zhang Deng positioned himself as the inferior.
He is more loving and more passive, and is the one waiting for Wei Yuanye's emotional charity.
But when Wei Yuanye really gave him love, Zhang Deng thought to himself that all this was just because he had no choice.
Zhang Deng asked Li Mai, "Do I look like I don't care about him?"
"No," Li Mai said, "but you look like you have a lot of other things to do."
"He only seems to be focusing on you," Li Mai emphasized. "He really is only paying attention to you. Don't you notice?"
Zhang Deng didn't notice.
Zhang Deng wasn't to blame for this, as Wei Yuanye was a very perceptive person. It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say he was observant and alert. He could always devote his unlimited energy to doing one thing well, while also protecting Zhang Deng. So Zhang Deng took this for granted.
Isn’t it?
Zhang Deng didn’t know how to define it anymore.
Wouldn't it be a bit too complacent for him to consider himself a happy and successful person?
Zhang Deng didn't know how to respond to these questions, so he could only emphasize once again: "I love him so much."
Zhang Deng rarely uses such strong words. This time he just wants to prove that he is not getting anything for free in his relationship.
"I know," Li Mai said, "Why would you be together if you didn't love each other? I just want to say that you are very happy."
"Oh." Zhang Deng said.
Zhang Deng said slowly: "Thank you."
Li Mai laughed and said, "Why are you thanking me?"
Zhang Deng doesn't know.
Because humans have had a hard life since they became intelligent, they have rarely truly experienced what happiness is, and few people consider themselves a happy person. They dare not even light a lantern. He even slows down his breathing when he feels happy, and is cautious, for fear of accidentally blowing out the weak flame. In life, he always has a sense of panic that he dare not speak loudly for fear of disturbing the people in heaven. It seems that any kind of happiness is a divine object stolen from heaven that does not belong to him. Holding it in his hands for a short time is a desecration of the divine object, and he dare not publicize that he is happy because of it.
Zhang Deng felt that he was pathetic. He thought that people were just containers of life, and all the suffering and joy only flowed through the body briefly without any other meaning. Thinking this way made him feel mature and not so empty.
Zhang Deng whispered, "I'm different from you girls."
"I can be less happy," Zhang Deng said. "I can bear it."
Li Mai thought he was talking nonsense, and Zhang Deng explained, "What you see and what you feel may be different. If you were to be with Wei Yuanye, you might be in pain, but I don't feel pain."
Wei Yuanye is a self-loving person, but Zhang Deng is a person with low self-esteem. He can love infinitely in this relationship without asking for any response. Any look and love he gets is an Easter egg time for Zhang Deng.
Li Mai said seriously, "I think your idea is wrong. No one is born to suffer."
"I think everyone is here to suffer," Zhang Deng said, "but I can eat more. I hope you can be happier, but happiness isn't like that. It's not like I just turn on the faucet and water will flow out from you."
Li Mai was surprised at Zhang Deng's ability to express himself, because Zhang Deng's expression was too specific and touching, causing Li Mai to not know what to say to respond to him.
Li Mai thought for a moment and said, "But you shouldn't hate yourself so much."
When Zhang Deng first heard the word "hate", he thought it was too overloaded, but when he thought about it carefully, it seemed to be true. Maybe he really hated himself.
Zhang Deng said, "Only in this way can I...if I don't hate myself, I will feel that my life is too miserable."
Li Mai looked at him: "What have you been through?"
Then this story is a bit too long.
Zhang Deng felt that this conversation was very important to his life, and perhaps he would continue to savor it for a long time.
Before this, Zhang Deng always felt that he was not affected by his original family. Although he saw many people criticizing his parents, he felt a little surprised at the time. Although his childhood was not happy and he did not receive any care he deserved, according to any psychologist's theory, he was fully qualified to be an antisocial person, but Zhang Deng did not. He thought he had completely rebelled against his destiny, took control of his own life, became a relatively rational person, and became the traitor in the family.
He can refrain from saying harsh words even when things are tough, and can analyze his own position in relationships relatively rationally. He doesn't put himself in an overly bitter and painful position, but instead focuses on his own feelings.
Zhang Deng knows all his strengths by heart, but when someone points them out to him for the first time, he "hates" himself.
It seemed that everything had a reason and source, and Zhang Deng felt as if he had suddenly realized something.
But it was too late, too late.
Li Mai said, "You can't treat yourself like a class enemy. Although I can't do that, you are more exaggerated."
"I can't do that either," Li Mai said with a frown. "If I could just control my mouth, eat less, and lose weight, everything would be fine."
"Then eat less." Zhang Deng didn't understand why this was so difficult. It wasn't that he was sympathizing with others' suffering, but he'd lost weight before, starving himself to a mere 110 pounds, and he didn't think it was something to worry about.
Compared to other uncontrollable aspects, Zhang Deng feels that weight is one of the things in life that is very easy to control.
Li Mai said, "I don't know."
When she was anxious, she habitually lifted her hair to reveal her smooth forehead and said, "I really can't control it. It's too difficult."
"Whenever I encounter even the slightest problem at work or in life," Li Mai said, "I want to solve it with a big meal. Anyone can disrupt my weight-loss plan. Even if I meet a poor kitten on the street, I'll feel so bad that I'll order takeout that night."
As they were talking, they arrived at Huang Jingjing's residence. Zhang Deng helped Li Mai up the stairs. This was a relatively old urban area. The entire community was equipped with stairs. The corridors were narrow and dark, and looked neglected. Li Mai limped and walked with great difficulty. It was the seventh floor, and Zhang Deng was sweating all over as he helped her up.
When Liu Bo opened the door, it looked like she had been waiting for them for a long time. She must have rushed back from work. She hadn't changed her shoes yet, and her clothes were neatly arranged. "My work unit called me and said there's a leader coming to inspect. I need to go back. Can you guys accompany her?"
Li Mai agreed readily. Huang Jingjing's door was locked. Liu Bo said, "She said she wanted to calm down."
Then Liu Bo said in a voice that only they could hear: "I'm worried that she will be unable to get over it."
I turned on the lights and looked around the furnishings in the house. The house was about 130 square meters and looked very spacious. The living room and kitchen were open-plan. The decoration was very old, but it was decorated warmly. The table was covered with a beautiful cream-white tablecloth, and there were many incense sticks and paintings on the wall. However, the trash can was full and the floor seemed to have not been cleaned for some time.
Liu Bo finished speaking and left in a hurry. Li Mai threw his bag on the sofa, sat on it, and said, "Let's find a place to sit."
"Jingjing," Li Mai called out, "I'm here. Have you eaten yet?"
Huang Jingjing didn't say anything in the room, and Li Mai wasn't surprised. She whispered to Zhang Deng, "She usually looks very smart, but her brain has been ruined by love."
She limped to Liu Bo's room to find some snacks and poured them both a glass of water. There was no sound in Huang Jingjing's room. Zhang Deng was a little worried. Li Mai ate some chocolate and said, "It's okay. She's always like this."
"They always make a big fuss," Li Mai said. "They're always furious, threatening to cut their wrists or jump off buildings. But they always just make a fuss and never actually do it."
Zhang Deng said, "Why don't you tell that guy?"
"Liu Bo should have said it," Li Mai said, "I didn't keep that boy's contact information. I really hate that kind of guy."
Zhang Deng was still worried and kept looking at Huang Jingjing's door. Huang Jingjing must be a person who loves life very much and has good taste. She hung a very special crystal door curtain on the door and laid a cake-shaped carpet in front of the door. From the door, you can guess that the room must be very beautiful.
Even a girl who loves decorating her room so much will have low self-esteem in a relationship?
Girls' rooms are really different. They are not as rich as Hu Ningning. They are just ordinary people, but they also try their best to decorate their rooms and fill every corner with their favorite things. Li Mai's room is the same.
Zhang Deng did not have many opportunities to interact with so many girls, and he always interacted with men before. He found that they were indeed two completely different creatures. It was really a human wonder that men and women could fall in love.
There were many flowers in the room. Zhang Deng walked in and saw that they were all given to Liu Bo. Li Mai explained, "She is a teacher, so these were given to her by her students."
"Does she have a boyfriend?"
"Not yet," Li Mai said, "She's different from us. She wants to find a decent man."
"So what kind are you looking for?"
Li Mai had no idea. After thinking for a moment, he said, "I like thinner ones."
Zhang Deng: "...Why?"
"Because I'm too fat." Li Mai threw the chocolate garbage into the trash can, but because the trash can was too full, it slipped directly to the ground.
Li Mai stood up and finally decided to check on Huang Jingjing. She knocked on the door gently: "Jingjing, I'm coming in."
No one in the room responded, so Li Mai asked curiously, "Is he asleep?"
She reached out and pushed the door, but it was locked. She knocked hard, but there was still no sound from inside.
Li Mai frowned and knocked on the door: "Jingjing?"
Zhang Deng rolled up his sleeves and said, "Get out of the way!"
Li Mai said: "I remember there seemed to be a key, but I forgot where I put it..."
Before he could finish his words, Zhang Deng ran and bumped into the door. The first push didn't work, so Zhang Deng raised his shoulder and gritted his teeth to push it open again. With a "bang", the door opened and the cold wind rushed in instantly. The windows were wide open and the curtains were fluttering in the cold wind. The quilts in the room were in a mess and there was no one inside.
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
