Rage Extra: After He Disappeared
【Song Chen extra】
After Song Shu disappeared, only the water marks on the sofa were left. There was only a small mark at first, but it gradually expanded.
The door was pushed open again, and this time it was Chen Yu who came in, the real Chen Yu.
Chen Yu was in a hurry. His steps were a little staggering, but he walked very fast. His eyes searched quickly, "Where is he?"
Song Chen came back to his senses and opened and closed his hands precariously, only holding air.
A few seconds before Song Shu disappeared, he reached out his hand to Song Shu, but all he held was a little warm air.
It turns out that the air also has heat, which is very similar to Song Shu's body temperature.
Song Chen's thoughts were pulled very slowly, he seemed unable to get out of those few seconds, flashing back in front of his eyes, Song Shu had blood on her hands, and she looked at him in fear and tears.
Song Chen put down his hand, but he didn't dare to clench it tightly. If he clenched it tightly, the warmth would no longer belong to Song Shu, but to him.
He looked at Chen Yu, without too much intense emotion, and his tone was pale: "You should know better than me."
After that, the conversations between him and Shen Yu were already blurred in his memory. Because they were all unimportant, unnecessary and out-of-control arguments. The object of the argument was no longer there, and no matter how much they argued, there would be no result.
After Song Shu disappeared, Song Chen sat on the sofa all night and went to work as usual the next morning.
There are a lot of things to do and a lot of meetings.
In the past, when he was busy, he would worry about Song Shu, wondering if Song Shu was studying or eating.
It is annoying to worry about someone like this, because Song Shu is out of control and always causes him a lot of trouble. He needs to put down the work at hand to deal with it, and in the process he experiences the feeling of being a brother.
Since childhood, Song Shu only treated him as a brother, but he was a very unqualified brother.
The last side also performed so badly.
Some memories always emerge inadvertently. Apart from dealing with work matters, Song Chen is in a daze at other times. He cannot fall asleep, and often wakes up after falling asleep - hearing crying in the living room.
I put on my shoes and went out, and all I saw was an empty sofa.
Song Shu likes to lie on it and play games, and also likes to lie on the back of the sofa and peek at him cooking in the kitchen.
Is Song Shu crying because she knows she is leaving?
When Song Shu is not around, the house is always quieter. It was also very quiet when he lived alone before, but Song Chen can't stand this kind of silence now.
He sat on the sofa and lay down like Song Shu.
His frame and height are larger than Song Shu's, so it is uncomfortable for him to lie like this.
His fingers brushed across the sofa, feeling every inch, as if Song Shu was still by his side.
After closing his eyes for a moment, Song Chen stood up and lit a cigarette, then remembered that Song Shu didn't like the smell of smoke, so he went to the balcony, talking to himself.
Song Shu doesn't like him smoking.
Song Chen held the cigarette between his fingertips and looked at the sky. When the cigarette burned out and burned his fingers, he lowered his head and shook off the ashes.
Then I saw the succulents grown by Song Shu.
Although he said he was raising the dog, Song Shu never watered it. He loved it very much even though he didn't water it. Whenever he remembered it, he would go to the balcony to check on it and happily say to him, "Look, am I raising it well?"
Very domineering, even though he is the one who raises the children.
Song Chen stretched out his hand.
After pulling out the last fleshy petal, Song Chen suddenly woke up and breathed rapidly.
Very uncalm.
What was he thinking? What a ridiculous thought.
Will Song Shu come back by threatening to pull out his favorite succulents?
Song Chen wanted to laugh at himself, but he couldn't complete such an expression no matter what.
He covered his eyes with his fingers and felt a little wetness between his fingers.
…
The succulents were finally planted back, but divided into many pots.
Song Chen went to and from get off work as usual. One day, he saw a cat downstairs again. It was a very clingy long-haired orange cat.
It was probably a stray and it was unclear where it came from. For unclear reasons, Song Chen adopted this long-haired orange cat.
His cat hair allergy is not serious. He keeps the orange cat in Song Shu's bedroom and occasionally goes to see the cat while wearing a mask.
Cats are very lively and greedy.
But every time Song Chen saw it, he would think that if Song Shu were here, he would definitely like it very much.
Song Shu also had a cat when he was a child, and it was also a stray cat he picked up from the street.
Song Shu, squirrel.
The homophony of the name is like this, and so is the person. Just like squirrels and other small animals, they are timid and like to pick up things at home as if they were hoarding food.
Fearing that his parents would not agree, Song Shu secretly raised the stray cat in the garden and begged him to buy cat food, cat litter and various pet supplies online.
Song's parents were very strict with Song Shu, and Song Shu only had pocket money that he saved. Song Shu gave him all his pocket money and asked him to buy things secretly and bring them back.
In fact, there was no need to do it secretly. Song's father and mother had already known about the existence of stray cats, but they just didn't expose it.
They disciplined Song Shu strictly, but they would not interfere too much with Song Shu's decisions. In the eyes of Song's father and mother, Song Shu was an independent little adult who should be responsible for his own choices.
When he was in high school, he bought cat litter and cat food for Song Shu on the weekend, and Song Shu happily fed them for two days.
It was a week later when they met again. Song Shu was squatting in the small garden, drawing on the soil with a stick. When he went to ask, Song Shu slowly stood up and said, "The cat is dead."
Then her eyes quickly turned red, and with tears in her eyes, she pouted and said to him, "Brother, the cat is dead."
He should have rubbed Song Shu's head, and Song Shu hugged him and cried, saying that he would never keep a cat again.
At that time, he had not yet understood the meaning of loss, nor could he understand why Song Shu was crying so hard.
Just a cat.
He grew up in an inhumane family. His parents died too early, leaving him only a cold black-and-white photo.
He was in the first year of high school and was already over 1.8 meters tall. Song Shu, who was only in the sixth grade, was still like a little kid, a very fragile child, with his nose very red from crying.
Later, he was also sent to the hospital crying.
Because I'm allergic to cat hair.
The first allergy was quite serious, so Song’s father and mother got up in the middle of the night to take him to the hospital. Song Shu was also woken up and grabbed the quilt, saying that he wanted to go too.
Song's father and mother couldn't persuade Song Shu, so they had to take Song Shu with them.
He was almost in shock from the allergic reaction. He lay on the hospital bed receiving an IV drip. Song Shu sat beside him holding a small quilt and wiping her tears. Her eyes were swollen from crying. "I will never keep a cat again. Brother, please don't die..."
Later, it was also that allergic reaction that made Song Shu extremely nervous.
There were some things he could no longer remember clearly, but Song Shu had been remembering them for him.
These memories are fragmentary and pop up from time to time. Walking, eating, sleeping, drinking water... As long as he is alive, it is as if Song Shu is still by his side.
As the days passed, his little orange dog grew bigger and shed more hair. Once again, he went to the hospital because of allergies, and Song Chen sat on a cold bench outside the hospital.
I thought of Song Shu again.
Song Shu doesn't like hospitals.
The cold operating room, where Song Shu's parents once lay.
At that time, Song Shu was also sitting on the bench, anxiously waiting for the operation to end. He stood beside Song Shu, waiting with him.
He could hear Song Shu praying quietly, choking a little, but still holding back tears and looking towards the operating room frequently.
Finally the doctor came out and shook his head at them apologetically.
Song Shu actually seldom cries.
When he was allergic to cat hair, Song's mother once told him with a smile covering her lips that Song Shu was a very strong child, and that he cried so hard probably because she cared about him too much.
Song Shu cried silently, her tears trembling and falling in a line. The air was filled with the smell of disinfectant, mixed with the smell of sunshine on Song Shu's clothes.
It was also a car accident that took away Song Shu's parents.
He hugged Song Shu.
The embrace tightened, and their hearts seemed to resonate terribly, tightly connecting them despite having no blood relationship.
"elder brother…"
Song Shu choked up and called him again and again: "I hate the hospital, I hate this place."
He stroked Song Shu's back to comfort her, and when he felt the thin shoulder blade, his face felt a little wet.
"Don't be afraid, I'm here."
Song Shu burst into tears as if she had finally found a safe haven to rely on.
…
"Is the patient Song Chen here?"
The doctor's voice interrupted Song Chen's thoughts. He stood up, listened to the doctor's instructions, took the medicine and walked out of the hospital.
Autumn is over and it is already winter.
He still thinks of Song Shu.
It's good to remember. He has to think about it all the time, blaming himself for why he went downstairs that day and why he didn't stay with Song Shu.
There were so many choices, but he chose the worst one.
Song Chen had dreamed many times that he did not go downstairs, and Song Shu was sitting on the sofa playing games, leaning against the back of the sofa with eager eyes and asked him, "Brother, what are we eating today?"
He wanted Song Shu to live a good life, and it didn't matter if Song Shu didn't like him.
In the dream, he walked over, picked up Song Shu and kissed her.
A strong, passionate kiss.
…
He is lying.
He also wanted Song Shu to love him.
————
【Shen Yu extra】
The job of a perfumer is boring, and Chen Yu is tired of the business trips every once in a while.
But no matter how annoyed he is, he will never go against money.
One day when a colleague invited him to go to a comic convention, he agreed out of boredom.
Colleagues are just dining companions.
Chen Yu was too lazy to socialize, and the number of people he knew in the studio could be counted on one hand. A dinner partner was not absolutely necessary, but it made him seem more sociable.
On the day of the comic exhibition, his colleagues took him for a walk. Chen Yu was not in this circle, and spent most of his time listening to his colleagues' explanations.
Until he met Song Shu.
…
Song Shu was visiting the exhibition alone, wearing an ordinary white T-shirt and jeans, and seemed to shine in the crowd.
There were a lot of people around me, but I was unaware of it and even nimbly walked through some men and women who wanted to chat with me and ask for my contact information.
Shen Yu followed Song Shu with his eyes, and didn't even know when his colleague left.
Later, after the comic convention ended, he and Song Shu added each other's contact information.
He chatted with Song Shu and learned that Song Shu had a brother and that Song Shu liked watching anime. Occasionally, Song Shu would watch anime with him over the phone.
Song Shu's spiritual world is very rich, which is completely opposite to his poor life. Because of Song Shu, Shen Yu suddenly feels that life has become interesting.
In interpersonal communication, once one party has ill intentions, then ordinary chatting is equivalent to expressing emotions.
The more honest you are, the more you want to have a relationship with the other person.
Chen Yu approaches Song Shu and gets to know him, but is rejected by Song Shu on the day of confession.
"Sorry, I don't like boys. I... I actually thought you were a girl at first..."
Song Shu looked ashamed, "I'm really sorry."
How did he answer Song Shu at that time? He said, "It doesn't matter."
How could he say anything else harsh when Song Shu showed such an embarrassed expression?
His expression must have been ugly at that time, but he still forced himself to say, "Then, can we still be friends?"
If someone confessed to him, and after he rejected her, she said such persistent words to him, he would definitely reject her again.
But once this kind of thing happened to him, he didn't want to be rejected by Song Shu.
Perhaps it was because his expression was too ugly, Song Shu didn't make him more embarrassed after all, and just nodded: "Of course."
This sentence was like a golden medal of immunity from death, or like a sword that cut a ravine and a chasm, completely separating him and Song Shu.
After that, Chen Yu had a very bad life. Like a color-blind person who had gained colors and then lost them again, the world became dim again.
He and Song Shu chatted every day, and through the cold dialog box, he could only see each other's alienation and politeness. Perhaps the messages he sent were part of Song Shu's distress.
He began to envy his brother, whom Song Shu often talked about.
Even without confessing his love, Song Shu often mentioned his brother, the brother with whom he had no blood or legal relationship. Although Song Shu and his brother had little contact, Shen Yu still felt jealous.
Later he thought that it was the treatment he never got, so it was normal for him to be jealous.
He always felt that he was very conflicted. He was reluctant to use extreme means to force Song Shu, but he also wanted Song Shu to love him.
Is there such a thing as having the best of both worlds in the world?
He has to choose one, either he is in pain or Song Shu is in pain.
The first time he attempted suicide, he was lying in the bathtub, and in the last moment with his eyes dazed, he saw Song Shu.
Song Shu called an ambulance for him with shaking hands. He thought it was an illusion at that time, and almost desperately pulled Song Shu, wanting to have one last kiss.
The wet and hot water in the bathtub was filled with the smell of blood, there was also a bloody taste between the lips and teeth, and there was Song Shu's cruel rejection.
That kiss destroyed all the possibilities for him and Song Shu.
Song Shu unilaterally broke off relations with him.
At that time, he didn't think anything of it, he just thought, could the outcome be worse than this?
Song Shu didn't love him, and things couldn't be worse than they were now.
However, he was wrong.
Song Shu no longer replied to his messages, nor paid attention to his advances. Even if he chased her to the door, all he got was a cold response and a block with an exclamation mark.
Song Shu completely kicked him out of his circle of friends.
It was different, it was indeed different, but it was a pity that he realized it too late and everything was irreversible.
Humans are also animals, they are attracted to light and afraid of cold.
He tried to commit suicide again, but it was not Song Shu who saved him, but himself.
He remembered that when he attempted suicide for the first time, even though Song Shu hated his kiss, she still sent him to the hospital, and the first person he saw after waking up was also Song Shu.
Song Shu rubbed his eyes and asked him, "How do you feel? Are you feeling better?"
He speaks in a very immature way, like a high school student.
He cried again, his tears were cold, and he sobbed: "Don't you hate me?"
Song Shu didn’t say yes or no, but just said: “Chen Yu, to you, you are the most important.”
…
Perhaps Song Shu himself doesn't even know what kind of charm he has.
He did so many things to Song Shu, confessing, kissing, threatening to commit suicide...
In the end, Song Shu was still willing to stay by his bedside, and even the first sentence he said when he woke up was not a complaint, but concern and advice.
Song Shu didn't understand. His rejections were all like soft thorns of kindness. When they pricked people, they only caused itching but did not cause any substantial harm.
Maybe his heart was aching and his body was shaking, but he just couldn't give up Song Shu. No matter how much it hurt, he was willing to bang his head against the wall.
Having seen the colors of light, no one wants to go back to the dark world.
His connection with Song Shu ended with Song Shu's rejection and started again with the appearance of a monster.
A faceless monster that lives in the forest for a long time.
The rest is needless to say.
He traded his social identity with the monster and learned the truth about the world. He also asked the monster to seal Song Shu's memory.
…
This may be the most correct but also the most wrong thing he did.
More than a year later, I met Song Shu again at a comic convention, in a brand new identity: "Chen Yu".
He noticed him the moment Song Shu appeared at the end of the queue.
Perhaps it was really because he had waited too long, his emotions were surging at that moment. He tried his best to restrain himself, and it took him a long time to calm down the emotions.
Great! Song Shu didn’t recognize him.
It was also a bit regrettable that Song Shu didn't recognize him.
He realized very early on that there is no such thing as having the best of both worlds.
The moment he chose to deceive Song Shu, he was destined to go down this path.
But why, why did Song Shu disappear? And why did the monster disappear with her?
Why?
He could only ask why.
In the past, tears were just a part of deception for him. He always cried hypocritically yet sincerely, trying to arouse some sympathy from Song Shu.
But now he no longer has to cry like this.
Song Shu, would you be more likable if you only shed real tears?
Would you like it?
————
[Gu Chuyue Extra]
During those days when he could no longer contact Song Shu, Gu Chuyue was panicked and even went to find Chen Yu, whom he hated the most.
cafes.
"Where did Song Shu go?"
Gu Chuyue was a little nervous. He had a lot of bad thoughts in his mind. He was afraid that Song Shu would ignore him and that something would happen to Song Shu.
Shen Yu looked very surprised, "Didn't he tell you?"
His heart skipped a beat, and Gu Chuyue was like a student being questioned by a teacher, his nerves tense, and he said dryly: "No."
Shen Yu glanced at him, as if looking at a pitiful man: "He went abroad."
Gu Chuyue was stunned. He subconsciously glanced at the coffee on the table. It was Song Shu's favorite 70% sugar raw coconut latte. Their fingers were entangled and turned red. Gu Chuyue lowered his eyes, "Then why didn't he reply to my message..."
"Maybe he doesn't want to reply, and doesn't want to contact."
"You know, he always does what he wants."
Shen Yu's words hit his ears, and Gu Chuyue's eyes were a little blurry. He looked at the cup of coffee with an accusing look as if he was looking at Song Shu himself.
"Does he hate me?"
Shen Yu shrugged, and left with one last sentence before getting up and leaving: "Maybe."
…
The seat opposite was empty. Gu Chuyue took out his cell phone, the page still on the chat history with Song Shu, tears unconsciously fell on the screen of the phone.
He was just a failed thief.
————
【Xie Jing Extra】
The first time I met Song Shu on the subway, Song Shu was huddled in a corner of the subway with a briefcase in his arms. He was deliberately pushed into that corner, but he still looked completely defenseless.
He couldn't stand it, so he pushed the man away. His original intention was to remind Song Shu not to take a nap on the subway and pay more attention to the people around him.
However, when I lowered my head, I couldn't say anything.
The young man had thick eyelashes, a pale face, very red lips, and his breathing was a little unstable, as if he was sick.
Xie Jing felt a moment of palpitations, and then his heart started beating wildly, almost shattering his eardrums.
Later, he would see Song Shu every time on the subway, so much so that when he occasionally chose a restaurant or milk tea shop to work, he couldn't help but choose one near Song Shu's company.
Every time I have a job interview, the first thought that comes to my mind is: Will Song Shu like this store? Will Song Shu and I meet here?
Such thoughts are always inevitable, but once I meet Song Shu, I feel happy, as if I have been recognized every time.
——It turns out that Song Shu also likes this store.
Because of this thought, work has become interesting as I look forward to meeting Song Shu.
But after the day he was rejected by Song Shu, he never saw Song Shu again.
No matter how he chose his place of work, no matter how he tried to guess Song Shu's thoughts, he never saw Song Shu again.
He had expectations at the beginning, but in the end he couldn't tell whether he was more disappointed or more expectant.
Only occasionally, during breaks from work, he would vaguely recall that there was a young man who always looked at him with surprise.
"Wow, it's you, what a coincidence."
————
【Shenyu extra】
monster.
This is what Song Shu called him.
He and Song Shu met when their memories were sealed.
"Who are you?"
Song Shu had already broken up with Shen Yu at that time, but her first reaction when facing him was still denial: "You are not Shen Yu."
Chen Yu found it incredible, "You recognized him? Don't you dislike him?"
At the same time as the doubts, some emotions called jealousy also arose.
In fact, he is a monster who has never experienced human emotions. Everything he can feel is in Shen Yu's memory.
He didn't tell Shen Yu that after inheriting Shen Yu's identity, he would also have Shen Yu's memories and feelings.
So this is what jealousy feels like.
But at that time he was unwilling to admit that such emotions came from himself. He just thought that Chen Yu was such a jealous person. It was so petty that he would be jealous of such a thing.
Later on, he naturally understood how those emotions came about and what he thought of Song Shu.
It seemed too late to understand then. He had already tasted the pain and rejection in Shen Yu's memory.
Because it is a substitute, there is not even a chance for positive communication.
But monsters are irrational.
Song Shu said he was a monster, so he was a monster, without face or identity. Everything he had was acquired through transactions. His only love was like a substitute, and he could only secretly learn about it from other people's feelings.
He is a thief and a despicable third party.
The moment he met Song Shu and even forced Song Shu to kiss him, a sharp knife pierced his body.
Pleasure and pain came together with Song Shu's frightened look.
It doesn't matter if I die.
If I'm with Song Shu, it doesn't matter if I die.
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