Chapter 55 A Confession That Seems True
That sudden embrace, reeking of gunpowder and exhaustion, felt like an unreal dream, fleeting yet deeply imprinted on Su Wanqing's heart. Huo Tingxiao quickly released her, as if that moment of loss of control was merely an accident of extreme exhaustion and pain. He leaned back against the headboard, closed his eyes, his brow furrowed in agony from his shoulder injury, and resumed his cold, silent demeanor. Only the lingering blush at the base of his ears betrayed that his composure wasn't entirely unruffled.
Su Wanqing's heartbeat was still erratic, her cheeks burning, and the lapels of her clothes, soaked by his tears, seemed to still retain a scorching warmth. She didn't dare look him in the eye again, and hurriedly lowered her head, her voice still hoarse from crying: "I, I'll go get the medicine box!"
She rushed downstairs almost as if escaping, found the medicine box, and brought up a basin of warm water.
Back in the room, Huo Tingxiao was still leaning against the bed with his eyes closed, his face pale, but his breathing seemed to have calmed down a bit. Su Wanqing took a deep breath, trying to suppress the throbbing and panic in her heart. She walked to the bedside and whispered, "Captain, can I help you with your wound?"
Huo Tingxiao opened his eyes and looked at her deeply. He didn't refuse and nodded slightly, almost imperceptibly.
Su Wanqing carefully helped him remove his dusty coat and undershirt, revealing a sturdy torso covered in old and new scars. The area where his right shoulder and arm met was indeed severely red and swollen, clearly an old injury that had been severely strained during the mission, perhaps even suffering a new impact.
Su Wanqing's heart tightened as she watched, and her nose felt a little sore. She wrung out the hot towel and gently wiped the skin around him. Then she took out the medicated oil, poured it into her palms, rubbed it warm, and carefully massaged it onto the red and swollen area.
Her movements were focused and meticulous, her fingertips applying gentle pressure, avoiding the most painful areas. Huo Tingxiao's body was tense at first, but as the medicine took effect and she massaged him, he gradually relaxed. He closed his eyes, his thick lashes casting a faint shadow under his eyes. His breathing was even, as if he were asleep.
The room was silent, save for the subtle rustle of her fingertips rubbing against her skin and the sound of their shallow breathing. Sunlight streamed through the gaps in the curtains, illuminating the tiny particles of dust floating in the air. The atmosphere felt eerily peaceful and... intimate.
Su Wanqing's heartbeat gradually subsided, replaced by an indescribable bitterness and tenderness. She looked at his sleeping (or perhaps just dozing) profile, his tightly pursed lips and the resolute lines of his jaw. She remembered his clumsy yet powerful embrace, his hoarse "Don't cry" and "I'm back"...
An impulse suddenly came to my mind.
She stopped and looked at him, her voice very soft, as if she was afraid of disturbing something: "Don't do that again in the future."
Huo Tingxiao's eyelashes trembled slightly, but he did not open his eyes.
Su Wanqing mustered her courage and continued softly, her voice choked with a barely perceptible sob and a hint of fear: "Don't push me away again... Don't deliberately ignore me and say those hurtful words to me... I know you're afraid of me worrying, afraid of getting me into trouble... But, that way, I feel even worse..."
She paused, looking at him who was still silent, and spoke each word clearly and firmly: "Huo Tingxiao, I'm not afraid of being implicated by you, and I don't need you to protect me like that. Since I'm married to you, whether it's good or bad, I want to bear it with you. Next time... can you try to trust me a little?"
After saying this, her cheeks were already burning, her heart was pounding, and she almost didn't dare to look at his reaction. This was the first time she had so directly exposed his "protection", and the first time she had so clearly expressed her wishes and...position.
There was a long silence in the room.
It lasted so long that Su Wanqing almost thought he was really asleep, or didn't want to respond at all, and her heart was gradually filled with loss.
Just as she was about to give up and continue what she was doing, Huo Tingxiao suddenly spoke. His eyes were still closed, his voice low and hoarse, with a calmness that came from extreme exhaustion. He spoke slowly, word by word:
“…I didn’t do it on purpose.”
Su Wanqing's movements suddenly stopped and she looked at him in surprise.
He still didn't open his eyes, as if he was talking to himself, or as if he was explaining to her, his voice vague and heavy: "Those words... are also true."
Su Wanqing's heart sank instantly, and her face turned pale. What... did he mean?
However, Huo Tingxiao's next words left her completely stunned.
"I have a bad temper, I'm bad at speaking, and I don't know... how to be nice to people." He spoke slowly, each word a painstaking effort torn from the weight of his past. "Being with me is boring, and also... hard. You'll be wronged, pointed at, and frightened... just like this time."
He paused, his Adam's apple rolled, and his voice became even hoarse: "These are all true."
Su Wanqing's heart felt like it was being gripped tightly, aching and painful. He... was thinking this? He felt he was no good, unworthy of others' kindness, so he pushed her away in that way?
"But," he suddenly changed the subject and finally slowly opened his eyes.
Those deep eyes were no longer as cold and sharp as before, but were filled with complex emotions: fatigue, self-mockery, a deep, almost heartbreaking honesty, and... a very faint glimmer of light after struggle. He looked directly at Su Wanqing, his gaze heavy and direct:
"I regret pushing you away."
Su Wanqing's breathing suddenly stopped, her pupils dilated slightly, and she looked at him in disbelief.
He said... he regretted it?
Huo Tingxiao looked at her shocked expression, the corners of his mouth twitching upwards almost imperceptibly. It wasn't a smile, more like a helpless bitterness. "Seeing you cry... hearing you say you're worried... here," he raised his uninjured left hand and pointed to the position of his heart. His movements were a little stiff, but his eyes were unusually serious. "...it will be uncomfortable."
"It's more uncomfortable than being injured..."
His words were still concise, even a little unclear, without any flowery rhetoric, let alone romance. But it was this clumsy, almost straightforward expression that struck Su Wanqing's heart like a heavy hammer, shaking her soul!
He regretted pushing her away.
He would feel uncomfortable seeing her cry.
More uncomfortable than injured.
This...what is this?
Was it an apology? An explanation? Or... an extremely clumsy, Huo Tingxiao-style... confession?
Su Wanqing was completely stunned, her cheeks were so red that they almost bled, her heart was beating so wildly that it was about to explode, and a huge, sour and hot warm current instantly rushed through her limbs and bones, making her feel weak all over and she could hardly hold the medicine bottle in her hand.
She opened her mouth, but couldn't utter a word. She could only stare at him blankly, her eyes reddening uncontrollably again.
Huo Tingxiao seemed a little uncomfortable with her expression. He looked away and closed his eyes again, his brows furrowed in habit again, as if his almost confessional words had drained all his strength. He resumed his usual cold and hard tone and added, as if trying to excuse himself, but also as if giving an order:
"So... I won't do that again."
"You...don't cry anymore."
After saying that, he stopped talking, as if he had fallen asleep. However, his slightly trembling eyelashes and still red ears revealed that he was not as calm as he appeared.
Su Wanqing stood there, unable to move for a long time.
His words echoed repeatedly in my mind - "I regret pushing you away." "Seeing you cry...it makes me uncomfortable here." "I won't do that again."
Every word is like a huge rock thrown into the lake of the heart, stirring up huge waves.
There are no sweet words, no vows of love, and not even a clear "like" or "love".
But this clumsy, frank, yet awkwardly honest response, tinged with a hint of "discomfort" and "regret," was a groundbreaking change for someone so used to being cold and aloof. This, more than any grandiose vow, shocked and... thrilled Su Wanqing.
He was telling her in his own way that he realized his mistake, that he felt her sadness, and... that he was willing to change.
Does this mean that the iceberg has really begun to melt for her?
Su Wanqing slowly raised her hand and pressed her wildly beating heart, which was filled with a huge, indescribable happiness and sorrow, and it was swollen and painful.
She looked at the man who seemed to have fallen asleep on the bed, and saw the lingering fatigue and softened lines on his cold and hard face. The corners of her lips involuntarily and very slowly rose into a deep, tearful smile.
A seemingly true confession.
Clumsy but sincere.
That's enough.
For her, this was the best answer.
She picked up the medicine bottle again and rubbed the wound more gently, her eyes filled with unprecedented determination and tenderness.
The future may still be long, and there may still be storms.
But at least at this moment, she saw the warm and real inside after the ice cracked.
That's enough.
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