Chapter 68 Regret and fear, his true feelings revealed
Su Wanqing's health improved day by day under Huo Tingxiao's constant and attentive care. Her fever subsided, and the swelling on her wrists and ankles gradually dissipated. However, her face still had the paleness of illness, and she was easily fatigued. But even more disturbing than her physical recovery was Huo Tingxiao's completely different attitude.
He was still silent, but that silence no longer carried a cold, distant feeling or oppression. Instead, it felt more like a clumsy, unexpressed protection. He would silently hand her warm water, quietly dim the lights while she read, and be the first person at the door when she woke from a nightmare (though he never came in, only to make sure she was alright before leaving).
This meticulous yet distant care melted the ice in Su Wanqing's heart, but it also left her even more confused and... uneasy. She couldn't see through him. She didn't understand whether his sudden change was driven by responsibility and guilt, or... something else.
That night, Su Wanqing slept restlessly. The brief improvement she'd felt during the day seemed to have drained her energy. As the night deepened and everyone was asleep, the suppressed fear from the day and the horrific images of the kidnapping returned. She fell into a bizarre nightmare filled with cold daggers, the kidnapper's hideous face, and endless darkness and a suffocating feeling...
"Don't... go away... help..." She muttered helplessly in her dream, struggling, cold sweat on her forehead.
Huo Tingxiao, who was guarding the outer study (he had practically made it his home these days), woke up almost as soon as she uttered her first sleep talk. He stood up abruptly and rushed to the master bedroom door in a few steps. He had already grasped the doorknob, but then paused.
He listened to her sobbing, fearful mumbling in her sleep, and his heart felt like it was being gripped by an invisible hand, aching and painful. He knew she was having a nightmare again.
After hesitating for a few seconds, he finally pushed the door open gently.
Under the dim night light, Su Wanqing curled up on the bed, her brows furrowed, her face pale, her lips trembling slightly, obviously trapped in a nightmare and unable to extricate herself.
Huo Tingxiao's heart clenched. He walked quietly to the bedside, hesitated for a moment, then reached out and gently patted her shoulder. He tried to wake her in a low, hoarse voice, "Wanqing? Wanqing, wake up, it was just a dream..."
His touch and voice seemed to have worked. Su Wanqing gasped, waking up from her nightmare. She opened her eyes in fear, her chest heaving violently, her eyes unfocused, and for a moment, she couldn't distinguish between dreams and reality.
"Ah!" When she saw the blurry tall black shadow beside the bed, she screamed in fright and subconsciously shrank back!
"It's me!" Huo Tingxiao spoke quickly and turned on the bedside lamp.
The soft light dispelled the darkness and illuminated Huo Tingxiao's face, which was filled with worry and fatigue.
Su Wanqing saw that it was him, and her tense nerves relaxed instantly, but her heart was still beating wildly. Fear surged like a tide, making her nose sore and her eyes red. She hurriedly lowered her head, not wanting him to see her so vulnerable.
Huo Tingxiao looked at her shoulders, trembling slightly as she fought back tears. All his restraint and hesitation crumbled at that moment. No longer concerned with distance or propriety, he sat down beside the bed, reached out his hand, and with a somewhat stiff but firm hand, gently pulled her into his arms.
Su Wanqing's body froze instantly.
His embrace was warm and solid, with a reassuring atmosphere. She didn't struggle, nor did she respond, but just stiffly let him hold her, tears streaming down her face uncontrollably, soaking the fabric of his clothes.
Huo Tingxiao felt the dampness on his chest, his body stiffening even further, his heart filled with an unprecedented sense of helplessness and heartache. He clumsily patted her back, as if soothing a frightened animal, his voice hoarse, "Don't be afraid... It's all over... It's okay..."
Silence filled the air, with only the faint sobs she tried hard to suppress.
After a long time, Su Wanqing's emotions gradually calmed down. She moved slightly, trying to get out of his arms.
Huo Tingxiao's arm tightened slightly, as if he didn't want her to leave. But he finally loosened his arm, allowing her to sit up straight.
A subtle silence and awkwardness fell between the two again.
Su Wanqing lowered her head, her fingers unconsciously twisting the corner of the quilt.
Huo Tingxiao looked at her pale face and red, swollen eyes, his chest filled with complex, inexpressible emotions. Regret, fear, self-blame, and that unfamiliar yet surging heartache... all these emotions intertwined, threatening to burst through his usual cold exterior.
He took a deep breath, as if he had made up his mind. He looked at her gravely and spoke slowly and hoarsely. Each word seemed to be painstakingly ripped out from the heavy past.
"That day... I saw your phone dropped on the ground and the scattered things... I..."
He paused, unable to find the right words to describe the feeling at that moment. His brows were tightly furrowed, and his eyes revealed a lingering fear that was almost painful: "...I almost went crazy."
Su Wanqing raised her head abruptly, staring at him in astonishment. She had never heard him speak in this tone before, with such obvious... vulnerability and fear?
Huo Tingxiao avoided her gaze, as if he didn't dare meet hers. He simply stared at a certain point in the air and continued with difficulty, "I've never... been afraid of anything. Not even a hail of bullets, not even a life-or-death mission..."
"But at that moment... I was scared." His Adam's apple rolled violently, and his voice became even deeper and hoarse, with a barely perceptible tremor. "I was afraid I wouldn't be able to find you... afraid I'd be too late... afraid I'd see... the result I least wanted to see..."
He paused abruptly at this point, his jawline tense as if he were suppressing some surging emotion. Those always sharp, icy eyes now clearly reflected a bottomless fear and... pain.
Su Wanqing's heart felt like it had been struck hard. She stared at him, stunned, almost forgetting to breathe. She had never imagined that this man, as powerful as a god and as cold as an iceberg, could reveal such a...human, vulnerable side. And all this was because of her?
Huo Tingxiao was silent for a moment, seemingly calming down, before turning his head again and finally meeting her eyes. Those eyes were incredibly deep, filled with so many complex emotions: guilt, self-blame, heaviness, and a subtle undercurrent that she couldn't understand but that made her heart palpitate.
"And before that..." His voice dropped, filled with deep regret, "Those bullshit things I said to you..."
"I'm sorry, Wanqing." He finally looked her straight in the eye, and spoke each word clearly and solemnly, "Those words... were not my true feelings. I was just... just blinded by anger... I was just... scared."
He struggled to analyze himself, trying to tear off the cold outer shell completely to reveal the panicked inner self that was unfamiliar even to himself.
"I'm afraid of you being too far away from me, but I'm also afraid of you being too close... I'm used to controlling everything, but I don't know how to deal with it... these unfamiliar feelings you bring." His words were a little confusing, but incredibly sincere. "So I used the stupidest, most hurtful method... to try to push everything back to the starting point..."
"I thought that way... I wouldn't lose control... I wouldn't..." He paused, as if he had trouble speaking, and finally said in a hoarse voice, "... I wouldn't get hurt."
This almost naked, clumsy outpouring of true feelings was like a series of thunderbolts, striking Su Wanqing's heart one after another! She looked at the man in front of her in disbelief, seeing the undisguised regret and fear in his eyes, as well as the deep-seated emotions that even he himself had not properly dealt with...
So…his fury and humiliation at that time were actually hidden behind fear? Fear of losing control? Fear…of getting hurt?
This realization made Su Wanqing feel as if all the grievances and resentments in her heart had found an outlet to vent instantly, and it was as if they were replaced by a stronger, bitter heartache.
It wasn't that he didn't mean it, it was just... he was too clumsy and too used to arming himself with coldness and toughness, so he hurt the people he least deserved.
Huo Tingxiao looked at her shocked and complicated expression and gave a self-deprecating smile, which was filled with fatigue and bitterness. "It might be too late to say this now... I also know that the damage has been done... I'm not trying to defend myself."
He took a deep breath, his gaze became firm again, and he looked deeply into her eyes and said solemnly, as if taking an oath:
"I just want to tell you, Su Wanqing."
"I regret it. Very much."
"The fear that comes afterward... torments me every day and every moment."
"sorry."
"And...thank you...for still giving me the chance...to take care of you."
His voice was not loud, but every word was weighty, striking Su Wanqing's heart so hard that her soul trembled.
Regret and fear finally broke through the iceberg's defenses, revealing his truest, most vulnerable, yet most touching inner self.
Su Wanqing's tears burst out again without warning.
But this time, they were no longer tears of grievance and fear.
It was a kind of...relief, sadness, and a surging emotion that even she herself couldn't accurately define.
She looked at him, at this man who took off all disguises and clumsily revealed his true heart and vulnerability to her. At this moment, the frozen statue of him in her heart collapsed and turned into dust.
True feelings come out, though late.
The cracks are still there, but the dawn of repair seems to have penetrated the thick clouds and quietly arrived.
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