Deep in the fog
Time slipped away like silent sand through fingers. When Lin Xiaoning realized it, ten years had passed since he joined Changqing Chemical.
For the past decade, she felt like she was on an ever-accelerating train. The scenery outside her window shifted from the lush, innocent campus to the cold, steely jungle of a chemical plant, and now to the dazzling neon lights of the film and television industry. She possessed everything she once couldn't imagine: the tranquility of a lakeside villa after a company share placement, the roar of a black Mercedes-Benz engine, the reassuring numbers in her bank account from an annual salary of one million plus generous dividends, and the title of "General Manager Lin," a symbol of success and power in the eyes of outsiders. These hard, quantifiable things, like a thick layer of gold dust, enveloped her tightly.
Yet, only she knew the depths of decadence beneath this veneer of gold. Money's attack was silent, not as cold and sharp as a sword, but more like a colorless, odorless, chronic poison, quietly corroding every corner of her soul. She was accustomed to measuring the value of things by price tags, resolving problems through resource swaps, and weighing every decision by the pros and cons. The pure joy of solving a difficult problem, the heart-touching feeling of reading a well-written passage, even the relief of a conversation devoid of utilitarian purpose—all had long since left her. Her sensibilities, like finely polished jade, were smooth and cold, yet devoid of their natural warmth and sharpness. She became increasingly like those she had once scrutinized and exploited, a machine that was efficient and precise, yet felt hollow in the dead of night.
Just as the company's initial funding had nearly run out, Xu Wu, after the illegitimate child controversy had subsided, allocated another 100 million yuan, like fresh blood, to her company, "Morning Star Pictures." He seemed to need a steady stream of funding and projects to prove his control. Or perhaps, he wanted to use this larger gamble to tie her more firmly to his chariot. Without hesitation, Lin Xiaoning got drunk again with Xu Wu's friends and accepted the money. Escape is shameful, but sometimes it really works. At the very least, devoting herself to a concrete, intensive project could temporarily distract her from the vast wasteland within her heart, and... the increasingly complex gazes of her parents, who now shared her home.
Her parents moved into the villa to live with her out of filial piety, hoping that their elderly parents could enjoy a peaceful and comfortable life. The huge house did have a more homely feel. Her mother was keen on taking care of the small garden, while her father spent every day reading and writing in the study, occasionally taking a walk in the neighborhood. On the surface, it was a happy family life. But Lin Xiaoning could keenly sense that the invisible pressure also came with it, becoming more concrete and more ubiquitous. At the dinner table, when her mother served food to her, she would always sigh inadvertently: "Xiaoning, what's the point of making so much money? You don't have anyone who understands you. Your father and I are worried about you." Although her father didn't say much, the occasional look he gave her, filled with worry and inquiry, was more important than any words.
The project she chose was a film adaptation of a popular online novel about time travel. The story follows a modern woman who is accidentally caught up in the currents of history. With her wisdom and independent spirit, she struggles to survive in unfamiliar times and ultimately finds her true self. While the subject matter may seem cliché, it somehow resonates with a hidden desire within her—to escape to another time and place and start anew. She personally served as producer and practically lived in the production team. She personally oversaw casting, location scouting, script polishing, and budget monitoring—every detail was handled personally. She signed a group of fresh faces, many of whom were handsome men and beautiful women fresh out of college, their eyes still brimming with the clarity of inexperience and a longing for the future. Watching them, Lin Xiaoning would occasionally drift into a trance, as if she were seeing herself, full of energy and clarity, at a debate competition over a decade ago.
These days had been surprisingly "normal." No endless social engagements, no challenges she needed to personally overcome, and no headaches and emptiness after waking up from a late-night drunken binge. Her life was completely filled with script meetings, feng shui routes, and contract terms. She had even taken to driving back and forth between her villa and the office each day, playing only soothing classical music. The car window shut out the city's clamor, leaving her with a brief, enclosed space of her own. This calm, like the false peace at the eye of a storm, she knew the storm was still raging all around her, but at least, for now, she could breathe.
However, the eye of the storm outside was shrinking. Her mother's "instructions" became more frequent, and the topic always unconsciously turned to her lifelong affairs.
"Xiao Ning, have you been busy lately? Are you eating regularly? I saw that movie poster you posted on your WeChat Moments, it's quite nice..." The mother's voice was cautious and tentative, "Um... Ye Yidong, have you been in touch recently? That kid seemed really nice at first, and he was really sincere to you... Sigh, I don't know how he's doing abroad now."
Whenever this happened, Lin Xiaoning's fingers would unconsciously curl. Ye Yidong's name, like a tiny thorn, had long been buried deep in her flesh. Normally, she wouldn't feel it, but once it was mentioned, the subtle yet distinct pain would spread. She replied vaguely, "Mom, it was so long ago. He's doing well overseas. Why would we contact each other?"
"The past is the past, but you are always alone here... Mom feels uneasy. You said you are 31 years old. A woman's best years are only a few years. You can't keep wasting it like this..." There was an indelible sorrow in the mother's voice.
What surprised her even more was that her father, usually taciturn and concerned only about her "not working too hard," actually took the initiative to help. One weekend when she was at home, her father approached her solemnly, cell phone in hand.
"Xiao Ning, do you remember Wang Shumin, a student I used to teach? He was a very down-to-earth kid. He served in the army for many years, guarding the highland border. He just retired this year and is waiting for demobilization and resettlement. He came to see me today and talked about you... I think he is a decent person with a simple life. You are about the same age, so if you don't mind, why not meet up and just make friends and chat?"
Her father's words were tactful, with the restraint of an intellectual, but the anticipation in his eyes was unmistakable. Lin Xiaoning felt a pang of sadness as she watched her father's increasingly aged face. She understood that this was the simplest and most direct way her parents could think of to show their concern for her—finding a "reliable" home for her, as if that would finally give her, this seemingly splendid ship that always seemed to them to be leaking, a safe haven.
She did not refuse, nor could she refuse that heavy love. So, on a sunny afternoon, she met Wang Shumin.
The meeting place was a quiet teahouse. Wang Shumin was darker and thinner than expected, but his figure was as straight as a pine tree, and he sat upright, with a sense of discipline ingrained in his bones from a long military life. He didn't talk much, and answered every question one by one. He was polite and considerate, but there was an obvious, restrained alienation in him. His hands were rough, with protruding knuckles, and when placed next to Lin Xiaoning's well-maintained hands, they seemed like they came from two different worlds. He talked about the wind and snow on the plateau and the loneliness of the border. His tone was flat, as if he was telling someone else's story, but the occasional imperceptible tenacity in his eyes made Lin Xiaoning know that it was by no means an easy experience.
The conversation was unremarkable, focusing on their respective work and hobbies. Lin Xiaoning briefly introduced her work, avoiding the main points. The atmosphere wasn't awkward, but it wasn't warm either. At the end, they politely exchanged contact information, and Wang Shumin said, "Xiaoning, nice to meet you. We'll talk again sometime." His tone was as polite as if he had accomplished a task.
Lin Xiaoning drove home, feeling calm. Wang Shumin was like a clean but overly simple mirror, reflecting the complexity and chaos of her life. She had no ill feelings towards him, and even had a natural respect for soldiers, but the aura from a different world made her clearly know that there were thousands of mountains and rivers between them. She thought that it was just to fulfill her parents' wish and have another name in her address book. After all, she was thirty-one years old, what else could she do? Like most people of this age, compromising with reality, finding a similar person, and living a similar life seemed to be the most logical choice. Love? That was too luxurious, and she had already crossed it out of the list of necessities in life.
The days passed by in a dull manner. She would occasionally chat with Wang Shumin on WeChat, as if completing a check-in task. He sent her a few photos of the starry sky on the plateau, which were vast and brilliant, but with a cold sense of distance. She also replied politely. The two even made an appointment to meet again and watch a movie. In the darkness, she could smell the faint scent of soapberries on Wang Shumin, and his body that occasionally tensed slightly because of the plot. She tried to get involved, but her mind would always inappropriately flash back to the hot and damp feeling in Ye Yidong's palm when he secretly held her hand in the cinema. Comparison is cruel, but she can't help it. Fortunately, everyone is an adult and knows how to ignore those minor awkwardness and discomfort and maintain superficial peace. Seeing this, her parents seemed to be relieved, and the atmosphere at home eased a lot.
Until that day, she ran into Wu Jiaming downstairs of the company.
They hadn't spoken alone for a long time since the last environmental inspection. Wu Jiaming seemed to deliberately avoid her. Even when they passed each other in the company corridor, he would only nod briefly and pass by her hurriedly. He looked thinner than before, but his back was still straight. However, his brow was shrouded in an indelible layer of fatigue and a certain... determination.
"Vice President Lin." He called her, his voice a little hoarse.
Lin Xiaoning stopped and was a little surprised: "Mr. Wu."
Wu Jiaming looked around and whispered, "Are you free? Let's find a place to chat."
They walked into a nearly empty café on the side of the building. The afternoon sun filtered through the glass windows, casting dappled shadows on the tabletop. Wu Jiaming stirred his coffee but took no sip. After a long silence, he raised his head and gazed intently at Lin Xiaoning. Those eyes, once fixated on drawings and data, now burned with an almost fanatical, unsettling gleam.
"The chairman is launching a new project," he began, his tone calm, yet the details were earth-shattering. "This time it's a cross-industry merger and acquisition, involving the integration of the entire new energy battery industry chain. The scope is enormous, and the risks... I don't understand it, and I can't control it."
Lin Xiaoning was shocked. She had heard about Xu Wu's ambition, but she didn't expect him to take such a big step.
Wu Jiaming let out a bitter smile. "I agree. Not only that, I will push forward with all my might and carry out his every instruction to the letter, even though I know some steps are a tightrope walk and some data won't stand up to scrutiny."
Lin Xiaoning was even more confused. This was completely unlike the cautious and pragmatic Wu Jiaming she knew, who regarded technology and production safety as his life.
"Do you think I'm crazy?" Wu Jiaming seemed to see through her thoughts. His eyes drifted out the window, as if he was talking to himself. "I just... figured out a truth. Everything, like a chemical reaction, has its inherent life cycle: germination, growth, prosperity, decline, and extinction. Evergreen Chemical is no exception. If we artificially add catalysts to it, speeding up the process at every step, allowing it to expand rapidly and reach its peak glory, then won't it also accelerate towards that ultimate node - complete destruction?"
His voice sank, carrying the sorrow of a martyr: "Destruction also means rebirth. Only when the old, decaying behemoth, thoroughly alienated by capital, completely collapses, can something new, clean, and truly ours grow from the ruins." He turned his head, staring at Lin Xiaoning with a burning gaze, and lowered his voice. "The old factory director, my master, my father-in-law, when he held my hand before he left, he didn't talk about how big the company would be or how much money we would make. He said, 'Jia Ming, lead everyone, hold on to our own jobs, and live a decent life!' Is Changqing still 'ours' now? It's become a tool for Xu Wu's own ambitions to expand! I will accelerate its destruction. Then, with the technology and connections I've accumulated over the years, and the guilt I feel for letting my old friends down, I will build a company that truly belongs to us working people! No capital to dictate, no endless infighting and scheming. Just solid production, so that everyone who works with me can live an upright life!"
Lin Xiaoning felt a chill run down her spine. She finally understood that Wu Jiaming wasn't compromising, but rather engaging in an extreme and desperate "suicidal" struggle. He was using this accelerated destruction to fulfill his promise to the old factory director, to pursue that seemingly naive yet incredibly pure dream of an industrial utopia, even if it meant perishing alongside him.
"Mr. Wu, you..." Lin Xiaoning didn't know how to respond. This kind of idealism, with a kind of naive cruelty, made her feel scared.
Wu Jiaming turned his head and refocused his gaze on her face, which contained a rare, almost fragile plea for help. "Vice President Lin, you understand the law. As the general manager, what is the biggest risk for me to do this? Will I... go to jail?"
At that moment, Lin Xiaoning saw the bottomless despair in his eyes. She recalled the case Zhao Xianqi had once told her, and the provisions regarding executive responsibility in the Company Law, Securities Law, and Criminal Law. She took a deep breath and tried to speak calmly, "Mr. Wu, the management, especially the general manager, is the primary person responsible for the company's safe production and compliant operations. If a decision-making error or uncontrolled risk management leads to significant losses, or... more serious accidents, such as major safety accidents, environmental pollution, or massive deception of investors, then, whether as the directly responsible supervisor or due to negligence in supervision, it will be difficult to completely escape responsibility. Civil compensation and administrative penalties are the basics. If it involves criminal offenses, such as major responsibility accidents or fraudulent issuance... the consequences will be very serious."
Her words were subtle, but her meaning was clear. She saw the glimmer in Wu Jiaming's eyes flicker violently like a candle in the wind, then go out completely. He seemed to be drained of all his strength in an instant. He leaned back in his chair and muttered, "I understand... Thank you. At worst, I'll just use my old bones to get a cleaner start."
At that moment, Lin Xiaoning felt a surge of compassion. She wanted to tell him to stop, perhaps there was still room for improvement. But she knew better than anyone that neither Xu Wu's ambition nor Wu Jiaming's suicidal resolve could be shaken. She could only whisper, "Mr. Wu, please... take care of yourself."
Wu Jiaming said nothing more, simply waving his hand, motioning for her to go first. Lin Xiaoning stood up and left, and as she reached the door, she glanced back. Wu Jiaming remained in that position, gazing out the window. The sunlight shone on his graying hair, like a layer of lonely snow. That back figure, lonely and resolute, seemed to have already embarked on a path of no return towards the cliff.
That evening, she made an appointment with Wang Shumin for dinner. This time, she took the initiative. Perhaps it was Wu Jiaming's desperate look that irritated her, making her yearn for a little warmth from the world, or perhaps it was her parents' expectant gaze that forced her to put in the effort.
The restaurant's lights were soft, and Wang Shumin sat upright, speaking little but listening intently, nodding occasionally. He asked about her dietary restrictions before ordering, and poured her water with a somewhat clumsy yet attentive gesture. He wore no perfume, no calculating gaze, only a reassuring, almost primal sense of peace. He wasn't even good at finding conversation, mostly just eating in silence. Occasionally, he'd discuss the trivialities of waiting for his job placement. His tone was free of anxiety, only a calm, resigned composure.
Lin Xiaoning looked at him, trying to find a glimmer of reassurance in his dark, angular face. She even began to imagine if life would be simpler with someone like him. She'd worry about food and vegetables every day, no more heart-wrenching calculations and unspeakable filth. Her parents would surely be delighted.
However, when she tried to share her feelings about meeting Wu Jiaming today, Wang Shumin had just started to talk about the complexity of corporate management when he looked bewildered. Then he said sincerely, "I don't really understand this. But I think in life and work, it's best to be down-to-earth and have a clear conscience. Just like us at the border, if we stand guard every shift and protect every inch of land, we will feel at ease."
His words were true, a rare quality in this era. But Lin Xiaoning felt a deeper sense of powerlessness. The gap between them wasn't just a professional chasm, but also a stark difference in their perceptions of the world. Her world was filled with grayscale games, forced compromises, and abscesses hidden beneath the surface of glitz; his, on the other hand, seemed to be all black and white, right and wrong, like the sky above the plateau: clear, yet monotonous.
The meal was peaceful, even harmonious. Wang Shumin was a good man, a simple, upright man. Lin Xiaoning didn't dislike him, and even admired his purity. But the thought, "Fortunately, we are all adults, so this matter can be completely ignored," resurfaced. They could eat together, chat, and even get married and have children in the future according to their parents' wishes, but the turbulent past deep in her soul, the wounds that could not be healed, and the insights into the darkness of human nature would all be secrets that she would carry alone, secrets that she would never be able to share with him. The complex story that belonged to her, Zhao Xianqi, Ye Yidong, Xu Wu, and this bizarre world of capital could only be sealed forever in front of this man.
After sending Wang Shumin home, Lin Xiaoning drove back to her villa alone. The city lights shimmered in the night, like a flowing galaxy. She recalled Zhao Xianqi's words in the letter: "Protect the heart of the cabbage." Was her heart still there? Had the Lin Xiaoning who once believed in justice, pursued purity, and was thrilled by a legal opinion, been suffocated by layers of greasy outer layers called "reality"?
She recalled Wu Jiaming's desperate yet fiery gaze, the idealistic country he wanted to build, one free from capitalist control. It was the old factory director's dying wish, a technician's final act of romance and tragedy. She recalled Xu Wu's unfathomable ambition and ruthlessness. She recalled her parents' earnest yet overwhelming expectations. She recalled Wang Shumin's simple, direct worldview, which clashed with hers.
This golden raft, built of money and power, carried her afloat on the turbulent waves of life. Her parents were now aboard, their worries and expectations an added weight. She had thought she had reached the summit, only to discover reefs beneath her feet, and the raft was indeed, slowly and irreversibly, leaking. With the next wave, would it completely disintegrate? And after sinking, would she plummet into the abyss, or could she grasp at the glimmer of hope that might still remain, a glimmer of hope? Or, like Wu Jiaming, seek a radical rebirth amidst destruction?
As the car pulled into the villa complex, the surroundings grew increasingly quiet. She noticed the lights in the living room were still on; her parents were probably still waiting for her. She parked the car but didn't get out immediately. She simply sat quietly. She could only hear the lingering hum of the engine after it had shut off, and the sound of her exhausted heart still beating stubbornly in her chest. The answer still lay deep in the fog of the unknown.
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