Chapter 11
"What if I'm jealous?"
As soon as these words were spoken, the room fell silent for a moment.
Shang Mu asked suspiciously, "Why are you jealous?"
"I found out that the photographer had 'practices' with many people while abroad. He and you are..." Zhou Wangchuan paused, his voice lowered, as if he was reluctant to say the next word, "the same kind of people."
Shang Mu wasn't surprised that he'd found this out. He sneered and said sarcastically, "We've discussed this many times. If you don't want to bully me, then don't be jealous. And you know perfectly well that I don't have any contact with my colleagues outside of work. So, this excuse doesn't hold water."
Zhou Wangchuan looked at him, hesitant to speak.
"What other reasons do you have?" Shang Mu lowered his head, tracing the pattern of the tablecloth with his fingertips, and asked casually.
Zhou Wangchuan wanted to say that he was aware of the photographer's threats and covetousness towards him. When he found out that the photographer was watching the live broadcast on the other side of the screen, he was completely unable to control his anger for a moment.
But he couldn't say it. Couples need to keep their distance, and Shang Mu's method of keeping the live broadcast secret from him was to keep his distance from him.
Shang Mu didn't wait for an answer, threw his napkin on the table and stood up.
"Just an excuse, isn't it?" he said. "You just made up an excuse so that I can accept your kindness with a clear conscience."
He said this coldly and left the private room without looking back.
Zhou Wangchuan sat there, watching his back as he walked away, out of the corridor, out the door, and finally disappeared into the street.
Since six years ago, he has been accustomed to watching the other person's back as he walks away.
First, at school, he watched Shang Mu walk in. Later, downstairs at the company, he watched Shang Mu walk into the elevator. Then, there were repeated arguments and cold wars, with Shang Mu leaving time and again, leaving behind only a cold and indifferent figure.
Zhou Wangchuan withdrew his gaze and slowly took a sip of wine.
After they celebrated the Chinese New Year together that year, their relationship was no better than before. In fact, it became much more distant and they returned to the state of nodding acquaintances.
Zhou Wangchuan went to Liulin every week to restock the cat's food, but the bowl was always empty. The other cat feeder had stopped coming. The messages in the chat box also stopped before the Lunar New Year. The chance encounters that used to happen everywhere before the Lunar New Year had never happened again.
He thought Shang Mu was not used to being too close to other people's families, so he kept his distance from him. But his mother, Ms. Cheng Yunxuan, told him that she was chatting enthusiastically with Shang Mu and even paid him to design her summer clothes. Zhou Wangchuan was forced to admit that Shang Mu was simply distancing himself from him.
Maybe those two roses were out of line, he thought.
It was early summer when they met again. Zhou Wangchuan was buying books in a second-hand bookstore. When he looked up, he saw two people coming out of the hotel next door.
Almost the moment he looked over, Shang Mu, who was being supported by someone, quickly looked over and their eyes met.
"Senior, what a coincidence." Shang Mu was surprised for a moment, then smiled and walked towards him.
Zhou Wangchuan also showed his usual smile: "Good morning."
Shang Mu raised his eyebrows: "Senior, are you living on American time?"
Zhou Wangchuan finally came to his senses awkwardly and smiled awkwardly, "Good evening."
He glanced at the boy who was supporting Shang Mu. He was wearing glasses and had an average appearance. He seemed to be a student of their school.
"Okay, go ahead." Shang Mu pushed away the boy's hand that was supporting him, "I'll ask the senior to take me back."
Zhou Wangchuan noticed that Shang Mu looked very pale and his voice was weak. When he left the support, his body even swayed, as if he would fall down immediately.
"Then next time..." The boy seemed reluctant and looked at Zhou Wangchuan with some hostility.
"We'll talk about it next time." Shang Mu interrupted him impatiently, took Zhou Wangchuan's hand, and said in a soft tone, "I feel a little unwell, please give me a hand."
On the way back to school, Zhou Wangchuan supported Shang Mu. He wanted to ask him what was wrong, but he felt it was unnecessary because the problem was obvious. He also wanted to ask if he rejected the girl last time because he liked boys, but that seemed unnecessary. He also wanted to ask if the boy just now was his new boyfriend, but they had both left the hotel, so the question was still unnecessary.
So there was silence all the way, with only the sound of Shang Mu's increasingly heavy breathing.
Zhou Wangchuan held his shoulders and felt his back was soaked with sweat. He tilted his head to look at him: "Are you okay?"
Shang Mu's lips were pale and he said weakly, "Sit down for a while before leaving." He gestured to the iron bench by the lake.
Zhou Wangchuan hesitated for a moment and said cryptically, "That chair... is hard."
"Isn't the chair just..." Shang Mu stopped talking mid-sentence, his eyes widened as if he suddenly realized something, "You..."
"Fuck..." Shang Mu bit his lip and laughed, "Senior, what are you thinking about? I just have a stomachache. Yan Shanting"
As he spoke, his face turned even paler. He clutched Zhou Wangchuan's arm tightly, bent down slightly, and held his breath to suppress the painful groan in his throat.
Zhou Wangchuan helped him sit down and immediately took on the role of doctor, asking worriedly, "Why does your stomach hurt? Did you eat something bad?"
"I bumped into something..." Shang Mu's lips turned pale. One hand was clenched into a fist and pressed against his abdomen, while the other hand was still tightly holding Zhou Wangchuan's arm.
Zhou Wangchuan felt his arm twisted bruises, but he didn't struggle. He just said, "Let's go to the school hospital and I'll check you out."
"No, just take it easy."
Shang Mu endured the pain and let go of his hand apologetically: "Sorry."
As they were talking, the bushes rustled. Si Xi parted the branches and looked over curiously. Shang Mu called out, and she lightly jumped onto the bench, sat upright, and called out softly, "Meow."
Zhou Wangchuan smiled and said, "She's asking why you haven't come to see her these days."
"Did she ask, or did you?"
Shang Mu seemed to be feeling better, his voice no longer staccato. He still bent slightly, his right hand rubbing his abdomen intermittently. He pressed hard, his clothes tightening around his abdomen, outlining his beautiful waistline.
Zhou Wangchuan said, "Go get some medicine."
Si Xi jumped between the two of them and rubbed his head affectionately, rubbing it here and there, with a look of enjoyment on his face.
Shang Mu shook his head: "It's okay, just a night's rest will be fine." He touched Sixi's chin, and Sixi immediately gurgled comfortably.
"Okay, let's go. Senior, please take me back to the dormitory." Shang Mu supported himself on the armrest of the chair and stood up.
Zhou Wangchuan helped him walk to the dormitory door. Just as he was about to leave, Shang Mu called him again.
"Senior."
"Even if I am..." Shang Mu's face was still pale, but he showed an almost sweet smile with two dimples on his face, "I am also 1."
The sound of wind chimes at the door brought Zhou Wangchuan back to his consciousness. Now he certainly knew that nothing had happened between Shang Mu and that boy back then. What happened in the hotel that day was just an ordinary practice.
Back then, Shang Mu had chosen to be with him just to practice with him. Six years had passed since then, and the two had argued countless times about this issue, each ending in a bad mood. The frequency of the arguments grew, and the intensity of the arguments grew.
Zhou Wangchuan had a premonition that they would break up sooner or later because of this incident.
We have been together for six years just to practice, and now we are breaking up because we can't practice.
After repeated arguments, repeated cold words, repeated hanging up of the phone, repeated blocking and deletion, Shang Mu had already had enough of him.
He could only use meticulous care and attentive attention to win that trace of tenderness and nostalgia.
But the result is doomed to failure.
Zhou Wangchuan slowly finished the wine in his glass, then stood up and left the private room.
The dishes on the table lost their color and grew cold. The bouquet of roses, knowing they were just withered flowers that no one wanted, lost their vitality and drooped their heads in despair.
As I walked out of the restaurant, the last line of lyrics came on the vinyl record.
"Cause you weren't mine to lose..."
You never belonged to me, so how can I lose you?
Zhou Wangchuan worked at the hospital until the early hours of the morning. When he returned home, no one was there.
He dialed the number, but received only a mechanical busy tone.
Just as he was thinking about what to do, the door suddenly rang. Shang Mu walked in, without even looking at him, and went straight to the bedroom to pack some clothes.
Zhou Wangchuan followed behind him and said softly, "It's late, go get some rest."
Shang Mu ignored him and just put the clothes into the bag.
"I was wrong." Zhou Wangchuan said.
Shang Mu walked towards the door with his bag, without stopping.
Zhou Wangchuan sighed: "If you don't want to see me, I'll go to the hospital. You stay and rest early."
Shang Mu finally stopped, turned around and looked at him, his voice as cold as ever: "Don't worry, I can't afford your kindness."
The door was opened and then slammed shut.
Zhou Wangchuan stood there for a moment, then went to his study. The armchair was empty, standing alone in the moonlight.
At this time yesterday, they were sitting on this chair, whispering sweet nothings and being intimate with each other. In less than a day, everything changed.
After a while, Zhou Wangchuan called his mother Cheng Yunxuan and asked her to help confirm Shang Mu's safety.
Cheng Yunxuan quickly called back: "I asked him, and he said he was at the hotel and about to go to bed. What happened to you two? Did you quarrel again?"
Zhou Wangchuan said, "It's okay, Mom, you should go to bed early too."
Cheng Yunxuan said, "It's normal for young people to quarrel. Let's talk it out tomorrow and everything will be fine."
After hanging up the phone, Zhou Wangchuan went to the window. The early autumn moon was pale, a little incomplete, and a little cold, hanging alone on the other side of the window, like a frost flower stuck to the window.
What can I do to keep you?
I give you the lean streets, the desperate sunset, and the moon in the wilderness.
I offer you the sorrow of a person who has gazed at the lonely moon for a long time.
I offer you the loyalty of a man who has never had faith.
What can I do to keep you?
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