Chapter 37
Just after saying "OK", Shang Mu regretted it, lowered his head and pursed his lips.
Zhou Wangchuan sat on the edge of the bed and pinched the back of his neck amusedly: "You promised, and I heard it, so don't cheat."
Shang Mu simply turned over with his back to him and said in a muffled voice: "Doctor, why do you like to pry into other people's privacy so much?"
"Are you someone else?" Zhou Wangchuan held his shoulders and made him lie flat, then leaned over to look him in the eye, leaving him no place to hide his gaze.
These words were so heartwarming that Shang Mu was speechless.
Zhou Wangchuan couldn't care less about Shang Mu's cheating. He couldn't be like a doctor who did his job impartially. He had to give his lover enough patience.
Thinking of this, he lowered his head and lightly kissed her soft lips. His voice was only between his lips and teeth. He whispered in her ear, "Tonight, I'm not a doctor, I'm your family. You told me that thing, just to share, not to see me. Then we can discuss it and resolve it."
A drop of water fell from his hair, hitting Shang Mu's brow. Zhou Wangchuan reached out and wiped it away, asking for his opinion, "What do you think?"
Shang Mu's eyes gradually softened, and he said, "Like you, I need time to process."
Sure enough, he's a vindictive little hedgehog, Zhou Wangchuan thought. He smiled. "It doesn't matter. How long will it take?"
Shang Mu reached out and touched his wet hair, saying, "Go blow dry your hair first."
"OK."
Zhou Wangchuan stood up decisively and went to the bathroom. He first wiped away the excess water with a towel, then turned the hair dryer on the highest setting and quickly dried his hair. The whole process took less than three minutes.
Coming out of the bathroom, he saw Shang Mu sitting with his back against the bed, lost in thought, his head lowered, his expression unclear. Zhou Wangchuan didn't disturb him and went downstairs to the kitchen to heat a cup of honey milk. When he returned to the bedroom, Shang Mu heard the sound and looked up, his expression very calm.
Zhou Wangchuan sat down beside the bed and handed him the hot milk: "Drink some, it will warm your stomach."
Shang Mu took it, drank half a cup slowly, and said, "You wouldn't do as they do on TV, putting powdered medicine in milk to trick people into taking it, would you?"
Zhou Wangchuan smiled: "I've already taken the medicine I should take. Why would I trick you into taking medicine? Besides, all medicines are toxic. If you can slowly recover, don't take medicine."
Shang Mu couldn't drink anymore, so he handed the cup to him. Zhou Wangchuan drank the remaining half cup and went to the bathroom to wash the cup.
The wall clock had already struck three in the morning, but neither of them felt sleepy. Shang Mu held the hot water bottle, coughed lightly, and said, "Turn off the lights and talk."
"OK."
Zhou Wangchuan turned off the desk lamp, and the room suddenly fell into darkness. He climbed onto the bed and sat down with his back against the headboard. Shang Mu groped his way over, lying down with his head resting on his legs, and then took his hand to warm his stomach.
In the darkness, Shang Mu whispered, "Do you know what it feels like to be extremely hungry?"
Zhou Wangchuan paused. Just from hearing this one sentence, he already had a vague guess in his mind.
"When I was little, around eight years old, he gambled like crazy. We sold everything we could at home, using it all for gambling money," Shang Mu said. "The house was completely empty. There wasn't even a table for eating. All we had was a bed to sleep on. Without a table, I would kneel by the bed every day to do my homework, and my knees would often be swollen."
Zhou Wangchuan looked down at him, but could only see a vague outline, so he hugged his waist tightly.
"That day, he came back drunk from gambling and started beating me and my mom, as usual. I finally fell asleep, but was woken up in the middle of the night to find him pulling my mom's hair like crazy, cursing and demanding she hand over the money. I pushed him away, saying that the family money had been squandered long ago and there was no way we would have any more. He slapped me and told me to get out, saying that even if he beat her to death, he would get the money."
"...Later I found out that my mother did have some money left. She had secretly saved it over the years. Part of it was for my tuition, as she often fainted for no reason during that time. The other part was for the money she was going to the hospital for a checkup, her life-saving money." Shang Mu's voice was so low that it was almost inaudible. "She had always hidden it well, but perhaps she was too scared. She even protected the money in her dreams, and that scumbag heard her talking in her sleep."
Zhou Wangchuan retracted his arm around his waist and gently stroked him, silently comforting him. Shang Mu reached out and interlocked his fingers.
"That night, my mother and I were both beaten until we were covered in blood. A large piece of her scalp was torn off, and my hand was broken, but my mother still refused to give in. That man—" Shang Mu paused, then continued, "He picked me up and locked me in the kitchen, telling my mother he would starve me to death in there until she gave him the money."
At this point, Zhou Wangchuan understood everything. He had already pieced together the fragments of information Shang Mu had revealed. He only needed one clue to get to the truth.
"On the first day, I was so hungry that my whole body felt weak, I was shaking, cold, and I lay on the ground. On the second day, my stomach started to hurt so much, it was excruciating pain, so painful that I passed out and woke up again and again. I couldn't think of anything else, the only word in my mind was pain. Occasionally, I could hear crying, cursing, and beating sounds in the living room." Shang Mu's tone was calm.
"On the third day, I realized I was going to die if I continued like this, so I started to save myself. I licked the scraps from the cutting board, the greasy dirt from the bowl, and ate the vegetable leaves that hadn't been rinsed off the steel wool..."
"Baby." Zhou Wangchuan couldn't help it, he picked him up and held him in his arms, pressing his warm palms on his thin back.
Shang Mu didn't reject the warmth. He shrank into his embrace and continued softly, "Pain makes people stronger. At that time, my stomach hurt so much that I almost died. Even though my whole body was shaking, I actually grabbed a heavy kitchen knife and thrust the handle into my stomach. I used all my strength, and I felt like I was penetrated by the thick wooden handle. I felt my back hurt."
"Perhaps God will give the dying a little sweetness, giving them a reason to live. A magical transformation occurred - in that instant, the pain turned into pleasure. I felt the adrenaline secretion, and my whole body seemed to be filled with joy. My empty stomach was filled with pleasure."
"That day I thrust the handle of the knife into my stomach four times, each time harder and more pleasurable. I had already decided to live, and was about to cut my palm with the blade to drink the blood when the kitchen door opened. My mother agreed to give him money."
Zhou Wangchuan hugged him tighter, with such force that it seemed as if he wanted to rub him into his body.
Shang Mu laughed muffledly and rubbed his neck: "I'm going to be strangled to death by you."
Zhou Wangchuan whispered, "You should have told me earlier."
"It's not too late now," Shang Mu said. "Unfortunately, I haven't felt the same pleasure as I did on the verge of death since then. I tried to find it and repeat the actions of that day, but to no avail. Until one day in high school, when the class had a party, another classmate and I were boxing, and he punched me in the stomach, and that pleasure came back to me."
"Later, I came across forums and group chats, and started making appointments with people for internships during college."
After he finished speaking, he raised his head and rubbed Zhou Wangchuan's face with his lips: "You know now."
"Yeah, I know." Zhou Wangchuan's voice was a little low.
He knew everything.
I know why Shang Mu loves eating so much. He eats every meal on time and seriously.
He knew why Shang Mu never refused the desserts he handed over, even when they were arguing.
I know why Shang Mu always avoids mentioning it, because pleasure is always better than pain, even if the pleasure is only fleeting. No one likes to recall pain.
Zhou Wangchuan hugged his waist tightly and kissed his forehead: "It would have been great if I had met you earlier."
"Why would you meet me? I wasn't fully grown when I was little, and I wasn't good-looking." Shang Mu said, "You'll have to meet me when you grow up. Anyway, you're attracted to me because of my beauty. You're a pervert."
Hearing the sleepiness in his voice, Zhou Wangchuan helped him lie down, his voice still deep: "Then we should meet sooner rather than later."
Shang Mu became interested and asked, "What would you do if you met at that time?"
"It will kill him." Zhou Wangchuan said.
Shang Mu burst out laughing, but Zhou Wangchuan remained calm. He was serious.
Zhou Wangchuan added: "If I had known this earlier, he wouldn't have died so easily."
Shang Mu said: "Didn't you tell me that there is no need to sacrifice your life for such a person?"
Zhou Wangchuan smiled gently. "Didn't you ask me the same question the first time we met? You asked me if a medical student could stab someone dozens of times and still keep them alive. I was afraid to scare you at the time, but it's certainly possible."
"Senior, you scared me." Shang Mu covered his lips and yawned, trying to open his eyes wide and look at him, "I still feel a little uncomfortable, can you rub my belly again? I like you to touch my belly."
Zhou Wangchuan hugged him, his arms wrapped around his waist, his warm palms pressed against his cold abdomen, massaging it slowly, and whispered in his ear, "Go to sleep, I'll hold you."
Shang Mu closed his eyes and said dazedly, "I've been torturing my abdomen for so many years. I actually have a premonition that one day I will get my comeuppance..."
Zhou Wangchuan kissed his ear bone: "Nonsense."
"Really." Shang Mu smiled.
He forced himself to murmur, "I hate you treating me like a patient, and I also hate you feeling sorry for me. I'm not sick, and I don't want you to feel sorry for me."
"I don't feel sorry for you." Zhou Wangchuan coaxed him in a low voice, "I feel distressed, not pity."
"Hmm." Shang Mu was clearly unconvinced. "Those things are in the past. I don't have any psychological trauma. I'm not world-weary, nor do I hate evil. I work hard, eat well, and am very positive."
Zhou Wangchuan smiled softly: "Yeah, I know."
Shang Mu had stayed up late every day to revise the design draft. After winning the first place in the jewelry design competition, although he never expressed it, Zhou Wangchuan knew his joy.
"Don't you believe me? I cherish my life so much, can't you see? Every time you asked me to take medicine, I took it."
Zhou Wangchuan thought to himself, that was indeed the case. Even if they were arguing or in a cold war, as long as he tried to coax him, Shang Mu would still obediently take his medicine despite his sullen expression. More often than not, Shang Mu would verbally refuse to take the medicine, but in reality, he just wanted to hear more indulgent and gentle coaxing.
There is nothing better than this.
Shang Mu was so sleepy that he couldn't open his eyes, and his voice was almost inaudible: "Eat your food and take your medicine obediently, there's no one else like you."
"Go to sleep." Zhou Wangchuan lowered his head and pecked his lips gently, "You are the best."
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