Chapter 17 Buddha, why can't we be a match made in heaven?
"I...I'm Zhu Qing, the 'Qing' from 'Zhu Qing Shui' (meaning 'to congratulate' or 'to clear water'). I'm sixteen years old and live in Qingxi Village. I have three older brothers, one sister-in-law, and a little niece. Please, please don't come over..."
Zhu Qing closed his eyes in fright. He clearly looked like a refined and handsome scholar, not a strong and muscular warrior. How could he be so strong? He felt like his wrist was about to be crushed...
Zhu Qing suddenly realized that there were only the two of them in the huge Chancellor's residence. Even if they shouted at the top of their lungs, the people outside might not hear them. This was Feng Huaihe's territory. If he wanted to do something to her, she would be powerless to resist...
“You’re not her at all,” Feng Huaihe said, as if trying to see clearly. He lowered his head and leaned closer to Zhu Qing. He was so close that his breath fell on her face, damp and hot. If he were any closer, he would be kissing her.
Zhu Qing turned her head away uncomfortably, hoping to avoid him in this way.
However, his collar was suddenly pulled open.
Then, a hot finger slid into her collarbone. Zhu Qing jolted and turned back to glare at Feng Huaihe: "What exactly do you want to do!"
She has a temper too!
Feng Huaihe ignored Zhu Qing's reddened eyes and rubbed and massaged her bamboo-leaf-shaped collarbone with his fingers.
If she's not real, then this birthmark must be drawn on too!
The rough fingertips, calloused from years of writing, rubbed against the delicate skin, and soon a faint red mark appeared on that tender skin. Yet the four-leaf clover birthmark remained vividly there, its color undiminished.
His fingers were burning hot. Zhu Qing felt extremely humiliated. The heat penetrated her collarbone and flowed to her heart, making her heart pound.
Thump, thump.
Even her blood vessels seemed to be trembling. Zhu Qing was terrified. She glared angrily at Feng Huaihe, and when she saw his bare neck under his round collar, she suddenly lunged forward and bit his neck hard!
"Hiss, are you a rabbit? You bite when you're cornered!"
Feng Huaihe cried out in pain and released Zhu Qing. Zhu Qing used both hands to push him away hard. Feeling unsatisfied, he kicked out and stomped hard on Feng Huaihe's feet.
Feng Huaihe immediately covered his foot and jumped up: "You!"
"What do you mean, 'what do you mean, 'I'? I've already been merciful by not cursing your ancestors for eighteen generations!'"
Suddenly, the sound of gongs came from outside the courtyard.
Someone is coming.
Zhu tidied his clothes, glared at Feng Huaihe, and turned to run away.
It wasn't until Zhu Qing's figure disappeared down the path that Feng Huaihe came to his senses, reached up and touched the row of teeth marks on his neck, and frowned.
The birthmark on her collarbone is real, but she's not Zhu Qing.
He knew that Zhu Qing loved sweets in her past life, but Zhu Qing just denied it.
Feng Huaihe stared at the soup bowl on the table, where a leaf had fallen in, and grew increasingly confused. His body was still the same, the birthmark was the same, so why…
She is not Zhu Qing.
Didn't her brothers notice either?
Thinking of this, Feng Huaihe looked in the direction Zhu Qing had left and followed after her.
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Zhu Qing ran out of the chief secretary's courtyard and saw Bao Fu standing next to the small gong, with Zhu Yubo following behind him.
Zhu Qing tidied his appearance, calmed his mood, and stepped forward with a smile, saying, "Second Brother."
Uncle Zhu Yu came forward, looked Zhu Qing up and down, and after confirming that she was alright, he breathed a sigh of relief and said, "I heard that Eunuch Tian came after I woke up. I was worried about you, but thankfully you are alright. The Shence Army has all withdrawn now, and my third brother is waiting for us outside."
Zhu Qing said goodbye to Bao Fu and walked side by side with Zhu Yubo toward the gate of the shogunate, saying as they walked, "Third brother? Didn't we send him back yesterday?"
Uncle Zhu sighed, "How could he bear to leave? He was afraid something might happen here, so after Mu Zao sent my sister-in-law and Manman back, he came here himself. It was Mu Zao who told me, so I rushed here with the medicine. Luckily, I met Huaihe, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to get in here."
Zhu Qing's feelings were mixed: "So Third Brother waited outside for a whole day and night?"
As they spoke, they arrived at the gates of the shogunate.
The third brother, Zhu Feichuan, had a worried look on his face. He was gnawing on a dry naan bread, and his eyes were full of exhaustion.
"Qingqing!"
Upon seeing Zhu Qing, Zhu Feichuan's eyes lit up immediately. He rushed forward, pulled Zhu Qing up, and spun her around, looking her up and down repeatedly. He exclaimed joyfully, "You're alright! Did you take your medicine on time?"
Zhu Feichuan had dark circles under his eyes, his clothes were covered in dust, and he looked travel-worn.
Zhu Qing couldn't help but ask, "Third Brother, have you been sleeping on the road these past two days?"
Zhu Feichuan chuckled: "I just found a small alley that's closest to the shogunate and made do. It's nothing, I'm used to it. I grew up sleeping in the countryside."
Zhu Qing's throat tightened: "Didn't I tell you to go home?"
She thought they had already gone back, but she was surprised to find them waiting there.
“How could I leave you here alone? Luckily I was here and managed to stop Huaihe. I asked him to bring you medicine and also bring your second brother in to see you…”
As Zhu Feichuan spoke, he caught sight of Feng Huaihe walking out.
Feng Huaihe, dressed in a light gray robe, walked in the bright sunlight like a slender, elegant, and clean bamboo shoot.
"Hey, Feng Huaihe!" Zhu Feichuan jumped up and waved enthusiastically at him.
Feng Huaihe stopped on the steps of the mansion gate and glanced at Zhu Qing.
She lowered her head uncomfortably, feeling his gaze still on her, and the skin on her collarbone seemed to burn again...
Feng Huaihe silently shifted his gaze, saying casually, "The shogunate has been busy these past two days, and the secretaries have been frightened. They'll have a day off, so Zhu Qing can go home early. But, do you need me to escort Eunuch Tian's reward?"
Just as Zhu Feichuan was about to agree, Zhu Yubo bowed first and said, "I dare not trouble Mr. Huaihe. Mu Zao received the news in advance and has already brought an extra oxcart. We brought thatch and firewood, so we can cover the box and everything will be fine."
Zhu Feichuan frowned, not understanding why Zhu Yubo would refuse.
He was about to say something more when Zhu Yubo secretly tugged at his sleeve, then politely said to Feng Huaihe, "Since there's nothing else, we'll head back now."
Feng Huaihe stood on the high steps, looking down at the polite Zhu Yubo below.
In their previous lives, the three Zhu brothers all met tragic ends, with Zhu Yubo suffering the most.
Zhu Yubo originally embarked on the path of medicine for his younger sister, Zhu Qing, but as if by fate, the girl he fell for was also frail and sickly.
The girl's name was Zhuo Yunmeng, and she was one of the most beautiful women in Qingxi Village.
Zhu Yubo devoted all his strength to treating his younger sister in the first half of his life and to treating Zhuo Yunmeng in the second half.
However, Chang'an fell, and the Tang court fought for many years to drive out Huang Chao's army. The Zhu family was destroyed, and wives and children were separated.
In order to survive, Zhuo Yunmeng's family offered their daughter to Huang Chao.
In order to cure Zhuo Yunmeng's illness, Zhu Yubo had no choice but to join Huang Chao's camp.
He served as a doctor and stayed by Zhuo Yunmeng's side for many years.
Feng Huaihe didn't know if he and Zhuo Yunmeng had secretly been together or had crossed any lines in their relationship. In any case, after Huang Chao's defeat in Shandong, Zhuo Yunmeng ended up with Zhu Wen.
Coincidentally, Feng Huaihe assisted Zhu Wen, and Zhu Yubo protected Zhuo Yunmeng, and the two of them ended up together.
Until Zhu Wen's son forced Zhuo Yunmeng to abdicate and killed him.
Zhu Yubo was devastated. He asked Feng Huaihe if he had any regrets. He regretted that he was too cowardly. He regretted that he had not stopped Zhuo Yunmeng from going to Huang Chao's side when Chang'an fell, or that he had taken Zhuo Yunmeng and escaped when Huang Chao died in Shandong.
Perhaps Zhuo Yunmeng will be able to give birth to their child safely, and perhaps they will be able to stay together forever.
Feng Huaihe then realized that they had also succumbed to the temptation of love and desire, and had crossed the line in their private relationship.
It was only then that Feng Huaihe realized that he was even more cowardly than Zhu Yubo.
He could actually have crossed the line with Zhu Qing.
Feng Huaihe turned to look at Zhu Qing and saw that her eyes were still a little red, which must have been because she was very frightened by him.
He felt a little guilty, thinking he probably shouldn't have been in such a hurry. He didn't dare to push them too hard now. He agreed to Zhu Yubo's request, and when Mu Zao arrived in the oxcart, Feng Huaihe instructed people to help carry the boxes and covered them with firewood and straw before watching them leave.
The oxcart gradually moved further and further away, disappearing at the end of the street.
Feng Huaihe walked back to the head secretary's courtyard, thinking all the way that, based on his observations, the Zhu family didn't seem to have realized that Zhu Qing wasn't the same person she used to be.
Feng Huaihe arrived at the chief secretary's office and began to browse through the books on the several bookshelves that were as large as a wall.
He hoped to find the answer in this: why there was someone, who was her and yet not her.
As the sunlight on the floor shifted inch by inch, and dusk fell, Feng Huaihe finally finished browsing through the first bookshelf.
He was holding a copy of "Miscellaneous Morsels from Youyang".
The text mentions a man in white who claimed to come from a place called the Moon.
Feng Huaihe didn't know what the moon was, let alone where it was, but he understood that it meant time travel.
Feng Huaihe recalled the dream Zhu Qing had mentioned earlier in the small kitchen.
In her dream, she too was a product of her obsession with having children; in that place, women could develop themselves and choose their own husbands…
In an instant, Feng Huaihe understood that Zhu Qing came from her so-called 'dream' and did not belong here.
Although it is unknown whether she also came from the moon described in the book, she is certainly no longer Zhu Qing.
The body is the same, but the soul is not, and the memories are not entirely the same either.
No wonder she didn't go to school and doesn't know how to make sweet flower soup... everything makes sense now.
Feng Huaihe stared blankly at the sunlight on the floor.
At that moment, he could almost feel the passage of time, and the sunlight slowly shifted in his eyes.
He closed the book. If he had carried out his initial plan and taken Zhu Qing by force, he would have gotten Zhu Qing's body, but what he would have been burdened by was another person's soul.
It's like the Buddha played a huge joke on him.
Feng Huaihe chuckled helplessly, walked out of the secretary's room, and pushed open the door to the side room.
Zhu Qing only stayed one night, but the room was already filled with her scent, a faint, bitter medicinal fragrance.
Feng Huaihe walked past like a zombie and lay down on the couch where she had slept.
The air was filled with the scent of Zhu Qing, a bitter, medicinal fragrance, much like the smell he carried on his sickbed during the latter half of his life, when he was tending to Zhu Qing's lonely grave.
"We even taste the same..." Why can't we be a perfect match?
Feng Huaihe hugged the blanket that Zhu Qing had used, holding it tightly in his arms, imagining that it was Zhu Qing, and that he was hugging Zhu Qing.
Smelling the scent she left behind, Feng Huaihe panted softly. The wind and birdsong outside the window passed by. At the moment of release, the area beneath him was a mess.
A sense of emptiness and loneliness almost overwhelmed him, leaving him with no energy to care for himself. He just lay there, hugging the blankets and staring blankly.
He didn't know how much time had passed, but the sun had set. The courtyard of the head secretary was so quiet that there wasn't a sound. The room was gloomy, and it seemed as if only Feng Huaihe was left in the world. He turned over and buried his face in the soft pillow.
Tears streamed down my face, but were absorbed by the pillowcase.
The poor thing was that he thought Buddha had taken pity on him and allowed him to see Zhu Qing again.
Only then did he realize that Buddha's mercy and punishment always go hand in hand. He saw her again, but she was no longer Zhu Qing.
A note from the author:
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